Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m straight but masturbated to lesbian porn, please help

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I don't want to sound gross and i'm sorry for posting this but i need help.

I am 16 years old, I am straight. But I used to watch and masturbate to Lesbian Porn [Just rubbing,not sticking]. I have stopped that. But now thinking back I feel soo disgusted.

But the thing is i know that i am not a Lesbian. I am emotionally and Sexually attracted to Boys. I know, because i have been in love with Boys before. I haven't been in relationships but i have been in love with Boys, I have crushes on many boys . I know i'm straight . I'm Not a Lesbian , I'm not Bisexual.I  can never be in love with a  Girl , I Can never do anything sexual with a Girl in real life .I'm sorry if i have to put it this way but Why does Lesbian Porn turn me on then ?

I watched Regular Straight Porn as well , but the thought that i used to watch and masturbate to Lesbian Porn really makes me puke . I have STOPPED porn completley , but i just feel soo icky about it ,which i should.

I ask Allah for forgiveness. I have asked this question on Other forums , people tell me that I'm Straight but i just "like sexual things" , but I really want advice and help from my own People, Muslims. Please give me as many advice as you can. I prefer if Sisters only answer my question.

I am very depressed and I have soo much guilt . This is what i think everyday "I know i'm straight , and i can never do those things with Girls in real life , but why did i like Lesbian Porn ?."  I am freaking out , please help me . I'm sorry if I grossed you all out, i'm just as grossed out about it myself.

I can't live with this. Please pray for me . I really need help. Even though i know i'm straight i am very suicidal because of what i have done, i feel soo disgusted with myself. Help Me Please.

- lonelygirl


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40 Responses »

  1. Please let me know if it helps...
    AMIRA

  2. ASA lonelygirl!
    *Apperantly my comment was not posted, so i will try again :)*

    Im not trying to judge you or make you feel anymore guilt than what you may already be feelilng, but what in the world is a 16 year old girl, MUSLIM GIRL, doing watching PORN and masturbating? I know that teen years are very hard, and teens like to explore their bodies, but maybe you took this to a different level hon!

    Im not who to say that you are or are not straight, what I do think is that you should see a psychologist to get professional help, as i see you have questions " Y does lesbian porn turn me on" that they would be able to answer, since that is their area of expertise! Maybe something happened to you when you were younger, or you saw or heard something that is now affecting you... Get help my dear!

    Alhamdullilah you are not doing that anymore, but remember that porn is an addiction. If you ever feel like you want to do it again, turn yourself to Allah, pray, fast...I will keep you in my prayers and may Allah guide you through the straight path...

    Sorry if i offended you or made you feel bad,
    your sister

    AMIRA

  3. assalamu alykum..... it is normal for most too mustaurbate when watching anything sexual be it lesbians ..... even if you are not lesbian you will feel sexual while watching them .... alhmdlh you have stopped now ask forgivesness and move on the flash backs that come back is shaytaan reminding you the regret you fel is coming from your imaan so regret is good..... its normal to feel highly sexual at your age .... but be modest and chaste now wait for husband then you can reveal all your sexuality to him in a halaal way inshlh.

  4. assalamu alykum..... it is normal for most too mustaurbate when watching anything sexual be it lesbians ..... even if you are not lesbian you will feel sexual while watching them .... alhmdlh you have stopped... now ask forgivesness and move on the flash backs that come back is shaytaan reminding you.... the regret you feel is coming from your imaan so regret is good..... its normal to feel highly sexual at your age .... but be modest and chaste now wait for husband then you can reveal all your sexuality to him in a halaal way inshlh.

  5. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    I note something that you would like only sisters to reply, but I would like to put forward some points which Insha Allah would be of help to you.

    As you said you posted on other forums, but they were not us, your own people. So yes, your being attracted to what you mentioned is not any problem or illness. It is just that Shaytaan whispers and we keep on obeying without realizing where he is leading us to - the Fire. But Allah invites us to the Gardens, Jannah and forgiveness from Him. Indeed Allah Our Lord is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.

    Sister, we are humans and we are bound to make mistakes, so do not worry, but remember, we have Allah as Our Lord and we have to please Him and seek His forgiveness as soon as we commit something displeasing to Him.

    Even our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was told by revelation to Allah before the conquest of Makkah:

    Izaaja a nasrullaahi wal fath' - When Allah's succour and the triump comes
    Wa rayatannaasa yadkhuluuna fidiinillaahi afwaajaa - And thou seest mankind entering the religion of Allah in troops
    fasabbih bihamdi rabbi ka wastagfirh innahu kaana tawwaaba - (then) Hymn the Praises of thy Lord and seek forgiveness for He is everday to show mercy

    It teaches us that even during the biggest victory do not forget that there at times in life when we may have displeased Allah and this Surah alos indicates the Prophet's worldly life nearing an end, and so before returning to Allah we should seek forgiveness and Allah is ever ready to show mercy ( by forgiving us).

    Sister, I understand with advancing times not only teens but kids are also getting exposed to internet and subsequently to pornography due to internet games and lewd ads in web pages. This is the "Dirt of the West" from which we have to save ourselves, our brothers and sisters and our kids. They have let it free flowing on internet so that they may earn money and it does not matter to them who sees it, what impact it has on them etc.

    Sister, my advice to you is to make very limited use of internet, do not read, watch and hear any material that make it easy for shaytaan to beguile you from Allah and His way. Sister, when you are on internet, open youtube, watch salaat in makkah and madina, listen to qirat of Qur'an by different Shaykhs, spend time reading the Qur'an on your computer/ laptop by downloading a pdf file in English translation, download the names of Allah, spend time gaining positive knowledge and do not "open" anything displeasing to Allah, Insha Allah, if you try this, there won't be much problem.

    What you are going through right now and feeling as this moment is a result of a "bulk" of past activities which are acting as a burden upon you to move further, but you can dropp off this load and turn to Allah in repentance. Do Ghusl, wear good clothes and perfume yourself, get a musallaa, start praying to Allah, pray salaat/namaaz as much as you like and feel nice and then sit with the Qur'an with meanings, try to understand the verses, Insha Allah keep on reading more and more and make it a habit to read more, once you read with the intention of "obeying" Allah, you will start to live the Qur'an in your life and Shaytaan will have a tough time in convincing you to obey his whispers.

    So prepare yourself for the Religion of Allah, as He commands the Messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him):

    29. Nay, but those who do wrong follow their own lusts without knowledge. Who is able to guide him whom Allah hath bent astray? For such there are no helpers.
    30. So set thy purpose (O Muhammad) for religion as a man by nature upright the nature (framed) of Allah, in which He hath created man. There is no altering (the laws of) Allah's creation. That is the right religion, but most men know not.
    - Surah Ar Ruum

    Allah is always ready to forgive if you turn to Him repentant with a whole heart. When I learnt these verses and remember my mistakes and sins, and still do, they bring in me an amazing feeling of Allah's awareness of us, our souls, our weaknesses and our strength:

    31. And unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth, that He may reward those who do evil with that which they have done, and reward those who do good with goodness.
    32. Those who avoid enormities of sin and abominations, save the unwilled offences (for them) lo! thy Lord is of vast mercy. He is best aware of you (from the time) when He created you from the earth, and when ye were hidden in the bellies of your mothers. Therefor ascribe not purity unto yourselves. He is best aware of him who wardeth off (evil).
    - Surah An Najm.

    Sister, you are young, you have a life to live for Allah. I advise you to read the Qur'an in your time other than studies, leave the company of friends who like to roam about, do gossip, talk about movies and all vain conversations that do more harm than good.

    Set your purpose for Allah. Do your studies, spend time with good Islamic friends, family, play some sports to freshen up your mind, eat what you like, and feed some poor, whatver you parents give you, make a habit to give small amount of share from it to the beggars, get ready for salaat when you hear the adhaan, keep clean by body, put on good perfumes or itr, be confident, do good and ward off evil. Also you may make it a habit of praying tahajjud by keeping an alarm to wake you up, pray and then sleep until fajr or you make wake up early before fajr and pray. Insha Allah, it will help you "feel" you are a good Muslim and coming closer to Allah. It is really important for each of us to feel good about our life and actions.

    Sister, you are in teens, so as an elder brother having crossed this phase of life, I want to tell you something:
    There will be many tempatations, cute guys, loving guys, rich guys, religious guys, but do not fall in love, most people lie and pass their time by " vain desires" which they call love. It is really a waste of time, efforts and moresover it draws people in to sins. Modern people won't agree with this even when they suffered due to it and are still suffering, we do not need their approval, what is wrong is wrong and it is clear to all those who see.

    Sister, talk to your parents, know from them at what age would they allow your marriage to take place. Once that age approaches, you may come across good proposals and nice guys Insha Allah, and you may also like a guy, it is not wrong to like, but it should be immediately followed by a marriage proposal if there are chances or else the liking should be put to fullstop right there. Never fall in "love" as lot of people fall today before marriage. Take my advice for your own good.

    Sister, I wrote something on another post which I would like to share with you here:

    In Islam non mahram men and women cannot be in an intimate relationship without marriage . There is nothing like dating in Islam. If a person likes someone, no sin, get marriage proposed, Insha Allah if families agree, get married, if not, move on and never lose focus on Islam due to the person you "lost".

    Also, this" I am madly in love with him" and " I can ado anything for her" and " I can die for him", all this so called "love" leads to "Shirk" or "polytheism", which is most hateful to Allah. It is an unforgivable sin if a person keeps on doing it without repentance. Now this " I am in love" is a state in which the guy/ girl becomes center of life instead of Allah. People begin to love that person more than they love Allah. They are ready to do anything for that person, but not for Islam or for the cause of Allah. Loving someone with the love which is due for Allah only is as just like associating a partner with Allah.

    165. Yet of mankind are some who take unto themselves objects of worship which (they set as) rivals to Allah, loving them with a love like (that which is the due) of Allah (only) Those who believe are stauncher in their love for Allah, that those who do evil had but known, (on the day) when they behold the doom, that power belongeth wholly to Allah, and that Allah is severe in punishment! - Surah Baqarah.
    The above verse is for idols, images, in greater sense but also human worship, etc, applies to all objects of worship which a person choses to love with the love which is due for Allah only.

    Living life for him/her, he/she is my everything, I can't live without him/her, all these words should be for Allah, but contrarary to this, people use it for their "love". In their ignorance they do not understand what injustice, wrong deed and sin they are doing by adoring someone out of limits. Allah is not pleased with such acts. Yet among our Muslim youth today, guys and girls argue about "love" and "falling in love before marriage", they argue without knowledge. Satan stirs up desires in their hearts, they become attracted to someone and make that person their "goal of life" when Allah alone should be the Goal and these words should not come up in the mind of a Muslim. These are against Islamic principles.

    162. Say: Lo! my worship and, my sacrifice and my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds. - Surah Al An'am.

    And only Allah should be our focus, the goal of our life, to fulfill His purpose.

    42. And that thy Lord, He is the goal; - Surah Najm

    And we should not say " he/ she is everything for me", rather our mouths as Muslims should utter: Allah is my all.

    38. And verily, if thou shouldst ask them: Who created the heavens and the earth? they will say: Allah. Say: Bethink you then of those ye worship beside Allah, if Allah willed some hurt for me, could they remove from me His hurt; or if He willed some mercy for me, could they restrain His mercy? Say: Allah is my all. In Him do (all) the trusting put their trust.

    We should repent for falling in love before marriage. Even if we did not touch or do anything, repent for falling in love and turn to seek marriage quickly and if no marriage is happening then leave it and move on in life and hope for the best from Allah. Do not remain crying for guys and girls, I know it is hard when someobe leaves life like that, but over come it, hate the actions of our own hands which led to this suffering and repent to Allah. Instead, we should cry in fear of Allah and in hope of His Mercy.

    Allah shows us a way to Paradise, to the Great Success, much better than worldly pleasures:

    Surah 23. Al-Muminun
    1. Successful indeed are the believers
    2. Who are humble in their prayers,
    3. And who shun vain conversation,
    4. And who are payers of the poor due;
    5. And who guard their modesty
    6. Save from their wives or the (slaves) that their right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy,
    7. But whoso craveth beyond that, such are transgressors,
    8. And who are shepherds of thee pledge and their covenant,
    9. And who pay heed to their prayers.
    10. These are the heirs
    11. Who will inherit Paradise: There they will abide.

    You have a way shown by Allah as a believer.

    Guard your modesty, be humble in prayers, shun vain conversations - flirting/ meaningless talks on phone/ dating/ music/songs/poetry - anything which is fruitless in the sight of Allah.

    I hope the advice helps.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • thank you.. it helps me a lot. im not revealing my sin and my problem,but please..please pray for me as well so that i would change to become a better muslimah.. insyaallah,aminn

  6. Salaam my Sister,

    What many people do not realise is that we humans are part of an animal kingdom. Like all animals, certain stimuli will elicit certain responses from us.

    I am going to speak first about the lesbian porn and why you had these reactions, and then I am going to move on and talk about porn in general.

    When we view any kind of sexual activity - be that heterosexual sexual activity or otherwise, our sexual functions are stimulated whether we are straight or gay or whatever. Many people have worried about seeing televised sexual acts which may not match their sexual preference, and found themselves in a state of arousal. There is not need to worry about this. Seeing sexual activity will generate sexual arousal and it does not mean that one is straight or gay or whatever else.

    Now. The common trend is that one will see something they find arousing, and because they have enjoyed the feeling of being aroused, they will revisit the object of their arousal. In your case, it sounds like you came across some lesbian porn, became aroused, enjoyed the feeling - and then revisited it. It's a very similar trend to tasting food, liking the taste, and then having some more.

    So, being aroused by lesbian porn doesn't really say anything about you or your sexual preference at all.

    I am now going to take the subject of watching porn. My sister, avoid this will all of your power and might and pray to Allah for forgiveness. Watching porn breaks rules of modesty and averting the eyes and I advise you to stay away from this.

    Porn is also a serious degrading of women of the highest level, and studies into porn show that more than 90% of women in porn are victims of rape of childhood molestation, live bad lives and fall into porn to make money out of desperation - then cannot escape. Some of the women you see in porn films are forced to be there. No young girl wants to grow up and be a porn star, so please be aware that all porn is the abuse of women, and the teaching of abuse of women. It is an evil evil thing and something to be despised.

    Porn is also the number one way to desensitise yourself to sexual pleasure. It will habitually overstimulate you until normal sex will not satisfy you any more.

    So to conclude, I would advise you put this whole porn episode to rest, leave it behind you, make sincere intention to stop, pray for protection from these evils and let it go, leave it behind you and continue on with your life.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

    • Sister Thank You soo much, you helped me alot. I appreciate your advice thats exactly what i am trying to do , STOP. Trust me Sister, i have stopped a year ago.I don't watch any kind of porn , i don't masturbate, i don't think about Sex at all. I have just been feeling very disgusted about it,which i should. Also Sister i don't mean for this to be on-going ,but i used to Masturbate and think about that lesbian porn i have watched and i used to be aroused .But in real life i would NEVER have sex with a Girl, thats gross, it's just when i used to watch the porn and the thoughts when masturbating that disgust me. I am straight , I love Boys , i am emotionally and sexually attracted to Boys i know that for a fact. But the Lesbian Porn and that i used to think about that when masturbating just bothers me soo much .

      • The reason these thoughts come to you is from a process called conditioning. Conditioning is when you match behaviour with stimulus (please google "pavlovs dogs" for more info on conditioning)

        Because you have watched this porn and masturbated, you have conditioned yourself to associate the two, so that now it happens automatically. You know how a certain smell or a certain song can generate strong memories? Your association between porn and masturbation is the same effect. You can recondition yourself by following a different pattern.

        Again, this is not a sign of homosexuality - it's simply a psychological process, so fear not - you can change it.

        Peace,

        Leyla
        Editor, Islamic Answers

  7. Salaam,
    I think this is normal, because we are human beings some things excite us sexually more than others. We may have strong sexual urges, and we may also have strange sexual fantasies. I am not 100% sure if masturbation in any way is haraam so if anyone can give me any information about this, please do because I do not want to lead my dear brothers and sisters in the wrong way. But there is no reason to get suicidal over this. Certain people just get aroused by different things. The feelings are not haraam, the actions you do may be.

    -Pepper

    • Sister lonelygirl AND Pepper;

      At least one Islamic legal tradition forbids masturbation on the authority of an Ayah of the Quran which indicates that those who seek sexual gratification from other than their legal sexual partners are transgressing set limits. This is likely interpreted to refer not only to adultery but to masturbation as well.

      The Qur'an, chapter 23 (Al-Muminun), verse 5 to 7: “ “And who guard their private parts, Except before their mates or those whom their right hands possess, for they surely are not blameable, But whoever seeks to go beyond that, these are they that exceed the limits;”.

      A narration attributed to Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood reports:

      “ We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066.

      AMIRA

      • Amira, everything you quoted up to Bukhari 5066 is known to me. But everything after that I have my doubts about. Can you tell me where you got this information? Because I have read extensively on this subject but have never seen those last three hadith that you quoted. And I noticed that no source was given for them. It sounds very strange to put masturbation on a level with beating parents and adultery.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com

        • ASA brother Wael:
          I googled it as: is masturbation haram? and this is the link i got:

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam_and_masturbation

          Let me know what you conclude afterwards please...

          AMIRA

          • Wikipedia is not an authoritative Islamic source. And since no citations are given for the last three hadith, I am removing them, as I doubt their authenticity.

            If you check this page you'll find three articles on this subject by known Islamic scholars:

            Sex in Islam

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Wael;

            Just because YOU doubt the authenticity does not mean everyone feels that way. Yes maybe u r right, wikipedia might not be the best source but that does not mean it might not be of help to other brothers and sisters. Everything we post here does not have to be true, some people post their opinions or the way they feel, what i posted was not difference.

          • 1. I am the editor and it's part of my job to make sure only authentic Islamic information is presented here.
            2. "Everything we post here does not have to be true" - wrong. When it comes to Quran and hadith, what you post here must be accurate and authentic. Opinion is another matter, people are free to disagree.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Salaam Sister Amira & Brother Wael,

          Astaghfirullah, what I have done was a sin but I have read in a hadith somewhere that masturbation is possible ONLY if fasting does not work and the temptation for sexual desire temps us to commit fornication (zina), that a lesser evil can be done to prevent a greater evil. I do not know for sure if this is true and I do not encourage ANY brothers or sisters to do this. Masturbation in the long run makes us want full sexual satisfaction and is only a temporary relief that will make the desire greater next time, and can become an addiction. I do not know which hadith I have heard this from or if it is just an interpretation from a scholar.

          I have done it in the past and wanted to share this experience with lonelygirl to show her that she should not commit suicide because it is scary to know you are someway but have feelings about something that you know is wrong but it is human nature.

          If what Amira has said about the punishment of masturbation is true, then i want true reliable sources from the hadith or the Quran because I do know that Allah (swt) will not even look at the one who performs sodomy, but there are other greater sins than masturbation such as murderers, rapists, hypocrites, idolaters, etc but they do not seem to be on the list of those who will go into the hellfire first.

          Wikipedia is not a reliable source, and facts stay the same while opinions always changes, so opinions are not reliable sources as well.

          May Allah forgive our sins and allow us to be of those who will be in Paradise.

          Thank you
          -Pepper

          • ASA sister Pepper,

            If fasting does not help, people can try other things. For example take a very cold shower, read the Qur'an, exercise, use time wisely... It is scary, because as i have said before this can become an addiction, so it would be better to not even start in the first place...

            And as for what i posted from wikipedia, all i was trying to do was give info and at that time i did not think of whether it was reliable or not, i just thought it would be helpful did not mean any harm. So, please research around and look for sources in the Qu'ran or other trusted sites...

            **Brother Wael, maybe it would be better to delete that comment i made, as i do not want to mislead anyone (astaghfirullah).**
            SORRY FOR ANY MISCONFUSION

            AMIRA

          • There are mixed opinions about it. There is no clear proof against it. Some scholars have said it is haram based on their interpretation of Quran. Others have said there is nothing wrong with it. And others have said as you said, that it should be avoided but is allowed if there is fear of committing zinaa.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam alaikum dear sister. I have heard that in Islam, if you masturbate then it's like you are trying to tie somebody up and give them whipping lashes on their body and scream. The idea of watching porn shouldn't be a helpful given command, because it bothers and interferes with your education and power of the natural human body. The following idea of letting this process occur in such a way that it will decrease your physical power and keep you away from the society and activities in reality. I urge you try to have porn and masturbation to be overcomed and ignored in real life society, because just as Leyla mentioned in her comment it's only the ladies who have been raped or sexually molested in reality who are going through this process for money and as a accepted job for them. I hope those ladies overcome this following unwanted process to be occuring and become muslims in reality. Those ladies should become "taslim" to the religion of Islam, because they will face problems and consequences in reality for how they shall repent and regret their bad willful shaytan related deeds and sins. I also wish that the shaytan wasn't even a very bad person as a devil of course, but didn't accept the prophet Muhammad as the last messenger of Allah. I am also very angry towards how the shaytan looked and disobeyed Allah's command on Prophet Muhhamad being the last messenger. Be happy and obey the rules of Islam, such as reading the Quran and praying five times a day. I hope others also realize that thay need to be taslim to the religion Islam, because those other religions aren't exisiting anymore as an aspect of real life essential task required duties. On the judgement day or on the day of qiyamat, the angels will come to you and will make answer questions about what bad deeds and sins you have committed on earth or anywhere in the galaxy. If the bad deeds and sins weigh more in the scale, then the person will be thrown in the hell-fire or jahanam and if the good deeds and sawab weigh more in the scale, then that person will go to heaven or janath. It also depends on how harmful or bad the sin is performed in real-life reality. If the porn or sexual related websites are deleted and over-thrown, then it will be an honor of special reconciliation and helpful duties will be in position. I hope I answered your question for this following case scenario real-life topic aspect.

  8. Wael is absolutely right here. We should only ever quote something as a 'Hadith' if it has an authentic chain of narrators. To link something to the Quran and Sunnah without a real source is so wrong.

    ***A gentle reminder to the writers: 'A little respect goes a long way.'

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • right back you two

      • Watch out sis, you're right on the edge.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • OMG i cant believe im being treated like this, when all i was trying to do was help two sisters! They asked for info, i give it to them... and now im on the edge???

          DONT WORRY, I WILL WATCH WHAT I POST FROM NOW ON...

          • I appreciate your comments to the sisters and your desire to help, may Allah reward you. You can post freely, and express your opinions as long as you are respectful to all, including the editors of this website.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Thank you!! And im sorry if i was rude or offended anyone, as that was never my intention.

  10. Assalamu alaykum,

    Keeping hadith and authencity aside, what is more clear and reasonable is Allah loves those who purify themselves.

    As far as a Muslim is concerned, he/she should understand that Allah has only made those things as "haraam" which we should not do, with our wives or without.

    If couples indulge in it and seek to gain enjoyment by it, would it become "halaal" then?

    Allah's laws do not change for anyone.

    The point to grasp here is that "halaal" and "haraam" are heavy terms and not for child's play. This is halaal and that is haraam.

    Allah says in Surah Nahl,

    116. And speak not, concerning that which your own tongues qualify (as clean or unclean), the falsehood: "This is lawful, and this is forbidden," so that ye invent a lie against Allah. Lo! those who invent a lie against Allah will not succeed.

    The verse before this is in reference to meat, but the general guideline and principle here is to declare, "haraam" and "halaal" belong only to Allah and not to our tounges.

    4. They ask thee (O Muhammad) what is made lawful for them. Say : ( all ) good things are made lawful for you. - Surah Al Maidah.

    One beautiful example is given in the Qur'an, even in reference to Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him):

    1. O Prophet! Why bannest thou that which Allah hath made lawful for thee, seeking to please thy wives? And Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
    2. Allah hath made lawful for you (Muslims) absolution from your oaths (of such a kind), and Allah is your Protector. He is the Knower, the Wise.

    Masturbation if it leads you to something good - do it, but if it leaves you to something evil - abstain from it.

    Does it bring cleanliness or does it bring impurity? Decide for yourself.

    Some of the earliest revelations of the Qur'an command purity and cleanliness to get closer to Allah, He Himself is the Pure, so He loves those who prufiy themselves:

    1. O thou enveloped in thy cloak,
    2. Arise and warn!
    3. Thy Lord magnify,
    4. Thy raiment purify,
    5. Pollution shun!

    6. And show not favor, seeking worldly gain!
    7. For the sake of thy Lord, be patient! - Surah Al Mudaththir.

    14. He is successful who groweth ( who purifies himself - qad aflahaman tazakka),
    15. And remembereth the name of his Lord, so prayeth. (remembers Allah and offers salat / namaaz)
    16. But ye prefer the life of the world
    17. Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting. - Surah Al A'laa.

    7. And a soul and Him who perfected it
    8. And inspired it (with conscience of) what is wrong for it and (what is) right for it.
    9. He is indeed successful who causeth it to grow (qad aflahaman zakkaahaa - * grow by purifying)
    10. And he is indeed a failure who stunteth it. (he is a failure who shuns to grow pure). - Surah Ash Shams

    21. O ye who believe! Follow not the footsteps of the devil. Unto whomsoever followeth the footsteps of the devil, lo! he commandeth filthiness and wrong. Had it not been for the grace of Allah and His mercy unto you, not one of you would ever have grown pure. But Allah causeth whom He will to grow. And Allah is Hearer, Knower. - Surah An Nuur

    268. The devil promiseth you destitution and enjoineth on you lewdness. But Allah promiseth you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. Allah is All Embracing, All Knowing.
    269. He giveth wisdom unto whom He will, and he unto whom wisdom is given, he truly hath received abundant good But none remember except men of understanding. - Surah Al Baqarah.

    90. Lo! Allah enjoineth justice and kindness, and giving to kinsfolk, and forbiddeth lewdness and abomination and wickedness. He exhorteth you in order that ye may take heed. - Surah An Nahl.

    45. Recite that which hath been inspired in thee of the Scripture, and establish worship. Lo! worship preserveth from lewdness and iniquity, but verily remembrance of Allah is more important. And Allah knoweth what ye do. - Surah Ankabuut.

    Allah has given every soul the inspiration of "right and wrong", He has done His part, now it is upon us, what we choose.

    I in my opinion, masturbation causes impurity of the body and clothes and should be avoided. When one feels one should ask oneself: Is my action pleasing to Allah?

    And this is not only limited to masturbation, but all actions, in our conciousness we should ask ourselves, am I obeying Shaytaan or Allah? Is my action pleasing to Allah?

    The more we do this, Insha Allah, the more we will increase our level of imaan and taqwa and ultimately our goodness which will lead to good actions. Insha Allah.

    May Allah guide us and guard us from Shaytaan.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  11. Porn is haram. Its zina of eyes! You might do it watching animals or animated stuff. Your brain gradually makes these objects triggering devices. Anyway do tauba and forget about it. Nothing is gained but much is lost living in the past.

  12. What you are feeling now is the shame and guilt of watching any porn. I pray that you will not go back down that path it will lead to all sorts of dangerous thoughts and many sins. As to your fear of being a lesbian, I don't think you need to worry. Not to be too crude but from what I understand the gratification people get out of porn is watching what they want someone to do to them. So it was not the women that attracted you it was the act being performed. This may give you comfort that it does not mean you are gay, but sister it does speak of desires that should not be in your mind at 16! You are young, keep yourself pure, keep yourself virtuous. Keep yourself to be the woman that your future husband deserves.

  13. No offense, but I find it foolish letting your religion limit your potential in life.

    Men and women are equals. They should not be in servitude to men for the

    entirety of their lives. They should choose their own husbands; marriage is

    a union of love, not of the wishes of parents. Go live. Your religion limits the

    potential of your life. Oh and by the way, lesbians and homosexuals are human

    too, and must be treated as such. We are all equals under the eyes of Allah/God,

    and he wishes for us to treat each other as equals.

    • This is none of your business Mr. Stranger! I hope you learn a lesson on how you should fix your behavior and properly adjust the decisions based on your knowledge thinking! The religion Islam only does NOT allow the haraam betrayal sins and zina porn related subjects in reality! Do you understand what I am saying to you? If you want to prove that lesbians and homosexuals are humans too, then go tell them to be taslim or otherwise the jahanam or hell-fire will arise in the day of judgement and everybody will either go to jahanam or janath. Everybody has a list of real life events done in reality in Earth when the day of judgement is present. Be quiet and lower your gaze! If you think that ladies are hot, well so is the hell-fire jahanam! I wish your parents taught you some good behavior and abstain from what the shaitan whispers to you in your ear! What wishful desires are going on in your process of knowledge? If you think that the women are the servants of men for their entire lives, then do you have a good proveable report on how to stop this huge complicated issue on forced life sexual relationship imitations? The way you should obey Islam is pray five times a day, read the quran, and listen to your humankind fellowship advice from relatives or mullah mosque priests.

    • I do not know If you are Muslim or not but our religion does not limit our potential in life. Religion has a set of rules. Just like how our government has rules, yet you can not say that the government limits our potentials in life. Rules are set for what? To protect individuals & those around them. If we follow our religious rules we can still live a pretty content life. Infact sins are self destructive & have varied consequences to that itself is a limitation to life. For example, if you desire to do drugs even though legally and religiously it is not accepted, then you risk your life but if you survive you may spend your whole life being careful & wonder if you will ever relapse.

      In Islam you get to choose your spouse. You do not need your parents approval if they reject him/her for unislamic reasons, but it is always best to have then in your life instead of cutting off family ties.

      CULTURE, which many people confuse as Islam, allows the parents to choose their child's spouse without their child's consent. This is called a forced marriage. Forced marriage is forbidden in Islam.

      Homosexuals are human beings, we all know that, but we can not have sexual relations with people of the same sex. Islam isn't the only religion that has this, about every major religion including Christianity is against homosexual relationships. So I don't know why you are specifically attacking Islam.

      We are equal in God's eyes. This is true but it is our faith & good deeds that makes us separate from those who sin without repentence

  14. What Pepper wrote was so true!!

  15. Assalamualaikum

    I'm also facing the same problem you were facing dear sister lonely. I eagerly want to stop masturbating. This is quite hard for me to do. I'm 20 now. I'm always with this guilty feeling every I remember what I had done. However, this is also really hard for me to stop. I'm happy and proud to know you who are able stop from doing this stuff finally. Pray for me dear. May Allah help and forgive me. I really want to stop and focus on being a better muslimah. This guilty feeling bothers me all the time.

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Masturbating to same gender pornography is not an indicator of homosexual or lesbian attraction. Instead, it is a sign that you are turning to haraam acts to arouse yourself with extreme forms of arousal. The taboo nature of the images is driving your arousal sensors towards the subjects you are watching. Your brain has become effectively lazy and seeks to find the most disturbing venue for the outlets of sexual arousal. In these cases, we see people turning to pornography that escalate into forms that they had never intended and makes them feel great regret and disgust at their desire to see such things. However, it is a sign of sexual misguidance through porn and masturbation addiction and not of sexual orientation.

      Please read this link where I discuss these issues of masturbation further.

      http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-past-is-haunting-me/comment-page-1/#comment-45541

      I've been including many links on this subject as of today, so please read them, as I just listed a few within same types of subjects.

      Also, I am including an article here about same-gender porn with confessions by men who watched homosexual porn and how they felt about it and are trying to understand why it turned to such a degree. I believe it will help you in turn. Please keep in mind that I have had to edit this article for content, due to its' sexual nature.

      Are you struggling with feelings like this?

      I seriously thought I was turning gay. My HOCD (Homosexual OCD) was so strong at that time, I was contemplating taking a dive off the nearest high-rise. I felt so depressed. I knew I loved girls and I can't love another dude, but why did I have Erectile Dysfunction? Why did I need trans/gay stuff to shock me into arousal? Now that I understand why I was suffering, I have gotten so much better. I am looking for female partner, while rebooting (getting away from porn) at the same time. I am so relieved to understand why it is, and what it is.

      Here's what one guy (who was feeling totally messed up from wiring his his brain to transexual/gay porn for years) said:

      I use the same test all the time, and I ALWAYS do not want to kiss a guy. For some reason, a guy's kiss is so nasty, and a girls is just so perfect. A guy's kiss is just so disgusting, almost seems germ-filled. A gal's kiss seems almost sweet to me for some reason.

      Another guy was feeling philosophical as he put the pieces together:
      (Day 13) I'm flatlined - so no erection, and no sexual interest in women. I once abstained while in college. It lasted 3 weeks. But I relapsed because I thought I was turning gay - since I had no sexual feeling toward the girls walking by. I thought, "why don't I feel like having sex with them?" I got worried. I also noticed that I had no libido. I then had a long bout with HOCD. It's absolutely facinating how our minds work, both for the good and the bad.

      However, OCD of any kind is a sneaky disorder. It can turn any test into a reason for anxiety because the test can cause you to start obsessively examining your reactions to the test--no matter how obvious the answer was when you first asked yourself! In this case, you may find the Schwartz method of overcoming OCD the most useful technique.

      Here's a discussion between some other guys:

      "A friend and I were talking about confusions of sexual orientation. He said, 'I've been having trouble figuring it out. I go on the internet and I see something that makes me think I'm heterosexual; then I see something that makes me think I'm homosexual; but then I see something else that makes me think I'm heterosexual. I've come to the conclusion that I'm pornosexual!'"

      [Another guy] Then I started thinking it's definitely not about orientation but about functionality. Finally, I started researching things, and then I luckily ended up here.

      [Another guy] It's almost as though the producers know what they're doing trying to turn guys on to transexual porn. I read somewhere that a guy with PMO issues would only get turned on with gay porn. Now I never got to that stage, but once on holiday I tried one of those flic booths. A transexual scene came on (screen flicked random channels every few mins/secs) and although I never had that "I wanna be there feeling", it felt weird.

      The images were graphic. It was like a strange collage of independent cues all whizzing around that didn't make sense entirely to me as I'm not that way inclined. But there was a weak underlying link between all the pertinent cues that was making it arousing. I assume the associations were making my mind think more (about sex) to try to work it out subconsciously, so my mind was getting a new high without me realising. I never watched the stuff again, but it's amazing how this stuff can affect you. I know some people, for example, even get to the extreme of disgusting sex, but surely they don't walk around thinking "Wow check out the udders on that cow!"..do they?" In short, excessive PMO is a real mind melt.

      Much porn is mind manipulation that "creates" tastes, not an appeal to existing sexual tastes. Unfortunately, the brain can register "anxiety-producing" as exciting, and therefore rewarding (and thus addictive).

      My HOCD has always controlled my porn-related activities. It used to follow a simple pattern:
      1. See porn image/something arousing
      2. HOCD starts up, makes me begin to worry
      3. HOCD gets stronger, starts to make me doubt my sexual orientation
      4. HOCD convinces me to prove to myself I'm not gay by viewing porn
      5. I finish to the porn, HOCD vanishes and feel like an idiot for falling for it.

      I followed these steps:
      - Ignorance: Don't research anything on HOCD. Don't learn about it. Don't study other cases. LEAVE IT ALONE. I know some therapists suggest challenging the HOCD. That's probably a good thing to do, but when you're a porn addict who has HOCD as, shall we say a side-symptom of it, or an integral part of the addiction, you CAN'T "challenge the thoughts" because it makes them worse, and you relapse on porn eventually. To be quite honest, you won't have a cat-in-hell's chance of beating this while you're addicted to porn. For you, because you escalated to gay [or whatever] porn, "gay" is connected to your porn use, so "embracing" the spike like many therapists suggest probably isn't a good idea! At least until you've kicked the porn, and by then the HOCD will have faded a lot.

      - Time allocation: Study when you are most likely to spike with anxiety about HOCD, for me it was during the evening (because that's when I usually went on a 5-hour porn binge, coincidence? I doubt it.). During that time, make sure you have something planned. Sit talking to a family member away from the computer, or call a friend or relative, go for a long walk/exercise, etc.

      - Spiking: If you are starting to spike, you need to apply some safety measures immediately. "OCCUPY MODE" is my main safety measure. I put it in capitals because when I spike, I say "OCCUPY MODE" in my head and imagine a big neon sign with it written. I then do something—ANYTHING—that requires physical and mental energy. Like doing sit-ups while solving a math problems, even counting while lifting weights would work. Enter OCCUPY MODE for around fifteen minutes. In the back of your head, imagine the "OCCUPY MODE" sign and do whatever you have to do. After a while, the spike will be over.

      Avoiding porn and fantasies has completely obliterated my arousal for it. Like literally, I feel nothing for it anymore. I remember the "feelings" I got from it, but they just aren't there anymore. It's hard to believe that two years ago, I had gotten to a stage where the main thing that got me off was gay porn, but now it's hard to put into words how the change has occurred. Arousal for real women has boosted to a level I'd forgotten due to years of viewing porn.

      I've found the HOCD curbs at around 4 weeks for me. The end of week 2/start of week 3 is ALWAYS the hardest. I'm 110% convinced that HOCD+Porn addiction is one and the same. As you kick the porn, the HOCD isn't as strong because the pull of porn isn't as strong, and with time it will more than likely fade completely.

      [Another guy] I had to deal with HOCD and am still dealing with it a little bit. It's something that you know isn't real but rather a stimulation from your brain because of random factors. The way I've learned to deal with it is either to ignore the thoughts, don't brood on them or try to analyze and justify and tell your self that your actually straight, just let them come and go. It's like if you would have a random thought of punching someone in the face, you wouldn't do it so just let the thought pass by. Another way is just make fun of it. Honestly, HOCD is something difficult I've had to deal with and made me look inside much more. I know I'm straight; ever since I started all I've thought about was the opposite sex. I'm positive it was just the over stimulation of porn that got to me. The farther in my reboot I go the more HOCD does not affect me at all, and when I am relaxed on days I don't even remember having it.

      An experiment:
      I drank too much one night and got the idea in my head that I needed to experiment with a trans to find out the truth about my sexuality/attraction. While still inebriated, I talked to one online and met up. I was somewhat aroused if I imagined trans porn, but the whole experience didn't feel right and I became disgusted. I couldn't go through with anything and had to eject.

      I think it further proves that the trans attraction is porn-derived and doesn't carry over well to real-life experiences. I should've known this from the last time I gave up porn and stopped feeling attraction to anything trans-related.

      Ultimately, any sexual taste is driven by dopamine. If you climax to something that is not consistent with your underlying natural orientation, but it releases enough dopamine and adrenaline in your brain (because you find it exciting or even anxiety-producing), your brain will wire it up to your reward circuitry as "valuable." It evolved when intense sexual arousal meant a potential fertilization opportunity was around—and that was always worth wiring up.

      Now, however, extreme, synthetic Internet porn can make most any sexual scenario fool your brain into perceiving it as a fertilization opportunity (especially as your brain grows number from extreme stimulation). And if your brain becomes desperate enough for stimulation, you may even act out, as this visitor did:

      For my part I've never been afraid of "turning gay" as I have WAY too much appreciation for the female form in all of its sparkling varieties. BUT I've been having fantasies about sexual relations with other men, yet the thing is, the male body does nothing for me in terms of getting turned on, but the "forbidden" aspect of it makes my dopamine-craving mind play with the idea anyway. The additional wiring from "hot" stimuli of any kind can cause intense inner conflict when it doesn't match your fundamental sexual orientation. But it all comes down to dopamine as the articles below this item will help you understand.

      Restoring the dopamine sensitivity in your brain so you quiet the loud signals from your reward circuitry will make it easier to steer according to your underlying tastes. This will take time. Start by rebooting.
      Meanwhile, the anxiety produced by withdrawal or other stress is likely to push you to "test" yourself by looking at the anxiety-producing images. Sure enough, they've been artificially wired to your orgasm reflex, so they will "work" (arouse you), and you will believe you are stuck forever.

      The chances are good that you are not stuck. But do yourself a favor: don't test. And stay away from ALL porn. In a couple of months, you'll feel much clearer and less confused. Here's one young straight guy's experience with rewiring his brain. (He had escalated to gay porn, but knew he was straight.) Each time he had an anxious doubt he bit his lip.

      After only a couple of weeks:
      I find that the biting the lip technique in the middle of class is working extremely well. I didnt have a gay thought all day except this morning I had one over a thought ever so small. But I am not worrying about it because that was 1 over the last 24 hours. It will take longer for this habit to be fully be gone but at least there is a sign that I'm almost there. I also have no urge to return to gay porn, which is a huge reliever.

      What unusual porn is...is a way to combine powerful sexual cues that normally can't be combined. It's a strong message directly to the limbic system of the brain. It combines viewers' favorite sexual cues in one visual.

      The limbic brain, which can't reason and doesn't know such a thing doesn't exist in nature, just says, "Oooh! Oooh! Our favorite cues for sexual arousal! This is extra HOT!" On top of that, like homosexual porn for a straight guy, or straight rape porn for a gay guy, it's shocking and therefore exciting. And, *cha-ching!* The porn makers pocket the advertising revenue from your visits.

      It makes sense that daring, novel experiences "stick" in your mind and later continue to fire off all kinds of exciting neurochemical "DO IT!" messages - especially when your pleasure response is below par (perhaps due to excess). The real key is whether the experience really satisfies...or just leaves you hungry for more.

      Other guys said:
      I used to get turned on by anything remotely feminine when I was 13, but that steadily changed as I watched more and more porn. I started to get anxious about my sexuality because I knew I was straight based on history, but at the same time I could not physically respond to the old cues. Sometimes when I was especially relaxed or drunk, I would respond like how I did when I was younger. It was very confusing because I never had any homosexual fantasies or desires. I never would have attributed this to porn/decreased dopamine sensitivity if I hadn't stumbled upon this site, so thank you! [My reboot] has completely eliminated any doubt because now my libido is almost too much to handle. Even women I would not normally glance at, I would definitely want to have sex with them. More responsive to women, and responded to more by women.

      I haven't been struggling with HOCD long, and it's definitely too early to say I'm "cured", but these sites seemed to help me out quite a bit:
      http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
      http://yousetmefree.weebly.com/

      I had searched for HOCD before and found some other people posting about it, but their accounts didn't really seem to help. It was reassuring that I wasn't the only one suffering from it, but it did not make the attacks any less severe.

      For whatever reason, those two sites helped me out. Since I've read them, I haven't really had any HOCD thoughts, although I do get a little anxious when I think to myself "Oh hey, I'm not thinking HOCD thoughts anymore." LOL

      The second site basically recommends p/m/o abstinence as well, so I'm sure with time the HOCD will clear up completely. Cognitive techniques and exposure are typically how obsessive compulsive disorders are treated. This is no exception, EXCEPT do not expose yourself to pornography (duh). I think it gets weaker and weaker until it's completely gone.

      Here's what worked for me: I imagine other totally improbable scenarios (such as running out into the highway in high traffic) and realized that *they* had no potential for becoming sources of compulsive worry. That way, I showed myself that thoughts about HOCD didn't have to either. Try it. Think about yourself by running out in the middle of the highway. Take a minute and imagine it in detail. You now just had that thought. (Just as you have a gay thought.) You gonna walk around scared as s*** that you'll kill yourself from now on? Nope. You won’t. You’ll probably never imagine the scenario again. Even if you do, you’ll laugh at it. Same idea here. Really, getting over HOCD is learning to not care. Anytime it starts to flare up, I imagine it as an annoying little dog. Maybe like a shih tzu, yapping away. The more attention you give it, the more it will yap. Gradually, it will lessen and lessen until it's very easy to ignore completely. Mine is at most times really under control now, but the libido flatline can really mess with me. It's the ultimate combo. I think once I get my libido back and build a healthy sexual relationships with a woman, that will be when it gets truly eliminated.

      [Age 22] I just want to mention how my pornography tastes have changed over the last few years. First it was very soft. Then lesbian porn did it for me, and then, a few years ago I stumbled into other pornography, and over time I realised I was turned on by this. Then it got worse, occasionally I would masturbate over gay pornography became more and more frequent. It turned me on but after it felt so wrong. I know I'm straight, when I'm socialising, men is the last thing on my mind. I am very attracted to pretty girls, I notice them from a mile away, so this pornography has morphed my tastes to the extreme. I was confused whether or not I was bisexual, but now I look back and I realise I'm not bisexual, it's just that my brain has been re-wired by pornography. Then earlier this year I had erectile dysfunction. And then a few months ago it happened again. So I realised that something must be seriously wrong.

      I work as a software developer, spending many hours in front of my computer. This is why it's so easy for me to masturbate over pornography...but now I have been doing this I am tempted to give up computers all together. Facebook, BBC News, emails are all things that consume my time. I just want to meet girls! Why have I spend the last 4 years of my life masturbating over porn and spending my time in front of a computer? I'm now going to focus on meeting new attractive girls, playing my favourite sport and keeping healthy.

      HOCD is a WITCH. You have to understand that what you are feeling is related to the anxiety and not sexual orientation. I have had to deal with that s*** during flatline and I know I am not gay. The bottom line is, if the HOCD feelings are disgusting to you and they make you feel anxious. They are lies and you are straight. Worry and anxiety can cause the mind to play tricks on you. It took me some time to realize that when I experienced HOCD, the sensations were produced by the fear, not the actual presence of another dude. You have to just ignore it. It is anxiety related. As you get better at ignoring it and going about your business, you will find that you will FORGET about it. It's important to realize that it is an OCD - its like you are standing on the edge of a cliff and your mind says jump. You know you don't want to but you cant stop thinking about it. Trust in yourself and persevere. You and I both know that you don't want to have gay relations anymore than you would want to jump off a cliff!

      Luckily I never diverged into gay or other porn, or I do not know where emotionally I would be right now. It was more like OCD when some dude would pop up on the TV, and my brain would be like, "Well since you can't get it up to girls, check that out." Of course I was never arroused by the male body but the anxiety it produced made it an addictive thought process in my head thus leading to a nasty bout of HOCD, which my porn-induced inability to perform fueled just splendidly. Was an awful time for me, but I found this site, stopped acknowledging those thoughts, stopped watching porn, and poof they literally disappeared.

      Don't feed your OCD. If you are trying to CONVINCE yourself of the truth through analysis or other people's opinion, you are playing the OCD game. You are what you say you are, period. If something disgusts you, it doesn't matter if it causes arousal or not, it is not your true taste. I say forget about questioning and get your mind off of it entirely. If you are having pleasant heterosexual thoughts and HOCD rears its ugly head, I say at that moment stop fantasizing all together and put it away until a more healthy fantasy comes around. You don't have to fight OCD to win, all you have to do is be aware that it is a liar.

      Here's another eye-opening experience:
      With porn I had become addicted mainly to weird porn. It caused serious question about my sexuality when I immersed myself in such fantasies. Well, I decided to try one type just to see.
      NOT my thing! I could not get past even seeing/talking to "her" for more than a few minutes and politely ended the evening. Talk about bursting ones bubble, LOL. So that part is settled.

      It's hard not to conclude that "what gets me aroused must be who I am," but that's not how the brain works. You are not your lust arousals. If you were, your sexual tastes could not morph. You have inadvertently wired in this taste due to your need for more intense stimulation.

      The bottom line is that you can't keep activating the brain pathways that link arousal with particular stimuli...unless you want to strengthen them. Your choice. So stop watching porn.

      One man described how he employs the ideas:
      when you are going crazy with obsessive thoughts, find something to do that will lead to better thoughts. A walk in nature, or a jigsaw puzzle, or something, art maybe. At first it feels like it is not working or is only distracting you from the thought, but it IS working. You will see over time, you are telling your brain to think of or do something else when these thoughts arise and it WILL sink in soon enough.

      Think of it this way. Thoughts are a form of astral/etheric energy. Because they are made of energy anything you do with trying to fight them or change them only connects to them energetically and makes them stronger. Even your hate for them makes them stronger. Don't hate porn, it will make any relapses you may have even harder. For now, just ignore it.

      One thing I do that works well for me is to completely accept the fact I am having an unwanted thought. I do my best to relax and kind of ignore the thought, and refocus on a task or simply breathing and living in the moment I am in. This almost never works if I try to forcefully focus on something else. Just relax, realizing the thought is there and concentrate (relaxedly) on your task. Eventually I realise that I haven't been thinking the thought and was completely focused on my task. Of course, the thought comes back at this point because I remember I had it.

      The very next thing I do is tell myself, "good job" and repeat above. Refocus. Reattribute. Revalue. as covered in Dr. Schwartz's OCD material. And yes, it didn't sound like it would work until I tried it.
      You really need to treat yourself like a little kid. Every time you forget the thought, no matter how long, congratulate and pat yourself on the back mentally. Be nice to yourself. Violence toward the self, toward the body becomes outward violence, and vice versa. Be nice, patient with yourself. Force yourself to relax even if the thought you are having completely freaks you out. Whatever thought you are having is not as important as the will not to do it!

      You may feel very anxious for the first few weeks of healing this, so get plenty of exercise. Take walks in nature. Listen to soothing, uplifting music. Eat healthily. Get support. Be gentle with yourself.

  16. I also have such problem sist but I am not attached to lesbian porn site. I used to masturbate and now I'm trying to stop. May Allah help us and forgive our sins. Amin.

  17. I'm in the exact same boat. I am currently suffering from HOCD because of it.
    It is normal to be curious by these things. These are things that are taboo and naturally we seek to understand taboo things because it makes it exciting.
    When I was younger I found sexuality interesting, as any child is. Slowly, I stared to watch not hardcore porn, just kissing and foreplay.
    Society throws the female body every and teaches us that it = sexual. I fell into this trap and associated females with sexuality and thus started to watch female on female stuff. I was young (around 12) and I didn't really realize how wrong it was. In real life, there was nothing wrong with me. I had many crushes on different boys, always emotionally and sexually wanted to be with one. Sound familiar? It sounds very similar to your story. I came to the conclusion that the reason why I got stimulated from lesbians is the following

    -My brain paired the female body with the sexual arousal i felt from watching explicit stuff. This happens because of society's emphasis on women.
    -It's a reflection of ourselves. We are women and thus we imagine the sexual stuff to be happening to us because we relate.
    -We have a awrah, even between sisters. (awrah means the body parts we have to cover) We were constantly exposed to that awrah, which caused it.

    You say that you don't do it anymore and the thought disgusts you. Same for me. Hamdullillah. God unconditioned that.

    There are main differences between gays and people who have HOCD. I don't believe that gays are born like that, there are many different causes, especially things that have happened in childhood. Gay people usually have known of their same sex attraction for as long as they can remember. Obviously, with your crushes, you know that is not so.

    Some other gays got into pornography, and instead of feeling disgusted about it like you did, embraced it and decided to be gay or bisexual. They misinterpreted it. Hamdulillah Allah protected us from that.

    Don't beat yourself up over the past. Allah swt has forgiven people who have done much worse than you. Have you heard of the story of the man who killed 99 people and then asked Allah for forgiveness right before he died? He was granted that forgiveness. And Lord knows that was much worse than what you did.

    Also, have you heard of Hind (peace be upon her) who ate the liver of the beloved companion Hamzah during the battle of Uhud before her conversion to Islam? She is now one of the most respectable women in Islamic history.

    They people's pasts have nothing to do with who they are now. Take your past as something you learned from. It does not reflect on who you are. You wanted to stop and you did. That already makes you an amazing, strong person.

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