We had a baby and now he’s marrying a Muslim girl
Divorced with a child.
As-salamu alaykum
I am a Catholic and have a muslim boyfriend for 4 years whom i love so much. In that 4 years, we had a baby boy together. He acknowledged my son and my son uses his last name.
Recently, in July, he went to his home country for vacation. When he was there, he asked me that his parents wants him to meet this girl and i said it's ok since i am used to him meeting girls for possible marriage but he always say No to these girls.
But this time, it turned out differently. He is going for engagement and he broke up with me suddenly. He told me that this is what's best for us. And that he wants to live a clean and new life in accordance to Allah's teachings.
I asked him before if there is a way on how we can correct the haram things we did. Or if marriage can correct what we did and he told me that if he marries me, then he has to tell our son, that he is not his father and that, he is not his son. Is it true? I'm really confused. I know that if we repent with all our hearts and ask for forgiveness then Allah, the forgiving and merciful God, will accept our repentance.
Also, his fiance and his own family, does not know anything about us or his baby. I know it's unfair to the girl. And i don't know if i should do something or tell them coz i don't want to hurt anyone. Much more, i dont want to hurt him as he is trying to live a new and clean life.
Please enlighten me. Thank you
Ladyfromvenus22
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OP:But this time, it turned out differently. He is going for engagement and he broke up with me suddenly. He told me that this is what's best for us. And that he wants to live a clean and new life in accordance to Allah's teachings.
-He had premarital sex
-He now has a son
-He suddenly breaks up with you
-Goes back home to meet another girl
-Is now set to engage her
-His justification for all this is that "he wants to live a clean and new life in accordance to Allah's teaching"
What he did and is doing is not according to Allahs teaching , he is running away from his responsibilities.
OP:I know it's unfair to the girl.
Its unfair to you , your son , and the girl.
-You need to speak up , for yourself , your son and to save this other woman he is set to be engaged to from a betrayal.
I am sorry to say this bc u care for him but what a horrible excuse of a man he is. He spent 4 years with you and did not see what he was doing as wrong. I HATE reading stuff like this where muslim men do this to non muslim women and then use this beautiful religion that Allah gave us as an excuse because suddenly they have "seen the light" basically. Ugh. U deserve SO much better. Please DO NOT let his actions make you think that that is what islam is about bc it is NOT. I suggest u get as far away from him as you possibly can.
Dear he sounds like a child.
In Islam you have a big responsibility to your children and you just take care and provide for them.
He sounds like he is immature, if he wants to get married...just make sure he still supports you financially. Don't let him get away from being the baby's father. If he chickens out, you can reach his family, which I am sure he wil love.
He has a choice, get married to another girl and support you or get married to you since he has a family with you.
Either way, I m sorry he used you and is not behaving like a proper muslim.
If he was a good man he would have introduced you to his family and said this is my baby and we are getting married and I love this woman,....but sadly ...he is a child who is too afraid of his family and can't handle telling them what he has been doing for the last 4 years...which is using you and keeping you as his little secret. Never be anyone's secret Hun. Never. Muslim or non muslim.
Please don't group him in the muslim man category in your mind, there are good men out there...he's just not one of them.
And don't be shy to tell his family if you need his support, because he will always be daddy....so don't let him get away with it and think he can use you for 4 years as entertainment and play " good boy" when he feels like it infront of his parents and fiancé.
OP: I asked him before if there is a way on how we can correct the haram things we did. Or if marriage can correct what we did and he told me that if he marries me, then he has to tell our son, that he is not his father and that, he is not his son. Is it true?
I have a feeling even if you agree to his condition he will not marry you? Did you get him his resident Visa/ Citizenship?
It's not much unfair to that girl, it is unfair to you.
I think you should inform the girl and her parents and the boys parents about your relationship and the child.
He can't run away from what he did. He has to take responsibility and even if he wants to seperate he has to do it in a respectful way.
Don't let him get away with it. Inform his fiance. He may get mad at you. But you have to defend yourself against this victimisation.