Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Her parents don’t like me and we want to marry in secret

secret marriage %photo

Assalam O Alaikum,

I love a girl and she loves me too. We want to get married. One of her sister and one of her brother support us but her parents do not. We fear that we may not be able to control our feelings and get physical but we don't want to commit any sins. So, we want to get married. We want this to do secretly. What should we do?

Thanks,

Chaudhary


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5 Responses »

  1. First of all marriage without the permissions of elders will lead nowhere .
    And not u but her parents might disown her or might not forgive her .

    By taken this action, the girls parents respect is also on risk
    U r telling that one of her sister n brother supports ur marriage and u might be thinking that after u secretly marry her parents have to accept this marriage but it might be opposite what if her parents never accepts her than what well it will never hurt u but it will deeply hurt the girl

    Secondly , u want to get marriaged otherwise u both might commit physical
    Intimacy which is sin
    Atleast u know that doing this is a sin and the best way is to get married , but coz her parents are not approving then there is no way u have to control yourself no option left ( this kind of relationship is not allowed in islam in the first place )

    Thirdly , u should find out y her parents hate u
    Is it coz ur not rich .
    Is it coz they have other plans for her
    is it they think ur not perfect

    Well I m strongly against this(secret marriage) coz gain is pretty less and loss is more than u both can handle especially for the girl

    Lastly ,u have not told that u r financial n physical stable to start a new life

  2. I'm in a similar but opposite situation her family will be ok but my own is against. In response to you, your suggesting something unreasonable. Saying they are to stop their feelings for each other is ridiculous and I'll tell you right now is difficult to impossible.Truly the only thing I would suggest doing is being patient and persistent with her family because what ^the above commentor said about the loss being so great family getting angry and so forth, its immensely difficult.

    I do want to point out one thing I'm a muslim 20 year old practicing palestinian of origin man in university studying medicine. I should have no problem getting engaged to who I want but when I did choose a girl Syrian muslim, my parents oppose basically because she's not palestinian. So parents are illogical and at that point its sometimes upon the son to take it upon themselves. If her parents opposed then I would have to stop everything and be patient and have her work with hers, but I would act without my parents if they continue to be unreasonable in this way. Though I would love to work with them.

    My advice patience.

  3. Salaam,
    I know how difficult it is to forget someone that you love, so my advice to you would be to remain patient and ensure both parents know that you are both serious about marrying each other. It would also be a good idea to find out why the parents are so opposed to the idea of you both marrying? Perhaps it will help to talk openly about any problems her parents may be anticipating and then try to reassure them or look for possible solutions to make the process easier?

    Are your parents involved, if not, then perhaps they need to get involved and show that you come from a respectable family and are happily accepting their daughter into their family. This will further reassure her parents, and highlight that you are both serious about marrying each other.

    Also, lastly, marrying her in secret will do you no good. If you are finding it hard to resist physical desires then stop meeting, or meet accompanied perhaps with a brother or sister, as you said they have been supportive. By marrying her in secret I am assuming her parents will detest you even more placing her in an awkward situation, and the pressure may lead to further problems in your marriage. Also, by marrying her in secret you are in a way disrespecting her, if you really do love her then show her that you are willing to wait for her for however long it takes and however difficult it becomes until her parents agree and you are married openly and happily,

    Anyway, those are my thoughts, hope they have helped you.

    All the best.

  4. Salaam,

    Firstly my advise to you is NOT to marry in secret. This is the wrong approach and will not do you or her any favors. Secondly find out why her parents don't like you, and do not commit a sin you will later to regret.

    My strong suggestion wait and be patience is the key. If none of this works then you must realise allah does these things that sometimes us humans cannot change as it is a test from Allah.

    I hope this has help w/salaams

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