We wish to marry but parents are hesitant as his family are Shia
As for those who divide their religion and break up Into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: Their affair is with Allah: He will in the end Tell them the truth Of all that they did. [Al-Qur'an 6:159
I accepted his proposal because I know him better and I have seen him since we went to the same University.
His family accepts the path he has chosen and he is trying his best to convince my parents. My parents are still hesitant. They ask me if I want to marry him and when I say yes, they say things to change my mind.
I feel very stressed out since my father has stopped speaking with me and I spend all my days brooding about this situation.
I need advice, we wish to get married and make our life, but I don't know how to move forward. The guy is an honest man and has common beliefs so why should I or him be punished for his family's background or mine.
Regards,
A
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Asalaamualaykum,
Sister, perhaps your parents are not convinced that this man has true Sunni beliefs. Or perhaps your parents do believe it, but they just don't want any connection with his Shia background.
Whatever the reason, it seems your parents have their mind made up. If you are 100% certain that this man follows the Quran and Sunnah and does not reject any part of the true Sunnah as some Shia followers do, he has a good character, is hardworking, trustworthy, respectful and you are attracted to him, then your parents are obliged to give him a full chance. It is up to you whether you wish to fight for him or not. If you choose to fight for him, you need to try and keep a balance, by being patient, gentle and respectful with your parents. It can be done if you remain firm and on the straight way. Speak with an Imam and ask him to help you convince your parents.
However, if your parents are managing to make you change your mind again again, then 'stop' and ask yourself why your mind keeps swaying. Is it because you too have your doubts? If it is, then I guess you need to ascertain with yourself what you wish to do first. Or then it could just be your fears of family rejection. Know this, that your parents will not support you in every single that you do, even if there is nothing Islamically wrong with it. Sometimes, no matter how emotionally hard it is, we have to find the courage from within to just take that leap of faith and take the next step forward.
If you can sit and talk to Allah and tell him confidently why you want to marry this man, and you believe that you are not displeasing Allah with your choice, then put your faith in Him(swt), pray Istikhara and go forward. Speak to an Imam for practical support and help.
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
***
Assalam O Alaikum sister,
I agree with SisterZ and I would like you to take it very seriously whatever she said. It doesn't matter if he follows Shia Islam or not but remember you will be a part of their family; therefore don't just follow your feelings/desires but look at the ground realities. Coming from a Muslim country where we have Some Shia minority; I can tell you that there are some really strange practices which might be difficult for you to over look. I know several sunni woman who married into Shai who had kind of similar views as yours but after marriage things changed and now they have become Shite.Remember sister, we are supposed to marry someone (man or woman) who can help us improve; with similar outlook toward life and similar views on religion too so that we can strive further. We don't get married everyday and I don't want you to take a decision which you regret 5-10 years down the line and then you might don't have any choice as in most cases I have come across. We all have to make choices, no matter how difficult they are but at the end we have to see what choice will help us get closer to Allah and strengthen our relationship with him. It would be great if you discuss differences in depth among both Sunni and Shite Islam before hand; you can take help from an Imam or a scholar so that you can make the right decision Insha Allah.
I would like you to look through following posts before taking the final decision.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/can-sunni-and-shia-marry/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/is-nikah-between-shia-and-sunni-haraam/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-sunni-he-is-shia/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/sunni-want-to-marry-shiah/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/im-marrying-a-half-shia/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/sunni-versus-shia-marriage-conflict/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/should-i-leave-my-husband/
I hope this will help you Insha Allah. I pray to Allah (swt) for you to help you make the right decision which will be a source of happiness and peace in your life in the long run. (Amin)
Wasalam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
And brother there is nothing wrong to become a shia muslim.
Of course there is something wrong with becoming Shia. They are clearly strayed from the straight path and are undoubtedly a deviant sect. How can a Sunni Muslim ever reconcile with a shia who harbors great feelings hatred for Abu Bark [رضى الله عنه] and Umar [رضى الله عنه], who are the two greatest companions of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)? How can a Sunni Muslim reconcile with a shia who ascribe infallibility to Ali [رضى الله عنه] and their twelve other imams?
These are only two examples. If you research, you will find hundreds of shia beliefs and customs that are simply irreconcilable with sunni beliefs.
To the sister who have asked the question:
I sincerely suggest you to refrain away from this marriage. Simply do not go there. It absolutely does not worth it to become a part of a shia family. Because your belief and akhirah are at risk here.
I really hope and pray that your conscience will win over your emotion. Sister Z and Brother Muhammad1982 have given excellent advice and please do listen to them.
Wow aren't you so judgmental...you step into conclusion so quickly. How would you feel if a shia muslim tells you that there is something wrong with becoming a sunni..
What you mean about saying they are in the middle of no where and are an unusual group..??? How do you know regardless of your research..
Only Allah knows the rights and wrongs of being a shia or a sunni muslim, not you man..historical literatures or anything based on sunni and shia might have stated many facts with great differences about each one of them..but that doesnt mean that you criticise shia muslims. They are muslim too, its just that they differ in their beliefs and faiths..other then that sunni and shia muslims share almost same beliefs.
If shia muslims disaprove Abu Bark and Umar, sunni muslims disgree with many shia perspectives too. You see they both approaches Islam differently..and this doesnt mean you stereotype one and freely state that there is clearly something wrong with this or that..becuase you NEVER know, why judge then..its not going to make any difference anyway..other than creating conflicts between shia and sunni muslims..
Why not accept each other regardless of our religious beliefs and values..why would you even care..because religion is too personal..and more upto the individuals..at the end of the day they choose what to belief in and which religion to follow.
So how about you stop been so ignorant and view things a lot more differently.
I would feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Because I am absolutely convinced that my belief is Al-Haqq, the truth that Allah has revealed through His Honorable Messenger (ﷺ). My belief does not require the approval of others, nor does my faith is shaken if other people slander it.
This is an ignorant saying. If you say that is impossible for us to discern the right group from the wrong group by doing research, then why would shaias cling to their beliefs? Why not they become sunnis? For me, I believe that it is possible to discern the right from the wrong through proper learning and research, If I say that I am a Sunni, and then add, "I do not know if I am following the right or wrong path, only Allah knows which path is right", it would be a foolish statement.
I judge because Allah has let us known the correct way through sending His Messenger (ﷺ), and He has also preserved the correct path, and will preserve it till the Hour. A name of Quran is Al-Furqan, the Criterion, though which you discern the right from the wrong.
The statement "Only Allah will judge" is true, but most of the time who use it have corrupted intention. Since I cannot judge, that means I cannot talk about if I see oppression, injustice or anything. If I see wrong being promoted, should I not speak against it? Or should I just remain silent because only Allah can judge?
This world is a place of live an let live. I had many shia friends in my university, and have some in my workplace. We get along very well. However, no matter how well I get along with them, spiritually, I maintain the distance between the east and the west from them. As long as my soul remains in my body, my heart will never ever reconcile with people who openly slander about Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman and Mother of Believers Aisha (May Allah be pleased with all of them).
That you suggest we should simply accept everyone is the most ignorant suggestion. Because, religion is not a personal thing. It is the disbelievers who say that religion is a personal thing. Religion is guidance, and if Allah guides me, then it becomes my duty to guide my family, my friends, my relatives, and my neighbors. Should I not care what religion my wife, my son, my daughter follow? I will. I will care about their religion till I die. Being the imam of my family, it is my duty to oversee their spiritual well being and save them from the hell fire.
I also deeply care about the guidance and spiritual well being of the sister who has posted her question here. That is why I have given her my untwisted advice. Because I want her to remain in the straight path, and I also want the future generations that will come from her to remain in the straight path, without being befuddled in the muddle of "only Allah knows the right and wrong and religion is personal, and thus accept everything."
I agree with stranger .....
Lets recall one hadith that prophet(SAW) said ...
"There will be 72 sects near the end of times from which only 1 will go to heaven and rest of them will burn in hell "
Assalam O Alaikum No Promises,
I have reviewed my comments several times and couldn't find any statement that I made which suggests that "there is something wrong with being Shia Muslim". Please don't just assume things by yourself and try not to see everything in a negative way unless you have proof. I respect both sects and they have lived along side for centuries; no matter how much difference we have in our opinions we should not condemn each other or say bad things. I hope this clears your mind Insha Allah.
Wasalam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Slmz
What stranger says is the truth, if you think that there is nothing wrong with the shias you don't know them very well. They advocate hypocrisy and villify the closest companions of Nabi (saw). The Jews and Christians are better people; ask them who were the best people around their prophets and they'd tell you it was the companions. Ask the shia who were the worst, and they'd say it was the companions. Nauthubillah! Nabi (saw) said to the effect 'those who hate he Sahabah, hate them because (in reality) they hate me.'
Anyone who feels the shia are even considered muslim needs to reasess their own faith. There is no way to justify any of the things said by the shia against the companions. They accuse them of horrific things and send curses upon them. You cannot compare the things they disapprove of to what we Sunnis do.
Dear Writers, Asalaamualaykum,
The sister who asked the original question has already received some sensible answers and you have all also expressed your views on Sunni/Shia beliefs. So lets leave the sister to make her own mind up now.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@ All commentators, readers and questioners.
If you leave all your bias, prejudice, lack of knowledge or more than necessary misinformation and see a verse of the Qur'an, it would be really nice, Insha Allah:
This day are those who disbelieve in despair of (ever harming) your religion; so fear them not, fear Me! This day have I perfected your religion for you and completed My favour unto you, and have chosen for you as religion AL- ISLAM. Whoso is forced by hunger, not by will, to sin: (for him) lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. - Verse 3, Surah Al Maidah.
If the religion was "perfected" and Allah "completed" His favor upon the believers, what can be there after that day except "bidah" and "inventions" in religion?
Did Allah leave the Deen to be "completed" by the Shia and Sunni scholars to come in later generations?
Did Allah send down any authority, any revelation for them to do what they are doing now and did in past?
Did Allah send down a single revelation to record hadith in books and develop "historical" facts (Allah knows how factual they are) and argue with one another and break up in groups?
I am sorry to say, but no Imaam, no scholar has authority from Allah, a "sultaan" to do things which Allah did not command us to be done through His Messenger (peace be upon him).
If the Hadith books of Sunnis six most in use known as "Sahih Sitta" and "Kitaab al Kafi" of Shia were prescribed by Allah to be written down for the guidance of the Ummah, where is one such revelation in the Qur'an which mentions writing down of the "history" and disputing about the companions?
Who Allah leave His Deen and the explanation of His Book at the mercy of the Imams of Shia and Sunni without whom the Muslim Ummah would not understand the Book of Allah?
Religion is no invention, it needs "authority" a "warrant" from Allah to do something.
33. Say: My Lord forbiddeth only indecencies, such of them as are apparent and such as are within, and sin and wrongful oppression, and that ye associate with Allah that for which no warrant hath been revealed, and that ye tell concerning Allah that which ye know not. - Surah Al A'raaf.
There are many, not one, but many verses in the Qur'an which say that Religion with Allah has to have a "warrant" from Him, a clear "authority" and not conjecture.
We quote hadith day and night, forgetting that Allah himself quotes the words of the Messenger in the Qur'an which He commanded Him to speak and this are 100% spoken by the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him)
The best example are the below verses of Surah Mu'minuun, 100% true, in all aspects and something which I faced repeatedly over the past few months :
67. Unto each nation have We given sacred riles which they are to perform; so let them not dispute with thee of the matter, but summon thou unto thy Lord. Lo! thou indeed followest right guidance.
68. And if thy wrangle with thee, say: Allah is best aware of what ye do.
69. Allah will judge between you on the Day of Resurrection concerning that wherein ye used to differ.
70. Hast thou not known that Allah knoweth all that is in the heaven and the earth? Lo! it is in a record. Lo! that is easy for Allah.
71. And they worship instead of Allah that for which no warrant hath been revealed unto them, and that whereof they have no knowledge. For evil doers there is no helper.
72. And when Our revelations are recited unto them, thou knowest the denial in the faces of those who disbelieve; they all but attack those who recite Our revelations unto them. Say: Shall I proclaim unto you worse than that? The Fire! Allah hath promised it for the who disbelieve. A hapless journey's end!
I hope those who understand the above verses, will understand that religion is for Allah, not for Shia not for Sunni, because these words are not from the Qur'an, these are formed later.
Did the Prophet (peace be upon him) call himself "Sunni" or "Shia"?
Did the Sahabas May Allah be peased with them (Abu Bakr, Omran, Othmaan, Ali, Aisha or any) call themselves "Sunni" or "Shia"?
These are later inventions. Bring me a Proof if the Prophet called himself any of the two?
Below verses of Surah Najm refer to angels whom the pagans used to invoke, but the verses well apply to inventions, names and conjectures followed without a 'warrant" an "authority" from Allah.
In hiya illaa asmaa un sammaiytumuhaa antum wa aabaa ukum maa anzalallaahu biha min sultaan,
Innyattibuuna illadhanna wama tahwal anfus, wa laqad jaa ahum mirrabbihimul huda,
Am lil insaani maa tamannaa, fa lilllaahil aakhiratu wal ulaa.
23. They are but names which ye have named, ye and your fathers, for which Allah hath revealed no warrant. They follow but a guess and that which (they) themselves desire. And now the guidance from their Lord hath come unto them.
24. Or shall man have what he desireth?
25. But unto Allah belongeth the after (life), and the former.
Use your brains people. Ask Allah for guidance.
28. And they have no knowledge thereof. They follow but a guess, and lo! a guess can never take the place of the truth.
29. Then withdraw (O Muhammad) from him who fleeth from Our remembrance and desireth but the life of the world.
30. Such is their sum of knowledge. Lo! thy Lord is best aware of him who strayeth, and He is best aware of him who goeth right. - Surah Najm.
It is better to withdraw from those who follow guesswork, as guesswork can never take place of the Truth. Indeed, Allah is best aware of him who strays away from His path and him who goes aright.
@ Questioner, Choose a man with "iimaan" in Allah, who fears Allah, abstains from wrong, does right, Allah has not at one place in the Qur'an used the words obey " Qur'an and the Sunnah", because the Sunnah for Sunni is different, among them all, and the Sunnah from Shia is different based on their books, but Allah asks to follow the Qur'an which the Messenger delivers, because ONLY the QUR'AN is ONE and same for Shia and Sunni and nothing is more sure as a proof and common between the two than the Qur'an. It is the only point of unity of all Muslims.
Salaam,
Your brother.