Worldly helpful signs or negative voice n colour in dream, which to follow?
Interpreting dreams and colours...
Got married 8 months with a Muslim guy in uk, but have lived for 1.5 months together as I'm in Pakistan and didn't have visa. We have been having fights on the phone and when he was here sometimes he was nice and sometimes really bad and rude. I performed istakhara before marriage and got a negative dream but got married somehow. Now it's time for me to go to uk and join him, but I wanted to do istakhara because he's sexually unfit and takes some medicine for mating. I don't know if his problem is curable or if he's a bisexual, ( I doubt because he DID NOT show proper intense feelings during mating with me) . He sometimes admits that he has a problem and says he wil go to a dr with me but sometimes he says that he does not have any problem. He says he's not a bisexual or anything like that.
Now when I started performing istakhara we had a huge fight and marriage was about to end. But now things are calm between us, but that fight has changed his rude attitude to positive towards me. I have been performing for many days: once saw a blue shade in dream, and heard a voice that it's a bad choice( but it was when I was not in deep sleep) but don't see anything properly. I don't want divorce at all. All worldly signs are helpful for me to go and live with him but istakhara is not very positive... Don't know which to follow... I'm not sure that dream was proper according to istakhara details or not ...plz give a quick advice as I don't have much time to decide...
restless
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How do you know his feelings were not as intense as it should have been?
Why you guys fight with each other most of the times?
A bisexual is some one who enjoys sex with both sexes.
You don't want divorce, what are you trying to find out by doing istakhara?
assalamalikum-
KEEP DOING ISTHKAKHARA AND WAIT WHEN YOU GO TO LIVE WITH HIMTRY NOT TO GET PREGNANT BECAUSE IF HE IS WHAT YOU DOUBT THEN YOU WILL BE IN TROUBLE THIS IS NOT FAMILY PLANNING BUT PRE-CAUTION TO KNOW HIM BETTER AND THEN DECIDE WHAT IS IN YR MIND TO CONTINUE WITH OR WHAT NEXT-
THIS IS THE BEST WAY OUT BECAUSE HE HAS CHANGED AND HOPE ARE THER YOU MIGHT FIND HIM TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND-
REGARDS
KEEP DOING ISTHKAKHARA AND WAIT WHEN YOU GO TO LIVE WITH HIMTRY NOT TO GET PREGNANT
Well primary function of intercourse is to get the wife pregnant.A man's job is done when his wife get pregnant. i hope wife is not comparing her older huband to a 16 year old boy. If this is her first experience she can't tell if her husband is normal or not. Sex is not about winning olympics medals. Saudis are on the top of list of consumers of pills like Viagra. A wife can help her husband get better by understanding what goes on and help her husband imrpove.
Assalaamualaikam
Personally, I think that a man's real job is far from over when his wife gets pregnant. If the only requirement was for insemination, there are clinics for that.
Marriage is about building a family, supporting and maintaining a home, and providing a stable and loving environment for the next generation of our Ummah. Recognising and acting on that is what sets a man apart from just being male.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I agree with your comment. I was just responsding to specific point about sex.
is there another way of directly communicating with editors?
You closed the comments on this post about masturbation.
I feel poster may have additional problems as she says "I have almost stop eating anything and few days my only meal for a whole day is based on few cookies." Does she have anorexia or other eating disorder?
assalamalaikum
I HAVE GIVEN HER A SUGGESTION WHICH IS GOOD FOR HER YOU ARE BRINGING SAUDI VIAGRA ALL USELESS THESE THINGS IN THIS SERIOUS MATTER ABOUT THE GIRLS FUTURE I AM WORRIED SO MY THINKING IS DIFFERENT FROM YOUR PLEASE SEE THAT YOU ANSWER HER WHAT SHE IS EXPECTING FROM US IS THIS ....AND DONT PLEASE CORSS ME ALL THE TIME OR IMPOSE YR IDEAS ON ME FOR GODS SAKE-
I WONT LIKE IT
plz give a quick advice as I don't have much time to decide...
You suggest that the wife can't tell if her husband is normal if this is her first experience, but then you think she can help him get better too, with no experience? That doesn't make a lot of sense.
First of all, a wife who has no experience would be able to tell that something is not quite right in 1.5 months of living together--especially since her husband is taking drugs (and that isn't normal--but not wrong necessarily). Yes, she can help him get better, but she can't do it if he sometimes denies having a problem.
Furthermore, I truly believe that the foundation of the marriage is the relationship between the husband and wife. In the event that they couldn't have children, the primary function of intimate relations wouldn't be children--it would in fact be to a companion and mercy to one another. Even after having children, still a husband should be first to the wife and the wife should be first to the husband--then the children. If the bond between spouses is strong, then the entire family unit will be strong.
Saba: "You suggest that the wife can't tell if her husband is normal if this is her first experience, but then you think she can help him get better too, with no experience?"
if a girl's sexual knowledge is based on watching an adult movie where a man can go on and on for ever.......you can imagine her disappointment in real life.
One can learn a lot from resources on the Internet. I meant with passing time she can learn and try few things to make intimacy enjoyable.
"where a man can go on and on for ever"
Really? Is that what happens in such movies?
How did you know all that?
You have never looked at porn too?
Is an adult movie the same as porn, or are they two different things?
FYI...Mexico is the largest consumer of Viagra in the world. Those stats are based on the manufacturer of the drug itself.
Salam
AsSalamu Alaikum Sister,
Dreams could be blessings from Allah sometimes to guide us through some moments in our lives, but they do not have any relation with our Istikharah at all. If you think your dreams have any meaning to what is happening now, then follow what you think is best for you.
If you are concerned about your husband's health issue, then it is better you take the issue seriously now and be able to be convinced about what it is. If it's a natural thing, it will depend on you to decide if you would still want to continue with him and enjoy other aspect of life with him. However, if it's curable, then you should have a serious discussion on how he gets cured.
You should have a good conversation wh him and then let him know your concerns about the issue. Ask him to be honest and open with you, so that you could decide whether to accept him for who he is.
In any case, it will still be your choice to decide whether you would have any problem with the issue.
Also, did you the Istikharah properly? You may also want to learn much about Istikharah through the below links.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/istikhara-in-the-light-of-the-sunnah/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/power-of-salat-ul-istikhara/
Hope this helps, InshaAllah.
Salaam
look I think it is very important that you stop assuming have you even asked him what medication he is taking and what for have you read the label or anything? and if he has any problems why can't you just relax and with a warm heart and an open mind sit like an 'insaan' and have a conversation without getting each other upset ask about what is going on.
and if there are any problems look at ways to help him and yourself and vice versa to deal with the issues so that you can live a happy life together. I am giving this info on the basis that you agreed to marry this guy.
further as far as the intermit part of things dear sister it does not happen over night this is something that you have to both build over time and work on together 'explore what you both enjoy' to make the experience more enjoyable.
And as far as children are concerned keep a tab on it because as from what I have read you are not mature or more so ready enough to bring a child into this dunia and please do not take offence to this. bringing children into this dunia and bringing them up is not an easy task. however you must be physically, mentally, emotionally prepared for it relax take the time to get to know each other to build the love respect and feeling and patience for each other so that you are united when you are bringing a child into your lives.
As per the istakhara you need to read up on the meaning of this dua and understand what it is that you are saying and asking, which I know you have not done. the dua is about you asking Allah to guide you to help you ascertain what is good for you and keep away what is bad for you it is not purely about dreams and colours so relax.
I hope this is of help and that you will go away and do your research and sit with your husband in priviecy and have a mature adult conversation and then with all the knowledge make a more informed and confident decision on the best way forward
jazakala khair
Allah hafiz
Sister,
You performed Istikhara prior to accepting this mans proposal and did not like the feeling you got, however you married him irregardless. The both of you are in a new relationship and you need to learn about one another. God willing in time and with patience, the two of you will begin to understand and respect your differences. Be patient and above all, you each must have respect for one another as without it...you are bound to have difficulties. If he is rude or disrespectful, call him out on it. Let him know that there is no need to be rude or disrespectful to you. You as well, treat your husband with kindness and respect. The two of you are beginning a new life together and you both have differences. Work together and God willing this marriage might have a chance.
Salam