Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife wants divorce, but is a marriage without intimacy even valid?

Sexless marriage


I have been with my wife for nearly 4 years. In this time we have never had any physical contact of any sort. I have been pushed away many of times and eventually I gave up on any intimacy. As I have been patient and not forced the issue, questions have arisen by her parents that nothing is happening between us. My wife in a moment of rage decided to declare in public in front of many family and relatives that we had a sexless marriage.

Her parents have taken her away and put the whole blame on me, she has now been away for a while and recently announced that her heart wasnt in this relationship and would like a separation.

I dont know what to do?

Can I also ask as there has never been any sex in this marriage, is this marriage even still valid in Islam?

Jazakallah for your time and comments.


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7 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I am no scholar by any means. The bit of research I've done seems to indicate that Islamic marriages are valid if the proper protocol is followed -presence of witnesses at nika, the female having a wali, the giving of a dowry, and mutual acceptance of the marriage contract. Based on that, whether a marriage is consummated or not after that point doesn't make it any more or less valid. That being said, your marriage would require the same protocol for a divorce to take place as would be the case if you two had been intimate. From what I've read, a spouse not fulfilling their obligations to the other (sexual or otherwise) or being unwilling/unable to perform sexual relations, is a valid grounds for divorce.

    Brother, if anything I'm sorry that she made such an embarrassing public announcement about your personal lives and tried to twist the blame onto you. This says a lot about her character unfortunately, and it stands to reason that you might be better off to go through with the divorce, do the best you can to put this experience behind you, and move forward into another marriage with a lady who cares for you and will do her utmost to be a suitable wife for you in all regards.

    -Amy Editor

  2. I don't know about you but it seems to be you had normal libido but when your wife as stated in your question pushed you away from intimacy many times ... you closed yourself up permanently . If your wife refused your request for physical relations then she has committed great sin for which she will be held accountable

    Nevertheless coming back to point .....You never mentioned whether your wife after couple of months wanted to have physical relations if that is so then you should have complied but I don't really know because it is not stated in your question so I am just assuming ....

    Can I also ask as there has never been any sex in this marriage, is this marriage even still valid in Islam? I don't know about the islamic part but I don't think a marriage can survive without sex .....

  3. As salamu alaykum,

    You should ask an Imaam or Mufti to have a qualified answer, but I think if you haven´t consumated the marriage your marriage is not valid, but to be sure, ask someone qualified.

    Let her go, brother, she doesn´t deserve you, your patience really amazes me, how could you handle her rejection for so long?, how could you cope with this?. As brother A muslim man has mentioned sex in marriage is important, physical, emotionally, psycologically, from wherever you look at is one of the reasons marriage exists.

    What your wife has done to you is cruel, I hope you are able to forgive her and her family and find someone that can bring you the joy of a complete marriage life, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

    • your patience really amazes me, how could you handle her rejection for so long?

      That really amazes me as well ......

      btw .... Very logical advice

  4. Hi I have been married for 1 year now. my mother inlaw and my husband family caused so much trouble in our marriage that my husband and I are not in contact physically anymore. He sleeps in another room for past 5 months and left me alone in another room. He never asks me what I need nor he talks to me. When I ask him why he is doing this he tells me I brought it on myself. For disrespecting his family. I only defended my right as human being. I pray and read Quran I don't know what to do anymore. I have lost hope in Allah. Please help. Im all alone in this city. When I have nightmares I call my husband to please come and sleep in our room her ignores me.

    • Why have you lost hope in Allah? It is not Allah swt who created the problems in your marriage, subhanAllah. Anyway, this does not sound like a man who is good marriage material or who can be a kind and supportive partner to you. I suggest that you count yourself fortunate that you learned his true character early, before you have any children. In other words, I suggest getting out of the marriage.

      You should really rethink your attitude toward Allah. All good things we have come from Him. What is required in these situations is sabr and renewed devotion to Allah.

      Wael Editor

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