Wife, Parents or Kids – Who should I choose?
I was married to my second wife 9 years ago. Although my parents did not approve of this marriage, but I did not listen to them. I have 2 children from my previous marriage aged 15 & 11. I have no biological children from my current wife. Since my parents did not approve of this marriage, my wife hates them & my kids. My parents are old and have no one to take care of them. They have asked to live with me but my wife does not approve of that and has asked me to choose between her or my parents & kids. I am under very high stress as I don't want to divorce her but she is not letting down. The same is with my parents who despite everything are not showing their acceptance for her. My life is now being ruined with no one wanting to let go of their egos. Please advise.
pkwanderer
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Choose ur parrnts n children I feel u can marry again...
U can mybe try winning ur wifr over....
Or try and make a compromises like say u bring them togetjer but there will be no burden of cooking fr themmm...
Take steps to ease ur burden n do dua fr Allahs help
Maybe gt anther person to talk to wife
Your parents are superior whom you should care for in the particular case. Your wife despises both your parents and your children. Woman are most vulnerable in marriage, yet the act as strong although they are not in reality. I guess she has already demanded divorce from you dozens of times, but as you didnt give, she is becoming more and more confident that you can never leave her. This is a typical behavior of a displeased wife. She is actually blackmailing you emotionally. Knowing that you cannot handle another divorce good mentally, so she is being selfish trying to force you to accept her own will, ignoring your issues.
But still i dont advise you to divorce her, at least not immediately. She is your wife, you had many good moments with her. You just part your bed from her. Then send her to her parents home, or start living away from her with your children, meanwhile tell her that you will take your decision soon. Stop talking to her, dont return her calls if she says the same thing or demands divorce. Give her sometime to think about consequences of divorce.
She will understand that you are serious in giving divorce, if she keeps pushing u to wrong decision. If she has some good in her mind, she will definitely change her mind and ask for forgiveness soon. Then you should also talk to your parents and tell them to be good with your wife for your sake. What they are doing is also wrong.
If she does not change, after few months or a year max, you can divorce her.
If many men in the East Indian countries followed your advice, the majority of them would be divorcing their wife because she doesn't want to live with her in-laws (and for legitimate reasons)....perhaps some real, practical, reasonable advice instead?
I agree with Sr. Amy.
OR another solution would be to be really kind and sweet to your wife while making arrangements for your parents to live with you but in a separate area of the home or next door to maintain the privacy for your wife. Meanwhile, use kindness and love towards to your wife, show her that you are her emotional support through this all and that you appreciate her--afterall, you would be doing this for your parents sake and the sake of your family and Allah will reward you for this too, Inn shaa Allah.
Your parents don't like your wife, and they are not hiding it from her. It's understandable that she's against the idea of living with them, then. Who would want to live with anyone who will degrade them, talk badly of them and generally have a bad opinion of them? I think it's unfair of your parents to want to move in with you, yet they refuse to be more gentle with your wife. I'm sorry, but to me it sounds unreasonable that your parents want to shack up with you and your wife, but at the same time they won't do their part to ensure the peace and harmony between themselves and your wife. Your wife most probably doesn't want to subject herself to your parents' obvious disliking to her.
I think you need to have a serious chat with yur parents and let them know that if they want to live with you, then they need to restore their relationship to your wife. It's simply unfair of them to expect of your wife to open up her home for them to live in if they are going to abuse her with harsh words.
Salaams,
I don't think your parents moving in is the only solution. In fact, how about this:
Since your wife doensn't get along with your kids from a previous marriage either, and your parents need help, why not have your kids stay with them to help out? At their age they can do quite a bit to ease the burden your parents are facing, and since they won't be marrying any time soon this can continue for several years until another plan can be put into place. This way, you can retain a private home with your wife, keep the peace with her, and your parents are still getting their needs met.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor