Monday, June 12, 2000
My name is T. (I'm a Muslim). I'm in love with a girl called
R. She is three years younger than me. We were friends for three
years but recently I felt that I have to do some sexy things
with her, and in Islam this is haram (illegal), so we tried to
find a way to make it legal. We tried to get married but her
parents said that she is still too young for that and that we
should wait till she is 25, and that wouldn't help, so we wrote
down on a paper that she wants to marry me and I also want to,
then I asked a sheikh and he said you can do so, and it's called
in Islam (ZAWAJ 'ORFI). I didn't do anything with her yet, but
I really need to know if she is my wife now or not, and can we
do things or not ....
Trust me, I'm not playing but I really love her and I need
her. We decided to hide this thing from her parents till she
is 25 and then we will ask them again and make a new contract
for marriage .....
Is that halal or haram? Please help me as soon as you can.
Thanks for your attention.
I am not familiar with the procedure
you have mentioned (i.e. that you were told by a sheikh to write
down that you both mutually agree to marry). I must remind you
that I am not an Islamic scholar nor do I intend to make any
type of legal judgements. I will give information I have regarding
Islamic marriage and discuss the pros and cons of your situation.
The following information is provided
from resources here at Zawaj.com and
is taken from MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IN ISLAM by Muhammad Mazhar
Primary Requirements (of a Muslim
- Mutual agreement by the bride and the
- Two adult and sane witnesses.
- Agreed-upon mahr (marriage gift)
to be paid by the groom either immediately or deferred, or a
combination of both.
In your case, it would appear that you
have met only one of these conditions.
Secondary Requirements (of a Muslim
- Legal guardian (wakeel) representing
- Written marriage contract signed by
the bride and the groom and witnessed by 2 sane adult witnesses.
(State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible
person [Muslim] officiating the marriage ceremony).
- Khutbah-tun-Nikah (sermon) to solemnize
Again, in your case, you seem to have
fulfilled none of these conditions.
The above points having been presented,
I would suggest you and the sister
seriously consider the impact of your getting married to your
other family members. You did not mention your ages nor economic
which are important factors when considering marriage. I'm not
you have to be rich, but you do need to be able to support a
wife in a
reasonable manner. Also, trying to keep a marriage secret is
not a good
idea. A marriage should be of public knowledge. What if a child
It is important however, providing you
have the means and you both are
adults, that if you fear committing sin you should make the best
preparations for marriage and do it in the best of manners, that
publicly and informing your families. And prepare yourselves
for any trials
that may ensue. I suggest you both seriously weigh the "good
prospects of marrying or not marrying at this time. Marriage
is meant to be
a life-long committment from which children are born and a family
established and nurtured. Don't forget, your families do not
have final say
(if you are independent adults) but their feelings should be
weighed out of
love and respect, while also the Prophet (saw) has advised fasting
sexual abstinence is required of us. Perform Salaatul-Istikhaarah
sincerely seek Allah's guidance before making any final decisions,
counsel of someone in authority in a nearby Muslim community,
proper Islamic etiquette in your dealings with one another. If
Allah's guidance, with faith and trust, things truly become easier.