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Monday, April 26, 1999

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

Alssalmu Alaikum. I am a muslim woman I am 42 years old. I have been divorced for three years. I have two kids; the boy is 10 and the other one is only six. My problem is that I am very lonely. You see as a muslim woman I can not talk to men. I am not young to seek marriage ( even if I want to ) and men usually don't like to marry women with children from previous marriage. I only have one relative in this area and he is always busy. I work but still I feel like a desert inside of me. I am very lonely and it kills me. My children are too young and the generation gap is vast between us. Do you have any suggestion.

Jazaki Allahu Khairan,
-Sanaa

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear Sister Sanaa,

Your letter is heartfelt. I can surely sympathize with your feelings of loneliness and find them understandable. I have a couple of thoughts for you though: "GET BUSY," and "NEW ATTITUDE!!"

Busy yourself doing things YOU enjoy: get an exercise video, join a book club, go to lunch with a friend and very importantly get involved with a muslim community near you. Many communities have programs and activities for sisters and children that are both fun and educational. There are many sites on the internet, there are videos and cd's whereby you and the children could increase your Islamic knowledge through games and study. Volunteer your time (when able) to muslims and neighbors in less fortunate positions than yourself. There is so much to learn and so much to do (that in the meantime doesn't REQUIRE a husband). GET BUSY!!

Get a NEW ATTITUDE. You are a muslim lady striving to maintain herself in a proper Islamic manner. Allah (subhanaa wa t'ala) can only reward such noble effort with many blessings. Your age will not be a "problem" for a brother who recognizes the wisdom and spiritual growth that comes with age. The children will not be a " problem" for a brother who realizes the blessings and wonderful opportunities that come in raising children. You must believe this and accept nothing less because you deserve nothing less. Marriage is important for a muslim, hence there are many services on the internet (e.g. "zawaj.com"!), in muslim journals, and through your local communities to assist a single muslim in getting married. Pursue them!

Remember too, it is important to read Holy Qur'an daily because it is a Light(NUR) and Strengthener against the trials of this life. Fasting is prescribed to decrease sexual appetite as well. May this dua from Prayers of the Prophet assist you: "Allah! improve my religious life, For that is to be my refuge; And improve my worldly life, For I have to live it; And prepare me for the afterlife, To which I shall have to return; And make this life a means to achieve every kind of good; And turn death into a bliss before any evil state supervenes." pp.14-15

My prayers and best wishes are with you.

-Bilqis