What should I do if my Ex-husband keeps calling me?
My name is Vi, and I have been married to my ex-husband for 4 years, but now we are divorced.
We have been divorced for 7 months and I also got remarried and I've been married for 4 months. My relationship with my husband is wonderful and I am extremely happy. I've learned so much from him then I have ever learned in the 4 years I was married to my Ex-husband, but I have one problem and that one problem is my Ex-husband.
He calls me off and on, but when he does I keep telling him that I don’t want him calling me and that my husband is not ok with it. He doesn’t seem to listen to me and so he continues to call and his excuse is that he just wants to see how I’m doing.
I really don’t know what to do when I am put in this situation because when he calls I answer in a rude way and I tell him why are you calling me? He responds in a voice of sadness and then I feel bad because that’s just the way I am naturally. I have a big heart and I think he knows that and so he takes advantage of it.
What can I do in my situation?? My husband now is mad at me for this reason, but I always keep it honest with him when my Ex-husband calls. When I speak to my Ex-husband I talk about what he is doing wrong and what he should be doing to be closer to ALLAH SUBANNAH WAHTAHALLAH!! I don’t carry on a conversation anything besides that.
I think my husband feels differently and I don’t blame him. WHAT SHOULD I DO?? IS MY EX DOING THIS ON PURPOSE?? AM I SINNING FOR TALKING TO HIM EVEN IF I FEEL BAD FOR MY EX??
~Sister.vai
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Sister Vi Assalam alikum,
Get an answering machine. Screen all calls before you pick up. If he is calling on your cell then you can have you cell number changed. You have moved on and this situation is better for your deen. So please understand that your Ex if he want's to learn the Deen then May Allah (swt) will guide him. Just make dua for him. You have made a commitment to move on.
Congratulation on your new marriage.
SisterVai,
It is wrong for you to be in contact with your ex just to see how he is and for a casual chit chat. This is not the way of Muslims. Yes, we interact with non mahrams because we live on the same planet as them, but there are manners that we need to abide by, manners that are set out in the Quran and Sunnah. We lower our gaze and we avoid talking in private unnecessarily. I do not see any justified reason for you to be remaining in contact with your ex-husband.
Your ex-husband is doing a very bad thing by calling you. He does not care that phoning you is wrong, firstly because he is no longer mahram to you and so has no reason whatsoever to call you and secondly as he is disrespecting your new marriage and causing your husband to be suspicious of you.
If you feel bad for your ex, 'fine' - but it should stay there in your mind. It is not your duty to counsel your ex husband, nor should you feel obliged to take his phone calls. You are married to another man now, so wake up before you allow this to break your second marriage.
I urge you to speak to your new husband. Reassure him that your loyalties and love are with him and that you do not like it that your ex calls. Tell him that you will change your phone number and you will also tell your ex strictly to let you be and that he should move on. If he continues contacting you after this, this is harassment.
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Sister - simply: Do not be loose in this matter. Tighten your stance and wake up. If your husband had another woman calling him, I am sure you would not be happy with it and it would make you feel very insecure.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AA;
IF:
1) You can not change your number, or
2) You do not have caller ID, or
3) You do not have answering machine
THEN
Once you hear his voice, hang up. Don't talk, don't listen, do even breath on the phone. Simply hang up.
Another thing you can do, let your husband answer him or talk to him.
You two are divorced, and it is final since the Eddah is done and you are married to another man! All in all, you two are done with each other and just strangers now. He has no right to call to "check" on you, you do not need to tell him what he needs to do with his life. NO CONNECTIONS BETWEEN YOU TWO>
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
The Wali can perform the Nikah. Infact it is supposed to be the Wali, i.e. the Father of the bride who gives his daughter away. The father of the bride is the one who is supposed to ask the groom: 'Do you accept my daughter 'so and so'? However if the Wali wishes, he can adopt an agent to ask this question, that agent can be an Imam if he so wishes.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mazedul,
First you asked about the Imam being absent, now you are asking about the Wali and Witnesses being absent. You are breaking the whole basis of the nikah contract. Ultimately you are asking if a bride and groom can perfom their own nikah? No you cannot. The nikah is not just about signing papers. The minimum is that there has to be a Wali and two witnesses.
I suggest you speak to a qualified Imam about your case. Insha'Allah he will advise you correctly.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Mazedul,
To perform a nikah, you need:
- The consent of both the bride and the groom
- The Wali
- Two witnesses to witness acceptance by the groom
- Mahr
There are exceptions, so you should speak to an Imam who is qualified in Fiqh of Marriage.
If you have any further questions, please log in and submit as a separate post.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AA;
Can you just put the entire scenario at ones so who ever is answering you knows all the facts please?
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
Mazedul, please log in and write your question as a separate post. This thread is for sister vai and her questions.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalamualakaum sisters and brothers. I'm a 17 year old who lives in America and I'm engaged to my cousin (dads side) who is 25 and he lives in Afghanistan. He is really sweet, caring, smart, responsible, and I love him very much. The only problem is his cousin (from his moms side) who is also 17 loves him and won't leave him alone. She is married right now and still does not care! She calls him and texts him 24/7 saying how much she loves him and that she will wait for him forever. Everyone knows about this actually and she does not fear telling anyone even though she is married! My fiancé tells me everything about her and says he does not like her AT ALL and finds it annoying that she's obsessed with him and acting in a way a Muslim girl should not be. He said he keeps changing his number but his sister keeps giving it to her again because they are family and its ok cause their cousins. He said he is starting to ignore her calls even though its rude. On my engagement party, she went to the room my fiancé was in and fought with him that he didn't marry her but atleast could marry her older sister who is 21!! That is very sick in my opinion to want your sister to marry the guy you love! After finding his phone and reading all the messages between me and my fiancé and how much we love eachother, she got jealous and deleted all the messages and threw the phone at him! The first time I saw her, she didn't even say salaam to me and gave me dirty looks! This one time she told me she needs to tell me something about my fiancé and I said what and she said she will tell me when the right time comes. I asked her like 10 times and she still said the same thing again again and again that she will tell me when the right time comes. I ignored it and said whatever. Later the next day, I found out she went to my fiancés sister and told her I said those things! At that time I was nice but now I have decided next time I go to Afghanistan I have to do something about it. What should I do in this situation and what about my fiancé? So sister I advise you to cut all your contact with this guy because trust me, it really does bother your husband for sure! He may not say much but trust me, it really bothers him because I'm going through it right now! Thank you everyone 🙂
4everAngel, if you want to log in and write your question as a separate post, we'll try to answer Insha'Allah. My short answer would be, if you are confident that your fiance has no feelings for this other women, and if you truly wish to marry him, then go ahead and marry him. But if you suspect that he may actually be having an affair with her, then break off the engagement and have nothing to do with him. I'm against cousin marriage in general anyway, as it's not healthy for the children.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I always get this notice to post my own question separately but I don't know how. So could you tell me how to post my own question separately? Thank you 🙂
Though you may want to post it separably, Br.Wael's advice is pretty much in line to what you would get. However I will make this one addition: your fiancee can block her number on his cell phone and eliminate all her calls.
I would also tell his sister that all his female cousins are non-mahram to him, so she is assisting in committing them to suspicious behavior that violates the rules of men and women in Islam. Ultimately, your fiancee has to lay down the law with this woman and say, "ENOUGH! I don't want you, I don't need you and I don't love you. I do not want to marry you and I don't care how you feel. I love someone else and she is the woman I want to marry and want to be in love with forever."
It's a bit harsh, but this "married" woman needs a wake up call. And btw, what the in the world is her husband doing about this matter?