Unmarried pregnant Muslim woman – what do I do?
Pregnant.
Asalaamalikum,
I'm 26 years old and my boyfriend is 29 years old we are both muslims. I have been dating him for a year and we recently committed zina. We have both sincerely repented from our sins this past month of Ramadan.
However, I just found out that I'm pregnant. Before Ramadan he brought a rishta over and wanted to marry me however, the families did not get along and the rishta didn't go through. There is too much hate between the families now.
I told him I was pregnant and we should get our nikah done but he wants to abort the baby. I'm against aborting the child as it is haram. I told him this but he still wants to go through with the abortion because he can't marry me. He is not financially stable right now to have a child, and main reason he says his family does not like me.
Part of me just wants to tell his parents, but he said if his parents find out his dad who is a heart patient will have a heart attack and die and he will be disowned from the family. Neither of our parents know. I want him to keep this between the two of us and just get our nikah done.
I don't know what to do! Please help! I'm so distraught over his reaction and him wanting to abort the child. I don't want to abort this child and I want him to marry him which is the right thing to do. How do I convince this man that this is the right thing to do!
PS: If the admins are not able to reply soon it is okay I understand they are very busy ( don't get me wrong I do want their advice but I'm in a desperate situation if anyone in a similar situation with a solution is more than welcome to leave any suggestions as well).
- muslimsister2013
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Firstly salam sis and I hope you are ok insh Allah.
Simple matter here is you need to let some people know. My suggestion is speak to a sister and go see the local Imam. Who inturn can let some of the family members know without making it a hard blow for the parents abortion is not only harm it is a massive sin and could be classed as murder. Allah has blessed you with a child, let's put the how aside its done. You have repented. Make focus here is your health and the childs health. Man has to step and be a man. Or give him a skirt to wear. You tell his him he either steps up or you will tell someone who can pass the info on. Who does he think he is, asking you to abort ...ASTagfurALLAH ...does he want the heaviness of this sin rapped around his neck on that day? Tell him to take responsibility there is no other way.
Salam
Azeem.
Asteghfirullah . repentance word has become so cheap now because of people like this!! Who is playing with Islam
Repentance is for sinners. Humans are sinners. Are we all not human?
To look at others' sins and feel is big - what is so great about that? Our sins, if we look at our own sins, would make us realize our humanity and how fragile at times we can be.
No one is condoning this behaviour--but do not put a price on repentance.
Allah's mercy is always greater than our sins if we sincerely repent--"Do not despair the Mercy of Allah." Al-Quran 39:53
Isn't repentance meant to be done after a sin? Atleast she is sincerely regretful after committing the sin. Allah would forgive the one who would repent. Would you not repent if you commit a sin? Dont tell me you are an angel wh has never committed a sin. Just because your sin is at a different level does not make you best amongst all. Please think before you point others.
Salaam,
Yes I do plan on speaking to an Iman over the next week before I can approach my boyfriend again and I guess tell him what the iman tells me.
You are right if he does not step up and agrees to marry me then I will have to approach his family.
Thank you for you advice & support
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, first and foremost, do not abort your child - a new life is a blessing from Allah, and in this difficult situation, you are the person who must advocate for your baby.
Looking at your post, the circumstances you're facing appear quite complex, so it may help to break it down into a few key issues and look at Islamic guidance for each in turn.
Firstly, you and your boyfriend have been involved in a haraam relationship, and Islamically you need to resolve this issue and repent, which you have taken steps to do. When people find themselves making a mistake (big or small), it can really help to think about what factors led to them doing it - that way there's less chance of repeating the mistake. So, maybe think about the issues that prompted you to start and maintain this relationship, and what led to your relationship becoming physical? That way you can take steps to avoid any repetition.
Secondly, your boyfriend's proposal wasn't accepted, and he is now saying his family would not want the marriage to go ahead. It might be worth asking your parents why they felt he would not be a suitable husband for you, as sometimes other people can see what we blind ourselves to. They may have concerns about his integrity, his commitment, his deen... Islamically, a woman needs the approval of her wali for marriage - it may be that your parents have genuine concerns that this man is not right for you. It seems as though he is now saying he will not continue to try to marry you - to me, this is a huge warning sign that this man is not ready for marriage and commitment - if he were truly committed to becoming your husband, I would expect that he would work hard to try to resolve the situation and reassure your parents of his suitability, not give up so readily.
Thirdly, you are pregnant, and the father of your child is advocating abortion. It is clearly stated in Islamic teachings that inconvenient circumstances cannot justify the taking of a life, and that we should place our trust in Allah and know that He will provide for us. If you feel it would be safe to do so, I would advise that you tell your parents about your pregnancy, as they can offer help and support to you and your baby. They may be angry or upset at first, but in the vast majority of families I have encountered, once the initial shock fades, the family's main priority is the well-being of their loved ones.
I would also recommend contacting your GP, who can confirm pregnancy dates and arrange pre-natal care for you and your baby.
At the moment, your baby only has you, their mother, to rely on for protection. Remain strong and steadfast in your faith, and trust that Allah will provide for you and your child.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Salaam,
Thank you for your insight on this issue.
My boyfriend’s proposal was accepted by my walis (my father and brother) however, my mother did not approve of him and his family only because they are from a lower caste than she is from. Alhumdulillah he is educated and is currently working, and he wants to pursue his masters soon, and comes from a good family. But my mother did not see any of these things she only saw that he was from a lower caste than her. And did everything she could to ruin this proposal because she did not want me marrying into his family. She yelled at them and disrespected several times and she even threatened to call the cops on them if they went through with this. So his family backed off after being disrespected many times and from what he told me that they are quite firm in their answer and they don’t want me to get married to him anymore.
I have contacted my GP and I am 2 weeks pregnant.
Pretty shocking some Muslims have adopted the caste system of all things from Hindus.
Assalmu Alaykum,
Yaah your correct, Even my parents rejected one good relegious person. Because of this caste ( we are tamil Muslims, That person is Urdu muslim) parents rejected and now searching for a tamil muslim family,
I accepted parents decision and going on in life
It saddens me still now for rejecting a good islamic family for a reason of language problem ( we All are good in urdu)
May Allah give guidance to all of us to follow right path. Ameen!
wa'alaikumsalam,
"O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient." (QS Al-Baqarah (2:153)"
"For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease." (QS 94: 6-7)
"Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,"When is the help of Allah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near." (QS 2:214)
When you doing abortion, it means you make two sins.
1. Zina
2. Killing
"And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin." (QS Al- Isra' (17:31))
I know that many people today think - "I need to have a good income or financial situation to have a good family life".
In fact, All rizq are coming from Allah
"And there is no creature on earth but that upon Allah is its provision, and He knows its place of dwelling and place of storage. All is in a clear register."(QS Hud (11:06))
"And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah . That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent." (QS At Talaq (65: 2-3)).
Hadeeth Qudsi:
"O son of Adam, give charity, surely I give sustenance (rizq) to you." (Abu Daud)
and many more hadeeth and ayah telling you how to get rizq/ how to open the door of rizq.
People today thinking "first money/ good financial situation then married". But Islam teach that - married opening the rizq door.
First married, and the rizq will follow.
Based on those ayah and hadeeth - clearly shows, that not married (even abort fetus) because of financial situation is NOT a good reason. Because married brings rizq and rizq coming from Allah (not from you or your man).
****
By Allah will - He will be able to make your bf father's heart strong enough to receive the news. And by His will - He will be able to make each person of you both family change from hating to loving each other.
And don't forget - for every problems you get from Allah sent down with it solutions. You only need to show Him your ikhtiar and regrets (taubah).
Thank you for the advice sister
Salaam sister I hope you are well.
I came across this post looking for guidance myself as I have found myself in a very similar situation to yours.
I have looked for many hadiths on abortion and I know that we have committed this sin and indeed having an abortion would be an even greater sin.
The father is not willing to tell his family as they wouldn't accept him or his child, my family would have a very similar outlook.
I hope in sha allah Allah has guided you to the right path, may I ask what you had decided to do?
Jazak'allah
Thats sweet that ur pregnant♡ b thankful to Allah I agree with the brother saying that ur boyfriend shd take a stand if he doesn't than let ur family b with u or anyone whom u can trust and share this news with may Allah bless you
Really good advice sister ..
Muslim sister, please think carefully before you make any decision. I'm not qualified to guide to personally as I would be seeking guidance myself. But please read the above advice carefully. Abortion is not a answer or solution. As the above Admins suggested take each problem at a time but be strong enough to know what may come your way. If your family find out about the pregnancy how they will react but remember you need to strong enough to walk alone and only rely on Allah. Abortion will only increase the sin but the child is innocent in all of this. Allah has tested you to see what you will do. So think clearly whether you decide to keep or abort if the guy who suggests on takin the easy way out may not be the one for you; your in my thoughts and prayers x
You take the consequences of your zina, that's what you do :). You have a baby to look after now, so it's important you do what you need to do to provide for it, financially and emotionally. And yes, you do whatever you need to do to make sure your boyfriend take his part of his responsibilities, too. If that means telling his famly abut your baby, then you do that :). Why should he be able to take the easy way out of things while all of the burden is on you? He wa spart of the zina, too, not just you.
Dear Sister,
Hope things are improved at your end. May allah (swt) guide you and the rest.
your mother turned things ugly but i am sure if you share the reality with her, she, may not by heart, but would give her consent. But if still she doesnt', then with support of your father and brother, inform his family too and get married at the earliest ( i hope you already have by now)
I pray for you. Aameen
Asak, I m Muslim girl..
Muslim mahi, wa alaykum as-salam. I deleted the rest of your comment. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum sister,
what is your current situation? its has been 3 years now wow.
I would definately would like to know what you did sister?
Hi. I came across this page earlier today and it was really interesting reading all these comments. So I decided to share mine. At the age of 18, I started dating a guy whom I fell in love with. I loved this guy with all my heart. My parents later found out about our relationship and was forcing us to get a nikkah. But, he was always lying and cheating on me. So there was no way for me to get him because he was always hurting me. But he would always try to get me back by his kind sweet words that I would fall for. So I would always take him back even when he would cheat .. But the worse part was I committed zinah with him , in which till this day my Heart cries to allah( swt) . Only Allah knows how much I regret this . I wish I could go back and change my life as of now I'm 22 years old , more mature and when I look back at it , I hate myself for what I've done. He always cheated on me but i still got back with him only because my parents knew and was forcing us to get a nikkah. It's been a while I finally left him, although he was trying to contact me for the longest time. I started repenting and became more closer to Allah. I pray each and every day for allah( swt) to forgive me and my sins. I'm no perfect human being and all I ask for is oh Allah please forgive me:( some people in the community know that I had one bf .. And they started judging me. The men did . They said I'm not a good girl, while those same exact men are sleeping around with other girls and have gfs themselves . One guy who came for my hand and my parents rejected him because he was married and had a son ,who later found out that I had a bf, started saying a lot of stuff behind my back that I'm not a "good girl" . It hurts me that I just want to be given one more chance to prove to the world that I'm not a bad person. I'm probably one of the most sweetest , kindest , big hearted girl anyone can ever meet . But I'm misjudged for my past and everytime my heart hurts and cries because of this . Ya Allah , please forgive me .
Aslaam brother and sisters
I'm in a very similar situation my self me and my girl fiend have been together for 6 years now and we have comitted zina and she is now 26 weeks pregnant which mean she will have the baby in February 2018 I have 3 months left to sort things out her family want her to marry me and I really want to marry her but my mum dose not like her I'm stuck and don't know what to do please can someone help I'm willing to get married to her move in a house together and bring up our child and repent for what we have done and in hope my mum will inshallah forgive me and help me and be in my life that's what I want to do but don't know if it is right please help thanks
Yasaf, marry her. Your family should recognize the reality, which is that you and she are now parents of a child. Marry her whether your mother agrees or not. Insha'Allah she will come around after the child is born.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam brother I have no job or not a penny to my name atm I'm very very scared atm I fear for my life I'm very scared I can't eat or sleep I keep being sick I just don't know what to do I want our perants to be there when we get our own house please someone help me I'm badly stuck and fearing for my life
Yasaf, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Please look for some aid organization that can help you, or a family member that can help. May Allah aid you and make your situation better.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You need to marry her, regardless what anyone says, or thinks of her, marry her! Parents accepting who their children bring home is one thing, but now there is a baby involved, and you love this girl right? Just don't let your family prevent this nikah from happening. All i can say, is pray to allah and make dua that this all goes well inshallah
It makes me mad when i hear things like this, it shouldn't matter if hes from a lower caste honestly.. In islam as long as the lads a muslim then it should be okay to get married, these things shouldnt get in the way... by the way, what happened with the pregnancy