Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Want to cut ties with family

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Unfortunately I have family problems on both sides, 'always somebody bringing up problems and someone's always playing minds games. I personally had enough and can't stand it. I intend when the time's right to go and find my own girl and start a new family. I have a feeling my mum wants me to marry my cousin. I don't want to marry within the family; they brought it up but I didn't say anything and kept quiet. I havn't gotten a job yet, no cash saved up or anything.  If I did speak I know one of the choices would be to leave home. In order to do so I would need some cash in my pocket, but until then what should I do?  My parents unfortunately are those typical pakistani's... this is 2011, times have changed! Sometimes I'm told to not go see the other side of the family. I know this is a huge sin to cut off contact,  but this is why I want to start my own famiy with a choice of my own girl.

 

jazakallah.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam, your part of the modern generation and so see things differently, your parents are old school, and theyre following the 'typical asian' manual to life, but instead of leaving them, which honestly break their hearts to see their son just leave, talk to them and say that you want to find a good girl for yourself and that will make you happy, and that you want them to be part of this happyness, easier said than done, but remember Allah is always with you and so you should ask Allah for help and guidance. inshaAllah you work something out.

    Asalamoalaikum w.t

  2. I know how you feel :(

  3. if you like that girl then you can marry, otherwise say directly to your family to search another girl.

  4. Salaam Sajid.

    I am sorry to hear your family are so difficult. Unfortunately, we can't choose our family and they really can be a means of testing us at times. One major problem in our society is that parents mix culture with Islam. If something is permitted in Islam, no person and no culture can make it halal. And if something haraam, then we have no right to make it halal!

    Just to clarify your rights and responsibilites to the best of my knowledge: You have every right to choose your own spouse, and you do not have to marry your first cousin, regardless of what your parents say!! Mind games and such are something that's not good Islamically and something you should not get involved in. At the same time, it is not permitted for you to cut ties with a family member unless it's extreme circumstances. However they behave towards us, we must still treat our parents with respect and courtesy. That is the hardest test. We do not however, have to obey them if they are forcing/pressurising us to marry someone against our will and we should not obey them if they are trying to get us to do something haraam!

    So seperate yourself from what they are doing. Keep patient and pray for them dear brother. Speak to them kindly if they are doing wrong to let them know. Also explain nicely that you love them but you cant cut off ties with any relatives as in Islam we must keep family ties. Use non-accusing words and language such as 'we' not 'you'. But always be courteous towards them.

    You can marry a girl and move away from your parents if you wish- you don't have to live with them- but you can't cut ties. Keep in contact with them.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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