Wife cheated on me twice what should I do now?
Cheating wife.
AOA Brothers and Sisters,
I have been married about 20 years ago and have 4 kids’ two teenagers and other two 9 and 7 years old. My wife cheated on me twice for which I caught her but don’t know how many times she were doing this to me in this 20 years of marriage life. I am very upset feels hurt cannot eat and sleep well these days. There is an age difference of 18 years between us. She is very younger than me. She is my first cousin. When I married her she was a teenager and I was more than thirty years old. When we had fight she always used to say you ruin my life. Why you married me in that younger age and also blame me for her cheating on me. She was from a very poor family and less educated. I am an undergraduate from university. I was alone my mother died when I was just 3 years and my father died when I was studying in university. No sister and brother and no other close relatives. So I was looking alone for someone to marry. I was scared to marry to a stranger woman thinking don’t know how will be her behavior with me. So I decided to marry from my own relatives. She was very beautiful but very younger than me and less educated. After some thoughts I decided to marry her thinking she is my cousin and will be suitable for me and she will respect me. I talked to my Aunt and she agreed happily. They were very poor so I did all the marriage expenses. I got a good job and lived very happy for six years after that I moved to Canada and got a good job here too. I gave her all necessities of life and loved her very much but soon I found she is very selfish always thinks about herself likes always shopping and thinks always about have more money. She is a very lazy person sleeps more than 12 hours a day. Just do cooking 3 times a week and cleans may be just one time in a month or when someone visit our home. She likes watching TV most of time and not giving enough time to me and kids. I always take care of her and loved her because she was my cousin instead of all these short comings she had.
I was suspicious about her from beginning of marriage but never got evidence and also never tried to get evidence because I always trust her. I become suspicious at some occasions like I remember after one or two years of marriage during travelling in train I noticed her talking and flirting with a stranger young man. I got mad and warn her don’t do that again.
I became suspicious when I saw her alone with a young man a relative of her sister- in law at my home in my absence when I was coming home from work. Here in Canada when we were living in a basement I saw her flirting at various occasions with Land Lord. One or two occasions I saw her with Land Lord in the basement alone when coming back home from work. If he was there for some work she should not allow him in my absence and then Land Lord brought gifts for her and my kids I become very suspicious about her.
After moving in our new house in 2009 I did surprise visit to home during lunch time I noticed door was locked from inside I couldn’t open it with my keys. When she opened the door after a long period she was surprised to see me during lunch time and was looking ashamed. I asked her why you took so long to open the door she said she was in basement doing laundry but I saw her she was looking outside of back door again and again. I suspected that there was someone in my house with her in my absence when I asked her she said no one was here.
In 2009 she was working as cleaner in Downtown I noticed she was getting extra ordinary prepared when going for work then I suspected her. I also noticed a difference in our sex life which suspects me that she also had sex with someone but she never admitted. One day I was checking her cell phone bill I noticed repeated calls to a phone number and lengthy calls of more than hour. I asked her about those calls she told me I was talking to my female friend. When I investigated that phone no it was a male. I confronted her and she admitted I was just talking on phone to him but I was suspicious something is wrong. Then I noticed she was going outside alone saying I am going for shopping with my female friend or going for Quran Khatam or going for Naat Khuwani etc but later on I found she was a big lair.
One day she asked for my permit ion to go for Quran Khatam to my female friend’s home. I was suspicious about her so I said no you can’t go alone and I went for work. When called home from work kids told me she is not at home. I got so mad and we had a big fight. I told her I am giving you divorce she got upset and tried to suicide. I have to admit her in hospital. Then we went for counselling and I forgave her.
I took her cell phone and asked her to quit that job and I forgot everything and starting living happily again. When I got her trust back in 2013 she asks me for cell phone and also said I want to work because getting bored at home alone when kids go to School. I gave her permition for job and gave her cell phone back thinking that she would have learned a lesson that making contacts with other man is haram and a big sin in Islam.
In 2013 and 2014 I noticed some suspicious activities again. For example I noticed at night when I was sleeping she would do chatting with someone when I asked she would say I am listening music but later on I found that she was chatting with her lover. Then I noticed she would call me from her work place that don’t come to pickup I will come with my female friend which later on I found was her lover.
One day I came home at lunch time as a surprise visit and found that she was not at home. I waited for her and she came at 3:00 PM when asked her she said I was gone for applying job but latter on I found that she was telling lie instead she gone with her lover to buy a cell phone and sim card for which later on I found a receipt in her purse and also heard about that phone latter on when I recorded their conversation on phone. I asked how you bought those things because they are not on list of credit card. She said I bought by cash but when I showed her receipt which was paid by another credit card she admitted then. Usually when she goes somewhere she always asks my permition but this time she didn’t which made my suspicious converted into reality.
Now it was proved that she was cheating on me second time. Then I started checking her cell phone again and found that it was password protected. I asked for password she said it’s my privacy I said there is no privacy between wife and husband. She showed me the phone after checking found that she were deleting logs. Then I called cell phone Company to get call records. According to that cell phone call records she was calling a phone number repeatedly from Aug 2014 to Nov 2014 with some calls of more than two hours duration and repetition of more than 15 calls a day. When I investigated that phone number found that she was talking to a man. When I showed her all proves she admitted someone loved me but now he is not. He cheated on me and loves some other woman. I got mad what you have done with me and we had a big fight again.
I will never forget Nov 20 2014 I was working in that area where her workplace is and after finishing my work I hide in parking of her workplace area and when she was off from work I saw her with a man who was giving her ride to home later on she admitted that he was my lover and I went with him outside 5 times in last six months.
On Nov 27 2014 she cried in front of me and begged for forgiveness. I am a soft hearted man and forgave her one more time and told her to promise that she will not contact that man again and discontinue all contacts with him. She said change my cell phone number which I did but I was keeping an eye on her.
After some day I noticed she was contacting him by land line phone. I bought a recorder and on Dec 18 2014 when I was going to work I turned on recorder. Then I heard their phone conversations in which she was telling him to marry me and at the same time she was telling him that you cheated on me and you hurt me. I gave you proves of cheating on me etc. So what a surprise for me that she was cheating on me and her lover was cheating on her. This is called Tit for Tat. So technically she was cheating on me third time.
After few days she again cried in front of me and begged for forgiveness and told me to give her another chance. I forgave her one more time and started living happily but still I had feelings from inside that I will not trust her anymore and always suspicious about her. Sometimes I try to close to her and show intimation but other times when thoughts of those occasions come to my mind I hate her and don’t want to see her.
Few days back I have seen her again with a man playing bingo on a table in ACH hospital where she was with my daughter who was sick those days. I lose my mind again and feeling very sad and I hate her and don’t want to trust her again. She suggested for counselling.
On Apr 13 2015 we went for counselling but during counselling she blame on me for all cheatings and also said she does not love me in front of counsellor. Then I got very upset decided to go for separation and now we are living separate but in same house due to our children.
So this is story of my marriage life. I am very upset feel hurt and need some advice what I should do now with this woman.
HeartbrokenHusband
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Salam Brother, Its sad that you are going through a very difficult time. 20 years is a very long time and one should know by now the nature of wife or a husband. By the sound of it your wife suffers from attention seeking and has not matured at all with the age. However her contribution towards you and your kids can not be ignored as well. She definately does not want to leave you as you are the sole provider for her and a ground for her wellbeing but at the same time she likes this whole game. Infidelity is not always because of the other spouse's behaviour but it can also depend on the person how sincere he/she feels towards their spouse.
You are hurt but as a husband you can help her by seeking a help from a psychiatrist. Marriage couselling is not going to help here but a counselling for her behaviour might. Allah SWT will reward you for your hard work. May be you could talk to her and ask her what she wants to do. But at the same time you can give her more attention and surprise her by showing more affection. Islam does not want husband and wife relationship to be all that mechanical. Care, love, support any trust are the keys to a better relationship. You have forgiven her in the past now try trusting her. Show her that you care. If after all this it still fails than sadly you might have to cosider the extreme option which is disliked by Allah SWT but may be you could ask the local Imam of the Mosque near you. Your kids are going through this as well and its not a good example for them to learn. I pray to Allah to help you and guide you both to a better way IA.
All I can say is that you are a very patient man and your wife needs to see that. May Allah swt give hidaya to your wife.
Brother ,
Sorry to hear about your problem . Best solution for you is to give divorce to her .You gave her two chances and it is enough .Now its time for you to give her three talaaq and throw her out of your life .
The patience what you are showing is of no use and there is no reward for it ..
Instead there is hadith which says Allah will not have mercy on the husband who will keep his wife involved in illegal relation ship...Your kids are grown up so no fear of loosing them,
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
I do agree with logical however you are a very patience man I feel for you no one deserve this. Your wife should be ashamed of herself and THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT at all.
You have to ask yourself is this really the kind of women you want to nurture your kids any longer
May Allah shower HIS mercy upon you Brother and give Hadayat to every muslim.
Please refer to following Hadith;
There is a hadith that talks about men who are dayyuths (cuckold):
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
The cuckold is the one who approves of evil conduct in his family.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah be pleased with him) was asked about the one who came into his house and found a stranger with his wife, so he gave her her dues and divorced her by talaaq, then he went back and reconciled with her and heard that she had been found with a non-mahram man.
He replied: In the hadeeth from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) it says that when Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, created Paradise, He said: “By My glory and majesty, no miser, liar or cuckold will enter you.” The cuckold is the one who has no protective jealousy or pride. In al-Saheeh it is narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The believer has protective jealousy (gheerah) and Allah has protective jealousy, and the protective jealousy of Allah is that no slave should do that which is forbidden to him.” And Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3]. The correct scholarly opinion is that it is not permissible to marry a zaaniyah (a woman who commits fornication or adultery) until after she has repented. The same applies if the wife commits zina: the husband has no right to keep her in that case; rather he should leave her, otherwise he will be a cuckold (duyooth). End quote from Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/141
The above mentioned Fatwah/Hadith is copied from the following authentic site;
http://islamqa.info/en/162851
May Allah give all of us Hadayat!!!!
Sister Anaina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I respect you ideas.....But remember she did this 3 times......There should not be any soft feeling for this type of Felon woman.......
Yes "Felon" as she killed husbands self respect and she will keep on doing based on her past track...
asalamu aleikum bro
i strongly advice u to give her talak and dont allow her near you kids may Allah bless u with a pious religious muslima who will help you raise your kids the best way that pleases Allah the most
aameen
Salaam brother you are very patient and a good man. You're definitely too good for your wife. Everyone here is quick to jump to tell you to leave. But in this case you have to think of your children. Usually the wife is granted custody. Do you want her to raise them alone. Your children WILL NOT be OK despite their older age (for the older two) and she will, out of spite, possibly keep you away from them.
Make istikharrah. Look at, maybe, marrying a second wife but not leaving the first...? That way the children are more likely to be with you. She sounds spoiled but it's maybe useful to get a psychiatric consult.
Idk about the man posting all those Hadith. We do not have the Arabic. Also what context were those sayings said what's the story behind the revelation. It's very dangerous to take Hadith literally without a plethora of information which is what reliable shayookh do, including looking at the history of the time and even the poetry of the era of the Hadith revelation, in addition to the language and grammar, etc.
Good luck bro
Salam Lightbulb
Second marriage is not allowed in Canada. I am thinking of giving her divorce and taking whole custody of kids and want her to live her life how she wants to live without me and want her to be happy because she is my relative. I have already told her to marry someone who can keep you happy but she told me that she is not going to marry any one. What that means I dont understand. May be she wants to continue her haram relationships. She is close to kids and dont want to leave them. I am very upset what to do.
Lightbulb ,
There is strong view by islamic scholars that keeping such wife is not permissible .
Please refer to islamQA scholars answers below who have given below fatwa .
If a woman persists an immoral action and does not repent from it or give it up, even if the matter did not go as far as zina, such as if she had a relationship with this man or anyone else, then it is not permissible for the husband to keep her, because that is a kind of cuckoldry (diyaathah), and cuckoldry is a major sin, because of the report narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
Please read complete fatwa at below link
http://islamqa.info/en/162851
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162851: His wife committed zina twice with a Christian man; should he divorce her? If she apostatises will there be any sin on him?
A man want to divorce his wife after she committed adultery for the second time with a christian man. He had forgive her the first time and now after she had travelled , she had committed adultery for the second time with another christian man but the husband this time want to divorce her because he is an Islamic teacher and he fears for his reputation. But he fears if he divorce this woman she will leave Islam and go back to Christianity and also she does not want to wear hijab but pray and fast . they have grown up children. Please advise The husband does not want to be responsible for the wife leaving Islam.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
If a woman persists an immoral action and does not repent from it or give it up, even if the matter did not go as far as zina, such as if she had a relationship with this Christian man or anyone else, then it is not permissible for the husband to keep her, because that is a kind of cuckoldry (diyaathah), and cuckoldry is a major sin, because of the report narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i.
The cuckold is the one who approves of evil conduct in his family.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah be pleased with him) was asked about the one who came into his house and found a stranger with his wife, so he gave her her dues and divorced her by talaaq, then he went back and reconciled with her and heard that she had been found with a non-mahram man.
He replied: In the hadeeth from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) it says that when Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, created Paradise, He said: “By My glory and majesty, no miser, liar or cuckold will enter you.” The cuckold is the one who has no protective jealousy or pride. In al-Saheeh it is narrated that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The believer has protective jealousy (gheerah) and Allah has protective jealousy, and the protective jealousy of Allah is that no slave should do that which is forbidden to him.” And Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3]. The correct scholarly opinion is that it is not permissible to marry a zaaniyah (a woman who commits fornication or adultery) until after she has repented. The same applies if the wife commits zina: the husband has no right to keep her in that case; rather he should leave her, otherwise he will be a cuckold (duyooth). End quote from Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/141
Secondly:
If the woman has repented, turned over a new leaf and is living a righteous life, and she has cut off all ties to that non-mahram man, then the husband may keep her, and perhaps Allah will reward him for treating her kindly and concealing her sin.
We have stated that it is not permissible for him to keep her as his wife if she committed zina and has not repented from it sincerely, and we stated that if she repents and turns over a new leaf, then he may keep her and conceal her sin, if he has the patience to do that. What we have said about it being permissible to keep her if she repents is not obligatory for him, rather it is up to him. In all cases he may leave her, because zina on the part of the wife is extremely abhorrent and most people cannot forgive that. And if he divorces her, then he is not responsible for what she commits of sin, and if she apostatises from Islam, she alone is responsible for that, because she is accountable and of sound mind: if she does good deeds that it is in her favour and if she does bad deeds then it counts against her.
We ask Allah to protect the Muslims from all trials, evils and turmoil. And Allah knows best.
To be honest brother, it sounds like she is playing you. But, I do not know her. She may not want to leave you due to comfort and, as far as not marrying again, she might be looking for sympathy.
I do not know how vengeful she is, but from the laws here in America (don't know about Canada) i do not think that she will just let you have custody of the children. You will have to fight and without a good reason the judge will not award you custody. The mother always gets custody. You should look at getting her a psychiatric evaluation. That may help your case if you have to go to court and she has an illness. Which she may have self esteem issues.
Assalamualaikum brother , i read your full post , but one question always kept arrising was why ? why ? why?, the reason she has been lying to you .........try to find reason for all this she has done , was it becoz she was forced to marry you or was it because you gave her less time , 20 years is long time , having kids , and still doing this makes me surprise what is she after all searching for ? please try to find reason and solution rather than spying on her now , try to know what is her expectations , A women who can leave you easily if she had affairs and lover etc but still asking your forgiveness i just feel something is fishy here try to know to exact reason and solution
may Allah guide you
jazakallahukhaira
Assalamualaikum ayman imran,
I think the reason she cheated on me repeatedly is that she is taking revange frrom me because I married her in a young age. I came to this conclusion because when we had fight she use to say you ruin my life by marrying me in such a younger age.
The other reason she is doing this to me is that she is taking for granted me being her cousin and such a nice husband. I remember one time she was telling to her girl friend that my husband is such a nice man he never say anything whatever I want to do and he trusts me very much.
She is not leaving me because she wants to continue her haram relationship while living with me as a conveniance. She change her cell phone number and password so that I cant check her activities.
My bad luck that I took so long time to understand this filthy woman. I think it will be hard for me to trust a woman again.
Thanks for pray for me. May Allah give you and your family happiness in your life and hereafter.
Bro ,
Divorce her immediately as you are not allowed to keep her under nikah as she is adulterous ..
Brother it's sad to hear what your wife is doing, and your a very patient man to be putting up with it. most men would leave their wives over the smallest of things. To be honest, I normally don't advocate divorce but from what you have described your better off without her. She doesn't seem morally correct, she's already said she doesn't love you, and she's shown you that she doesn't appreciate nor respect you. Most likely she wants to stay in the marriage because she's too proud to have a divorce and wants to maintain her reputation. Also it's convenient for her to stay married to you. If I was in your position literally the only reason I would hold the marriage together would be for the kids and the bad influence she would have on them if you weren't there, if there were no kids I would leave her for sure. But I'm not in your position, you know your wife, so only you can make that decision. You need to establish whether she feels remorse for her behaviour and whether she will reflect and change. If not, this whole cycle of hurt and cheating will continue, she's done it multiple times before. Perhaps go see the imam, or get her parents involved and try to come to a solution. Right now she's getting away with things and it doesn't seem as though she feels regret over what she has done. Pls also do istikhara and hopefully you make the right decision for both you and your children.
Divorce is not the solution of every problem and its been 20 years now. who will marry you? it will be hard for you to search for a good woman in this age, if you divorce and re marry what is the guarantee that the other woman would be nice. would the 2nd woman give the love of a real mother? NO.
your wife has psychological problem, the behavior is not normal. she would have left you long ago. why would she go for a guy for satisfaction, she is not finding happiness from those guys as well.
i advise you to consult a psychologist, this is not normal.
she doesnt want divorce from you. if she was a flirt, A NORMAL FLIRT, she would have run away long ago with some man.
dont listen to anyone. dont hasten for divorce, think about your children, the consequences etc. if the psychologist says that she is normal then do whatver you like but i bet this is a disorder.
You could be right about the wife being mentally unwell or having some deeper issues causing her to possibly behave this way. May be a self esteem issue or she was never truly happy in the marriage, after all there is a huge age gap. It would help to consider imams/counselling/psych reviews but it's still not a real excuse to cheat on him. If she doesn't want to divorce him why was she on the phone asking the other guy to marry her but questioning his loyalty. Obviously I only know the superficial facts - the husband would know if she has any other traits of a person who is mentally unwell.
About getting married again, if he does decide to let her go after genuine attempts to make it work, your right he may have difficulties finding someone to marry again, or he may be able to do what he did already and go back home and find a suitable bride who he can give a better future to. Or he may be happier by himself knowing he doesn't need to worry whether his wife is with another man or not. Again I'm not advocating divorce but these are just my opinions.
dear bucks, i just read your reply. and also i have now re read the full question and have come to know that it takes two hands to clap. if you carefully look at the detail, the person is mentioning every date Nov 20 2014 , Nov 27 2014. mentioning the time 3:00 P.M, On Apr 13 2015. just like lawyers do.
now i would like to ask you a question what was the last date when you and husband fought.
do you remember the dates? i hope so :No
but he remember everything every date, time.
too much doubt on other person leads to infidelity.
may be his wife is not loyal but it can be possible that his husband is too much protective and insecure about loyalty that he did surprise visits twice. he was always suspicious about her, he did nt tell us his behaviour towards his wife. who knows he daily investigates her?
Why I know the dates? because those are the dates that she hurt me on most. I have a question to you. If something happen to you on some day you will not remember that date. i remember the dates because when I think about those actions she did I cant explain how much I feel hurt. When I work when I drive always those thoughts comes to my mind and borthering me. What you think whats that? Are you have been hurted by someone? you will know better. Just put yourslef in my shoes and then think how you feel. I become suspicious about her when she sheated first time in 2009 and then I forgot everything for about five years. When she cheated second time in 2014 then I couldnt forgot things. Those all old suspicious came to my mind after when she cheated second and then third time. I think if I would keep an eye on her from the begining of my marriage the situation would be completely different. As I said in my post I trusted her completely untill 2009 even after 2009 up to 2014 I trusted her again.
Yup same here. Lorelei, I loved my husband and I still do. I never gave him any surprise visits nor doubted him, I trusted him fully! but somehow without any effort of my own Allah presented the facts of his unfaithfulness to me on a plate. And now over a year on, I still remember the time and roughly the dates of when he did and said each hurtful thing. I remember each action, every conversation of the day I found out about his infidelity as though it happened yesterday. I still remember all our conversations, his behaviour, evrything that happened since the separation, which was more than a year ago. I can't help but remember because it caused me a lot of pain, I even remember the day he disappeared it was a Friday, just after jummah prayers. I remember where I was sitting, what I was doing, the time, his tone of voice and what happened afterwards. Sometimes happy memories are easier to forget, you might not remember the times or dates of these happy memories because they don't have such a huge impact on you. But the pain and shock of being hurt by someone you love can often cause mental scars that last a long time.
Your right, it's always best to hear two sides of the story. But no matter how hard a situation is, or how awful your spouse might be to you, infidelity is never justified. It's a sin, it's morally and ethically incorrect. I think it would be difficult for someone to end a marriage after twenty years and four children if there wasn't a valid reason.
Also I think I must've been a very trusting person because despite a few things which most wives would have been suspicious about, I simply questioned, believed my husbands responses and moved on. Until Allah showed me more concrete evidence, and even after this I trusted him and apologised for over reacting like a fool!! And then Allah showed me even more evidence !! After this it was very difficult for me to trust him again, and this led to a lot of insecurity, and anxiety. I can understand the surprise visits and listening to phone conversations that the brother in this scenario did. Eventhough I decided not to, at the time I wanted so desperately to just follow him and watch his every move, read all his conversations, every time his phone was off I would think he was committing Zina. I actually wanted to go as far as hiring a private detective to follow him!! But luckily I didn't. It's an awful feeling, and one that you don't really have much control over, so I compeltty understand where this brother is coming from. From what I've read I think his behaviour and suspicious attitude was a natural response to his finding out about his wife's unfaithfulness.
Obviously Allah sees and hears evrything and He knows best, but this is just my opinion.
Updated:
According to Canada laws there are two types of divorce contested and uncontested. Uncontested divorce is the most easy way of giving divorce. So I asked her how she want it? She agreed on uncontested divorce on that terms that I should not tell about her affairs to her close friends and workplace people. Untill now only my kids and her family knows about this situation. She is not an independant person. She is less educated and works only part time and financially and for all other things she is dependent on me. What are your opinion on this?
Leave her she doesnt deserve you and leave rest upto Allah.. please brother dnt trap yourself again and Force her to leave the kids with you.
Abu Hureyrah (RA) relates that Prophet (SAW) said: “A Momin is not bitten twice from the same hole.” [Bukhari & Muslim] That means that a Momin would not put his finger twice in a hole to be bitten by a snake.
Will you be able to keep the children? that is the most important thing. Like someone above said, you don't want her to be a bad influence upon them. Also you don't want her bad mouthing you. What does the lawyer say will be your right in the custody? You want maximum time with the kids, potentially more than your wife.
Did you take her to a psychiatrist, or psychologist??? Get a mental status report on her...it will help in court.
Once you are divorced i don't think you have a responsibility on her financially...only on your children. You may want to talk to a scholar about the semantics. As far as her finances, she can go to school or get a full time job. She will have only herself to support so even a low paying job should be sufficient.
For the sake of children I am thinking to give her divorce but we both will have the custoday of children and she will have reasonable and generous access to kids like we both will be co parent for children but living separate lives. she will come to see kids but will not be allowed to take kids with her to her new home. We will do a separation agreement. What you think about this arrangement?
She is a very lucky women to have a husband like you, God forbidden if I cheated on my husband he would leave me and take my kids away from me and never even thinking twice about it, your such a sweet person and a good husband you must love her very much to stay with her!!! Men like you need a honest women but you have kids which is hard to leave!!! Shame on all cheaters who cheat on there wife's: husbands.
It's good you have strict husband Iraqigirl. If am a man is not strict with his wife, than the shaitan will make the wife control the husband to such a point, that she will think she can get away with cheating.
asalamu aleikum brother your arrangement is ok according to my opinion go ahead with it and may Allah make it easy for u in this world and the hereafter as well indeed u tried your best may Allah reward you abundantly help your kids be raised the best way that pleases him the most and bless their mother with guidence she realy needs to change for own benefit.
good luck akhi
Honester,
Thank you very much for your support and pray for me. May Allah give you jaza in this life and Aakhira. She agreed on this arrangement on term that I will not disclose her affairs to her friends and workplace people. Untill now only my kids and her family knows about this situation. I am agreed on this terms for my kids. I dont want to separate my kids from their mother because I love them very much and want them to be happy. I want her to be happy in her life too and pray for her May Allah give her Hidaya and tofeeq to change her life and refrain herself from haram practices. I am happy it I have to live alone with my kids instead of living with her and always thinking where she is going, to whom she is talking etc. because my deen does not allow me to live with her like this.
Once again thanks to all people in this forum for their support and great advices. May Allhah keep all of you happy.
Brother you know you are the best person i have ever witnessed, mark my words Allah will reward you the best from his provisions for this exemplary patience.. INSHA ALLAH.. i will pray for you from the core of my heart INSHA ALLAH
I agree. Its also good that you havr both come to a mutual agreement. May Allah swt make things easy for you Ameen.
Brother
Did she agreed after you have shown her hadith about cuckod husband ? Also please show her hadiths about sins of a woman indulging in affair with non mehram men ...atleast she should be aware that she was under heavy sins .Also the new person who is responsible for the divorce is sinfull ..As per Mailiki school of thought a marriage is not invalid to a person who has provoked married woman for divorce to get marrried to her .....
The Prophet (pbuh) said,
“Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, while she is unable to do without him.” (Al-Hakim)
The Prophet (pbuh) said,
“Whoever leaves her husband’s house (without his permission), the angels curse her until she returns or repents.” (Al-Mundhiri in At-Targhib wa At-Tarhib)
---------------------------------------------------
n al-Iqnaa’ (3/181), which is a Hanbali book, it says:
He said concerning a man who turns a wife against her husband: he should be punished severely, and his marriage is invalid according to one of the two scholarly opinions in the madhhabs of Maalik, Ahmad and others, and they must be separated. End quote.
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (11/19, 20):
The Maalikis are the only ones who mentioned the ruling on this issue, which is when a man corrupts the wife of another man in such a way that it leads to her being divorced from him, then the one who corrupted her marries her.
They stated that the marriage should be nullified, whether consummation has taken place or not, and there is no difference of opinion concerning that; the only thing concerning which they differed is whether or not the woman is permanently forbidden for marriage to the one who corrupted her. They mentioned two opinions concerning that:
1 – The well known view, which is that the prohibition is not permanent. If she goes back to her first husband and he divorces her or he dies, then it permissible for the one who corrupted her to marry her.
2 – That the prohibition is permanent. This view was mentioned by Yoosuf ibn ‘Umar, as it says in Sharh al-Zarqaani, and more than one of the later scholars in Fez issued fatwas on this basis.
However, fuqaha’ who are non-Maaliki did not issue any clear ruling on this issue, but the ruling on it, which is that it is forbidden, may be known from what has been stated above. End quote.
In Kutub A’immah al-Da’wah al-Najdiyyah (7/89) it says:
Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Shaykh Muhammad (may Allaah have mercy on them both) was asked about a man who turned a woman against her husband and married her.
He replied:
The marriage of the second man, who turned her against her husband, is invalid and he must leave her, because he disobeyed Allaah by doing that. End quote.
We hope that if you repent properly and are sincere towards Allaah, then you will be able to marry this woman, if she first tries to set right what was corrupted in her marriage with her first husband.
As for worrying about the fact that she had another husband, and they did together what a man and wife do, this is an idea that is worthless. What is off-putting for a man with dignity is if a woman soiled herself by having haraam intimate relations. As for that which Allaah has prescribed and permitted for His slaves, there is no reason it should be regarded as off-putting!
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It may be if he divorced you (all) that his Lord will give him instead of you, wives better than you ___Muslims (who submit to Allaah), believers, obedient (to Allaah), turning to Allaah in repentance, worshipping Allaah sincerely, given to fasting or emigrants (for Allaah’s sake), previously married and virgins”
[al-Tahreem 66:5]
Allaah says that there is blessing in marriage to a previously married woman as much as in marriage to a virgin.
With regard to what you fear of your children suffering, it is something that may happen when you marry another wife after your first marriage. What we hope is that if you marry this woman or any other, that you will not build a new home on the ruins of your first family, including your first wife and children. Rather the one who wants to indulge in this experience must have wisdom and smartness to organize his household affairs and deal with those under his care; he must treat his wives fairly and give everyone their rights, so that no one could hold him accountable for any wrongdoing before his Lord.
An Arab man who had several wives was asked how he was able to keep them together. He said: When we were youthful, that helped by making them patient with me, then I accumulated wealth that made them continue to be patient, then what is left is kindness and good treatment. That is what is left and is keeping us together.
‘Uyoon al-Akhbaar (1/396)
We ask Allaah to forgive and guide us and you two.
And Allaah knows best.
http://islamqa.info/en/84849
One correction above in my sentence ...( as per hanbali and maliki school of thought )
The marriage of the second man, who turned her against her husband, is invalid and he must leave her, because he disobeyed Allaah by doing that.
Please refer to above link of islamqa where they have shared different opinions about this ..
what was the last time when you both took tea and what was the color of the tea. i know you have the answer.
So what if he made surprise visits to check?? He has right to do as he will be asked after death where he was when his wife was enjoying other man's company?? In office or making Money??
He had has to check what was going on in his absence and YES he found something fishy..
The point you mentioned tea color, shoe size, weather has no meaning if person is mentally not satisfied. Its not matter of pointing pointless things its matter of rules created by Allah and brother patience a lot for years. He doesn't deserve woman like this type.
We are here to give suggestion being muslim. Its not male/female fight. Its true story of husband who suffer for years.
Allah give hadayat to every one.
may Allah give hadayat to you! surprise visits means you dont trust your wife completely. wife is not a slave . wife should be treated like a wife and have full freedom equal to men.
Slave???? Did i say that??? Please stop blaming...
Wife are not only equal rather they should be treated as queens.....Wife is crown of Husband head....Most respectful....I have no doubt about it...
BUT
Brother's wife cross all limits....don't you think he has right to check?? Suppose this happen to your real brother what will you advise him??? Donot you think you brother will have the right???
So please stop putting illogical comments...I have no offence with woman...I have sisters, mother and wife....and i respect them all...love them all... So don't blame me being offensive to women....
May Alllah give hadayat to every one.....
first of all my brother never raid his own house. his wife lives alone, my brother never asked her what she did when she is alone. my brother trust her completely he is not like you he prepared the dowry for her wedding including all the jewelry and wedding dress here in this illiterate country called Pakistan where you all beggars love to take dowry and you all love to suck the blood of daughter's parents.
if it ever supposed to happen to my brother I would have asked him not to give her divorce. in this site my major focus is to help through advice and I always advice my brothers and sisters not to divorce until and unless it gets out of limit e.g physical violence.
2ndly who are you to point fingers on my FAMILY? who do you think you are..
I still challenge you she has mental problem. your brother has the habit to note time date everything and he is paranoid about infidelity is he a psycho case. go !call her wife and ask her view. then she will tell you what kind of man he is. nobody is an angel here.
May Allah give hadayat to you and your family.
Lorrelei,
The brother has been married for twenty years. He has trusted his wife up until this point. He says that he even forgave her after he found out about her cheating on him but she continued to do it. Of course he's not going to trust his wife anymore. If I was in his position I would definitely pay a surprise visit to confirm my suspiciouns!
It would be interesting to know what you would do in this situation? If you caught your spouse cheating on you would you still trust them?
@bucks i will have to forgive him, only in one case i will take divorce 2nd marriage. if he cheats on me i will forgive him, but will not let him come closer to me coz i have been cheated all my life so i dont care who cheats on me anymore.
and well there is no hope for me to marry.but looking at these married people they think that the market is full of fish.
marriage is a life time commitment once you are committed you will have to live with that no matter what , except the one i described above
1- 2nd marriage as no woman can tolerate having a Soutan in her house
2- physical violence.
if my parents have the ability to forgive my biggest mistakes why cant i forgive my husband Why.
i cant have the stain of divorce who will let me live in their house ? my brother? my sister? no asylum ! no asylum in parent's house as well , i will be the burden on my parents.
this is reality
atleast i would have some place to live, some money to spend on. with divorce what would i do? living alone, working all the time and crying, having the memories of my husband, become half mental.? no you cant live a miserable life you dont have to be miserable you dont have to need anyone. you are the most Important! you come FIRST!. dont be a fool expecting someone's love as a source of your happiness. we should expect and should be ready to face anything in life any bad thing that any one can do to you.
@ Lorelei Lee
Amin...May Allah give Hadayat to me and my family ....Inshallah
And may Allah give you vigilance so that you could realize how distructive thinking you got although you are unaware about it....
@ lorelei lee
The way you responded and showed your anger to people of specific country tells the mental state of yours and the way you has been raised up. I am not and I haven't right to point finger at you. People are not immature like you. See how you turn the discussion into argument in fact insane stupid illogical things.
What you think or feel is none of our business as it means nothing to us, here we should give advise each other being human and most important being Muslim (not illiterate self centered creation like you)
So as you said you will advise your brother not to divorce her even if he found his wife 2 times cheating on him??? Right??? Do you like to see your Son/brother/father/husband as cuckold?? Do you like??? See the following Hadith and ask yourself about your mental disease:
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”
Wallah Alam!!!!!!!
I'm not really sure how to respond to you lorelei. From personal experience I've been through a marriage where I've tried for over a year now to make things work but in return I've been treated like crap! So from what your saying I should just tolerate that, forgive my husband for all his mistakes and live a suffocating life as long as I'm not divorced? as much as I would love for a miracle to happen and for my husband to give me even a small hope that he wants the marriage to work, I don't see that happening. So wouldn't it be better for me to cut my losses and live my life in peace. The future is scarey because there is always that fear of ending up alone, but if your in a marriage where your not respected and there's no love then your alone and unhappy anyway but just married on paper.
Being divorced doesn't mean your going to end up crying the rest of your like with no money etc. I understand that for some people that may be the case, but for other women they are very independent even more so than their husbands, it may even be a loss to their husbands if the woman leaves the husband.
Your entitled to your opinion, but I don't understand properly the logic behind your responses.
my point is that first he must consult a psychologist (both husband and wife) , then decide what to do.
I saw this post the very 1st day it was posted but couldn't help but to refrain from commenting. I mean how could u be asking advice on a "cheating wife"!? My 1st impression would've been that you would come to your senses, man up & give her that talak that she freakin deserves but u are instead here asking us what to do about such a situation like a kindergartener. Sorry to sound so harsh but another thing that stopped me from commenting earlier on was the fact that: there is always two sides to a story. Yes there is! You may put your wife in a way that will favor your own image instead of her when its indeed not to be so (i.e you may be over exaggerating on the matter to make her look like the bad guy & u the good guy) and vice versa. But only God knows whether all what you said about ur wife is true or not. Are you sure you hv also always remained faithful to her (we all hv skeletons in our own closets). Are you 100% sure she slept with that man she was cheating on you with or she was just flirting no sex?
Sade,
You are ignoring the presence of 4 kids. Do you have kids? I am sure if you have kids and you being in my shoes will know my situation better. I have tried my best to compromise forgiving her three times since 2009 when I caught her first time and being paitient with her during that time for my kids.. As long as the other side of story is concerned Allah knows I have been completely loyal to her. I never thought of someone else I loved her with true of my heart and never had any extra marital relationship. She is the only one I always loved and respected but its her fault she did this to me. Its not my fault. I have faith in islam and i consider it haram to even thinking of that. I have always tried to act as per teachings of islam. I am not sure about her being having sex with someone but as a husband i have some clues that points to that she may have sex with someone and also when a woman goes out alone with a man in car five times what that means they will come back without having sex.
May Allah give hidaya to everyone.
i understand tht you have 4 kids but you need to think about the type of role model they have in your wife. Divorce is disliked but in this situation you have tried forgiving and counselling clearly it is not working. Try a separation but I think ultimately divorce is the solution. She is clearly not
Satisfied in this marriage and you don't have any peace of mind with her around if you feel the need to constantly check up on her. The trust is broken And she is not trying to bring it bAck. I suggest that you divorce her and remarry to a pious lady who can be a better role model to yor childtrn and a better wife to you. You should feel happy and safe in your marriage not constantly on edge that you are being betrayed. I think this would be difficult at first but you need to think about te impact this will have on your children and te message that they are getting
@HeartbrokenHusband i don't know what is wrong with my phone at all i hv tried several times to respond to ur comment on my comment post but each comment i post turns out blank (into a white page). It has all erased unless i post a seperate comment. I will post about 2 or 3 comments to u b/c my phone only allows me to use a minimal amount of characters lol. 1) Your wife doesn't respect you because you are her family, she is taking advantage of the fact that you are her cousin, her flesh & blood so you can easily forgive her 4 her mistakes. Honestly: DIVORCE YOUR WIFE !!! DON'T LISTEN to anybody else! About you taking her 2 see a psychologist it's just a waste of time don't listen to d person who told u to do that. Nowadays people like to blame every stupid thing in this world on mental problems smh! Your wife is ok bro, she is just playing catch 22 with ur emotions. U hv to DIVORCE HER b/c seperation means u r still married & she will still be ur wife she will not commit any suicide b/c she has 4 kids !
asalamu alelikum brother go ahead with your plan and i will pray for you,your precious kids and wife also may Allah guide her bring her back to her senses and may Allah most high make it easy for you in this world and better in the hereafter akhi.
cheers all will be well inshaAllah
Brother ,
This is the case when you marry some one poor to help . I think she has some mental problem and it seems she might keep sleeping with other men even if she gets married to new person ..
Also it is shameful to know that a muslim mother of 4 kids sleep so openly with other man and her kids and parents are aware of this ..What good values she will put to her kids ? ..Take a divorce fast and throw her out of your life ...
Just one point to mention after reading these kind of posts .
Men cheats for pleasure with other women ..Women too cheat to enjoy and have pleasure with other men ..Then why women cry a foul when the new man after enjoying leaves her and escapes ?
I think both men and women are equal in terms of lust and enjoying physical pleasure but women act like victim every time ..I think this attitude should change ..
I am in urgent need of help, i can not wait for this post to be posted i seriously need help as I have no on to turn to in this situation.
I have no parents or siblings, my uncles wife went to my wifes house to ask her parents for her hand in marriage, my aunty claimed that they were really good people, and the lady was very pious , so I agreed to the marriage. The first few weeks everything was fine, but then a few days back my wife started complaining that her head is hurting and she feels weird I took her to the doctor and they said its just stress. Yesterday my wife collapsed on the floor and seemed like she had passed out so I called the ambulance and rushed her to the hospital. The news I got was extremely disturbing, they said that my wife is pregnant, I was left puzzled how could she be pregnant when we had not done intercourse yet???? Once she woke up I confronted her about this and she started crying really loud so I had to calm her down and take her home, I again confronted her while she was still crying and what she told me SHOCKEDD me, she said she had done zina with her bf , who she still was in contact with after out marriage and used to talk to him while I was at work. I rushed out of the house in anger and didn't say a word to her and came back a few hours later to find her asleep
I know divorce is hated in islam so I don't want to divorce her. I cant tell her to abort the child either. I haven't told anyone about this not even her parents as she told me she will kill herself if I tell her parents. I have taken a few weeks off from work because I cannot work in this type of mental state. If she repents for her mistakes then I can think about forgiving her or I don't know if I should? BUT I don't want to divorce her. But who will take care of her baby , do I have to provide for it? is it my duty even though its not my child. I don't know what my next step should be, can anyone of you nice people please guide me I'am lost I have no idea what to do or who to reach out for help. I'am desperately waiting for advice.
Brother ,
Divorce is not hated if you have valid reasons for divorce .In your case you have valid reasons for divorce and it will not be hated ..
Zina is the worst sin .Your wife meeting him even after marriage shows her character and nature .
As we see some post by brothers above above where there is hadith saying Allah will not have mercy on Cuckold husband (A husband who tolerates his wife's relation ship with other man) so are you ready to be called as cuckold and loose respect in sight of Allah ?
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.
Brother , you have right reject this kid as you are 100 % sure here .In islam you have right to call for rejection of kid and check with ulema about this pocess ..
I will suggest you to divorce her .Though we are not supposed to expose other sins but in court if you are required to tell about this then you are free to tell it ..
If you continue this marriage it will further destroy you mentally .You will not be able to focus on work ,prayers etc etc . Best solution for you is to divorce her ..Let she go from your life . BTW ,you are in which country now?
It is surpising that you don't want to divorce her even knowing all these .I think you are under false impression that your soft nature will be hailed as goodness but sorry hadiths talks against cuckold husband ..
1) Even if she says she has repented you will still doubts her ,her each mobile call ,her movement etc for years together and it will be difficult period ..Most of the time you will be suspicious about her and movement ..
2)Second case she says she has repented but in heart if she has still has some dirt ,one day again she might end up in committing zina with bf ..Are you ready to live in this kind of dirty environment ..
Overall , there is no reward for this kind of patience ...Better to divorce ...This is heights of lack of guts ...
"upset bro", count yourself fortunate that you have no children and have not even consummated the marriage yet. Divorce her. As the marriage has not been consummated, the 'iddah is not required. The divorce takes effect immediately.
It would be one thing if this was a sin done in the past, which she regrets and has repented for. But she was still in contact with the boyfriend after your marriage. That is totally unacceptable. What if she had not turned up pregnant? Would she have continued to cheat? What if she had become pregnant after you consummated the marriage? Would she have let you believe the child was yours? This woman cannot be trusted.
Send her back and tell her parents the reason. If you do not tell them, everyone will assume the child is yours. That would not be just, from a financial perspective and also because a child in Islam must know his true parentage. Ignore her emotional blackmail and threats of suicide, and the father's heart condition... these are all red herrings and not your responsibility.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It is narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.
Thank you golden, that hadith you gave me was very powerful it hit me pretty hard, im in Canada. But what if I still remain married just to please Allah and continue providing for her, would this be considered as a good deed? Her parents are of old age im not sure If I can just send her back to her parents like this what will I tell them? she is saying if I tell them she will kill herself, and if she ends up doing this wouldn't it be my fault? would I be a killer? Also now she is telling me that her dad is a heart patient so I have no clue how I can just send her back home what if her father cant take this news and goes in a coma or worse ends up dead? or what if she kills herself after something happens to her father? with all of this said would I be to blame? if she kills herself and her father has a heart attack? if so without the father who will take care of her mother? There is so much at stake here that's why I didn't want to rush in to divorce? im still feeling very lost? she has put me in such a mess.
Brother ,
Regarding your question
""But what if I still remain married just to please Allah and continue providing for her, would this be considered as a good deed""
How you will please Allah when Hadith talks in exact opposite way ? .Hadith says Allah will not have a look on day of judgement for cuckold husbands so it is not permissible to keep a adulterous wife .
Please remember you need to follow Allah's prohet (SAS) more than any one else .
Most of girls have this habit of emotionaly blackmailing or threatning by saying they will commit suicide ..Also you can't live in this state because her parents are old ...Be a real man and take firm decision ...
Overall , you will not please Allah by providing her and taking care of her parents while she continues to be adulterious ..on other hand you will be in a list of cuckold husbands ..and hadith is clear ...
Also please refer to islamqa site for answers by some qualified islamic scholars ..
Salam brother, I'm sorry to hear about the situation your in. I'm in a rush so don't have time to write a detailed response but just wanted to say that to me it seems as though she is manipulating you for her own benefit. She has committed a major sin and now that she has been caught she is putting pressure on you to hide her sin to save herself. I'm surprised you don't want to divorce her, but that's your decision. But keep in mind that her child will be a constant reminder of her sin, will you be able to deal with that? Also, how do you trust her again, most likely she will continue to keep in contact with her boyfriend especially now that she is pregnant with his child!! I think, you certainly shouldn't expose her sins to everyone but you should definitely talk to her parents and tell them what has happened. If you want the marriage to continue, you need to ensure that she is remorseful for her behaviour and is serious about discontinuing her relationship with her boyfriend and will remain loyal to you, telling her parents will help to do this. Keeping everything a secret will make it easier for her to repeat her actions and continue to manipulate you. She needs to deal with the consequences of her actions and regain your trust somehow. It might be a good idea to separate and think through things with a clear mind. Perform istikhara before making any decisions.
Yesterday my 9 years old daughter asked me questions about the tense situation in our home. Then I have to tell her litille bit about what her mother have done with me and told her that I am leaving your mother and we will live in separate houses. I cant explain what was her response. She was so sad, upset and crying. Then I hug her and tell her you will be ok. Your mother will come to see you and she will spend sometime with you. As per Canadian law we have to live separate one year before divorce is finallized but we are living in same house due to our kids. So told her that we will live togetter for one year then she was ok. My other kids two kids are older and they already know about this situation. My youngest daughter is a special child so she will never know about it.I just wanted to share this with you guys.
I know it's very difficult brother. I was divorced when my daughter was two years old. When she was young she used to ask me why we couldn't all live together again. I felt sad for her. But now she is eight years old and she is used to the situation. I discussed with her about marrying again and she has no objection. Children are resilient. As long as they are loved, they can adjust.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Well , i can understand legal formalities but don't keep her under nikah for one year .For one year if she is meeting and having sex with her boyfriend and you still being the husband islamically then you will have bad sins registered against you because of cuckold part . Divorce her and don't tolerate for one more year ...
I have involved her eldest sister who is elder than me too and who arranged this marriage for me in her house because I had no close relatives. So she was acting as my mother and sister from my side. When she asked her what happen why she did this to me. She even blamed her why she married me to this old man. She told her if you were not happy with this marriage you should have told us well before instead doing this and she also upset her by telling her why not you married your daughters to older man. So from these conversations between them I am sure now that she is not remorseful. Now I am thinking to give her divorce islamically but my question is because the process of divorce will take a year, can she live with me while she is not my wife anymore for the sake of children?
Her mother and brother also know about this matter now. They called me and cried to me to forgive her one more time. When they tried to talk to her she didnt want to even to talk to her mother about this now. They are calling repeatedly and she is not picking up even their phone call. They talk to me again and again. I have told them that I have already forgave her twice and cant forgive her anymore because it seems that she is not remorseful and in this situation I will be comiting sin if I keep her as my wife.
I have involved her eldest sister who is elder than me too and who arranged this marriage for me in her house because I had no close relatives. So she was acting as my mother and sister from my side. When she asked her what happen why she did this to me. She even blamed her why she married me to this old man. She told her if you were not happy with this marriage you should have told us well before instead doing this and she also upset her by telling her why not you married your daughters to older man. So from these conversations between them I am sure now that she is not remorseful. Now I am thinking to give her divorce islamically but my question is because the process of divorce will take a year, can she live with me while she is not my wife anymore for the sake of children?