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Monday, April 30, 2001

QUESTION:

Sister Bilqis,

I am a 32 year old practicing Muslim, Alhumdulilah. As I am pursuing opportunities to meet my soul mate, two things come to my mind. First, I am divorced and would like to know at what point should I tell the prospect about my martial status. Especially, with some people I have received prejudice treatment. The second thing is the age limitation for the future wife. From the medical knowledge, I know that women who bear children after their 30's can have children with birth defects. Can I reject a proposal from a women who is already my age? Is there any guideline for the marriageable age of a woman?

-A Muslim

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Concerned,

Firstly, a Muslim should strive for truth and honesty in his affairs, especially regarding marriage. Yes, you should tell any prospects for marriage that you are divorced. I see no reason to postpone it. Why waste the time? Being honest up front will help you to more quickly find the wife that is right for you.

Regarding the question of age, early 30's is certainly not too old for a woman to have children. Among the benefits of modern medicine, is the fact of improved prenatal care for both the woman and the child. Women have children today much later than that by choice. It is sometimes said that after 35, the possibility of problems increases, but that is not to say that a woman 35 or older will have problems. With knowledgeable and prudent prenatal care, many women are having children into their forties and in some cases beyond. I would just advise you to make sure that the sister does want to start a family and to make sure you discuss issues relating to that.

As to guidelines for finding a wife, there are many hadiths, but the most important advice is to find a Muslimah of good character.

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser." (Al Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27).

and,

"The whole world is to be enjoyed, but the best thing in the world is a pious woman." (Muslim)

- Bilqis

Zawaj.com Editor's note: you will also find many articles on Zawaj.com with advice on how to choose a good husband or wife, such as:

• Pointers on Choosing Marriage Partners by Rabi'ah Hakeem
• Choosing the Desired Wife by Ibrahim Abu khalid
• Questions to Ask a Prospective Marriage Partner by Huda al-Khattab
• Pleasant Companionship by Shaikh Ali Hasan al Halabee