Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Numerous trials, I have been praying for death and feel suicidal.

broken marriage, broken egg, shattered

Broken marriage.

As-Salam Aleykum,

Dear brothers and sisters, I need duas and encouragement.

I am a 28-year old female. I came to the US to study few years ago, my parents sacrificed their savings to send me here. My dream has always been to be successful and help my family.

I had a hard time in the US as money was so scarce, I used to travel three hours by bus to get to school. I would go to school, get some break to work and make money, and go back to school. It took me about 6 years to graduate.

All along, I knew this brother who was very religious and who lived in another state. We became friends, and he said he respected me so much for my sacrifices. He is an American citizen, and promised to file for my green card. We got married, and I was so happy, in love, taking care of him, and all.

I married as a virgin, but was unable to have sexual intercourse with him, as my muscles would tighten because of fear, no matter how hard I tried. This got him frustrated, and he started saying I had an evil spirit that destroyed the marriage. I asked him to file for my green card, he refused and we had numerous fights because of this. He has been having health issues, way before we got married. Well, he started saying my bad spirit was the cause of all.

I finally got pregnant, but my husband didn't behave nicely or showed love the whole time. I was going to hospitals by myself, and suffered a lot from his withdrawal. We divorced once during the pregnancy, but it was revocable and we went back together. 3 months after my son was born, he started with accusations, being mean, and withdrawn; out of desperation, I asked for divorce a second time, and he gave it to me.

I left his house with my son, staying over at a friend's house. I have been looking for a job for about 3 months, without success. I dont have papers, I am now illegal. i am heartbroken, the marriage that I looked forward and where I did my best broke like this. I have always been praying ALLAH, and my life goes to difficulty after difficulty since I was a student to now a single mom, jobless, paperless, with tons of student debt. I don't even have money to file for bankruptcy.

I can't return to my home country as my parents and family have so much hope in me. They sacrificed all for me. I am stuck here with my 7 month baby, depending on friend's help. My diploma is here, but I don't have job experience in this difficult US market. I wake up at nights for prayers, I pray a lot but I am depressed and suicidal.

I got the number of this person online who told me black magic was done to destroy me. I sent him some money for prayers, but can't even reach him now. My life is a total disaster. I have been praying ALLAH for a reconciliation with my ex-husband because I still love him, without success. Now, I am praying for death, and someone to take care of my baby. I am so tired of all these difficulties after all my trials and hardwork.

Please advise me and make duas for me.

Jazakamullahou,

Leyla83.

 


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65 Responses »

  1. Praying for death? Astaghfirullah. Stop complaining about what you don't have, and look at what you have. You have a diploma that you worked hard for. You have a wonderful baby that needs you. You have your intelligence, your health, a family back home that loves you, a kind friend who is helping you, and your faith.

    Don't ever send someone money for prayers. Honestly, I've never heard of such a thing. It makes no sense at all. Do you think that Allah's favor can be bought? Do you think that Allah would listen to someone who charges money in order to pray?

    I don't really understand the cause of your split from your husband. Obviously you got over your fear of intercourse, since you got pregnant. You say that you asked for a divorce out of desperation; now you are praying for reconciliation. If the marriage was so bad, then why do you want to reconcile?

    I'm sorry if I sound impatient, but this world is so full of terrible suffering. There are people who are starving, people who are being massacred in Syria, people who have been traumatized or who are badly disfigured. They pray for health, for relief, for life! And you, who have been blessed with food to eat and a roof over your head, and a child, you want to pray for death? That strikes me as ingratitude of the highest order.

    In my opinion, your best course of action is to return to your home country with your child. You will have the support and assistance of your family, and you can look for work in your home country.

    Alternatively, you could remain in the USA and keep trying to find a job, but then there is the problem of your immigration status. Speaking frankly, if you are young and attractive you may be able to find a husband who won't mind that you have a child; then you could apply for residency again.

    Find a way. Don't give up. If you don't have the heart to do it for yourself, then do it for a child. A child needs his mother. There is no substitute.

    Keep your faith in Allah. Don't give up on Him. He hears you and He will help you as long as you do not despair.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam Wael Sahib with all due repect! the nature and depth of leyla's83 pain is so much that if we put oursleves in her shoes we might not be able to stand. I mean its so easy to say to another person that u should do shuker because you are not starving, or fighting cancer i read in one of Yasmeen's mogahed's article that a heartbreak up can hurt more then struggling a cancer and i agree its just not about Relationships ur heartbreak can take you into depression due to any other reason too i myself look calm, and spended my whole teen life carefully and pious and as soon i hitted 20 i got into manipulation trap of a person like as if hitler had the charisma even it was bad charisma. Heart break depression ties ur body, mind and soul with strong chains that not let u move even an inch and u feel paralysed.

      • What I have understood that why we always have Or should say shukur alhumdullilah because there is one of phrase that
        " a man coming out from mosque and was telling his friend that look at that man shoes so nice I wish I could have then suddenly he saw a beggar outside the mosque with no legs then he said what I was thinking I am thinking about fancy shoes and look at that man he docent have any legs atall. "shukur alhumdullilah" to Allah that he storage gave me two legs to walk!!!!!

      • Oh dear sister Neehal,
        I have hardly met or read someone who understands the nature of my pain as well as you do. May ALLAH SWT bless you sister and also give you relief.
        Sometimes when the pain takes over badly, (the last time was this week only, whereas the heartbreak occurred more than a year ago!), sister I can not even walk straight. The physical pain is in my chest area, so intense. I cry so much that my baby is used to see me that way. I used to be so strong. I am 30 years old. But this has almost overpowered me. Doctors talk about Broken Heart Syndrom, which has all the symptoms of a heart attack and can kill you. Yasmin Mogahed has totally understood the situation. Maybe even struggling with some cancers would be easier...
        Oh sis, your words sound familiar, the "charisma" for me of a much older man who promised you family and love, and next thing you have to leave his house with a 2 month-old baby while I had a surgery at the baby's birth. Very hard to get myself back on track emotionally, mentally and physically. I keep losing weight.
        Paralyzed of pain is the situation.
        I know this world is temporary and rather insignificant, but I still feel every pang of hurt and pain.

        May ALLAH SWT relieve us and cure us from it.
        Thank you dear Neehal. Please remember me also in your prayers.

  2. Assalamalaikum-
    Pl go through this and you will understand the crime of suicide-
    http://sisters.islamway.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=753
    For us is to worship and the provision is from Him…
    He created us with such care and attention for a noble purpose and assured us that He will sustain and look after each and every need. He informs in the Quran, (its translation) “I did not create the Jinn or the human except that they worship me; I do not want any provision from them (neither for themselves nor for any creatures) nor do I seek that they should feed Me (i.e. provide for whom I provide). Verily, Allah He is the Provider (of all), possessor of Power, the Most Strong.” [Surah Dhariyat 51:56-58]
    Why the trials and hardship…
    Thus Allah took the responsibility of providing for and looking after all affairs of each and every individual and reassured He is the One fully capable of that. Our concern is not to be anxious even in the most trying circumstance for Allah promised to provide a way out; rather our concern is to worship Him by living a life of obedience to Him and excellence in every walk of life. Any hardship faced is no more than a trial to prove that our only concern is the approval of our actions by Allah before anyone else in the community and even before our own pleasure. Allah promised in the Quran, “Alif, Lam, Mim, do people think that they will be left alone on (merely) saying: ‘We believe,’ and not be tested (in their claims)? We have indeed tested those who were before them; and Allah will certainly make it known those who were truthful and He will certainly make known the liars.” [Surah Ankabut 29:1-2]

  3. Assalamu aliakum Leyla & all readers,

    Firstly I would like to say that you should never give up hope and never give up faith in Allah (swt) he has a plan for you and for me; he has a plan for us all. These trials we are all going to go through in life - some, yes will be worse than others but always remember there is someone out there worse off and always say alhamdiallah. Alhamdiallah for the beautiful blessing of your child mashallah who only knows of his mother and yearns for his mother as such a small age. Who would look after your son? lah samahallah if you did somthing of which is such a grave sin, how would he feel when he grows up that his mother left him because she didn't try when the going got really tough for her? Sister, if you are not finding a job now remember Allah (swt) is the best of providers whether you have a little or a lot he will put people in your life to help us which is through him. So remember the nice friend you have that Allah (swt) has put into your life to help you - where things could have been worse off. Divorce shoudl always be the last last lasttt resort!! and never should be taking lightly, you say u have been divorced twice by your ex-husband? this inself are trials and Allah (swt) loves the patient. Sister, you will get through this tough time if you keep your faith intact inshallah - please pray and keep praying, keep asking help from the knower of knoweldge, from the creater of the all the heavens and the earth from the one chose to gave us life and to seek his guidance. I know you are very sad leyla and I was humbled by your story but please please don't give up hope, because if we did, what hope would we have for our children and all future generations? Allah keep you safe ya leyla, and keep your child in safety ya rab. We are all faced with calamities which bring us back to Allah, even if it is in different ways, we will haev good days and bad days, days with high iman and days with lower iman but we are the creation of Allah (swt) and his all knowing of your pain adn your hardships. Regarding your ex-husband only Allah (swt) knows what the future holds for you but seek Allah swt and you will never be dissapointed. I think Wael had a good point when he said you should go to your family back home, as much as the thought doesnt want to go in and you will say here is a better living and so fourth - but your family can help you through, don't keep saying that they spent so much money and you don't want to disspoint them sister ask yourself this: do they want to see their daughter going through all these trials alone? Your mother and father want what is best for you and they want you and your child in good health and for you to be happy my dear sister, please give it a serious thought.

    This part of the post to Sarah Assalamu aliakum Sarah, May Allah swt take care of you and help you also through your different trials. I don't think the best advice to give our sister Sarah is to give up her child, her issue is not her baby but how to provide for her child and how to get through this difficult time. May Allah swt bless you with many children ya sara and may he guide all this ummah to the path which only pleases him so we can all make it to jannah ya rab.

    To all readers - Allah swt is the most merciful, the most compassionate more so than our own mothers. Can you imagine a mother throwing her own child into the hellfire? I do not, so imagine this would Allah swt, the one who loves us and is merciful on us than our own mothers want to through us into the fire? No! Allah swt loves us and wants us to reach him, Allah keep us away from shaitan's whispers and Allah tests those who he loves so we can be closer to him.

    May Allah forgive me if I have said anything wrong in this post and may he guide me to which is right.

    Allah help us all - jannah is not an easy ticket and with patience and hardship we need to strive inshallah.

    Allah bless you all ameen,
    Sister R

    • Assalamu aliakum i just want to ask that is praying for your own death sin in islam?
      i have been feeling sucidial cause of some sitiuations my parents forced me for the engagement and now its done i try everything but failed now they will force me to get married this year and there is nothing i can do...
      i tried to except htis but i cant do this anymore i also selfharm myself but i am trying to stop all these sucidel thoughts i know its a sin and i am scared of ALLAH TALLAH so i am not going to commit sucide but these past few months i have been going through alot of depression i dont want any thing now so i pray for my own death everyday........is it a sin for praying to die?

      • Sister you should not pray for your own death. As Muslims we are required to acknowledge that the life we have been given is a gift. It's a means of doing good deeds and pleasing Allah and if we do this then it's a means to Jannat InshaAllah. Allah knows best but yes I would say it's sinful as it's ingratitude and not realising Allahs blessings.

        My short answer to you about your situation is speak to someone who can help you ASAP. Forced marriage is haraam in Islam - so hold your ground and dont give in. There are organisations whch can help.
        Please visit this links: http://www.forcedmarriage.net/
        If you need more advice please log in & submit a post.

        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. ASSALAMALAIKUM-

    The Creation of Jannah

    Abu Hurairah [ra] narrated that the Messenger of Allah [saw] said:
    "When Allah created Jannah and Hellfire, He sent Gabriel to Jannah, saying, ‘look at it and at what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants.’ So Gabriel went to it and looked at it and at what Allah had prepared therein for its inhabitants. Then Gabriel returned to Allah and said, ‘By Your glory, no one hears of it without entering it.’ So Allah ordered that it be encompassed by forms of hardship, and He said, ‘Return to it and look at what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants! So, Gabriel returned to it and found that it was surrounded by forms of hardship. Then he returned to Allah and said, ‘By Your glory, I fear that no one will enter it, Allah said, ‘Go to Hellfire and look at it and at what I have prepared therein for its inhabitants.’ Gabriel found that it was in layers, one above the other. Then Gabriel returned to Allah and said, ‘By Your glory, no one who hears of it will enter it.’ So Allah ordered that it be surrounded by lusts. Then He said, ‘Return to it and Gabriel returned to it and said, ‘By Your glory, I am frightened that no one will escape from entering it.’
    [at-Tirmidhi, abu Dawud and An-Nasa'i]

  5. Salam,

    Subhanallah beautiful post nisaslove lovely to read with this post.

    Allah grant us, our families and fellow muslims Jannat Firdous ameen ya rab.

    Sister R

  6. Dear Sister Lyla

    The editor of ZAWAJ has given you very useful suggestion. Dont ever for suicide. losing you this life and spitual life over there.
    in my opinion, as soon as possible return to your home country. the parents and siblings always love, the love which shine with purity. no alternate love in the world to parental love and affection.

    may be possible you may have critisim but belive me it would fall very shortly. the benefits would be,

    returing to home,

    throwing out of all sorrows and tentions.

    avioding the threat of being caught by US citizen on account of Illegal resident. and you may know well the treatment of US with muslims.
    will get happier life by engaging in 2nd marital life.

    May Allah bless you with his special and incountable blessings. ameen

    regars
    ARIF ULLAH
    Peshawar Pakistan

  7. Asalam Alikom Sister

    I am so sorry that you are in this situation sister. Please don't let any situation you are in make you wish for death.. Allah would never give us anything we could not handle. Besides a lot worse could happen, and if you only see the bad thats around you then it will never get better. You are a strong woman and mother. You have to look out for that beautiful baby. Nobody will ever love him like you do. You are his mother. Doesn't he make you smile when he smiles at you? He loves you. You cannot be selfish and take his mother from him. He doesn't want to hurt you. And when he is old enough, he will cry when you cry. He matters. And you are all he has. When he looks at you he doesnt see anything bad. He sees a strong, brave, provider. Mother is the name of god in all small children.
    As far as the man you married. If he treated you that way when you were pregnant then it will never get better. He sounds like he might have some mental issues.
    I don't know exactually what you are looking for, but I will offer you friendship. Im not a gossiper, so you won't have to worry about your personal matters getting around. Also it might be easier talking to someone you don't know.
    Trust me when I say that I know how the situation could get a lot worse. This American system is not a good one for your baby to be put in to. They aren't very nice to children. I tried suicide after I lost a pregnancy and my oldest child was 3. I have terrible embarrassing scars that people look at and children ask me how they happen. The state took my daughter from me, and said that if I could not take care of myself, I could not take care of my child. I already wanted to die, and they took my daughter, which made it worse. I needed her back if I was going to get better. Took me a year to get her back. Now I know that when I felt I did not have anything, I was just looking in the wrong places. I had Allah and my daughter.

    I am really glad that you are seeking help.
    If you are wanting a friend and someone to talk to I will be more than happy to share my phone number with you.

    Allah Hafiz

  8. Asalaam alaikum,

    Let's get right to it.

    First, your husband is financially responsible for the child, whether he wants to be in the child's life or does not bears no renunciation under the law. Residing in any of the U.S. States makes him responsible for child support and any income he receives can be held under a court order and his wages can be garnished. Therefore, it is imperative that if you feel that you have no desire to be with him, that you at least make hold him responsible for your child's rights. Too many women let their ex-husbands off in this regard and it is an injustice to the child.

    You can claim a tax return exemption under the for your child for last year and this is why it is important for your husband to do so, but to give you the money. learn about it and see if you qualify by going here:

    http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=218779,00.html
    http://www.smartmoney.com/spend/family-money/my-kids-are-worth-how-much-15809/

    So contact your ex-husband and if he refuses, then you need to contact an attorney. Initial consultations with any reputable attorney are free and more than likely, they can point you in the direction of getting free legal aid, as well.

    Second, because your child is a legal citizen of the States, this child will qualify for government assistance. You should be able to access State funds and be able to use them to buy food, diapers and the child's clothing, etc. By living in the States, you have a HUGE advantage that many women in the world do not.

    Start here: http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
    and here
    http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

    Third, consult an immigration lawyer who should be able to confirm the validity of your status and whether your student visa and the time you have spend in the States will qualify you for a work visa given your child being born in the States and your education degree. Again, you can get a free initial consultation. However, not that you have an U.S.-born child, your legal status may have changed , so find out! Do not be scared, because a lawyer CANNOT turn you in to INS.

    Fourth, see if your friend can help you with these things. Being able to provide some food to the household, getting the proper child support and addressing your immigration status is something that I imagine your friend will be happy to help you with.

    Lastly, yet foremost, always thank Allah (swt). It was Him that brings any good for any other human being into your life. And sister, being here in the States with a degree from a respected U.S. university is something that people around the world would die for. The social resources may take some time to get going, but you do have recourse. Make you husband accountable and thank Allah (swt).

    You have it better than you realize, Subhan'allah!

  9. As-Salamou Haleykum,

    Thank you dear brothers and sisters for the quick replies. May ALLAH SWT bless you.

    @Brother Wael

    As one sister mentioned before, some days are of high iman and some of low iman. Yesterday was one of the hardest days I had. I understand brother everything you said, and ALLAH knows that all the time I am trying to think about people that are going through so much worse, I feel blessed and appreciate it. But some days I feel overwhelmed, and I am a rather strong person.
    Sorry for the detailed information, but as I knew how much I thought my husband wanted a child, I used a dilator given by the doctor in order to practice with my fear of intercourse to get pregnant (by inseminating his seed inside of me). Maybe, I should have never done that, but I candidly thought that this was the way to create a family. Till the marriage broke, I was going to see a female physical therapist in order to be able to have intercourse, amd still it has not worked.
    As I have mentioned before, my ex husband has been sick for a long time, with many ruqias performed on him. Maybe his own trials weakened him mentally. He woke up one day and told me in his own words that this marriage was a bad one, that he performed istikhara on it and "one of us would die" if we kept the marriage. When he said that, less than 3 months after my son was born, still potentially on postpartum depression, I asked him to let me go since this is what he thought and he was refusing to make any efforts to make it work because he believed in this so strongly. I still love him very much, this is why i said out of desperation, I asked him to let me go. I feel like he still loves me, but is confused by a lot of his "mystical" perceptions.
    Luckily, I called the bank yesterday and put a stop to the check payment to the brother who told me that some black magic was done to me. I didnt try to buy ALLAH's favor, but rather have someone who can help me remove black magic as i often read that the unability to have intercourse might be caused by that. As well as the fact that a marriage that started so well went down unexplicanly. Again, brother, just out of despair.
    I am staying at a friend's apartment, but he will be back in the country at anytime with his family, and I would have to leave then with my baby.
    Try to understand my problems for going back to my home country. Jobs are so tough to get, and my father from what I think won't forgive me for coming back as a "failure" back home. He already used words similar to this, and I want to explore my opportunities here before declaring it quit. Maybe getting remarried as you said, might be my option.
    I am really sad that I love my husband, gave this marriage my all, gave my studies my all, and the road blocks are still here with in addition a baby to take care of us. But ALLAh has never let me down, and I apologized for losing hope on days like yesterday.
    I take into account all you said. Please keep me and my son in your prayers.

    @Nisaslove
    Thank you so muchfor the reminder. InchALLAH, I wont harm myself. I got overwhelmed, and prayed I could just die if it was better than living for me. Astakhfiroullahi, I won't think about it anymore. Thank you. Please keep me and my son in your prayers.

    @Sister R
    Thank you for your kind words, dear sister. I read your post with my heart, may ALLAH reward you. I got so weak yesterday, but I will keep on praying and repenting. I felt overwhelmed by not having a stable place to stay (as I will have to give back this apartment back soon), unsuccessful job searches, unsuccessful intimate relations etc..Just as I mentioned to Brother Wael about my feeling about going back home, trying to find a job there with no job experience is borderline impossible, but may ALLAH guide. Please keep me and my son in your prayers. Thank you for your warm post.

    @Ameena
    Thank you so much dear sister, as I am new here, I don't even know how to send you a private message to exchange information with you. Please send me one if you know how :-) May ALLAH bless you and I feel humbled by what you went through. I would love to be friends with you.

    @Professor X
    Thank you for the advice brother. I am actually looking into filing for civil divorce, I have an appointment with a pro bono lawyer next week. May ALLAH bless you.

    Thank you all, Please keep me and my son in your prayers. May ALLAh bless you.

    • Walaikum salaam,

      Consult with the lawyer, but I must ask, is there no possibility with reconciliation with the father? You say that you still love him, so please exhaust all efforts to repar your marriage if you think there is still hope in it for you both. Have you sought help from a local alim/imam who could assuage your husband's fears and get you back together, if you wish this to be so? I ask this because, though it sounds obtuse, it is the easiest way for you to remain in the U.S. with your child. And the child will need its' father for the years to come.

      It sounds like your husband may have also bought into too many tall tales regarding misguided stories that has made him lose touch with reality and Islam, so please involve an imam and your wali to see if this marriage can be saved, if you both still have feelings for one and other. I stress this for a very important reason concerning the child among other things. Perhaps your mutual friends could also help you two to find common ground, if possible.

      Concerning your inability to control your pelvic floor muscles: please keep using the dilator as prescribed by your doctor. I suppose you are suffering from vaginismus, so here's a website for you to consult on that health and sexuality issue, from time to time. Perhaps it would help, that if your husband is willing to reconcile, to have him read it with you so that he can understand what is going on in that regard. http://www.vaginismus.com

      Several sisters here have discussed this issue in the past, so hopefully, one will be able to recall those posts and link them here in a follow-up response, as I was unable to find them through the search. Please if a sister remembers those posts, please link them!

      I will also advise that it is permissible in Islam that you two can engage in other intimate acts that both bring you two mutual pleasure, so if you get back together, please try to work on that aspect. This would really solidify an emotional bond between the both of you that would make your marriage stronger, as well, Insha'allah.

      If nothing else, the father needs to spend time with the child and form a bond with the baby, if this is possible. This is very important and if there is any love in his heart, the father would surely be compelled to bring peace between him and you. Be patient, talk to him and make dua that what happens in this regard is in the trust of Allah (swt).

      If you don't reconcile with your husband, then look into filing for an asylum status regarding immigration issues, depending on how bad your home country is at this time. This is a bit more difficult and does not rely on economic factors so much as political factors and possible persecution by returning to that country from family, the government or the community.

  10. @Professor X

    Thank you again for all the resources. All of them are endlessly useful to me.
    I shall look at each option very carefully.
    I already started talking to an immigration lawyer to see what can be done on my case. She however told me that even if I have the case. it can easily take up to one year to be successful.
    I will keep you posted as how things progress.
    I am praying to find a job, it will allow me to get an apartment. And I can start from there, be able to wait for immigration results and all.
    May ALLAH bless you for taking the time to write such an informative post.
    May ALLAH bless you all.
    Please keep me and my son in your prayers.

  11. Salam,

    Best of luck Leyla inshallah you and your son will be in all our prayers.

    Allah bless you, protect you and keep us all guided. Mahsalama.

  12. Assalamoalaikum Sister Leyla83,
    I hope Inshallah your condition is much better today .
    Well, I have been reading your post and all the comments .
    Although I don't know what to advice on this issue yet, I am so happy to see you Allhamdullilah strong in your recent comments.
    I just know one thing. All of these are trials from Allah(s.w.t), don't loose hope and never hurt yourself. Even I can feel your joy of having your son as my Sister recently also had a daughter and she is so happy Mashallah, and even more strong after the birth. So, Mashallah you are a Muslim, a mother and a great human being.
    I will keep you and your son in my prayers Inshallah.
    May Allah(s.w.t) grant you with peace,strength,health,and Akhira. Ameen
    Takecare,
    Masalaam

  13. my dear sister leyla83
    asalamalaikum,
    you are a brave girl. inshallah Allah will bring ease in your life.inshallah.

    my duas for you .

  14. Thank you dear brother.
    You are right and you sure understand how my son makes me happy.

    May ALLAH bless you, as well as your sister and her new baby .

  15. asslamalalikum.

    Ok all are just concerned about you and are making their brains work something must work out for you
    and the mind works with the details or back ground of the country and positive signs will approach once we
    know about it.

    I think you must inform about yr basic native background of your place and family,

    so that if the need be you will return back we can be ready for someone to habdle with parents.
    regards
    ali yousuff

  16. @nisaslove

    I am originally from a country in Africa.
    I have friends who went back and are still failing to find a job.
    Please pray for me. My situation is getting worrisome as I haven't found a job yet.
    But I shall keep on praying InchALLAH.

    Jazakumullahu

    • Walaikum salaam Sister!

      Have you thought about applying with an international corporation who have may offices both in the U.S. and in your home country? This way, you could be employed through your home country and have the employment paperwork brought through there, but reside in the States through their various work locations.

      How are the other aspects going? Have you been able to talk courteously to your ex-husband? Is there hope for reconciliation?

      • @Professor X

        Salaam brother,
        Yes, I have thought about companies like USAID who are worldwide, and I will see how it will be to get a job. Sorry to sound like an eternal complainer, but my biggest handicap is my lack of job experience in the dynamic field of IT. I come from a country where a lot of people are college-educated and hold tons of degrees either from France or from the US. Maybe I should get some additional certificates, because I graduated more than 2 years ago...

        With my husband, there is thin hope as the iddah will be over in 9 days inchALLAH :-(
        When the separation happened, I moved to the state where I went to college, and used to live in, so we are in 2 different states. Last week, I had hope when I asked him to ship somea lot of mine and the baby stuff that we left at his house. He said that

  17. (sorry, I pressed the Enter button too early)
    Last week, I had hope when I asked him to ship some of mine and the baby stuff that we left at his house. He said that he had not sent it because he was thinking that maybe we should try to work things out. But since then, he got sick again, and it is hard for him to think about anything else than his sickness when it hits him hard like it has been lately...I am praying the LORD very strongly for a miracle.
    His leave of abscence has lasted so long that his job has put him on a non-paid leave. So, he doesn't have money, and maybe he thinks that having the family back again will cost him money he does not have.
    I don't know any elders here who might intervene. I know I will hold hope till the last second.
    Thank you for all dear Professor X. Please don't forget me in your prayers. May ALLAH bless you endlessly.

    • Walaykum salaam,

      Sister, if there is truly love still existent between you two, please don't wait till the iddah ends for the divorce to become final. Decide what you truly want in your life and write down, this very night, about how you would want your life to be with your husband. Think about the realities and the past issues, try to see a way to work through them and then call him tomorrow, asking him point blank whether he still loves you and is willing to get through this chapter of your life as a mutually caring, nuturing and supporting couple.

      Utilize this time to talk with him since he feels that he still wants you and work on trying to make the marriage possible and healthy. Just pick up the phone and ask him if he wants to make it work and if he still wants you, but also emphasize that you want things to be different his time around. No hiding and running when things get tough, as he needs to get his head on straight and understand that being ill doesn't mean that he can abdicate his responsibilities.

      With his illness, he may be thinking the things you mentioned concerning finances and truthfully, this may have fueled an inferiority complex inside of him: feelings of shame that he could not provide for you. However, if he is truly sick, then he should be able to file for financial assistance and benefits from the government. The link below is for those who have meet the age requirements and are eligible to receive aid under their parent's employers.

      http://cciio.cms.gov/programs/marketreforms/youngadults/index.html
      http://cciio.cms.gov/resources/files/adult_child_faq.html

      Depending on the State he is residing in, there may be numerous programs that he could qualify for that would register him for food assistance, living expenses and the like, especially to manage any medications and health care costs. In fact, it would be wise to check which State would be the best to live in concerning these matters and whether his family could help, as well.

      If you two still love each other, then help each other make a life possible together. Do not allow the cost of living to interfere with your happiness. I know that this situation for you both is not ideal, but give it a shot to truly and openly speak about it calmly. There's no shame, if he truly wants you back and is willing to reform himself to stand beside you and your child, to try to repair this marriage.

      As I said before, he may have a misunderstanding regarding spirits. It's important that these issues which are open to interpretation and the whims of anger are put aside, so that the true Islamic tenets are given top priority in your lives.

      All he has to say is that he is willing to work on your marriage together and that he doesn't want the divorce to take effect and so then, your iddah ends and you're married to him still. Decide if this is what you want and if he is truly ready to be a loving husband and father. If so, during the next few weeks, put your heads and hearts together to make your life possible for today and for the future. Your child, your sweet innocent child, deserves this chance.

      And so do you.

  18. @ Professor X

    MachALLAH dear brother!!
    I have been waiting frantic all morning on your advice :-)
    It could not have been better.
    This would be my exact implulse to do, as I am also in the whole writing method to assesss and explain myself. A lot of our communication between him and I, matter of fact, discussing the divorce is taking place via text messages.
    I am just so scared to be rejected, as he has been truly hurtful at our separation time, like not even caring about me leaving his house with our 3 month-baby, when I was so weak and skinny after giving birth without any income to go live in another state. It didn't bother him the least. Does someone who loves you act like that? I still wonder... His own mother was shocked at his reaction. All she could told me was that we were the victim of black magic. They believe a lot in that stuff in his family. I know I made mistakes, but he made a whole lot too.
    My family has felt very offended by his reactions, and my parents don't even mention his name anymore. As he is a lot older, been married before and divorced with 2 older kids, they think he had way more experience than me, and should have been more patient. Our wedding was a beautiful thing, with 2 big families back home getting together, and a lot of disappointment has sunk in, in both sides.
    His whole belief in bad spirits is also a big barrier. As you said before, I knew it was vaginismus, been active on that website since November 2010. He has seen me practice from dilator to dilator, going to visit physical therapist, but he chose not to see my pain, and told me hurtful things that made me ask for divorce.
    i feel like his mental state is somewhat unstable in regards to our marriage.
    But I want to follow your advice. maybe give him a couple of days, because he is down with the flu right now, on top of all his worries.

    Thank you brother, I wish a sound mind like you MachALLAH could talk to him. He doesn't have many people giving him good advice.

    Thank you also for the resources regarding State aid.

    Jazakumullaahou.

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Another thing you can try Sister Leyla, is to speak to him softly and gently while asking him this question: "Do you consider the consequences of what leaving me will mean in the long run?" It's very important that you speak to him and not text, email or chat this message.

      This question is to make him ponder over these facts that may come into play if he abandons you and your baby.

      1. Will he be happy to leave you and his baby all alone in this world to fend for yourselves?
      2. Can he sleep at night knowing that you and your baby may be hungry?
      3. Will he be able to go throughout his day never knowing if the baby has a fever and needs medication?
      4. What will happen, if one day, you fall in love with another man?
      5. Is he ready to be a non-factor in this child's life, while another man could be called "Dad?"
      6. Will he happy to see you in another man's arms?
      7. Will he happy that this child will look up to another man for a role model?
      8. Will he be comfortable knowing that this child's love will be with that man?
      9. Is he willing to forget the joys of teaching this child how to speak, walk, play and even pray?
      10. How will he answer the questions of "why did you leave us," when that child comes back to question him one day.

      And lastly, will he be able to create any excuse in front of Allah (swt)?

      These are very delicate questions and no doubt that if you approach him tenderly and openly when asking him, you will be in tears with heartache. And if you still love him and you're willing to risk the rejection, help him answer these questions by saying the following.

      1. I don't want us to be alone without you. We need you. I need you as my husband, friend and lover. Our baby needs his daddy to take care of him, too.

      2. I want you to see me breastfeed our little boy, for you to prepare his bottles and wrap your arms around me as we watch him suckle. Then one day, for us to sit down at the same table together for dinners and picnics, too. I want us to feed our child together. To show him how to eat, and share each night as a family.

      3. I want you to help us when we're hurt and we'll be there to help you through your illness, too.

      4. I don't want anyone else to love. I made my vows to you and you to me. Let's honor them together.

      5. I only want you to be called, "Daddy," by our little son.

      6. I want us to be able to make love one day, carefully and passionately. I need your help with this because of my condition, but we can make it together, so that when you are finally inside me, our love-making will be our victory.

      7. I want our son to be proud of his father and I know that if he can be, my love for you will remain steadfast for you: the father of my children.

      8. I want our son to love you and me, together.

      9. You are to be our baby's imam, his leader and his guide. I need you to show him the Right Path to Allah (swt)!

      10. That instead of our son asking 'why," he can say, "thank you for being the best Dad in the whole wide world!"

      11. So on the Day of Judgement you can say, "Allah (swt), I supported my family, loved my wife and raised my son to be Your servants. These were my deeds, so please place them into my right hand, so that I may be of the righteous who will hear, 'Salaam" upon entering into the most Heavenly Abode alongside Your Prophet Muhammad (saw)!

      Let me say a few more things. Insulting each other is a big mistake in marriage. A few years ago I learned of two people who did such things to each other and their marriage quickly fell apart after almost 40 years together! What a disaster! And you know what the biggest insult was between them: it was about him losing is hair and being called fat. It destroyed the affection he had for her, so surely your husband needs to understand that insults often cut deep into the heart. Holding his tongue and refraining from such remarks is paramount to him being a kind husband, and to you as a wife, too.

      So it's important for you to tell him that any quip he makes about your sexual problem is something that hurts you deeply and must be off-limits from now on.

      Make him your partner during this trial and allow it to lead to love making and intimacy acts between you two. Since it is Islamically allowed to experiment with other methods of love touching, please explore these avenues with him to bring him pleasure and your eventual pleasure.

      Also, try to understand that for him, not being able to be inside of you was very hard to take. It slighted his manhood, both literally and psychologically speaking. So it's very important that if you two are to get back to being a couple that you make the effort to engage in spending a lot of intimate time together.

      Lastly, if it doesn't work out, if your husband rejects you and doesn't want to get back together, I want you to keep this in mind: the reason why we suffer pain, heartache and disappointments is remarked on by Ali ibn Abu Tallib (as). He says that the reason that we suffer at times happens because Allah (swt) wants to remind us that ultimately He is the Boss. So if given the choice, who would you rather plan your life: you or Allah (swt)? It is He who is Wiser, Kinder and All-Knowing. Your mission then is to submit to Him. That is our goal and remains so forever.

      Heartache from this world is merely an invitation to turn back to Allah (swt) and find refuge in His Love which never ends, never abandons or ever forgets.

  19. @Professor X
    Salam brother,
    I followed your advice, but as I feared he told me that with his health, he could not carry on with a marriage, that he had first to gain back his health, that he couldn't be with anybody under these conditions. My iddah will be over in a few days, and there is no hope. I broke down so bad today, and cried, and cried, and wish I could just...I don't know anymore.
    I have been praying so hard as I can remember, I try to make a lot of efforts for my religion, lot of prayers, learning surah, praying at night for more than 10 years. I wanted a good family, but it's just been so hard. My life since I am a teenager has been filled with a lot of tragedies and pain, and now, there is nothing I look forward anymore. I feel like I failed everywhere. May ALLAH help me.
    The other day I made a istikhara. I had a dream where dirty water spilled on me. When I checked some websites about islamic drean interpretation, "wretched life" came about. It is hard for me to describe my life in different words. I am so so sad and hurt. Sadness, before my marriage, after years of being a struggling student here without any family, meeting a man who I esteemed so much because he fears ALLAH, going through a sad and lonely pregnancy, now, jobless with the baby with the shame and embarassment of divorce. I am very down.
    Please pray for me and my son .
    Jazakumullahu

    • Walaikum salaam dear Sister Leyla,

      When you are down, that is when you kneel in submission to the All-Knowing, and though you may not be able to see it now, is clearing your path for you.

      I have a lot to write you, but for now, it depends on a question: did your husband cry to you when he told you these things?

      Do you have the strength to ask him to reconsider that getting better in this life is one thing, but being better off in the hereafter depends on taking care of his child? Is he willing to do at least that?

      Can you in-laws take you and the baby in with them for now?

      • Also Sister Leyla, I forgot to mention that I would recommend you to get in touch with Sister Maria through her blog in the link below. Though you do not have the Saudi aspect in your marriage, she has been through a similar ordeal and as a mother and woman, she will be able to provide you with some sisterhood companionship. She resides in the States right now, is foreign born and is a single mother, as well.

        Here is here the blog that you can email her through. I will send her an email to let her know of this post, too.

        http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.mx/2012/02/thanks-to-fhws-blog.html

        • Salam Alaikum, Siter Leyla83 and Professor X,

          @ProfessorX, Thanks a lot to bring me up in this situation... You are totally right, as a single mother, with a similar situation i think we can share ideas, perspectives, comments, advices, and of course the blessing of be mothers.

          @Leyla83, I've read your post and i really feel everything you had said and i pray to Allah to grand your life with all the best you deserve, even if he already sent to you the biggest blessing ever, your son... My situation have been extremely difficult and i'm sure will be like that for long long time, but just today i was talking with a girl who think that kill herself and leave her daughter outside a church will be the solution for all her problems and to deal with the abandonment of the love of her life, while i was reading her, i stopped her and told her "Why you want to take off your life when Allah gave you a new life to enjoy?" "the purest love you can ever feel is the one your daughter (in your case your son) will give you every day, not just when she want to get something from you, or when she is in god humor, or in any situation.... the love of your daughter will be there no matter what, specially if you used to take care of your daughter alone, she will recognize the effort you make to provide her a great life" ... I think this advice apply to you as well, just remember that Allah gave you the blessing to be the mother of your son because he trusted you so much, and he was sure that you will be the best mother for him, my mother used to said "no one will love you and take care of you as i do" and now that i have my 2 month old baby i gotta to understood her words... When i saw who my little angel look at me he express how much he loves me and needs me, so is with these little things when i remember that any other men deserve the love i feel for my son, neither the "love of my life who left me."

          As you, i'm completely alone in US, I came to study and i fell in love of a Saudi, and after I graduated i had to go back to my country, but guess what? i went back just for couple of weeks and then i came back for the love of my life, leaving EVERYTHING for him... All was good until he decide to abandoned me when i was almost 5 months pregnant without ANY reason, and until now he don't even ask about our son, even if we have a lil of communication.... I think your advantage is that the father of your son is US citizen, so you can ask him to pay child support and he won't have a way to get out of this, in my case is different because if i claim for child support my ex will run away to KSA, and his government won't do nothing to help US catch him, also his embassy just doesn't care. I really wish he was an American citizen but he is not, so now i don't have nothing to do more than let his family know about my son, and believe me this is one of the most difficult traditional culture in the world. Also if you already graduated you can apply for a work visa, one of my friend did that and right now he is working in a big company.

          If somebody ask me what i have now i will reply "JUST MY SON"... right now i'm not working, my family is far away from me, my friends are living in other states, my ex doesn't care if we have food or not, and most of all we just have each other, we are completely alone. But regardless all these I never regret anything had happened because i know that Allah is teaching me the biggest lesson in my life that will make me strong in the future, and i'm sure that my son will admire every single thing his mom did for him. Many people had asked me "why you don't hate X's father?" and my response to them is "because once i loved him, we always gonna have a connection even if we don't speak with each other, and the most important because he always will be the biological father os my son, so why i have to hate him? i'm just praying to Allah to let him sleep in peace at night and i don't wish him nothing more than happiness." So most of the people think i'm crazy, however i think that life itself and Allah will make account with him, and then he will learn the lesson that i'm learning right now.

          I will encourage you to focus in your baby, he needs you more than any one... I bet you are such a greatest and inteligent woman that will get a very good job that will help you to provide your son EVERY SINGLE THING he needs... Your husband will learn later his lesson, when he realize what he had done for you and your beloved son. And please don't go back to him, value yourself because you are a virtue woman who will find the perfect match who will respect you and love you for who you are.

          As professor X told you, if you would like to keep in touch with me, in my blog is my e-mail address.

          With duas and regards,

          Maria

  20. @Professor X

    No, he didn't cry to me when I told you this. I think that any other normal men would have melted, but I have feared his mental state was unbalanced since during the marriage. It is really all about him, but he refuses to take into consideration me or the baby's desires and well-being. A part of me is not surprised. What upsets me is the fact that a week ago he was saying he hopes we could work thing out. It is so sad. He says he will do what he can for the baby, but he is not working.
    My in-laws are back home, a very old couple in the countryside.
    Now, I don't have many alternatives, and I will keep job searching for another 3 weeks or so inchALLAH. If it doesnt work out, I dont any other solution than going back home.
    I will reach out InchALLAH to Sister Maria

    Jazakumullahu

    • Salam siter Leyla,

      I'm Maria, yesterday i wrote to you a comment in the comment above (professorX comment). I hope you are doing good.

      Blessings

      • Salam, my dear sister Maria,
        I read your warm post, and I can't thank you enough for your description of your situation and your advice to me.
        I am still struggling with the pain. I used to be such a strong girl :-), but this situation is taking the best out of me. However, when I read your story, it humbled me, because you went through many months of pregnancy alone! MachALLAH, dear Maria. And your words about your ex are full of kindness. I need to learn from you.
        Also, as you said, let's focus on our children. They are the light that came out of the darkness we are going through, and are a blessing from ALLAH. May HE provide and protect us.
        InchALLAH, I will email you through the blog, so we can be in touch.
        I love your advice to vlue myself and wait for someone who will truly appreciate me.

        May ALLAH bless you.
        Professor X, I am forever grateful to you inchALLAH. May the LORD bless you in both worlds as well as everyone on this great site. Amine

        Jazakumullahou

        • Walaikum salaam sister,

          You don't have to thank me... i'm happy my words warm your heart and help in some way, Subhan'Allah.

          Believe me i was a strong woman as well... but during and after this situation i become weak (well i thought that) but all have change because every day my son give me power to support everything in this life, because i know i'm not alone any more. Another thing you need to know is that sometimes i got crazy and i want to strangulate my ex hahahaha for what he did to me, but then i stop and think "Why? he is not worth it... is his lost not mine... my future will be good and i will rest in peace after death but if he decide to be apart of his son of course his future will be different" so i decided to left everything in Allah hands, He knows best..... After a long time of HUGE heartache (believe me i felt i was dying, and i swear i never cried that much, i think i have no more tears any more) i understand that Allah is the one who took him off, maybe he won't be a good husband, or maybe he is avoiding me for some bad with it, or i'm not really sure until know what is Allah reason but what i believe is that Allah has a GREAT plans for my son and I. And i'm very sure that would be the same in your situation, Insha'Allah.

          I think you don't need to be involve in a unhappy life, i think you deserve something better, and believe me later Allah will send to you life a man who will value you, love you, and be a step father for your son, Insha'Allah... Once day someone told me something that is true "Why you want to be begging him to be part of you son life if he doesn't care about both of you? ... are you being happy? do you think if he is doing that right now when both of you most need him he would be a good man in future?" my replied to all that questions was "NO" That day i understood that he don't mean to be part of my life, so i called him and i told him "today i let you go as the love of my life, well i think you are that but maybe i'm wrong... however, we always gonna be part of each other and we need to have some contact because of S (our son). Of course you are more than welcome to be part of S life when you are ready, but i'm not sure if he will accept you later in life when he spend all without you... so just think well which kind of future you life for your life, because S will have a great life with or without you." Since that day i felt a relief in my soul, heart and my life began to be better because i was paying to much attention to him, an attention that he don't deserve it.

          Lastly, when ever you need to talk with someone i'm here to listen to you. Take a care of you and your baby son.... Allah never gonna leave you alone, many people will do it but not Allah.

          Jazakumullahou

  21. Is there ever a cure for heartbreak, severe depression and hurt, a lot of hurt?
    Sorry to sound so weak, but I am so depressed. I am crying everyday. I am still in the US with my son who will be 10 months soon. I wake up and go to sleep with the pain of the divorce everyday. I feel like I just want to stop living. However I keep praying everyday. I have eben been learning new surahs, new duas, but today I feel like my life is always so hard, filled of pain and pointless. Oh LORD. I need help.

    • Asalaam alaikum Sister Leyla,

      Alhamdullilah, I was just thinking of you the other day. The cure for heartbreak is Allah (swt), because He is for the brokenhearted. I wrote something for you and I am sorry I did not post it earlier. I hope this helps. By the way, it's good to hear from you, even if you are feeling hurt, because as a part of the ummah, we are here for each other. Insha'allah, tomorrow will be better. Concentrate on relating to the story of Lady Maryam (sa). I think that will help you to find some much needed solace.

      Oh my dear Sister, how amazing our Lord is to you. Though it looks dim, Allah (swt) is showing you that on this journey it is Him that you must rely on. For if Allah (swt) is with you, who can stand against you? When Allah (swt) supports you, who will bring you down? For your hope is not dashed, it is renewed in knowing that for now, Allah (swt) wants all your love focused on Him and your child.

      Now as Allah (swt) awaits for your tears to be shed, your cries to call out to Him, it is time to answer His call to you and to be humbly thankful for showing you the path. Though you think the path to be narrow, Allah (swt) will make it wide, though it seems bleak, Allah (swt) has made it more clear and though you think you are alone, you need only to see your child and recognize that Allah (swt) is not only giving you a great gift, but with Him you will never be deprived of the beauty of His Eternal Love and the love of your son.

      I know that it hurts. Losing a person who said that they would love you till the end is never easy and to be honest, it's not supposed to be. Do you know why? Because it means that at least in your heart, you loved your husband the way you were supposed to as his wife. Though it hurts, tt did not matter in the end whether he returned that love in the same way, but only that you showed Allah (swt) that you did not take your marriage for granted nor the gift of love for the time it lasted. Through your tears, you are showing Allah (swt) that your love for His creation was as it should have been: pure, generous and sincere. With each sob, Allah (swt) knows how beautiful your love developed. In fact, He always knew. For Allah (swt) is now showing you, through the circumstances, how much of a beautiful human being you are and how magnificent He was in creating you to begin with. For your sorrow reveals the Kindness, the Greatness and the Mercy of The Creator.

      Focus on your love for Allah (swt) and for your child. As a mother, you will love your child more than any other, as it is you who will hold your child longer, kiss your child more and raise him to be the man his father never was able to be. Your child and the way you raise him is your passage to paradise. Allah (swt) has been kind enough to give you that gift to cherish, keep and have only to yourself, as His servant that He has deemed worthy of such a glorious bestowal.

      If you only knew how blessed you are to be given that which many women do not have: a child. To be given what your husband has refused: Allah's Mercy (swt). And to be blessed even after your own death one day: your child's sweet remembrances and prayers.

      This is your perspective now. Allah (swt) is guiding you especially at this point. Please do not lose sight of it.

      This is from an old story I know of. I shared it with a sister a few months back and it is equally appropriate for you.

      One day, a sculptor was going over some rocks and found a huge, beautiful stone. He immediately sensed its' potential, loaded it up on his cart and dragged it home. Over the course of time, maybe years, he worked on it day by day. Till finally, he was finished with the statue of stone and brought it out for people to see. Marveled by the statue's beauty people congratulated him on his work of what he had made. He shook his head and said the following,

      "I didn't create anything. The statue was always there. I just chipped away a few of the pieces."

      Now Allah (swt), the Creator of everything, is removing the pieces from your life that would hamper or disable you on your ultimate path. He has cleared the way for you and will do so, as long as you rely on Him. This state of being is special if you reflect on it and you will see that through your pain, Allah (swt) has given you an invitation to Him. Think of all the people so full or arrogance and hate that never realize this and have their hearts sealed because of that.

      Also, let me assuage your fears about your dreams. There are only a few books that can be reliably referenced on the matter, one of which is Qur'an and a few Islamic books, that as of now, I am not sure if their translation has been completed yet. I only know one scholar that resides half away around the world and is difficult to contact on this subject. The reason is that dream interpretation is an incredible science to learn and no one that I know of will do it online unless there is an intermediary scholar who knows the dreamer and the interpreter respectively. You see, the actual person having the dream is taken into account, as well. It is possible that the same dream for two separate individuals will have different meanings.

      I have been advised that to grasp the meaning of our own dreams, the recommendation is to recite Sura Yusuf each day. It will not help you to interpret dreams from other people, however.

      Dear Sister Leyla, we are here for you and if there is anything you need help with, just ask. Maria has volunteered to email you and I will do my best to help in the ways that I can.

      Lastly, I completely forgot to mention this earlier: visit a local mosque to see if they can register you to receive some charity from them. Back in my hometown, several of my local masjids did this for Muslims in need, such as yourself. Your visa status should have no impact on that at all. Any amount will surely be beneficial.

  22. May ALLAH bless you, dear Professor X.
    Your words are always such a source of consolation and relief to my heart. The message was so true and complete that I read it with tears in my eyes. Thank you for the reminder of what is important in life and how when our perspective is centered on ALLAH, every burden feels light (example of Lady Maryam (SA)).
    I am very thankful to ALLAH because things are somewhat getting there by ways only him could create for me. InchALLAH, my old school will probably give me financial aid for me to take one IT certificate with online classes to add to my skills. I have met here in this city so much love and friendship for my son and I. I don't have words to explain how by ALLAH's grace, it is getting better Al-Hamdoullillahi even though I am still searching for a job and looking into moving in a place as this apartment's owner is coming back nexy week. A lawyer is also looking into my immigration status even though it will take probably more than one year inchALLAH to know if I will be granted residency. Please pray for me, dear brothers and sisters.
    The other day, I was talking to my ex who told me that he knows he will never have a better wife than me, but that I also will never have a better husband than him ( which might be true). But still he is not doing anything for us to get back together. It doesn't look like it will change. i am so frustrated and angry that I fear how it is affecting my relationship with ALLAH. In many ways, it feels like a betrayal of me and my little boy. He didn't try to face the difficulties of marriage, and pushed me to ask for divorce...He doesn't believe in compromise and communication from what I think...Please also pray for me to get back with him if it's better for us. I don't see myself getting with another man and having someone else raise my boy.
    Also, my son's name is Ibrahim, name of his paternal grandfather but more importantly one of our most beloved prophets (pbuh). I always liked his story for being the one "who was so trusting towards ALLAH" in spite of all the events in his life, he trusted ALLAH fully to the extent of getting ready to slaughter his own child SubhanALLAH at ALLAH's request. I insisted for my first boy to be named Ibrahim before even knowing this would happen in the marriage. Sometimes, I take it like a sign that I should be trusting to ALLAH like his namesake.
    Thank you for the information on dream interpretation. I feel relieved because even today I went to check one website about a dream my friend had about me. It was still a little scary, so I will stop cruising those websites.
    May ALLAH's grace accompany all of us in this month of Rajab. May ALLAH purify our hearts and spare us from affliction. May HE bless all of us with the best in both worlds.
    May ALLAH bless you dear Professor X for all the endless information and great words you have been generous enough to send my way. I broke down today because rejected love, broken dreams of the family I always wanted, loneliness really hurt me. I blame my ex-husband and he blames me, and our phone conversations these days end up so bad. We can hardly have a good converstaion, we disagree on everything.It hurts a lot.
    But InchALLAH, my LORD doesn't make mistakes and he knows best.
    So, I am glad I came here today even though I am often reading on the threads.

    JazakumullALLAH

  23. Walaikum salaam,

    You know, it's the night and day of revelation and ascension! Pray a lot in this time. It's such an auspicious occasion! Here is an excerpt from the conversation between Allah (swt) and the Holy Prophet (saw) on that night.

    It has been narrated by Ameer Almumineen A’li b. Abi Taleb (as) that the Prophet (saw) asked his Lord on the night of Mi’raj and said:

    “Oh my Lord. What is the best of deeds?”

    Allah (swt) answered:

    There is nothing better for Me than dependence (tawakul) upon Me and contentment with what I have
    ordained.

    Oh Muhammad, My Love will be guaranteed to those who love each other through Me. And My Love
    will be guaranteed to those who sympathize with each other through Me. And My Love will be guaranteed to those who communicate with each other because of Me. And My love will be guaranteed to those who depend and rely on Me. My Love is boundless, endless, and cannot be conquered by knowledge. I supply continuous knowledge to those whom I love. Those are the ones who look at their fellow humans as I look to them. They don’t submit their requests to their fellow humans. Their stomachs are empty from eating what is forbidden (haram). Their pleasure in this life (Dunya) is My remembrance (zikr), My Love and My Contentment with them.

    Oh Ahmad, if you want to be from the most careful from committing sins (war’a), then abandon the
    pleasures of this world (zuhd), and demand the Hereafter.

    .................

    Oh Ahmad, if you would just taste the sweetness of hunger, silence, and loneliness and what you would inherit from these things!

    The Prophet said: Oh Lord, what is the inheritance of hunger?

    Allah (swt) answered: Wisdom, protection of the heart, nearness to Me, continuous sadness, light needs for his life, saying the truth, and not caring whether living in good times or hard times.

    Oh Ahmad, do you know at what time my slave will be nearest to me? If he is hungry or in prostration
    (sujood).

    Oh Ahmad, I wonder at three slaves of Mine. A slave who enters prayer (Salat) while knowing to whom
    he is raising his hand and in front of whom he is, and then he yawns. And I wonder at a slave of Mine who has food for his day from grass or else, then he worries about tomorrow. And I wonder at a slave of Mine who does not know whether I am pleased with him or not, then he laughs.

    Oh Ahmad, there is a palace in Paradise made from pearl and precious gems. It is built as one part without connections. In it lives the very special slaves of Mine. I look upon them seventy times each day. Every time I look at them, I talk to them. I increase in their kingdom seventy times each time I look upon them. When the people of Paradise get pleasure from food and drink, those very special slaves of Mine get pleasure in My Remembrance, My Words, and My Speech.

    .............................

    Allah (swt) said: The seekers of this world have a lot of ignorance and foolishness. They are not modest with their teachers. They think they are smart, but those who are truly knowledgeable consider them foolish.

    Oh Ahmad, the virtuous and seekers of the hereafter have thin faces. Their shyness is much. Their
    foolishness is little. Their usefulness is much. Their deception is little. The people are at ease with them. But their own selves are tired with them. Their words are accurate. They blame and find faults with themselves. Their eyes may sleep, but their hearts are awake. Their eyes are full of tears. Their hearts are in a state of constant remembrance (zikr).

    They praise Allah (swt) in the beginning of a blessing and thank Him in its end. Their supplications
    (du’a) to Allah (swt) is accepted and their words are heard. The angels are happy with them. Their supplications revolve under divine veils. The Lord loves to listen to their words as a mother loves to hear her child. They are never distracted from Allah (swt) for even a blink of an eye. They don’t want much food, talk or clothes. To them all the people are dead and only Allah (swt) is Alive and Generous. They invite those who turn away as a good manner from them. And they welcome warmly anyone who comes to them. To them, the life of this world (Dunya) and the hereafter is one.

  24. MachALLAH, thank you brother for the great and amazing reminder. I have a long, long, long road ahead of me to become a great Muslimah. May ALLAH help us perfect our din.

    JazakumullALLAH.

    Please mention me explicitly in your prayers with my little Ibrahim :-)

  25. As Salamou Hanleykoum, is there any dua that is recommended that i can read for praying for a good spouse inchALLAH?

  26. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    DEAR PROFESSOR BHAI.
    It's such an auspicious occasion![THIS AUSPICIOUSNESS HAS TO BE PROVED HOW AUSPICIOUS HOW MANY SAHABAS CELEBRATED IT OR FELT IT IS AUSPICIOUS OR HOW MANY YEARS FROM THAT [MIRAJ EVENT YEAR] DID THE SAHABAS DID PRAYERS AND KEPT VIGIL AT NIGHT OR DECORATED THE MOSQUES AND KEPT THE MOSQUES OPEN FOR PUBLIC TO COME ALL HAS TO HAVE RECORD OF THE VENETS THEN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO FOLLW WITH ALL OUR HEART OR ELSE PL READ THIS HADEES TO UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THE BIDDAH WE FORMULATE-
    Precedent that must be applied or followed is known as binding precedent (alternatelymandatory precedent, mandatory or binding authority
    Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "Whoever among you live (for long time) will see many difference, I URGE YOU TO FOLLOW MY SUNNAH & THE WAY OF THE RIGHTLY GUIDED KHALEEFAS who come after me. Hold on to it firmly. Beware of newly invented matters, for every innovation is going astray." {Ahmad 4/126, Tirmidhee 2676}

    I WANT TO SEEK MORE KNOWLEDGE OF THE DIALOUGES[ Here is an excerpt from the conversation between Allah (swt) and the Holy Prophet (saw) on that night.]ON THE SUBJECT OF MIRAJ WHICH YOU HAVE TOLD -SO PL GIVE ME AUTHENTIC REFERENCES OF YOUR ABOVE REPORT WITH HADEES NUMBER AND NAME OF THE MUHADIS LIKE BUKHARI AND OTHERS WHOSE AUTHENTICITY IS ESTABLISHED-

    AND DEAR PROFESSOR SIR
    THIS IS NOT SUFFICIENT- It has been narrated by Ameer Almumineen A’li b. Abi Taleb (as) that the Prophet (saw) asked his Lord on the night of Mi’raj and said:AS THIS HAS NO AUTHENTIC RECORD OF ANY RELIABLE SOURCE QUOTED BY YOU-

    OR ELSE THIS HADEES WILL APPLY IN US IF WE ARE CARELESS IN QUOTING ABOUT NABI SALALAHAUALAHAIWASLALAM-
    Telling lies about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is a great evil and a serious sin, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Telling lies about me is not like telling lies about anyone else. Whoever tells lies about me deliberately, let him take his place in Hell.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1229.
    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not tell lies about me, for whoever tells lies about me will enter Hell.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 106. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever narrates a hadeeth from me that he thinks is false is one of the liars.” Narrated by Muslim (1).

    BECAUSE IN THIS FORUM 1000'S OF PEOPLE WILL READ AND IT WILL SPREAD TO OTHERS IF ANY THING WHICH IS NOT AUTHENTIC THEN WE WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES-OF IT

    I MA EAGERLY WAITING FOR YOUR ESTEEMED REPORT WITH AUTHENTIC PROOF PL REPLY
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF-

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      This narration was given to me by a trusted brother and scholar and was done so by another in a previous year. I will report with the reference when I am able to do so in a timely matter. However, it should be said that suspecting a Muslim of bidah is not within Islamic social standards. We should harbor favor instead of suspicion when it comes to our ummah. I have never related any narration on this site without good reference and trust in the source. Rarely do I do a copy and paste without trusting the the hadith is not only authentic, but is also strong.

      On the other hand, I see many referenced and weak hadiths being used as a basis of ruling within scholarly circles and on this website for opinion. They are so well known for being weak that they are easy to spot. In their chain of narrators are known fabricators and/or unknown transmitters. However, it seems that if a reference is given, little is said about their grading and notoriety for being weak.

  27. ASSALAMALAIKUM DEAR PROFESSOR BROTHER-
    THANKS FOR YOUR ESTEEMED REPLY-
    I WILL JUST MENTION HERE THAT THIS IS NOT THE BASIS OF OUR IMAN [by a trusted brother and scholar]
    I HUMBLY REQUEST YOU TO KINDLY CHECK BEFORE WRITTING THE MATTER ON ANY FORUM AND TO WRITE ON A by a trusted brother and scholar THEN I ASK OR NAY ONE ASKS AND YOU GO TO CLAIRIFY TILL THEN 1000'S OF PEOPLE MIGHT READ AND BELIEVED THAT UNAUTHENTIC UNWANTED PARAGRPHS AND THEY MIGHT NOT HAVE TO SEE YOUR CLAIRIFICATION LATER OR THEY MIGHT MISS IT BY GOING AHEAD WITH ANOTHER COMMENT SUBJECT-

    I AM CONCERNED THAT THOSE WHO BECOME MISGUIDED WITH THE MATTER AND START PRACTICING IT ALL THE SINS WILL BE RECORDED IN YOUR ACCOUNT BY THE ANGELS FOR SPREADING SOME BIDDAH OR A MATTER NOT PROVED BY QURAN AND HADEES JUST FROM A TRUSTED BROTHER WHO BELONGS TO SOME SECT AND THAT MADHAB HAS NO BASIS EXCEPT THE IJMA OF INNOVATORS WHOSE FOUNDATION IS WITHOUT EVIDENCE-

    ISLAM UPTO 150 HIJRI MUST BE TRUE OR AFTER 150 HIJRI FOMULATION OF TAQLEED TO BE TRUE.

    NEITHER TAQLEED[FOLLOWING A MADHAB WITHOUT EVIDENCE] NOR FIQH [FASAD]TILL 150 HIJRI THEN THE MUSLIMS WHO FORMULATED THE 4 MADHABS TAQLEED & FIQH MEAN TO SAY THAT THE SAHABAS TABAYIN TABETABIYIN WERE NOT MUSLIMS AND DIDNT LIVE A ISLAMIC LIFE ..

    NOW YOU MIGHT THINK I AM WAHABI THIS AND THAT I WILL ANSWER YOU BEFORE HAND- WHO ARE YOU? YOU’RE MUSLIM
    You are someone who needs to be sure about your identity-Allah ‘tala gave you one identity: MUSLIM!
    And strive for Allah with the endeavor which is His right. He hath chosen you and hath not laid upon you in
    religion any hardship; the faith of your father Abraham (is yours)He hath named you MUSLIM of old time
    and in this (Scripture), that the messenger may be a witness against you, and that ye may be witnesses
    against mankind (22:78)
    IF Allah has given you one label,then why are there so many others?
    HANAFI,SHAFI,HAMBALI,MALIKI,KHADRIA,CHISTIA,NAQSHBANDI,
    The Prophet (pbuh) said in his Hadith: there will be 73 sects, All in hellfire except one-
    The Saved Sect.
    Rasul(salalahualaihiwasalam)was asked: who will be the saved sect? He said:
    Those who practice Islam as it was practiced by me and my companions-

    IAM GIVING THE ABOVE EXPLANATION AS BROTHER TO MAKE YOU ALERT THAT ANY SCHOLAR OF ALL CENTURIES WRITE BOOKS ON ISLAM[THEY HAVE NO AUTHORITY TO DO SO] ON HIS WHIMS AND FANCIES AND THE LOCALITES MAKE THEM A HERO HE BACOMES FAMOUS AND STARTS A MADHAB ANOTHER ADDTITION IN THE 72-SECTS WHICH NABI SALAHAIALAHAIWASLALAM HAS PREDICTED WILL GO TO HELL-
    SO PL BE CAREFUL THIS IS NOT AN ORDINARY MATTER ANY ONE BE DAMMED OR SAVED IN THE PROCESS.
    Precedent that must be applied or followed is known as binding precedent (alternatelymandatory precedent, mandatory or binding authority
    Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "Whoever among you live (for long time) will see many difference, I URGE YOU TO FOLLOW MY SUNNAH & THE WAY OF THE RIGHTLY GUIDED KHALEEFAS who come after me. Hold on to it firmly. Beware of newly invented matters, for every innovation is going astray." {Ahmad 4/126, Tirmidhee 2676}

  28. Assalamou Haleykum, dear brothers and sisters,

    I need prayers from all of you who can do a prayer for me for an easier future and happiness as I am still struggling.

    I am sending a special request to my dear brother ProfessorX who has taken so much of his personal time to assist me with legal and personal advice. May ALLAH reward you for your time as well as all the brothers and sisters on this site.

    In 2 weeks InchALLAH, my ex-husband will be here in the state I live in to celebrate my son's first birthday. I feel like I will know when I see him InchALLAH to know if we still have a future together even though the divorce has lasted almost a year...I will not however ask him to go back together because I already did that a lot in the past without any results. This will be the first time seeing him since the divorce.
    I am still confused and sad about raising my son alone. But please pray for me for a good husband who can help me raise my boy or go back with him if that ends up being best.
    I am not holding any high hopes since he is very unpredictable and seems to have move on...even though he tells me he knows he will never find a better wife than me. It's been really hard and so lonely with only me and my boy but ALLAH has been helping me and blessing me with miracles along the way.

    Thank you for all.
    May ALLAH bless you

  29. http://islamqa.info/en/ref/46592
    If a Muslim is faced with many problems in life, and cannot resolve them, is it permissible for him to pray that he may die, so that he will find relief from these problems?.

    Praise be to Allaah.
    Firstly: A long life in which a believer does righteous deeds is better for him than death.
    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of people is the one who lives long and does good.” Narrated by Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi, 110; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
    And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Glad tidings to the one who lives long and does good.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani and Abu Na’eem, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3928.
    Ahmad (8195) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Two men became Muslim with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). One of them was martyred, and the other remained for another year. Talhah ibn ‘Ubayd-Allaah said: I was shown Paradise (in a dream), and in it I saw that the one who was delayed was admitted before the martyr. I was surprised by that, so the next morning I told the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Did he not fast Ramadaan after he was gone, and pray six thousand rak’ahs, or such and such a number of rak'ahs, the prayers of one year?” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2591. al-‘Ajlooni said in Kashf al-Khafa’: its isnaad is hasan.
    A man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people is best?” He said: “The one who lives long and does good.” He said: “Which of the people is worst?” He said: “The one who lives long and does evil.” Narrated by Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi, 2330; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
    Al-Teebi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Time is like the capital of a businessman, and it should be invested in such a way as to make a profit. The greater the capital, the greater the profit. Whoever benefits from his life by doing good deeds will succeed and prosper, but whoever wastes his capital and does not prosper will evidently lose out. End quote.
    Hence it was said to one of the salaf: Death is a good thing.
    He said: O son of my brother, do not do that, for an hour of life in which you ask Allaah for forgiveness is better for you than an eternity of death.
    It was said to an old man among them: Would you not like to die? He said: No, for youth and its evil have gone, and old age and its goodness have come. When I get up, I say Bismillaah (in the name of Allaah), and when I sit I say Al-hamdu Lillaah (praise be to Allaah), and I would like this to continue.
    Many of the salaf would weep when they were dying, in sorrow for the cessation of their righteous deeds.
    Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade wishing for death, because it deprives the believer of the goodness of obedience and the joy of worship, and of the opportunity to repent and make up for what one has missed.
    It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer a long life will not increase him in anything but good.” Narrated by Muslim, 2682
    So he mentioned the prohibition of wishing for death alongside the prohibition on praying for one's own death.
    A version narrated by al-Bukhaari says: “No one of you should wish for death. Either he is a doer of good and will do more, or he is a doer of evil but perhaps he may stop.”
    Al-Nawawi said: This hadeeth clearly indicates that it is makrooh to wish for death because of some harm that has befallen one, such as loss or distress caused by an enemy, or other such hardships of this world. But if a person fears harm or fitnah with regard to his religious commitment, it is not makrooh to wish for death, according to this hadeeth, and several of the salaf did that.
    There is another reason why wishing for death is not allowed:
    The throes of death are very hard, and the terror of seeing one's end draw nigh is immense. Man is faced with nothing else like it. Moreover, no one knows what awaits him after death. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Wishing for death is seeking something which is unknown. Perhaps if he wishes for death because of some hardship that he has fallen into, he may end up like one who jumps out of the frying pan and into the fire, and after death he may find himself in an even worse situation. In that case, wishing for death is akin to seeking to hasten calamity before it happens. No wise man should do that, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not wish to meet the enemy, and ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound.” (Agreed upon). A hadeeth to this effect has been narrated, but it is da’eef (weak).
    It was narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not wish for death, for the terror that follows death is immense. It is a sign of blessing to live long and be guided by Allaah to repent.” Narrated by Ahmad; classed as da’eef by al-Albaani in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Da’eefah, 885.
    Ibn ‘Umar heard a man wishing for death and he said: “Do not wish for death, for you are going to die. Ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound, for the dying person is exposed to great terror.”
    Ibn Rajab (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Many righteous men have wished for death when they were healthy, then when it came they hated it because it is so difficult, such as Abu’l-Darda’ and Sufyaan al-Thawri, so what do you think about people other than them?
    Wishing for death, if the reason for it is difficulties in worldly matters, is forbidden because wishing for death in that case is indicative of impatience or panic as a result of the calamity that has befallen.
    It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you should wish for death because of some harm that has befallen him, but if he must do that then let him say: ‘O Allaah, keep me alive so long as life is good for me, and cause me to die when death is good for me.’” Agreed upon.

  30. As-Salamou Haleykum brothers and sisters,

    I am coming here to make a request for duas as I am so heartbroken and hurting so bad.
    I finally saw my ex-husband after 8 months of not seeing him or seeing my baby. I spent these last few months basically with one wish, only to get back with him. I have made so many duas, did so many tahajjuds, cried so much. I have been living with that one hope, praying for it every single day asking ALLAH for one last chance of us getting back together, raising our son together, and relieving me with this task of being a single mother that I feel like I can hardly sustain any more financially or more importantly emotionally.

    Well, after all of those prayers and false hope, I can see that my wish is not granted.
    I can see that the divorce is final, and there is no way of getting back together.

    I am so devastated I can hardly get out of bed. My heart is full of pain, and I am hurting so much. The one thing you wanted and made so many prayers for is not granted. I live without anything to look forward to anymore. I am so tired of being hurt and having difficulties in my life one after the other.

    Pray for me, please friends, this is really hard.

  31. ASA sister leyla.. The issues of abandonment and depression in women in the ummah are immense. I do disagree with other posters in which some are advising to be and speak kinder to him after all he has done to you. Shame me once but shame me twice NO! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Go out on a limb and get ther services you deserve majority of masjids have support systems like access to lawyers that can maybe help or a support group. If you can get food assistance and help to get on your feet so be it! Also try to get child support. We teach people how to treat us and as women we are not obliged to be a continous doormat. Sister you are strong! You went to school on your own and perservered! You graduated! You are a mum to a beautiful baby that is an honour that ALLAH swt has given you! You are a testimony for other muslims! You have a right to be sad you do! Dont let anyone on this board tell you to jusDj
    Look dont let what this lad did stop your child from seeing his first love his mum be happy! Dont let the shaitan win you are here for a reason! Cry and then stop yourself! Succcess is yhe best revengd! Go to yor masjid, get involved! Meet other women and seek work and also social services! You have soo much toivr for! Alhumdulilah!

    • ASA dear sister ayatbinthamza,

      MachALLAH sister for your post that just warmed my heart and looks like a sign MachALLAH. I am about to go to bed with such a heavy heart as usual just because of all of this that happened and is still happening. It is a challenging and difficult sistuation but Al-Hamdoullillahi, I am not thinking about hurting myself anymore. Sheytaane got the best of me that day or those days when i was feeling that way. But I am still so so so heartbroken dear sis, and can't move on while it's been 11 months! It is a tough trial with a weak financial situation, and a baby to care for. But last week, i just filed the child support prayers. Please pray for me to be successful. Then, I will be able to take my son to daycare and hopefully find a job.
      I know you always hear it gets better but after one year, I sometimes feel I am at the same place without many things to look forward to. I live with a lot of shame, loneliness and pain, and I am still asking everyone for duas. If i had health insurance, i would have looked for a prescription for antidepressants because it is really hard on me. But Al-Hamdoullillahi my little one just turned one, and is being a great kid MachALLAH.

      I see your advice dear ayatbinthamza but I still pray for him to come back to me apologetic and all. But it really doesn't look like it will happen. I don't know what the future will bring, but for sure I pray for healing because I am very far from it.
      P>S: I love the definition about insanity that you just gave.

      Thank you dear sis. May ALLAh bless you andlessly and don't forget me.

  32. Salam dear brothers and sisters,

    Please assist me with duas. I am still struggling.

    May ALLAH assist us all

  33. I am so saddened by the response of some people. There is a time to talk tough with someone and a time to give compassion and help to support them.

    You may or may not have sihr. But do the basics, get all your prayers in on time, do your morning and evening azkar,(you can youtube 'efasi azkar), fast twice a week if you can aside from ramadan, read quran daily, give charity in secret if possible and ask Allah to ease your affairs. Also read surah baqarah every three days. And make a Lot Of istighfar and say (la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah) and (Allahuma salle wa sallam ala nabiyyina muhammad)

    And i pray Allah eases your affairs. I also like the idea of going back to your family unless you fear actual harm but i would imagine it would make your situation easier.

    Whatever you do, do not go on anti depressents. They will simply drug you. Find the real cure to your problem. Look to Allah for fulfillment, dont put your hopes in people.

    But if you honestly feel that you have a deeeep depression, difficulty in praying, then please continue and stay firm with your rememberance of Allah. NO ONE can take you out of your situation unless Allah wishes. If you can please contact someone close to you , an imam, a community for help.

    • Thank you for your answer dear Umabdullah.

      Please don't forget me in your duas. This situation is still hard on me, even though I know ALLAH is helping me in so many ways. But I am deeply traumatized with the divorce, the pain, the sexual problems that haunt me still if I was to have a new marriage.

      Thank you for your kindness and don't forget me and my son in your prayers.

  34. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    HOPE YOU WILL GET SOMONE SOON TO GET YOU SETTLED IN LIFE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS END OF LIFE WITH ONE PERSON GOING AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE ....\PL TAKE PERMISSION FROM THE FORUM PEOPLE AND JOIN MAY BE YOU WILL GET SOME ONE THERE TO COME FORWARD WIT GOOD PROPOSAL AS IN THIS FORUM YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAIL DIRECTLY FOR ANY MATRIMONAIL NEEDS-
    https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE?ref=hl

    REGARDS
    ALI

  35. As Salamou Haleykoum dear friends.

    Exactly one year ago, I went through a divorce and I was very depressed with a 4-month baby in my arms, and no family around.

    Here is my former post, as some of you might remember

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/trials-suicide-marriage-baby/

    During this last year, I have at least submitted a plea to the Immigration, and it might take 2 years from when I file InchALLAH. It might be approved. I am hoping that ALLAH will make it possible.

    On the other hand, my depression is going so strong, especially today. I have done a lot of duas, wazifas, tahajjud and prayers to feel better. first it was to be back with my ex-husband, it didn't happen, and I have prayed for sakinnah and end of my depression. I am crying so hard. i am most of the time inside the apartment with my baby. My ex-husband is feeling better health-wise, he has completely moved on me, and according to common friends he might be back with his first wife whom he divorced after she cheated on him. I married him when he was a wreck, abandoned by that wife who had a boyfriend. few months into the marriage with me, he started acting like I was a mistake, and he wanted to go back to her. I suffered that ordeal when I was pregnant with my son. My vaginismus issues didn't help. I suffered terribly until we divorced. After the divorce, I am in so much pain. My family is so far way. The shame of divorce eats me up. Now, when I hear he might get back with the lady who cheated on him, even though I am not his wife anymore, I feel betrayal, hurt and endless pain.

    In every life, there are tests but i feel like this test is the one I failed. I went through a lot in my life, but this trial has seen me failing miserably. That's why lately I have staarted again praying for my life to be taken away from me, and to welcome death. Because the longer this is lasting, this depression, the more sins I am committing. I have done something I never did before, seeing psychics to see my future and i know it's haram, but I just wanted my mind to be quiet and the pain to stop. I hardly wake up a day without asking the LORD why i am put in such trials. I tried to follow our deen, being a virgin, getting married, getting pregnant. All exploded back to my face. I feel like the more days I live, the more sisns I am committing, and maybe if my life is shortened, my son might be happier with people who are not depressed. i tried it all to make it.

    May all of you please have a special prayer for me.

    Jazakumullahou

    • Salamat dearest sister,

      Please read these articles by Yasmin Mogahed, she has a beautiful way of explaining what so many of us wish to say but don't have the right words.

      These articles have helped a lot of people and I hope these will help you too better understand and heal inshAllah.

      I love you sister, please read these and inshAllah you will be a bit clearer.

      http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/06/21/removing-the-intruder-on-treating-love-addictions/

      http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/

      http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/for-the-love-of-the-gift/

      Also browse her other articles on her website inshAllah.

      Your Sister R

      • Sometimes we plan and we plan but Allah (swt) is always the best of planners.

        We may think something is good for us, when in fact it is bad for us and we may like and make duaa for something that we sooo badlyyy think we want need and can't live without when Allah (swt) the creator of you and me and the rab of mankind whom raised us and loves us more than anyone on this earth knows better than what we know what is best for us. We sometimes want something sooo badd that if we don't get it we loose hope, get really depressed and sad and even sometimes astafurAllah loose faith but we fail to see the blessing of what Allah (swt) is saving us from. We do know what the future holds, but Allah (swt) does, we know nothing and we have no clue what is good for us that is why we need to trust in the decree of Allah (swt) and trust the path he lets us walk (with or without the people we want). Allah (swt) sometimes tests us by people leaving in order for our hearts and mind to be back at the rememberence of Allah (swt), back to where we belong - have pure love for Allah (swt) and focus on our aim of Jannat Firdous rather than the love of this life and people of this world, you will touch upon these in Sister Yasmin's articles inshAllah but what we need to find peace with is that our creator, our rab know's what we know not and we need to trust in him as he will never everr wants to hurt us!! Allah (swt) wants to save uss!! saving our everlasting future and this is pure love for us. we can't risk this life for the ahkirah, everything is a blessing for us the good and the bad inshAllah, because with both trials we must turn to Allah (swt) and never loose focus of our prime goal and prime aim of being here which is to worship Allah subhana wa tala.

        Please smile my dearest sister, please read the articles I have pasted above, never lose hope Allah loves you he loves us all never give up duaa its so powerful. May Allah (swt) make things easy for you sister and may you continue to conduct your prayers and duaa's. No believer's work is gone to waste, Allah answers our duaas, and he loves us going to him, he loves us asking him, do it harder and harder, your work will never be lost. Trust in Allah sister and smile inshAllah.

  36. Salam dear Sister R,

    thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
    MachALLAH, i discover Sister Yasmin Mogahed as recently as last week, and I followed many of her podcasts, articles and I have recommended her to friends.
    Thank you for taking time and insisting to post them.
    Please don't forget me in your duas.
    I used to be resilient and strong in the face of adversity, but this one left me very broken...

    May ALLAH reward you abundantly dear sis.

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