Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to convince my Christian wife to accept Islam?

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Assalam O Alaikum,

I am Sunni Muslim from India. In the year 2008 April I married to Baptist Christian girl secretly in Mosque without informing our family members in presence of an Imam and my friends as witness and wakil according to the Islamic Law with the girl’s wish. At that time I explained her about Islam and told her the difference between Christians and Muslims and she believed at that time. And we lived separately in our houses for 6 months, due to much problems in October 2008 I brought her with me and we lived separately. We married secretly because we wanted to convince our family members and do the marriage again with their wish publicly. I went to her house and spoke with their parents and also told my family members and one of my mother’s sister know about the marriage as my mother expired in 2006 and father also left me and my mother when I am 7 Months old  and my uncles, grandmother, mother’s sister and my mother brought me up. For that reason I don’t want to hurt them so I want to convince them and bring her home that is why I kept everything secret. But unfortunately by the pressure in my wife’s home I brought her back to my house and my family members told me to leave and we lived separately. After a month I convinced my family members and once again did Nikah and Walima Publicly by calling everybody. And her parents were also accepting of our relationship.

Everything is going great until Dec’2009; unfortunately, my wife met with two Christians who converted from Islam to Christianity and I also met with them and spoke with them and they told some stories which no one will believe. I told them that they are Muslims by name and don’t know exact meaning of Islam and came back without arguing with them. From that time (previously also my wife’s mother used to force and fight with her about Christian religion why she change all those things, but she never reacted that much) after meeting with these two people she changed completely and told me that she did wrong by changing her religion and she don’t want to continue. She says that Jesus is God and Christianity is the right religion that leads to God. She also said that she doesn't find that Islam is the perfect religion and she will reach paradise if she follows it. On this issue We fought so many times and again I explained to her, but she is not at all convinced. I am getting mad and not understanding what to do? I did not allow her to go to church and I forcibly made her to stay in Islam, but I know this is completely wrong as Islam doesn’t allow us to force anyone to accept Islam. I do not understand what to do and sometimes I am getting completely out of control and scolding her and speaking non-sense with her about Christianity and her family.
Recently I came to Kuwait for Job in Nov 2010 as I have a lot of financial problems and kept my wife in her mother’s house and suddenly she told me that she is doing wrong without going to church and praying to Jesus. She requested me to allow her to go to church as for her that is very important she said. And I came to know that she is attending church, attending prayer meetings and eating non Halal (her family doesn’t eat pork). She is staying in her mother’s house and there is no other option to keep her as I said that I don’t have my parents and I can’t keep her in my Grandma, Aunts or uncle’s house. And she told that she has to do as her family is doing and eating.

Sometimes I get angry and fight with her and tell her that she has spoiled my life, betrayed as she promised to be Muslim and now she changed, can’t be perfect wife and don’t know the meaning of marriage, wife-husband relationship or religion. When I say all this she feels a lot, cries and completely gets disappointed. Afterwards, when I realize, I apologize to her and by using this types of sentences and words I am suffering a lot. But what can I do? I use these words to change her and bring her back in Islam and to accept whole heartily. I never use this words from my heart.
Actually, I love her very much and she too loves me a lot more than me actually and I know that she cannot live without me. But I am not able to understand what to do and how to make her accept Islam whole heartily? I don’t want her to accept Islam for my sake or by my force as previously she did. I want her to accept Islam and Mohammad Rasullah (pbuh) whole heartily.
For this reason only, I did not have intercourse sex relationship with my wife till now after marriage and I want her to first accept Islam and then to have children. But I told her that we will have children after we get settled in life but she is forcing me and my family also forcing me to have children quickly and nobody understands my situation. I did get intimate after she insisted but not in a way that she becomes pregnant. I don’t want my children to become confused of Islam and I want my children and wife to be as Muslim and to follow the Sunnah, Ahadees, Quran as a perfect Muslim do. Please make dua for me and for my wife to accept Islam and can lead holy life according to Mohammad Rasullah (PBUH) said.

1- Please tell me what I am doing is correct or not?
2- Should I force my wife to accept Islam?
3- Should I allow her to do as she wishes?
4- Can I have sex relationship with my wife, if she follows Christianity (which I don’t allow her to)?
What should I do please give me a solution for this to make her to accept Islam? and pray for us to Allah to change her mind and to accept Islam.
Thanking you and Allah Bless you. Waiting for you’re heartily reply.


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55 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    In the Qu'ran (2:256) Allah says what means, "There is no compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way. Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he has taken hold of a support most unfailing, which shall never give way, for God is All Hearing and Knowing. "

    You absolutely cannot force her to believe Islam. As you have seen already, insincere conversions only tend to backfire. It is for this reason precisely we advise over and over not to convert just to marry. I hope for your sake that you married her because you liked her as a person, not just for her supposed beliefs in Islam at the time. If you like her for who she is, you should be able to muster up the patience needed to accept her and where she is with her beliefs. Insha'Allah with time and Allah's guidance, the truth will become apparent for her as well.

    Since she is your wife, you are obligated to have sexual relations with her. It is her right, regardless of whether she is Christian or not. You are punishing her by withholding this, and that is wrong on your part. You also can't keep her from practicing Christianity, because even Prophet Muhammad SAWS allowed Christians to keep their observances when he had overcome such regions.

    Brother, the best thing you can do is be the best husband according to Allah as you can. Be attentive, loving and gentle. Be an example of Prophet Muhammad SAWS to her. The way to show the world what Islam is really about is to live it with humilty and love for others. Then perhaps she will start to see the beauty in Islam. It may take time, but there is already something in her heart for her to have married a Muslim to begin with. Please, be patient with her and don't give up on her. She has value as a woman and a beautiful creation of Allah, and this is how you should approach her. The more you try to "force" the issue, the more you are going to have difficulty with her being open hearted about it.

    However, I want to let you know that your children should be raised according to Islam, and she must understand and agree to this regardless of what she does personally. Insha'Allah your good treatment of her will make her accepting of this.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam Alaikum

      Thanks for your advice,it is really the best one.As one of my sister questioned me about my NIkah ?
      Please answer me whether my Nikah will be valid if she practising Christianity (Means Believing Jesus) ?

      • Ishak,

        ~ If your wife believes that Jesus is the son of God or that Jesus is son, this is shirk.

        ~ If she believes that Jesus was a man and just a Prophet/Messenger of God - this is the correct belief.

        What do you think? I personally do not believe that nikah with a woman who does shirk is valid, as the women of the Book must be chaste and be followers of the real Book, ie: Tawrat and Injeel. See this link: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/21380

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Ps, Ishak - if your wife has accepted Islam and then rejected it, this is apostacy.

          Of course we do not know all the details here so I would strongly advise you to seek out advice from a learned person/imam to find out the status and permissiblity of your marriage with this woman. We here cannot tell you whether your marriage is valid or not.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salaams brother

    I think that it is wrong of you to remain married to her as I am not sure if ur nikah is even valid.
    Firstly, you should contact a learned scholar of islam an find out for sure if your nikah is vaild as she
    has rejected the faith after your nikah.
    I understand that you love her, but you will never be happy with this woman if she openly denies
    that Allah (swt) is one God (and ONE God ALONE) and that Nabi Muhammed (saw)
    is the LAST and FINAL messenger!!
    In christianity they believe in 3 powers, the father the son and the holy ghost, ASTAGFIRULLAH.
    She is rejecting the faith even after you have explained the beauty of islam to her.
    Please brother, do not further involve yourself with this woman and her family as I fear that they
    will destroy your imaan!
    As for children, please please do not have children with her unless she accepts the faith. It will be very
    hard to bring up your children islamically if the mother is non muslim as it is the mother that is the childs guide and teacher.
    Please find out if ur nikah is valid. IF IT IS VALID, you need to do everything in your power to make her see the truth,
    but remember brother, call her to islam in a kind and gental manner! Our deen is so beautiful and soft so please do not be
    harsh with her as she will only despise our religon further!
    If your nikah IS NOT VALID, YOU need to accept this and move on!!
    May Allah make it easy for you.

    • I 100% agree with this excellent response. . . Try as much as u can to make her see and accept d truth b4 having children with her, lest ur children will not be raised up islamically with knowledge and ethics of the deen. . . . But try doing d da'awah with hikma and reduce d force u are using. . . . Try to show her d authenticity of d deen, try prooving to her that muhammad is Allahs massanger ( by explaining his miracles and his examplary way of life), try to correct the misconceptions she and her ignorant 2 friends have about islam. . And if there is any verse of the koran that seem ambigous to them, try to explain it in d light of the ahadith. . . . If there is certain info or explaination u need , u can contact us here. . . Once more, dont have children with her until see and accept the truth. .

    • Assalam alaikum Sister,

      Thanks for your advice sister,as I consulted to some scholars the answer they gave me is my Nikah is Valid because I did 2 times Nikah,first time when I married in Mosque secretly and second time when I brought her to my house.As the answer given by Amy I also think that I should give her all the rights as wife because for Wife Husband is everything,if I cant give the children then what answer should I give to Allah,but after having children then its my responsibility to make them grow up in ISLAM and to make my wife change and to bring her in ISLAM slowly.
      And according to me 'Leaving or Giving Up is not Solution","Explaining,Keeping Patience and Giving time to know the things is the best solution" .Because from childhood I have seen my mom,as my dad left me and my mom when I am 7 months Old,as my mother is very sensitive and innocent.But my mother loved my dad alot till her last breathe and even told me to call Dad when she die even he doesn't saw us and bother us.My uncle went and call him ,but he haven't came(that is the second issue).I felt My dad gave alot of suffering to my mother but she loved him a lot. For that reason I strongly tell for "Wife Husband is Everything"she will be happy with husband than children.That's I always be with her Insha Allah till my last breathe and I will keep my complete efford to change her and to bring her in Islam.Please remember me in your Duwa sister.Take care Allah Hafiz.

  3. I dated a Pakistani Muslim for two years and all it did was increase my faith in Christianity. Unfortunately, cultural Islam has a way of turning people off...as it did me. My ex tried for a long time to get me to convert and I loved him and wanted to marry him, but I couldn't do it. Fortunately, I see the beautiful side of Islam now thanks to Western born Muslims...but I will always remain a Christian. Please do not force your wife...it will only make her resent you and the Prophet is very clear that there should be no compulsion in religion.

    • ''... Fortunately i am seeing d beautiful part of islam BUT I WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A CHRISTIAN'' Hello sarah2. . . Am sorry but i want to tell u that u ve concluded so early. . . . U ve to make more research as this is a matter between u and ur creator (ALLAH/GOD). It is at d point of ur death, that's when u will know d true religion that will lead to God. But at that time it will be too late. . . It is true that there is judgement day, it is true there is hell fire and there is paradise. Dont practise a religion because u are born and raised up with it, nor practise a religion because u see u parents or friends practising it. It may be d wrong path to God. Search for d true religion that will lead u to God coz d life of this world is just a deceiving and quick passing enjoyment. If for instance u are searching on islam, u should meet those that know d religion well and will b able to impact d knowledge on u . Dont meet d shallow muslim who dont know much about d religion, it might be misleading. Also dont rely on d lies, misconceptions, mistranslations of koran and fabrication done by d media on islam. There are also some shallow muslim who misrepresent islam to d non muslim. . So my sister be careful in d course of ur research. . . . . For me, am practising islam because i know it is d only true religion of God and not because am born a muslim or my parents are muslims. So my sister, i will urge u to do the same because God created u not except because u should serve/worship Him .. God does not need anything from u nor does he require that u should feed Him.. . So my sister find d true way to God b4 d angel of death visit u. For it will be too late by then. . . Just image d fire of this world, when there is a fire out brake in an industry or a house. Can u dear enter into d burning fire for even seconds?? I know d answer will be capital NO because u will burn to ashes and beside u cant even witstand d pains. . . The fire of hell in the after life is 70 times the fire of this world. . Think about it my sister!!!

      • Thank you Mohd, but everything you stated above is also in Christianity. We have a Day of Judgment, we have a lake of fire, and we have the belief that Christianity is the true path. I don't practice my faith because I was born to it, I practice it because I believe it. The only reason I learned about Islam was my ex-boyfriend and some friends,and I respect other belief systems. However, Islam is not my path, Christianity is. I appreciate your efforts in reaching out, I know it was meant kindly.

        • hi sarah, i will brief very quickly as possible, thank you for your time. we muslims love jesus ( isa PBUH) and we have to say peace on him everytime we hear his name just like Mohammed or any other prophet. and we do believe in the book of Jesus by 100%, that is the original book of gospel not the new testimony, but the book of god revealed to us by jesus pbuh not written by someone called St.Paul. St.Paul was the main developer of Christian theology, its principal proselytizer, and the author of a large portion of the New Testament, NOT JESUS (Isa PBUH) THEREFORE NOT GOD! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FACT, he was not the chosen one nor he had any miraculous powers like jesus. thats why I dont believe Christianity. But Quran is pure as it was revealed to the prophet and it still holds all the secrets of world true even in this technically advanced world! there is not even a word is proved wrong.

          more over, i will show you the proof of mohammed PBUH in you very book
          Jesus (peace be upon him) said in John 16 : 7-14 (King James version of the Bible):
          " Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is to your advantage that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. And when he is come, he will reprove (convict) the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment... I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. When he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will declare to you things to come. He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall declare it unto you and shall shew it unto you."
          We, Muslims, believe this "Comforter", that Jesus mentioned in the verses above, is Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him).
          The main point of difference between Muslims and the majority of today's Christians is that Christians believe in the Trinity and that Jesus is God.
          However, the Bible refutes the Trinity. The Bible says:
          " God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? " (Numbers 23:19)

          " I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man— the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath." (Hosea 11:9)

          please understand and do the research yourself, we love Jesus and respect his book and we believe is Christianity till the bible had its purity, till it was the true words of god. May truth show its light and bring light and peace in your heart.

          You should be very lucky to have muslim husband and to know islam so well. but at the same time if you show a blind eye when the truth is right in front of you, you will be punished more, may God forbid and show you the right path, inshallah.

          Dont worry about anyone in the world and no muslims as any right to force anything on you, God as given as powerful brains and you have enough time to see whats true and wrong, so take your time and go through both the books, thats what allah as always said! and very important knowledge is farleh, meaning wearing a cap or keeping a beard which are sunna comes after knowledge and illem literacy for urself! not the knowledge for ur career! so look into science and Quran. inshallah you will be a great lady to see your kids coming home on time and have dinner on the same table, unlike other kids who comes home late and are abused to drugs! islam will give you a real peaceful and an happy family always, like you see in this month of ramadan, no real muslim family in the world tat follow fasting can ever go wrong. Isn't that beautiful? Isnt that enough for a mother to follow islamic rules? how can islam be false now?

          hope this comment reaches you and helps atleast even a bit in clearing your problem in this life as well as for the next! bye :)

      • " U ve to make more research as this is a matter between u and ur creator (ALLAH/GOD)"

        DO NOT REFER TO OUR GOD AS ALLAH

        THAT IS NOT THE CHRISTIAN GOD

        • JJB,

          That really is a matter of opinion.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • JJB, you are quite incorrect about this. "Allah" is simply the Arabic word for God. In Arabic translations of the Christian Bible, the word "God" is rendered as Allah; that is also how Arab Christians refer to God colloquially and in their prayers. Even Arabic-speaking Jews refer to God as Allah!

          And in German-speaking countries, people refer to God as Gott. Do you believe they are not worshipping "your" God either, because they're not using the English word?

          Sigh. I truly believe prejudices would be greatly diminished in this world if people took the time to educate themselves on the "facts" they think they know. And the world would also be a much more pleasant place if people thought before they spoke, or better yet, used Google :-)

    • Dear Sarah,

      I am not telling to my wife to leave Jesus(PBUH),I am telling her to believe Jesus(PBUH) as the Muslims believe.According to the Bible (Old Testiment) Out of the 'thousands' of prophecies referred to, can you please give me just one single prophecy where Jesus is mentioned by name? The term 'Messiah', translated as 'C hrist', is not a name but a title. Is there a single Prophecy where it says that the name of the Messiah will be JESUS, and that his mother's name will be MARY, that his supposed father will be JOSEPH THE CARPENTER; that he will be born in the reign of HEROD THE KING, etc. etc.? No! There are no su ch details! Then how can you conclude that those 'thousand' Prophecies refer to Jesus (Peace be upon him)?"
      According to Bible they are some verses should be understand perfectly.
      Please reference the Book of Numbers, chapter 23, verses 19 and 20
      Deuteronomy, chapter 18, verse 18 and many more are there if you need I am ready to give.

      Please Sarah choose the correct path because Time is very near to us,if once gone it will never return.
      Allah has given us the knowledge to find the correct path.By argue and disagree we will be the loser.

  4. Thank u for responding. . . I was not preaching islam for u. I only told u to search for d true religion irrespective of d one u are practicing, and i only site an instance by using islam in the course of ur searching. . I know Most of the heavenly religions (judaism, christianity, islam, etc) beleive in judgement day, hell fire and paradise but u know not all these religions leads to God. Among them there is only one true religion that will lead u to God. U ve to search for that religion for u to be served from the terror of that day (judgement day) and also from the torment of the fire of hell.. For evil and painful it (hell fire) is as an abode to dwell therein.. According to may research, all these heavenly religions have one common source but along the way, they parted and all became misleading except one. . . The jews believe in what was sent to moses and they also took uzair (ezra) to be the son of god. But they did'nt beleive in ur own god (jesus) and that's why they killed ur god ( according to d christians). However d christian believe in prophet moses and the prophet after him (except muhammad SAW) as jesus said he did'nt come to destroy law and d prophet but to fulfil "mattew5:17-19". But where controversy lies is by claiming that jesus is God incarnate which goes againt john20-17 where jesus said he is ascending his father and ur (mary nd d jews) father, to my GOD AND YOUR (marry and d jews) GOD. . . In clear terms, the God of marry and d rest of d jews is also the God of jesus christ. Also jesus said my father is greater than i "john14:28" also jesus said he can do noting of his 'john 5:30' meaning he is doing everything by d power of God.. Just to mention a few. . . . . . . . . . . . Also d christians told me he is d only begotten son of God and they qout john3:16. But when am perousing trough d bible i saw another begotten son which is david "psalms 2:7" also God has many son as shown in matt:5-9, roman8-14, luke3-38, jeremiah31-9, exodus 4-21. . . Also when reading d new testement, i came across a place where 2 writers (mark nd luke) are relating the same event "crusifiction of jesus" whilst mark15-39 reported that centorian said jesus was d son of God, luke23:47 reported that d centorian said jesus was a rightous man. So d 2 writers reporting d same event are using 2 different words synonymously. Ie SON OF GOD= RIGHTOUS MAN. I came to d conclusion that son of God does'nt literarily means God has got children like we humans do but metaphorically means righous person. . . . . . . . . . How ever coming to islam, muslims believe in the concept of one true God and submiting to his will. Also muslims believe in all d prophets including muhammad. Also they beleive in jesus as d massiah, prophet, massanger and a servant/slave of GOD (as they beleive in all d prophet). U can also find some evidence in d bible claiming jesus to b prophet nd massanger of god. John6:14, matt21:46, luke24:19. . . . . . . . . If u wanna know more, i will try my best. May God guide u in d course of ur research. .

    • Let's not engage in a debate here about Christianity and the Bible, as this is beside the point. Sarah believes what she believes, and her beliefs are not relevant to your original question.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thank you Wael, I am not about to debate theology on this website out of respect for what you and the other moderators try to do.

        Ishak, I understand your dilemma, but you married a Christian woman knowing fully what her faith was. I don't think you realize that trying to force someone to believe another way is counter-productive and will cause much resentment. However, I come from an extremely mutli-cultural city where everyone believes the way they believe and coexist pretty peacefully. I live across the street from a Mosque even. Word of advice: I know Muslims revere Jesus as a Prophet, but when you tell a Christian they are wrong for their own personal belief in Jesus as Divinity, you are insulting them. My ex-boyfriend insulted me after he told me how uneducated I sounded in my beliefs. The irony was, he had never read the Quran or Bible and only regurgatated what he was taught culturally. I let the insult go and didn't fight back because I realized that the real handicap was his inability to see other sides when it came to religion. Ishak, if you love your wife, be an example rather than trying to force her to convert...as that kind of conversion would not be honorable anyway. I've never understood why when a person has converted openly, but not in their heart, it makes them a Muslim. Just because someone goes through the motions, doesn't mean they believe it. I would assume you'd want a wife that believes it, right?

  5. There is no debate here brother wael, its still part of learning

  6. Ishak,

    I agree with Sarah. You can't force your wife into what she simply can't grasp or believe in. I myself am married to a sunni muslim and he continues to shove the religion and the "scarf" down my throat!! When he met me, I wasn't practicing anything and I was happy with my life. I have changed some things such as dressing modestly but I don't believe wearing a scarf draped all around me makes me a better person!

    Before we married and confessed love to each other he told me I had to cover my hair. I said no and I would never do it. He didn't talk about converting to islam yet, just covering my hair. We met on a social website and I never met him in person. I talked to him over the course of a year before we met and married. Over and over he tried to convince me to convert and I kept saying no because I just can't agree with what it states in the quran. Now I am not saying anything bad about the quran, or the religion but when you can't blindly follow or believe it's not going to work.

    I love my husband whole heartedly, with all my being and all that I am. He is my soul mate and I can't see living without him, but I can't and won't be forced into something I am not. I pray, I am learning arabic and memorizing some of the quran, I even fast and dress modestly, but covering my hair is not an option. I am very faithful to him so he doesn't have to worry I will stray, but all that I have done isn't good enough and will never be good enough! As sad as I am to say, my husband and I probably will never work. He is forcing me as you are forcing your wife and it will never work. You married her knowing what she beleived and he married me knowing I would not cover my hair. If you truly love her make it work, and if not and you can't live with her unless she fully converts then it is better to part ways.

    I just spent many weeks with my husband, now to some that would be very exciting but for me it was very depressing and misserable becuase of his continually pushing to wear a scarf. I hope that you and your wife come to some sort of compromise and live together in peace. Inshaallah everything will turn out for the better. Good luck to you and your wife.

    • Sorry to hear this Brooke. Yes, when one person constantly tries to change another, it is a recipe for disaster. That is why my ex married someone else. (besides family pushing him to marry a cousin). We could both foresee that marriage would be nothing but problems. Good luck to you!

  7. Hello,

    I just recently found this website and have been trying for a few months to find some answers.

    (The rest of your comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  8. Salamu alaikum. . Am very much intrested in giving u my own advice on ur delima, but i will do that as soon as am free from what am doing. . . It is very easy to tackle since u ve done d greatest part of d jihad ( converting him)

  9. Salamu alaikum once more. . . . . . '"why is there several religion b4 islam was presented by Allah'". Well 1st of all sister, this is not true. The religion with Allah right from creation is islam. Adam d 1st human on earth was muslim because he submited to d will and plan of Allah. Nuh was a muslim because to b muslim means to surrender and submit to the will of the creator- Allah. Abraham was neither a jew nor was he a christian but he was a true muslim hanif. And another thing u must know is d advent of d modern day christianity came after d life time of jesus. . Moses and harun and all d prophet brought pure monotheism (islam) to there people but after there deperture the jews changed d book of Allah given to moses (torah) to gain with it some miserable price, they also diviated from true teachings of moses and d prophet. . A similar thing happened when Allah sent jesus with d pure monotheism (islam) and gave him d book (gospel). The jews treatened to kill him as they killed some of d other prophet of Allah. But Allah saved him and took him up to d nearest heaven and his (jesus) image was put to someone else and they (jews) blindly and ignorantly crucified that other person thinking it was him (jesus) but they later realised d mistake they have done. Then after his (jesus) deperture, thesame thing that was done to torah was equally done to d original gospel given to jesus., and 2ndly some of d (christians- followers of christ) differed and wrongfully ascribe divinity to him, which was against what he tought and also what his deciples and others that are true to him follow.. . This was how mordern christianity originated. It was not d religion of d prophet because it came after they deperted. And also jesus came after most of d prophet came to there people and deperted. After all these, Allah sent muhammad(SAW) to come and bring d original religion of God (islam) which was originally brought by all d prophet starting with adam (AS). . . . . . . . . . Now coming to ur husband sister, ur husband is just new to the system and it will take a little time for him to get adjusted to it. Think about this, he's already us to his social wag life for many years b4 meeting u. Hes already indoctrinated with that and u know it took d grace of God for him to leave such life and embrace islam which is full of ethics and principles. . . However, u should'nt relent in councelling and engaging/pressurising him in the deen affairs no matter how frustrated he will be. . . . I must confess that u ve really perfomed a great jihad for this man converting and only Allah knows how he will reward u. There is noting to fear about, u only served as a catalyst in bringing him to islam (only Allah guides whom he wills) and also u are only serving as a stimulus in stimulating him to perform his religion duties and Allah will reward u for that.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "'he wonders why bad thing happen to good people and children killed in wars or get sick'" well there is a verse in d quran (which i cant recally d surah now) which says 'and what ever good befalls u is from Allah and what ever evil befalls u is as a result of d evil done by u''. so if a evil befall on good people, they should checkout there deeds. . . . . . And secondly, Allah do test his creatures to see there level of iman

    • Just to continue, ALIF LAM MEEM., DO PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY WILL BE LEFT ALONE BECAUSE THEY SAY 'WE BELIEVE' AND WILL NOT BE TESTED? (Suratul ankabut). Allah do test some people with hunger (to see if they will repent and turn to Allah), some with illness, lost of wealth and properties etc. Allah will do all these to see if u will deviate from his path or whether u will turn to him. . . Me and u are lucky sister, Allah has given us health, wealth and comfort. But sister Allah is testing us another way, to see whether we are going to misuse d wealth and comfort in the haram way or not, to see whether we a going to use our health and strenght in d right way or we will us it in disobeying Allah. . U will see some people and u thing them to be pious, but u will never know that is just because they dont have d oppurtunity to do sinful act otherwise they would ve done worst. eg u will see someone not commiting zina, doesnt us to involve him self with women and u will thing is a poius man. But u would'nt know he is an impotent and he doesnt ve the oppurtunity to do it and that's why he is not doing it. . . . . It also happerned during d life time of musa (AS), when he was walking with his schoolar (AL KHIDR) (read suratul kahf from verse 60 downward and also read d commentary and tafsir of the verses) or read sahih Al-bukhari, vol. 6, hadith no. 249,) when Alkhidr so an innocent boy and then he went upto him and killed him. And musa asked him why did he commited such an atrocity, he said 'ur lord has gave me d knowledge that if that boy grows up and attain full strenght, he will spread grate mischief in d land and he will be d one that will kill his parents. So ur lord intend to change d child with another one for d parents'. . . . . . . U see d favour of Allah, d child died while still a kid and has gone to paradise (coz he has no account for good or bad deed while still in kid) and also God has given the parents another good child that will not be responsible for there death at his maturity. . . . Am not trying to justify d death of every child, but u can as well reason it true this way

    • '"i just wish that he believed that it was d right thing to do in his heart. . .'" '" would his action as a muslim be rejected since he lacks fate'" well sister, actions are judged by Allah according to intention. For his deeds to be accepted, he has to do it for the sake of Allah alone and he can not do anything for d sake of Allah until and unless he has faith in ALLAH. . . . But as i said earlier, u should'nt assume that he doesnt ve complete faith in Allah since he has openly declared d shahada, he prays, fast and does what islam says. U should always assume that he has law iman since he is just into d religion and it will take little time for him to adjust into d system there by increasing his imaan. And for this to work, u ve to keep on praying to Allah and by doing ur own effort in coaching and pressurising him to do d right thing, But do that with hikmah(wisdom) and beautifully so that he would'nt feel irritated or disgust with ur effort. . . . . . Do ur best to show him d authenticity of d deen, do ur best to show him the grateness, mercies and the existance of Allah (stw), tell him more about d prophet (SAW), his way of life, his miraclous prooves of beign a massanger of Allah, the miracles of d quran, stories of d prophet etc. If u need any info on these, u can easily contact us. . . . . . . . Also as u suggested, if u can make him talk with some of d sincere reverts and how they found islam i think it will help a long way. But nontheless, u should also link him up with some religious persons that will coach, guide and be there for him as friends and family all d time. . . . . . . . . . . Finally, ur marriage is valid, just try as much as u can to work it out so that ur children will grow up in a very healthy and religous home and leave within d ethics of islam. . . . . . . . WASSALAMU ALAIKUM WARAHMATULLAH WA BARAKATU

      • Salaam Mohd,

        Ahl Al Kitaab are we Muslims, People of the Book not the Jews and Christians of today.

        Zaalikal Kitaabu la rayba fiih - second ayat of second Surah.

        Which Kitaab is that? To whom it is given?

        You check up every single ayat of the Qur'an of Ahl Kitaab, you will find it for a surety matching Muslims and beyond any doubt having no match with the Jews and Christians.

        The Qur'an is until Qiyamah, so we cannot say ayat of Ahl Kitaab refers to Jews and Christians of the Prophet's time and not today's time.

        You can take up this task/ challenge, see the ayaats reffering to Ahl Al Kitaab, it suits those among us who have been given the Book of Allah.

        For example:

        Surah Al Imraan:

        113. They are not all alike. Of the People of the Scripture there is a staunch community who recite the revelations of Allah in the night, falling prostrate (before Him).
        114. They believe in Allah and the Last Day, and enjoin right conduct and forbid indecency, and vie one with another in good works. They are of the righteous.
        115. And whatever good they do, they will not be denied the meed thereof. Allah is Aware of those who ward off (evil).

        Now tell me, in night time magrib, isha and fajr before sunset, which community recites revelations of Allah and bows down? People of the Kitaab Allah or people of Old Testment or Bible?

        Who believes in Allah (His Words) and Last day and enjoins right and forbids indecency and vies with one another in good works? Who do islaah?

        People of the Book of Allah or Jews and Christians?

        It is a complete misinterpretation and mistranslation of Qur'ani ayaats by calling " Ahl Al Kitab" as Jews and Christians.

        Moreso, it is not Ahl Al Kutub, people of Books, it is Ahl Al Kitaab, because Kitaab Allah is one at all times.

        Moreso Jews and Christians read different books, the Jews believe in their set of books without the New Testament and the Christians believe Old as well as new and join it to make a Bible, so in no way " Ahl Al Kitaab" refers to people of diverse books.

        Ahl Al Kitaab are we upon whom is the duty to expound to mankind the Book of Allah.

        187. And when Allah laid a charge on those who had received the Scripture: Ye are to expound it to mankind and not to hide it. But they flung it behind their backs and bought thereby a little gain. Verily evil is that which they have gained thereby.

        Hope insha Allah with a deep study of Qur'an Allah will lead you to the Truth of the matter as it is.

        Salaam,
        Munib.

  10. Thats y i always tell people
    To marry people from their own"religion n community"

    • Why can we not marry from outside our own community? Do not issue restrictions on something that Islam has made clearly very halaal.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • salam

        Well but there is restriction on religion
        I have told 2 thing "religion n community"

        • @ sister z. . . . . . If i can recall one of ur responses to the previouce posts, u said u dont beleive d present christians to be d AHLIL KITAB the quran is refering to. . . Doesnt this sound contradictory

          • Brother, I was referring to Bahjah's comment:

            "Thats y i always tell people, To marry people from their own"religion n community"

            Islam does not prohibit us from marrying outside our communities. But yes, it prohibits us from marrying Non-Believers.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Brother im sorry 2 ask but
    Your wife a christian , so does she consume pork

      • JJB, what are you doing here? One expects the occasional Christian to come to this site with the honest intention of trying to evangelize, but it is clear you have come only to hurl insults. To what end? Is your behavior in accordance with Christian teachings? (Hint: it is not.) Do you think your mean and vindictive words portray Christians or Christianity very well to the readers here?

  12. My dear friend-God was before time-He is not the God of the Islamics, the Jews, the Christians, he is God! Ellal (Hebrew) or Allah (Islam), God is God. I am Christian, but many of the Isamic ways are actually that of ancient Jewish, which we Christians also derive from. Jesus was to show the way to God, & he did not sin. Mohammed brought God's way to the Arabic people, & Islam & Christianity have been friends from the beginning of time. Do you truly love her? Paul said, in the New testament, ask God's blessing over the food, & it will not harm you. Even Mohammed stated to eat Halal-but if u cannot, Allah allows his people to eat. For her to respect her family by eating what is before her IN THEIR HOME is her duty. And for her to follow your ways as possible IN YOUR HOME is her duty. I personally believe it is possible to learn the best things of Islam & the best things of Christian & find a middle ground. I rarely take any alcohol, & then only a v small amount ( never more than a single 1/2 serve) & only if i will offend my hosts if i do not, or as medicine. I never serve it if i entertain. I do not eat pork, & avoid mixing meat & dairy. I try to eat very healthy food. To pray 5x/day is actually the ancient Jewish way. To dress modestly is essential. Do you truly love her? Love is very patient & kind. The way will not be easy, but if you truly love her, God will find a way for you to learn & respect each culture for the beautiful thing it is..for example, we may meet an old male school friend, but we will NOT take him home! It is friendship like a brother! God is good all the time, & He loves you both very much. Pray, & He will show you the way!

  13. As to hair covering-if I was around Islamic people, I would cover my hair & respect their feelings. If I was around MY friends, I would not! They would think I was dying it or something! However I would never "sex-up" my look or dress immodestly, this is the Christian way, also respecting of their culture..maybe a compromise with a beret or cap :) but I do not know if I could live in an Islamic culture away from the sun, the sun cheers me up! They say to get enough Vitamin D for wellbeing, you need 1/2 the amount it takes to get sunburnt-15m of midday sun, or 30 m before 11/after 2-so many Islamic women suffer from depression due to lack of Vitamin D& what is with 'women may go to the mosque at night?! so only the men may enjoy the sun?! In a hot desert, this would make sense & preserve women's complexion, but in the city in winter, it would feel rather like prison..!

    • As I said before, I don't know where you got this nonsense about Muslim women not going out during the daytime. Go to any Muslim country - or for that matter London, New York or Vancouver - and you will find the streets full of Muslim women during the day, shopping, buying groceries, going to school, going to work, and every other activity that people do.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Cassie,

      I have been in an islamic country and many women go out during the day. They are out at all times of the day. As for the "scarf" I am not a fan. My husband knows it... I love the sun! I do dress modestly but do not feel wearing a scarf will make me more pious, nor do I feel it's fard. I have looked for a concrete punishment for not wearing it but have found none. Women say they "choose" to wear it, but they should also have the choice not to wear it. Many say they aren't forced to wear hijab or scarves, and if they want to wear it I'm happy for them, but the "scarf" is being forced on me and I'm not happy, rather I am depressed and being opressed.

      I am awaiting my own advice on a question I have posted and hope I get some answers soon as I am growing tired of life altogether.

  14. Look im not judging any one
    but the chritian have their book called the bible , like we muslim have quran

    But i heard it somewhere that torah & bible
    Both book of allah before islam were fabricated n allahtalah told that he will protect the quran from not being fabricating like his previous revelation had

    N we muslim believe in all prophets from adamalaysalam till our beloved prophet(pbuh)

    But here its starts contradicting jews believe only in tohrah n mossa alay salam

    N christian believe in trinity n that jesus was a son of god(astagfirullah)

    Although there r similarity betn the three abrahmic faith but there r contradicition as well , so we see long fight betn abrahmic faiths

    Comin 2 point people belong 2 christianity n islam i respect that u apprieciate n should appriectiate each other religion

    But at a huge scale chritianity n islam r poles apart from each other.

  15. Author i will add something u have been married 2 people of the book thats good
    Now u wanna convert here , that good also
    But y will she convert , u cannot say here that she is married 2 a muslim so she shld become a muslim
    It will be like just for namesake "hum kehta hain an ki yaar sirf naam ka musalman hain"

    Offcourse u dnt want that the best thing is that will she respect her bible u should also tell her 2 respect our quran

    There r plenty of site where u can download quran in any translation n u can give here that i guess best will be hindi

    She can listen n learn about islam , n after that let her decide which religion she should follow
    Hopefull it is the best option u have

  16. i just remember on more thing that
    A muslim is not a muslim until he believes in jesus christ(pbuh)
    But we belive him as a prophet not as a son of god

  17. If this was so important to you, I ask you the question? Was there not a single Muslim girl out of 1 billion plus who you couldn't find instead of creating unrealistic expectations with your wife, and trying to impose your beliefs on her now?

    • Well brother a very nice point indeed u made
      But what has happened has happened n the girl also married this guy she was not forced

      So i dnt believe that love is the problem ova here
      The problem over here is one person imposing his religion on another

      • I wouldn't be so forgiving. Clearly religion wasn't that big of a motive in this case, as it is with a lot of guys (and specifically males tend to get away with this) who chase non-Muslim women, then claim to come back to Islam. So maybe this should be a point of reflection for the OP if this is a valid concern in his life.

        • I agree with you Normal poster,

          My husband came after me knowing I didn't practice any religion. He is a sunni muslim as I stated in an earlier comment. I loved him as he was and for who he was and he told me the same but then "imposed" the religion on me again and again. He made it a condition for me to be with him that I convert. He found me and "loved" me and came after me, then he puts me down and tries to say he's a good muslim and back to allah... Let me tell you something.

          I don't live with him full time, we are waiting for a visa for him. That aside the time I spent with him he didn't pray.... I did. I would lightly ask him or remind him and he would get angry with me. He brought me into islam with no knowledge and he doesn't help me understand or see the beauty in it. So I am lost and really misserable.

          • @brooke
            If u want 2 know about islam the best way is from quran n hadith
            Offcourse u might not know arabic
            But u can take a quran with translation or download quran in mp3 format with the language which suits u the best

          • @brook. . . . . . . Pls Sister, dont look at ur life as being miserable. . . Though ur husband has done wrong for him bringing u into d religion and at d same time not teaching u d religion.. . . U shld'nt rue over d fact dat u recieved islam under a condition imposed on u "as u put it". . . . . . . . .. . . The best thing to do is to seek for d knowledge u want. It is easy, just get a copy of d koran, books of d hadiths, get a qualified muslim schooler, get to make good muslim friends, always mingle ur self with good people and discuss more on religion issues,, also shear ur problems with us here in dis site so dat we can all respond to ur problems. . . . . U shld learn and research as quick as possible so dat u can settle ur mind and practise dis religion whole heartedly. . . . . Brooke i know ur husband loves and cares for u far far more than d way u love him..., and is why he makes it conditional for u to accept d religion. He doesnt want u to be in hell fire in d after life. he want both of u to shear and enjoy d pleasure of dis life, and also to shear and enjoy the eternal pleasure of d after life in jannah (ie paradise). . . . . . . . U know sister, there is going to be consequences for all these prayers, fasting, dressing modestly etc that u are doing. . . . . There is one day (judgement day) that u will reap wath u have sown. U are going to be purnished for ur bad deeds and also be rewarded for ur good deeds. . . . Nobody (including ur husband) on that day will take ur borden. So dont look at ur self as being conditioned to accept d religion and dont d practice d religion coz ur husband asked u, practise d religion for d sake of Allah/GOD only . . . . . Sister, u really sound responsible and i really love u, that's why am telling u this. . . . . Think about this, when u die and meet ur lord DO U think u will ve d guts to say all this.

  18. Salaam Brother Ishak,

    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said by his mouth the Book of Allah to people and according to his sayings of Allah's Words, insha Allah I can answer you as below:

    1- Please tell me what I am doing is correct or not?

    Ans. What you did and are still doing is not allowing you to achieve peace (salaam) in your life as well as hers. So stop and think.

    2- Should I force my wife to accept Islam?

    Ans. No. Would you like if she forces you to accept Christian religion?

    3- Should I allow her to do as she wishes?

    Ans. If you believe in the Aayats of Allah and are a person who does Islaah (changes his past ways and reforms by doing correct deeds) then as per Surah Mumtahana ayat 10, "10. O ye who believe! When believing women come unto you as fugitives, examine them. Allah is best aware of their faith. Then, if ye know them for true believers, send them not back unto the disbelievers. They are not lawful for the disbelievers, nor are the disbelievers lawful for them. And give the disbelievers that which they have spent (upon them). And it is no sin for you to marry such women when ye have given them their dues. And hold not to the ties of disbelieving women; and ask for that which ye have spent; and let the disbelievers ask for that which they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah. He judgeth between you. Allah is Knower, Wise.

    4- Can I have sex relationship with my wife, if she follows Christianity (which I don’t allow her to)?

    Ans. As Allah said, hold not on to the ties of disbelieving women. She is openly disbelieving and rejecting Islam, the Judgment of Allah.

    What should I do please give me a solution for this to make her to accept Islam?

    Ans. Allah is aware of the sincere hearts, of those who seek guidance to Truth and better way all their lives. Why should He guide those who do not wish to be guided by Allah?

    Allah says in Surah Al An'am:
    125. And whomsoever it is Allah's will to guide, He expandeth his bosom unto Al Islam, and whomsoever it is His will to send astray, He maketh his bosom close and narrow as if he were engaged in sheer ascent. Thus Allah layeth ignominy upon those who believe not.
    126. This is the path of thy Lord, a straight path. We have detailed Our revelations for a people who take heed.

    Salaam,
    Munib.

  19. @ishak

    As i told in my previous comment to download quran well here is the site n download is free u dnt even need 2 register also

    http://Www.quranurdu.com

    Here many scholar have contributed 2 translate quran in hindi , u can google about the scholars n download their tranlation of quran

    Caution"this translation doesnt mean that it might be 100% correct"
    But if u may find anything like this u can consult with the imam about it

    As it is in mp3 format u can play it on ipod,mobile , other source .

    U can play it n inshallah this will allow u n your wife 2 come close to islam

  20. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

    Peace be upon u

    in the name of Allah, the most Gracious and most Merciful.

    Brother,

    I also have doubts about the validity of your marriage with this woman. However, i am here to share something with you. I too, had the same problem. I fell in love with a woman back in college a few years back. I just knew that she was the one for me. Meant to be so to say. Problem was, she is a buddhist. As a muslim, i cannot marry her. at first, (young and still immatured) i pushed her to convert to Islam. this went all wrong. She left 5 months later because she cannot accept Islam. i was devastated. however, a friend approached me and reminded me that Islam never came by the sword. it was all lies. islam came by word. Hence i tried a different approach. i showed her the truth. If ur wife wants the truth Ishak, she will be able to find it. Hidayah must be seek. this might help http://www.rubaqewar.com/islam/index.html. today, i am married with her. she is a muslim now. a strong believer. we pursued our studies in the United States before getting married after she converted for 3 years. now, we live happily. :)

    insyaallah everything would go well between u two. HAVE FAITH.

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