I want to marry, but she is afraid of being disowned by her Chowdhary parents
I am a 29 year old male. I met a women from a matrimonial site in October 2012. She inboxed me so I got her mobile number and we started to chat. I told her the truth that I am a virgin, then she told me that she was divorced. She also said she had a boyfriend in past but he cheated on her and that's why she went back home and got married.
She told her husband she needed more time, but that he tried to crawl in bed with her anyway so she hated him and never let him come close. She told me in England they slept in different rooms and got divorced after a year. She told me she is still a virgin, so I met up with her and spent time with her being sexual with her. She always said this was not nice and that after marriage we can do kissing and stuff, but every time we met I would want to kiss her.
I love her and want to marry her, but she is a chowdhary and I am from molvi family but Rajput. She told me she doesn't believe in the caste system but her parents do. Her sister wants to marry out of the caste and her family said she can, but will be disowned because they are lower caste. She use to always say to me, "when you come for my hand it's going to be easy". I asked my father what caste we are and he said back home we are Rajput. I am a molvi from Pakistan too. Plus he was Molvi here.
I am thinking if I ask for her hand her family will say no because my father is Molvi. I love her and want to marry her, but she is reluctant now thinking she will get disowned. She said to me that we can stay friends only.
She told her family not to bring a rishta for her as she is divorced and went through hard times in past. She told me how her family sometimes would keep bringing up past and say she bought shame on the family by getting divorced. She said she is not going anywhere but that she just wants to stay friends, but I want to marry her and have babies. Please give me advice.
-skhan86
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
ASSALAMALAIKUM
NO PROBLEM IF SHE LOOSES HER FAMILY OR TITLE-
THE FASLE RELATIONSHIPS OF THIS WORLD IS NOT WORTH-
BECAUSE ANY WAY THEY ARE GOING TO RUN AWAY FROM US IN THE HEREFATER-
Allah says:
"That Day shall a man flee from his own brother, and from his mother and his father, and from his wife and his children."QURAN...
SO SHOW THSI VERSE AND CONVINCE AND MARRY HER AND LEAD A SPIRITUAL LIFE-
REGARDS
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Try to convince her father. You cannot stay "just friends" like this Islamically. However you also need to have the permission of her Wali. Since she has informed you of a past relationship with a boyfriend, she should have repented from her sin(whatever sins she may have committed) before you two get married. You also should repent for your sins. Do not think Allah will bless a relationship where you tried to do wrong things with her before marriage! Repent to Allah and the sin will go away inshaa Allah.
Those are the things you must do. Please seek aid in getting her fathers permission.
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly! Allah is with As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).
assalamalaikum-
I am thinking if I ask for her hand her family will say no because my father is Molvi.
IF YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT AND THE INTENTION OF MARRIAGE IS SERIOUS AND BECAUSE OF STATUS OF HER FATHER -HE IS ADAMANT AND AGAINST THIS MARRIAGE AND DOES NOT WANT TO CO-OPERATE THEN YOU CAN MAKE AN ALTERNATE ARRANGEENT OF A WALI BY SOME IMAM OF A MOSQUE WHO WILL ACT AS WALI OR SOME RESPECTED PERSON IN THE RELATIONS OR RULERS DESIGNATED OFFICE IF IT IS AN ISLAMIC STATE-
THE FATHER AS A WALI CAN REFUSE TO MARRY HIS DAUGHTER IF THE BOY IS NOT CORRECT OR EARNINGS OR HIS FAMILY BACK GROUND HIS FATHER IS MOLVI AND THE STATUS IS THE FACTOR THEN THAT WALI CAN BE LEFT ASIDE AND ARAANGE A WALI AS MENTIONED ABOVE-
THE WALI CANT USE WORLDY THINGS LIKE STATUS ETC TO DENY THE DUTY IN A NIKAH-
HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE ROLE OF A WALI IN HIS DAUGHTERS NIKAH IT CANNOT BE DENIED ON PERONAL GROUNDS-
REGARDS
As-salamu alaykum,
Why are you trying to meet her privately and be sexual with her? Don't you have taqwa and fear of Allah? Frankly you deserve to lose her after trying to pull such nonsense.
Secondly, I simply want to comment that these caste distinctions - Chowdhary, Rajput, Molvi, Qureishi, Sayyed, whatever - have no place in Islam. These distinctions are meaningless. Islam came to abolish just such artificialities.
What we should truly seek in a spouse are traits such as taqwa, good character, and kindness. And of course we must exhibit the same traits ourselves.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
I was thinking the same thing........
Whats funny to me is that it's clear more people in the subcontinent consider themselves Sayeds then the Arabs themselves......like subhanAllah, how did this happen lol?
But even though he deserves worse as we all deserve worse, I think if he repents and gets her to repent and then gets permission of her father, all will be well inshaa Allah. But repentance is the first step brother!
Brother,
Go ask for her hand in marriage, what is the very worst that can happen? You will never know the answer unless you just do it. Best of luck to you.
Salam