Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife left me, how can I save my marriage?

woman leaving %photo

"Abandoned by my wife."

As-salamu alaykum.

My question is about my wife, but let me explain you the background of my situation.

We married about 8 years ago and have one son who is MashaAllah 7 years old now. I am working in UAE and I am basically from Pakistan. She has some serious issues with my family and most of them are correct and I know she is right but I cannot do anything. I always tell her we are happy in our lives so why to discuss them. She has also some issue with me about my commitments as I cannot fulfill them. Also I have never told her how much money I am getting from my job as she is very careless about spending money and I wanted to save for bad time. I am not financially sound (which is also a problem for her) and got help from my parents a couple of bad time.

Now, I am suffering from serious financial problems and to some extent I know I will be jailed here due to the financial problems. Some of my cheques are bounced and case is with the police and they have held my passport and I am jobless but still able to manage enough money to support my family working as freelancer.

My wife left me 3 weeks earlier saying she don't want to live with me as I am a liar (about money) and she do not want our son to see that his father is going to jail also she told me that now she don’t love me and had no respect for me as I cannot give her basic needs. I told this time is temporary and our good time will come soon but she doesn’t want to listen.

I love her a lot and still supporting her and my son while she is living with her sister here and will do that. I told her to go back to Pakistan and I will ask my family to support you till I get back, but she don’t want to go back and looking for a job here. She told me she will not go back as she has some genuine issues with my family. I even told her to stay at her parent home and you will get support there but she doesn’t want to go back.

I don't know what will be my future, I have requested my family to support me most of time but now I feel shame to ask their help. She is now asking for divorce after discussing the problem with her family. I met her to find a solution but it was useless as her sister was there and she told me that they have discussed the matter and wants me to divorce her. I don't want to divorce her; I love her and don't want to give divorce, even I am ready that she can stay at her sister home and do job till the matter is resolved and but she told me she want a divorce and that’s it, now its been 2 week she is not talking to me or meeting me to discuss anything. The last message I got from her on my mobile that its over between us.

I am meeting my son whenever I get a chance and my wife had no problem in that she let him go with me but I am feeling he is don't have any affection while he is with me. He even blamed me for all this; I don't know what she is telling him about me.

Can you please guide me if she is right for asking divorce? If not, what should I do to save our marriage?

- lillah


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5 Responses »

  1. Dear brother,

    I am sorry to hear this news. May Allah (SWT) help you and your family, and if there is destiny in your marriage that it may overcome these problems. First and foremost, you should always pray salatul Istikara for a solution to any problem, as Allah (SWT) gives the best advice.

    Brother, it seems you are caught in between your family and your wife a bit. If you wife is right in conflict with your family, and you do not hear her out, it opens more problems to be exaggerated. What did you do about the problems between your family and her? Did you just ignore the problems? Maybe she is feeling tired of having to keep quiet. This happens often, the wife will keep quiet to save her marriage and family at the expense of being burdened by her in-laws.

    And, though you may be in financial trouble, but it seems that it is deep if the police have to get involved. And this is a re-occuring problem. This puts stress upon your family, have you been able to actively search for a job? Many places in UAE have high standards of living, and the costs of living their are outrageous.

    You need time to settle out your problems. You need to be financially sound, and you need to focus on this aspect of your life. You need to cut your expenses to keep yourself at-par to live comfortably. I do not know your occupation or your salary, but you sound at least middle-class. I know being of Desi origin, several places in UAE prefer European and American employees often. Maybe you need to look for a job elsewhere, where it is much more comfortable to your standards and the costs of living aren't so high.. and someplace where family will not be affect your marriage life as it has.

    I hope my humble advice helps you.

    Your sister,

    Anonymous

  2. Brother, I don't have specific suggestions for you on how to solve the problem, I'm sorry. I only want to say that it's obvious that you are struggling and in pain. I know how difficult and worrisome it is to be in your position. My heart goes out to you and I want you to know that I will include you in my dua'.

    Don't despair. It could be that your problem is temporary, and that Allah will open for you the gates of rizq (provisions and wealth). Maybe the rift with your wife can be healed with time and understanding. Don't give up. Keep on praying to Allah and ask Him for the solutions to your problems. Ask Allah for guidance, and trust in Him. He will help you find a way.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. salam,
    I'm sorry that you have to go through all this pain, I feel you, because one day I was in your position.
    Nevertheless, you can turn all this around, if you want. On your financial problems, you need to seek help asap,from family, friends, whomever you know, you need to tell them about your situation, and whats at stake (jail!), don't be ashamed about that, everyone gets in trouble in their lifetime. You need to contact your creditors( the ones that you wrote checks to) and plead with them, explain your situation, work out a deal maybe to pay them in installment payments, ask them to drop the charges, you do whatever it takes (legally) not to go to jail.
    About your wife, her reaction, to ask for divorce, is very normal and natural. She is trying to protect herself and your son from all this. One of the most important things that wives want from their husbands, is to provide them with a sense of security, protection( from all elements;money...). So, don't divorce her just yet, instead give her time and space, explain to her that you are working hard to get everything in order, visit with your son regurarly don't push her to come back yet, work hard to turn your life around first and formost, and inshallah she will come around. I will keep you in my prayers

  4. SALAMO ALIKOM WARAHMATO ALAHI WA BARAKATOH
    BROTHER I REALLY FEEL SORRY 4 U, I THINK THAT THIS IS A VERY BAD TURNADO BUT DONT WORRY THE WIND (WEATHER) WILL SETTLE INSHAALAH, JUST PRAY TO GOD AND MAKE DUA. AND ASK HELP FROM UR FAMILY. THIS IS WHATS FAMILLY FOR. DONT BE ASHAMED TO ASK 4 HELPEVEN IF THIS IS THE THOUSAND TIME BEIN DOING IT. U EITHER ASK FOR HELP OR GO TO JAIL. WHICH ONE SOUNDS BETTER.
    HOWEVER, UR WIFE WANTING DIVORCE I AGREE WITH BROTHER ADIL, SHE WANT TO PROTECT HER SLEF AND UR SON . SO GIVE HER TIME AND HOLD DIVORCE FOR LITTLE BIT. UNTILL EVERYTHING SETTLES DOWN THEN DISCUSS DIVORCE( DONT FORGET TO BUY A GIFT FOR HER AND UR SON). AND MAY ALLAH ENLIGHTEN UR PATH AND SOLVE ALL UR PROBLEMS. AMIN

  5. Asalam waliykum Brother,

    I am sure you have resolved the issue by now.
    May Allah make it easy for you.

    All i can say sometimes we love what is bad for us, and sometimes what we think is bad for us and we dislike maybe good for us.

    It doesnt seem like your wife respects you at all, and she is talking badly about you to her son this shows even more disrespect.
    I know you are in finanical stuggle but you hav enot violated her rights, your obligations to her are being met. So there is no excuse or a valid reason for her to ask for divource. You are maintaining her, and have a good family/relationship with her. The issues with Inlaw is not a valid reason to ask for seperation. Mashallah you already told her you know your family are wrong so you believe her and back her up. What more does she want? Most women do not even get support of thier husband like me.

    I truely believe she is not a good woman for you. From what you have said you have tried your hardest to provide for her, and she has abandoned you when you most need her as a wife. When things get tough you know your marriage is the real deal if your spouce holds your hand tightly and stays by your side.
    I know you said there is possibilty of you going to jail... but you commited no major sins. Your wife should stick with you.

    I do not believe its worth holding onto. You need a wife who is there through thick and thin a soul mate, life partner. Not there when times are good and runs away when things get tough.

    Inshallah khier. Pray Istikhara many times and then take it from there.

    Wasalam

    Maysaa

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