Monday, April 12, 1999
I had a very dear love take my heart. It was the greatest
thing to fall in love when I thought it could never be. He married
me in our tribe's way because I am Native American Indian. He
said he would never leave me.
After we married he went to Saudi Arabia to work, and said
he would return. When we talked over the Internet and on the
phone....he told me many things of the Holy Quran. I found something
in him that no other person could ever make me see. He showed
me the Arabs pray like this and that they have peace, love, and
to be humble before God. Time went by and he never came, so I
called him in Saudi Arabia, and he said his company would not
give up his visa. So I called his family in Jordan and they said
to me, "Oh, we did not know of this at all."
Now I have discovered that he has asked another to marry him
because she is of younger age at 20. I cried and cried, waiting
to see his face and hear him say this was not true. So I called
him once again and asked him about this. He said to me "I
really thought you would never come to me. Can you come to Saudi
Arabia and marry me here?" I said yes, but then they said
to me you have no Special Stamp on your visa to go there.
I went to visit his family in Jordan and they were so nice,
but the loneliness is now killing me without him by my side.
This Eid he will engage to another and have this big party all
having so much fun. Many tell me that he did this to me only
to get something of money for him to be able to marry this girl
faster, it was like a plan from the start. I have told them that
no one could be this cold at heart and say and do all the things
he did to have me fall in love with him. My pain will never go
away and will take me to my grave. My tribe says I am his wife
and he is my husband in the eyes of God forever. How can I go
one and live without his love? My Grandfather says in the eyes
of God I still am his wife and I can never be with anyone other
than him. This is the custom of my people.
I am now a Muslim....I have been going to the Mosque and trying
to learn the ways. I wear hijab only to have people say, "Take
this off, you look silly and we do not like to be seen with you."
I love God and I pray more then five time a day... I believe
in the Prophet Muhammad and the Holy Quran. I do these things
to Please God and I am not ashamed, but all the others say to
me, "How can you believe in the Muslims when they lie to
you? Besides, you cannot be both Native American and Muslim."
All I can do is pray and pray for God to help me. Shukran
for your time. I feel you have alot of heart and can understand
my pain. I have no one to talk to with this.
I was moved by your request for advice.
You display both patience and perseverance in the face of adversity,
each praiseworthy traits for a good muslim.
Your question involves several parts.
I can sympathize with your sadness and sense of loss. This is
a natural human response. Your desire for proper Islamic guidance
in the situation, however, illustrates that you recognize the
answer to all problems can be found humanely and justly in ISLAM.
If you are now a muslim, you must first
be married by a muslim according to the standards of Islam (i.e.
with the Name of Allah and with witnesses present). If this has
not happened, by muslim law (shariah), you are a single muslim
woman. If the "brother" is not willing to pursue a
proper muslim wedding, then there can be no further relationship.
It would be best for you to get involved
with a nearby muslim community and seek the advice of a learned
person or persons (e.g.the Imam or Shura Council). There also
exists on the internet, sites for new converts to Islam and also
sites for asking questions of muslim scholars. You should continue
to respect your grandfather and others of your tribe, but at
the same time, explain to them in a kind and courteous manner
the ways of Islam regarding these matters. (Surely, in some situations
it would be inhumane for a woman to be bound for life in a "bad"
You are a free, believing woman and
if you continue with fervent prayer and trust in Allah, He will
surely grant you a good muslim husband, perhaps even through
"Zawaj.com"! Our Beloved Prophet (pbuh) showed great
concern for GOOD TREATMENT OF WOMEN. Remember this during times
of difficulty and "verily that with every difficulty there