The girl I love & want to marry is engaged to someone else, so am I.
I love a girl and she also likes me but the problem is that my parents had fixed my engagement 5 years back to some other girl and I do not see that girl as my future wife. Moreover the girl I love also her engagement was fixed recently to someone else.
Please help me out. I only want to marry whom I love and now my parents ignore what I say to them about breaking my engagement as they say it has been long enough and now it is difficult to break the engagement.
~12345confused
7 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaam confused.
Sorry to hear your situation. There are three main issues here:
1) You being engaged to someone from 5 years back (was that your choice?)
2) Her being engaged to someone. (her choice?)
3) You two wishing to marry one another.
First, brother it doesnt matter how difficult it is to break the engagement if you don't want to marry your wife to be then you have to do it. Marriage is a life long commitment and its serious, you cannot afford to knowingly enter a marriage not 100% wanting the marriage especially whilst you love someone else. So do not back down on this. Be respectful to your parents - you must not be rude or mean. Keep your adab but stand your ground. Allah has given you a right to choose your own spouse as long as she is a good Muslim with a good character.
Your first priority should be to break your engagement. Also if she feels the same about her situation. (Doesnt wish to marry her fiancee) then she should also stand her ground and break her engagement. The same goes to her. Once this has been established, InshaAllah then you will have to work on persuading your parents to allow you both to marry.
Its a tough situation, but do not back down and do not feel guilty - you are saving your fiancee and yourself from a marriage of misery by leaving it now even if it is awkward and difficult. Whats easy to say is what not to do. Do not be pressurised into unwanted marriage brother. Keep away from this girl until you have officially proposed to her. Do not meet her alone - go to her house and speak to her father and request for her hand in marriage. You may have to give it some time before doing this but while you are not married to her you should not be continuing a friendship/relationship with her. Bear in mind that if you do its a sin for both of you and also if her/your parents find out, the chances they will let you marry is low.
What ever you do it properly and Islamically. If you do end up marrying someonem else, please stay away from this girl.
I pray it works out for you both
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salamulaikom,
How are you brother/sister?
In regards to the above situation i have a similar problem. I am engaged to a man from overseas and i did not accept this its been arranged about now 2 years ago...
(Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
THANKYOU SO MUCH SISTER, YOUR REPLY WAS HELPFUL. BUT YES I WAS NOT ASKED BEFORE MY ENGAGEMENT AND NEITHER (WHOM I LOVE) WAS ASKED BEFORE FIXING HER ENGAGEMENT. IT SEEMS TO HAVE BECOME A CULTURE OF OUR VILLAGE, PARENTS FIX ENGAGEMENT EVEN WHEN CHILDREN ARE ABOUT 6 YRS OLD. AND NOW SHE WAS MARRIED 1 MNTH AGO TO THE ONE WITH WHOM HER ENGAGEMENT WAS FIXED. SHE SAY,S SHE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO OBEY HER PARENTS. I BELEIVE HER TOTALLY. NOW IN THIS SITUATION WHAT SHOULD I DO
salaam mu alykum my dear 12345confused brother.
these are tips for you >>
GOOD SENARIO
1.ask the girl's dad to ask her weather she wants to marry you or the other guy!
2.if the girl and her family approve of this matter then ..
3.sit down with your parents and talk to them like the man you should be not like a 12 year old boy!! explain to both parents nicely and kindly
4 .if your parents are happy about that then tell you future wife..with kindness and politley
BAD SENARIO
1.ask the girl's dad to ask her weather she wants to marry you or the other guy!
2.if ANY OF YOUR PARENTS OF HER APRENTS DISS APPROVE THEN ITS A NO NO! or IF she dose not approve of you then IT'S AN ANOTHER BIG NO NO.
btw i suggest you tell the poor girl that you are suppose to be marrying the truth....a wise man once said 'the truth hurts but lies are worse!!
MAY ALLAH MAKE YOU HAPPY IN THE FUTURE AND BLESS YOU WITH A PIOUS AND GOOD WIFE IN THE FUTURE.
Bismillah !
Brother I would SUGGEST that you accept your fiancee. Your parents know better than you do.
If your fiancee is a good
practicing Muslimah and knows her duty as a Muslim wife then WHATS THE PROBLEM???!!!
feelings for others always get in the way of these types of arrangements and SCREW
EVERYTHING UP! bro u have to understand that love doesn't happen over
night. What you may feel for this other girl might just
be infatuation. Or dare I say lust.
I'm still single and I wish and pray to Allah (swt) I was engaged.
So take it from a single brother that your very fortunate
don't mess it up cuz you never know if you'll find another
suitable girl again. Get to know your
fiancee and FORGET THIS OTHER GIRL WHOSE ENGAGED !!!!!
SO ITS HARAM FOR YOU TO EVEN TALK TO HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take my advice brother. Salam Alaikum.
Dont marry the person you love,love the person you marry.
Well this doesn't work