Would appreciate any advice…
Aslam waleycom my sisters. Please I only want responses from women thank you.
im 24 years old Italian/ Dominican I'm married to a Yemeni man I have been married to him since I was 15 years old. We have a 5 year old and I am 6 months pregnant with our second child. I'm just having some issues with my husband and I wanted to know if it's something I can deal with or he's never going to change. We live in the south and have a gas station, I work in the store every day from 7 am to 2 pm then I pick up our daughter go home and do house hold chores. For some reason my husband seems to think everything I do is never good enough, he is mean to me at home and in front of people. I have tried and tried to make him happy I cook all of his Yemeni dishes including his favorite aseed but he still won't budge. He isn't romantic and all he thinks about is work work work. I do everything for him and I don't ask for anything in return, all I want is for him to love me and be more romantic and just give me love. I've spoken to him about how I feel and he says that's just the way he is. I know for a fact he doesn't have a wife back home in Yemen I'm very friendly with his family I mean it's been 9 years we been married. I don't want a divorce but I feel very lonely, I don't have friends and I broke ties with my family because their life choices don't sit well with my faith. Alhumduliallah I have a very hard working husband and good father but he's not a good husband, I would kill mysef before I cheat on him and I definitely don't want a divorce, I tried being romantic with him and he just ignores me, we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore... what should I do? I need help I'm even crying as I write this. Please help me sisters I love him and our family we have together.
Casmah
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First off, let me start off by saying I'm really sorry for everything you are going through. Reading this actually quite upset me because I tried putting myself in your shoes. I feel as if you've tried to get your point across to him but he still doesn't get it. What more can you do? You deserve to be loved and treated well. I know you say you don't want to leave him because you love him, but are you willing to put up with all of this? My only advice is to sit down with him properly and calmy, and put everything on the table. No relationship/marriage will ever work without commutation and that's a known fact. I hope it all works out inshallah
Wallaykumassalaam Casmah,
I agree with Ameera in that communication to the extent possible, even if it takes everything you've got, is the answer to getting things going Inshallah.
I am going to put some of your post in quotes and give you my response:
You say:
"I wanted to know if it's something I can deal with or he's never going to change"
Your dealing with this and him changing are two different things. Your dealing with this could require your going to counseling, getting connected with other people (it sounds like you don't have much of a social life right now), coping skills, and learning self-love. Him changing might be accomplished through further communication of your needs and marriage counseling, but from what you say, it doesn't sound like he is admitting to a problem...or, if he's agreeing there is, he's not willing to do anything about it. And that will be the most difficult aspect of this situation, in my opinion. I think that you should pray a special prayer, the Salat-ul-Hajat (prayer for a need) asking Allah to fufill your emotional and romantic needs for this relationship. Ask Allah to help you, to provide means in your environment and within yourself, and to have those means help you.
"I do everything for him and I don't ask for anything in return."
May Allah give you everything your heart desires in return. Do you ever do things that you love? Mashallah you are actually accomplishing quite a lot each day...you are working, taking care of your child, and doing housework. You deserve a break. If while you are working on communication with your husband, you feel need a break, I would go and eat at a restaurant or see a movie by yourself. Treat yourself. If you want, you can leave you child with a sitter or with your husband if he's open to watching him and go for a walk outside or eat at an outdoor café.
"...I feel very lonely, I don't have friends and I broke ties with my family because their life choices don't sit well with my faith."
To be cut off from family and not have any other social contacts is difficult...have you tried some social media avenues like Facebook to connect with people? On social media, you can join groups of people with varying interests (such a hobby you have or a tv show you love) and have interesting discussions. Or, Can you join groups for young moms in your community?
May Allah ease your relationship concerns very soon and give you two comfort and joy.
Hugs,
Nor