Monday, July 31, 2000
Asalamualaikum. First of all I would like to congratulate
you for writing this column. The problem I am facing is that
I am a 15 year old girl and a Muslimah, and I am in love with
a boy my age who is in my class. My freinds say I should tell
him how I feel, but I know that that would not be right.
Could you tell me if it is right for me to like someone? Please
answer this question because I am troubled.
Firstly, I would like to encourage you
to concentrate fully on your schoolwork. It is very important.
Secondly, it is unfortunate that you cannot be in a school situation
where mixing of males and females is kept to a minimum. This
is the struggle of many of our young Muslims in the school systems
of non-Muslim countries. I attended an all-girls high school
and it made my life much easier. It is our responsibility as
Muslim parents to provide such situations for our children!
"Love" is a pretty strong
word. Probably what you're experiencing would be more correctly
characterized as a "crush" or strong infatuation. You
are right not to pursue these feelings on your own. As a Muslim,
you know that dating and having a boyfriend or girlfriend is
not a part of our lifestyle. Telling someone you "love"
them could possibly bring about events that would put you in
an un-Islamic position such as dating or engaging in other haram
(unlawful) activities. It is not unnatural for you to like
someone but this is where an all-girl school situation would
be much more beneficial. It would not expose you to these kinds
There is a proper way to do these things
as a Muslim. It would be good if you could talk to your mother
in a general way about some of the pressures you are experiencing
from your friends as far as dating and approaching boys at school.
Perhaps she can give you some good advice. I know that being
a young Muslim in American society can be hard. But you must
always strive to do the proper thing as a Muslim. Islam is not
just a series of rules and rituals, but is the way of life that
Allah (swt) has chosen for us and if you can concentrate on that,
things will insha'Allah become a little easier.
There are Muslim youth groups everywhere.
Try to locate one in your area, or if not, try to find a good
Muslim female friend your age. Avoid the boy at school and certainly
do not approach him about anything on an emotional level.
Lastly, find a Muslim adult you feel comfortable about discussing
these things with (hopefully a family member), be mindful of
your Salats, reading of Qur'an and studying the example of the
Prophet (saw) and his Companions. My prayers and best wishes
are with you!