Monday, August 28, 2000
My Dear Bilqis,
I am soooooooo confused and depressed in my life right now.
I am with man who is Muslim. To my shock and despair I find out
after 9 years that he is married and did not enlighten me to
that fact. I am not a Muslim, but Muslim or not it is a very
dishonest thing to do. It baffles me how he got away with not
telling his wife also.
My question is this, he says we are already married and that
I am to him his second wife. I asked him, do we need not then
to get married? And his response was that his parents and wife
would not allow it so he cannot have a ceremony at my request,
but we are already married, IS THIS TRUE OR NOT????
You have every right to be upset about
your situation for several reasons. If this man is a Muslim he
should be telling you the truth, especially about something as
important as marriage. Also, there are specific requirements
for an Islamic marriage and whether you are a Muslim or not,
if he is a Muslim he must have an Islamic ceremony. Also, he
can only marry either a Christian or a Jew (i.e. a woman of the
"People of the Book"), a woman whose religion is also
The primary requirements of an Islamic
- Mutual agreement by the bride and the
- Two adult sane witnesses.
- Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by
the groom to the bride either immediately or deferred, or a combination
The secondary requirements of an Islamic
- Legal guardian (wakeel) representing
- Written marriage contract signed by
the bride and the groom and witnessed by two sane adults.
- Qadi (Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible
Muslim person) officiating the marriage ceremony.
- Khutba-tun-Nikah (sermon) to solemnize
This and more information can be found
here at Zawaj.com. For example, in the Articles and Essays section
see Al-Nikah: the Islamic
Marriage Ceremony by M. Mazhar Husseini.
If the above requirements have not been
fulfilled, a marriage does not exist. Based upon your brief description,
it would seem that he has been misrepresenting the situation
to you. If he wants you to be his second wife then he must still
fulfill these requirements. Truth is a very important part of
being a Muslim. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has
said that a Muslim cannot be a liar. Truth and falsehood cannot
I hope you can resolve this matter soon
and within Islamic guidelines. May your example of Islam improve
and illustrate to you Islam in its true form. I would encourage
you to begin to read as much as you can on the religion of Islam.
You can begin here at Zawaj.com and other good websites such
as IslamiCity with the abundance of information provided