Unlawful relationship – need guidance
I am 17 years old and have a boyfriend who is 18 and we have been together less than a year but have crossed many limits and I sincerely repent to Allah for my sins and feel guilty. I even did Umrah and begged forgiveness and for good things to happen.. But I am even in fear that It will not be accepted .. My parents do not know about the relationship
We both have to leave for Universities in separate countries but I truly believe what we have is real love... He has promised to marry me and will not ask for sex anymore or anything although it is hard however we do kiss and hug and hold hands etc.
I don't want to leave him as I love him and believe he makes me better as a person... I'm glad that I make mistakes as it brings me closer to my Deen.. I don't see the relationship only as lust it's true feelings.. But I don't know what to do now. I repent in my sins but he doesn't. He believes in our age we should make mistakes and do what we want and when we grow up should be religious and cautious but not now..
Shall we remain together apart in different countries till we finish our studies and get married or end it... How can I convince him to repent and how can I be with him and not anger Allah.. Please guide me and help me I really love him but I want to be good and pray and be a good Muslim I believe that it will make me Kinder and help me... Be someone I can be an example and proud of in life but my boyfriend has very little faith he does not pray nor fast completely and drinks and smokes but he will give it up in the future also believes since we will marry anything we do physically is okay...
The relationship has many good effects he stopped watching pornography and we talk and comfort and support each other, I look at him and picture my life with him and I want his happiness more than my own we both care so much for one another and talk about marriage in the far future often... Just some info about us
God bless you..
Younglearner
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OP: Be someone I can be an example and proud of in life but my boyfriend has very little faith he does not pray nor fast completely and drinks and smokes but he will give it up in the future also believes since we will marry anything we do physically is okay...
If any limits are left to be crossed, just don't cross them. I don't think he is going to change. Most likely he will not marry you
I once heard from someone that if a relationship really is true love, then it doesn't cause or increase problems- it rather makes you feel absolutely secure and happy because it just feels right. In our times, it is SO hard to stay truthful to Allah- I understand, with all the messages bombarded towards youth. But think about it- you don't really know what he's doing right now, if he's praying, meeting up with other girls. It may seem wrong that someone so close would do such a thing but remember- someone who is openly breaking the law of Allah swt (and is not trying to accept that it's wrong and to change) won't be of much substance after marriage.
The thing is, whether you understand the wisdom behind doing good deeds and refraining from bad deeds or not, Allah swt sent down those commandments for our own good. Imagine- you guys like each other, and you're both young, and everything is easy now. 50 years down the road, would he only have eyes for you? Would you only have eyes for him? If someone doesn't have piety or doesn't want to change, then it's more lust than love. And even if he ends up treating you well after marriage, then it still won't work with Allah because you chose him over your Lord.
Allah can take our souls any minute. Reflect- what do you want to have on your record when you meet Him?
Make tons of dua and please don't give up your religion for him. Please, and if he's not okay with it, than end it because as painful as it may be, Allah swt will reward you with better, insha Allah, so much better, for choosing Him.
I suggest that you end it. That will not be easy, which is why the best thing to do is to pray to Allah to assist you in obeying Him. Don't even tell him why. Just cut off contact. Stop talking, chatting, meeting up. It sounds brutal, but with time, you will heal and be so happy you stuck to your values. I live in a large Muslim community with many friends and relatives older than me and I can't tell how many times a 'good' guy or a 'perfect' boy has promised to marry a girl but left her devastated.
We're sisters in Islam and I don't want anything of the sort to happen to you.
Take care sister. Do whatever you have to do to feel better. May Allah be with you, Ameen.
Assalamu alaikum.
he will never marry you i bet ! I HAVE BEEN IN SIMILAR situation ... ask forgiveness from Allah , these boys only use girls to remove their their lust no more ! leave him and turn towards Allah sister you will find peace only then )
OP: " I don't want to leave him as I love him and believe he makes me better as a person. ."
this person is making you a better person ......how come
your parents brought you up and did they not give you good teaching of our religion islam. This guy had sex with you, how come he is making you a better person...
come out of this DREAM WORLD the sooner the better. Because such dreams don't have any reality they only have one result and that is SHAME, GUILT.
Kya baat bole ayub miyan ..... aapka comment bhot pasanad mere ku.