Monday, May 10, 1999
Assalamu Alikuk akhiti, May Allah please you for all that
you do for His cause ...
I have a question that is urgent and I hope you find it in
your heart, fe sabeel Allah, to help this poor servant of Allah...
Well, I have been blessed to meet this Muslim sister from
a matrimonial ad and now we are thinking about engagement and
marriage for the sake of completing half of our deen, Inshallah.
Now, we are facing a problem that could significantly affect
our marriage plan. Our parents will not appreciate the fact that
we have met through a matrimonial ad!
Please let me know if you could help us in any way, what can
we do to not "mention the matrimonial deal" to our
parents. What can we do and still please Allah!? Just to mention:
we both have a desire to marry in the near future ... Please
help us if you are able. I am really hoping that you can help
find an Islamic approach to this problem ... Inshallah.
Jazaky Allah Kahir ....
P.S. please do NOT mention my name if you decide to post this
... May Allah bless you and increase your ranks in faith and
Dear Concerned Brother,
You have presented a very interesting
situation in your question. There are a few issues raised here.
With the advent of the Internet and increased access, more Muslim
couples will probably be meeting this way.
As presented, there seems to be nothing
unlawful (haram) about the manner in which you and the sister
have come together, as long as you have not been meeting one
another in private. But to simply exchange messages over the
internet seems like a halal and wholesome way to communicate,
provided the topics of discussion are not haram in nature. Hopefully,
you have spent time discussing life goals and generally discovering
whether you have the potential for a compatible relationship
and similar understanding of their mutual Islamic rights and
responsibilities in marriage.
Most parents desire a "good mate"
for their child and if this is fulfilled there will Insha'Allah
be little objection. As we know, Islam requires that great respect
and honor be shown to our parents. That being the case, it would
be wrong to mislead them about the circumstances of meeting.
The bottom line is that the parents must be told the truth about
how the two of you met.
That having been said, perhaps there
is a Muslim elder or a local Iman who could counsel you on HOW
to handle the situation in an UPRIGHT, Islamic manner. One suggestion:
you tell your father everything, and then you and your father
could go to the woman's hometown, meet with the Imam and explain
to him the situation, and ask him to meet with the woman's father
and inform him that someone is interested in his daughter. Once
you meet with her father, then you can discuss everything with
him and tell him the whole truth. Perhaps upon meeting you and
your father face to face and talking with you, he will see that
you are a good person from a good family and not some anonymous
crazy person chatting on the internet. I doubt he would have
any objections at that time regarding the internet issue.
May Allah (swt) guide them to that which