Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Trapped in my own thoughts

pain healing

Asalam o alaikum...

Recently I had a breakup. Well it wasn't a relationship, we were just friends and were going beyond friendship but he left me. I don't know why but the things I am realizing is that maybe he never loved me from his bottom of the heart he just wanted me but couldn't so he left me - because whenever he asked me for a date I denied, I would never hang out with him (just had a little meeting that's it), I always denied whatever he asked for like sending him my pics, chatting on skype, hanging out together etc.

Now he is no more with me. He just left. But he is in front of me all the time as we are in the same institute. But he is ignoring me like he doesn't know me. I just wonder is he the same guy who used to chat with me all the time? He blocked me on social sites. I still love him and miss him a lot. I always think about him but he just doesn't care. It has been 3 months and I am still crying for him and live depressed all the time.

Was it really my mistake as I wanted to be in limits, as I know how the world is and just wanted not to be used? Before that I have got many proposals for gf/bf relationship but I just denied because of limits. But I really fell in love with this guy. I am so lonely now. Am I the reason for this loneliness as I didn't allow any one to get close to me or may be I didn't give the guy what he wanted? And what about the proposals I got before - am I the reason of my depression as I was not giving them what they wanted? I just hang out with girls, so was not hanging out with this guy the reason he left me?

Am I wrong or my thoughts are wrong that I should be in limits and whatever he did with me was just because of my thinking? Is it the reason for my loneliness?

I don't know what to do and where to go. I just feel like killing myself. I still miss that guy badly but...

Will he get punishment for that or I am getting punishment for my behavior as he is very happy in his life and I am the only one crying for him...?


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27 Responses »

  1. come close to God as much as u can. he never leave his creation alone.

  2. Salam sis .....
    Hazrat ali r.a said " I recognise Allah with the failures in my plans"
    U had a dream to be with that guy but u failed .... who made u fail.... Allah...and he is the one to make u successful....this is the time to recognise him... and ask him for success..... say ua prayers 5 time...and dua karo to be with him.... Allah has the power to change ua fate ....

  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    I re-read your previous post briefly. I can see that you are hurting and want to get out of this hurt.

    To answer your questions:

    Am I wrong or my thoughts are wrong that I should be in limits and whatever he did with me was just because of my thinking? Is it the reason for my loneliness?

    You are wrong in your thoughts. Yes, you should observe more limits including lowering your gaze and avoiding looking at him anymore. We should do this anyway, but when you constantly try to find him in a crowd or look him up online it will hurt and hurt. It is self-inflicted. Whatever he did want isn't want matters. It matter that you are more concerned what a non-Mahram wanted due to your feelings than what Allah swt wants. This is the reason for your continual loneliness.

    I don't know what to do and where to go. I just feel like killing myself. I still miss that guy badly but...

    He was like an addiction...fueling your feelings. You miss him because there is nothing to feed your need of feeling how you felt with him. What you have to recognize is that that was haram and it is in fact leading you to think of more haram like ending your life. He isn't worth, nor are your feelings. You have to re-direct your energy to Allah swt. You have to go out and do something that you love and focus your thoughts elsewhere.

    Will he get punishment for that or I am getting punishment for my behavior as he is very happy in his life and I am the only one crying for him...?

    I can tell you right now that you never loved him. Why would you want him to be punished? Loving someone never includes hoping for them to be punished. The feelings that you have would develop between a girl and a boy if they spent enough time together and had some attraction. We were created that way. That is why Allah swt prescribed a way in which we should speak to members of the opposite gender, never meet them alone and so on. As soon as you start following your own path, veered from the straight path, all these problems present themselves.

    I pray that your questioned are answered and that you begin moving in the correct direction, inn shaa Allah.

    • O.o

      • Look whoever u are saba as written from 3 days im trying to post a question.... right now im mad at the admin of this forum.... I registered maselffound Hell everything was done but when I try ta post the question I put there my user name and password n there came a message saying invalid username or password....I thought may be I forgot ma password I tried to retrieve so they said no username was found....

        • Salaams,

          Why are you telling this to Saba? She is not an editor or admin of this site. There are no posts listed under your name "muhammad ali ghazanfar", so I am not sure your post was submitted correctly. If you want to recreate a username and password, then submit your post again, it will be published in about a month in shaa Allah according to the queue.

          By the way, if you comment in another language it may be deleted because this is an English language forum.

          -Amy
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Thanks very much for telling ....
            Wadday tussi angrayz....

          • Wait a sec amy I have a real question....
            If love and talking to a non mehram is halal?
            If my advices are not islamic then love is also not islamic....and sometime in life we have to use our mind ....
            No doubt she is in love .... im just giving her an advice thats it.... now the advice is islamic or not y should u care when the question in itself is not islamic

          • "Love" is just a feeling. Halal or haram is determined by what we do with it. If we behave in a mature way, following the laws of Allah, controlling our nafs and avoiding haram, then we are okay.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • She is in pain cant u see .....
            This sis is in real pain.... n in a way im also....
            Nthng is in this world which we can get without effort....
            Im not asking her to do anytanycant cant do..
            Not was out of the context of islamic values....

          • muhammad ali ghazanfar, for the moment you've been put on moderated status, and it's likely that some or all of your comments will be deleted. What I suggest is that you come back in a few years when you are more mature and can contribute more constructively.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Assalaamualaikam

          We care about whether advice is Islamic because this is an Islamic website.

          Please ensure that any future comments are in line with the site guidelines - which you can find under the heading "How to give advice".

          Midnightmoon
          IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Walaikum Asalam,
      Yes sister JAZAKALLAH for your response... INSHAA ALLAH ameen
      Your most of the points are true but i disagree with the point that i don't love him... I don't want him to be punished but i want him to repent or atleast feel what i am going through as may be this way he comes back... I know i shouldn't think like that as you all advised me that he was only after my body but i don't know i just hope him to come back 🙁

      • He will never come bak sis.... the only way to make him come bak is to stop caring about him....
        Y dont u understand .....
        And if u want him to repent u should move on....

        • I am trying to do that but it sometimes seems useless as nothing is changing still i am trying my best...
          Thanks anyways for all these advises and i'll be careful from now on wards ...
          I don't think he'll ever repent as i got to know that he was committed before me and declared love for someone else as well...

      • As from last five hours and last one day u dont care what im saying n dont say anything... so im feeling kinda y u r not relying y u r not caring.... same u should do with him stop caring.... he will surely notice that u stopped caring and will be thinking y ua behaviour is changing .... it would b helpfull.....

        • The way i am thinking about him that why isn't he caring... But how will he know that whether i am caring or not?

          • Ua thinking about him thats fine but shpwing him that ua thinking about him is wrong.... be chill and laugh loudly with friends when he pass by.

            To make him realise that ua happy....or dont care when he pass by or say huhhh if u can....

          • I do the same thing but eye-contact happens sometimes rarely but most of the time his friend is looking at me it seems like he is telling him whether i am looking or not...

          • He has blocked me and he is adding girls... I don't think so he is checking my timeline or me at all...
            Anyways JAZAKALLAH for your help and concern...

          • Adding girlsssss?
            Thats tragic ...btw what u hate the most about him?
            And do u still love him?

          • Salaams,

            With all due respect sister, please do not take brother ghazanfar's advice. He is recommending you to do childish and manipulative things to manage a situation that requires a higher level of emotional maturity.

            Brother, I am deleting your comments as they are not islamic nor even good advice in general.

            -Amy
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Delete mine as well as i think i got emotional and started chatting like that...

  4. We came close to each other like hugged and kissed each other.
    (from your previous post)
    the same guy who used to chat with me all the time

    Am I wrong or my thoughts are wrong that I should be in limits

    Sorry to be harsh but I think you are being hypocritical, you have already passed the limits, relations/ friendship with non-maharams has no place in Islam.

    Its not love, you are just experiencing withdrawal symptoms just like a drug addict or a alcoholic do after they quit their habit.

    Most of these boys who get in such relations want one thing, once they get that ( or are denied),they move on to the next girl.The withdrawals are because our brains craves for dopamine( a chemical, read more here
    http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/10/07/men-and-porn-why-is-the-pull-of-porn-so-strong/)

    Go to any college in the city, you'll often find Muslim youths engaging in all other activities (running after girls/boys, movies,music, partying, drugs, alcohol, time pass, gossiping, chitchatting, dating, internet) except studying. Check how well Chinese and Indians(upper caste Hindus) are doing in US Universities & Corporate world & in their own countries, most do well at colleges & are getting high paid jobs compared to a small minority among our Muslim youths, the reason ,they have a culture of self discipline and hard work, the parents teach their children very early in life the importance of education & self disciple.

    You are a student, concentrate on your studies,why waste time thinking about a broken acquaintance which had no future.

    • Most of these boys who get in such relations want one thing, once they get that ( or are denied),they move on to the next girl.The withdrawals are because our brains craves for dopamine.

      So once a boy gets what he wants his brain stops craving for dopamine and makes him look for another girl to get that dopamine. Why a boy moves to the next girl according to your dopamine theory?

  5. We came close to each other like hugged and kissed each other.
    (from your previous post)
    the same guy who used to chat with me all the time

    Am I wrong or my thoughts are wrong that I should be in limits

    Sorry to be harsh but I think you are being hypocritical when you talk about limits,you have already passed many limits, relations/ friendship with non-maharams has no place in Islam.

    Its not love, you are just experiencing withdrawal symptoms just like drug addicts or alcoholics do after they quit their habit.The withdrawals are because our brains craves for dopamine( a chemical, read more here
    http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/10/07/men-and-porn-why-is-the-pull-of-porn-so-strong/)

    Most of these boys who get in such relations want one thing, once they get that ( or are denied),they move on to the next girl.

    Go to any college in the city, you'll often find Muslim youths engaging in all other activities (running after girls/boys, movies,music, partying, drugs, alcohol, time pass, gossiping, chitchatting, dating, internet) except studying. Check how well Chinese and Indians(upper caste Hindus) are doing in US Universities & Corporate world & in their own countries, most do well at colleges & are getting high paid jobs compared to a small minority among our Muslim youths, the reason ,they have a culture of self discipline and hard work, the parents teach their children very early in life the importance of education & self disciple.

    You are a student, concentrate on your studies,why waste time thinking about a broken acquaintance which had no future.

  6. dear sister,

    if you turned down all those proposals for dating, you did the right thing. Now the way this life works, is this. The higher road, more correct path or just plain one right move, can and will land you in a difficult position. That's the way life works. This is the reason why sooo many people end up compromising...
    you will come out fine from this ordeal as your head is in the right place. try adopting more of islamic ways and you will have synchronized your life so much so that your life will start becoming easy and more wholesome.

    ws and best wished,
    uzma

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