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Monday, June 14, 1999

QUESTION

Dear Bilqis,

I am a simple, moderate person. My family and I are from Pakistan but moved to the U.S. six years ago after living ten years in the Middle East. I am a caring, loving person and gave my wife whatever she wanted. My wife is stubborn and short-tempered. She has had a personality change since coming to America. I am facing an attitude of, quote: "I will do anything I want and I will wear anything I want!"

I just can't compromise on this attitude but I don't want to lose her. She prays and fasts only in Ramadhan. I tried my best to talk to her many times, but she ignores me. I believe in the philosophy that a husband and wife should live for each other. But here, I am facing a dictatorial attitude.

I involved her brother and sister, but that backfired. She told me, "You called my brother and sister, and did I change? No!"

America proved to be a land of financial opportunity for me, but the cost is very high. I am not the first case like this. What's your best advice? Thanks. Please address me as...

- A Desperate Husband

 

BILQIS ANSWERS:

Dear "Desperate Husband",

The best advice I can give you is to try and return to a more Islamic environment. You are fortunate, in that, you have lived in different Muslim countries. If you feel you have exhausted every other means of persuasion, there seems no other alternative. Since you have already lived and worked in Pakistan and the Middle East, you have some notion I'm sure, of what it would take to return.

If she is not making Salat daily, this is a very serious matter, and puts the status of your marriage in jeopardy. Try and talk with a local Imam or someone you feel can counsel you both on these matters.

Also, I would suggest you read through The Halal and the Haram of Marriage by Yusuf al-Qaradawi. It is featured for you here at Zawaj.com! In the meantime, I pray that your wife will have a change of heart and that your marriage will improve. May Allah grant you strength and success in this endeavor.

-Bilqis