Female Wet Dreams: Islamic Perspectives & Regulations
By Umm Reem
Reprinted from MuslimMatters.org
Some time ago, I gave a series of lectures on Taharah (cleanliness) to the sisters in my community. A number of questions were raised from the discussion. It was nice and a very open talk since the one giving the lecture was a female herself. The sisters felt quite comfortable asking questions, in detail, that they normally feel shy about.
One of the matters that we discussed was about the exact nature of female wet dreams. I realized that this issue is not only complicated for sisters but also a much neglected subject. This is why, I decided to have a full entry on this topic, for a number of reasons:
1. This matter is not as simple and clearly distinguishable for sisters as it is for brothers, so it must be thoroughly explained.
2. There are a number of lectures given from shayukh to the brothers, in detail; however, rarely do we ever hear any Shariah explanation for sisters, in detail.
3. Mothers feel shy talking to their daughters about it. In which case, if the young daughter experiences a wet dream, she may not know the Shariah ruling on it or how to purify herself afterward.
Hence, I decided to contribute this piece, along with the help of a professional Gynecologist, Dr. Fatimah Lalani and Shaykh Yasir Qadhi, so it may help and benefit all the sisters who read this.
Wet dreams are as normal for women as they are for men. Although, the frequency may be lower compared to men, nonetheless, the occurrence of wet dreams among women does not indicate any abnormality.
Umm Salamah said: “Umm Sulaym came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Allah is not too shy to tell us the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has a wet dream?’ The Prophet said: ‘Yes, if she sees water (a discharge).’ Umm Salamah covered her face and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a woman have an erotic dream?’ He said, ‘Yes, may your hands be rubbed with dust. How else would her child resemble her?’” (Bukhari)
Therefore, if a girl/woman sees a wet dream, it does not mean that she is sexually perverted, lewd or immodest in any sense. It is out of her control, especially for younger girls who may be experiencing many hormonal changes in their bodies. In fact, the Shariah itself recognizes wet dreams as a sign of puberty.
“And when the children among you come to puberty (al-hilm)…” [al-Noor 24:59]
The same term, al-hilm, is used for both puberty and wet dreams, marking wet dreams an indication of puberty.
Besides, Allah azzawajal created wet dreams as an outlet for men and women to release their sexual energy. It happens as a result of human nature which Allah azzawajal has created Himself and no blame can be put on a person. Moreover, since wet dreams happen during sleep, while a person has no control over himself/herself, the Shariah frees a person from any blame.
The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the one who is sleeping until he wakes up, from the child until he reaches the age of puberty, and from one who is insane until he comes to his senses.” (Tirmidhi)
Also, keep in mind that the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, did not reprimand the woman who had a wet dream, neither did he declare it “abnormal” for women. Rather, he made it quite clear that women can have wet dreams just like men do and there is no oddity or incongruity with it.
Aisha (ra) said: The Messenger of Allaah, sallallahu alihi wasalam, was asked about a man who notices some wetness but does not remember having a wet dream. He said, “He should do ghusl.” He was asked about a man who thinks that he had an erotic dream but does not see any wetness. He said, “He does not have to do ghusl.” Umm Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, does a woman have to do ghusl if she sees something like that?” He said, “Yes, women are the twin halves of men.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood)
And so, I want to remind the parents and the husbands to educate themselves on this subject before making any hurtful or psychologically damaging remarks to their womenfolk. This matter is as normal among women as it is among men.
Having said this, I want to encourage mothers to inform and educate their daughters about such dreams. Do not underestimate what others are capable of teaching your daughter, including her friends (inside or outside the schools, Muslims or non-Muslims) or even teachers. Even if they do not attend the “sex-Ed” class at the school, I can assure you that they will be taught by their fellow students. Most of my teen students learned about these issues from their classmates during 3rd and 4th grade. That was about ten years ago and over the time; our society has only become more corrupted.
It is best that a daughter hears and learns this information directly from her own mother rather than from someone else educating her in school or in the streets. A mother’s education is sincere, pure, and free of any vulgarity. Besides, a Muslim mother can/should always point out the Islamic recognition of the normality of our body functions and the Shariah rulings about it.
Do not wait until your daughter asks you, because she may never ask you. This is a step that a mother has to initiate and be the first to “break the ice.” My suggestion is to explain exactly what happens during a wet dream, next give her the biological/hormonal cause, and then explain to her the Islamic ruling about it. Make your daughter feel comfortable, do not pass any embarrassing comments, put a smile on your face but be precise.
Also, do not wait until her menstrual cycle starts. It is better to educate her once the signs of puberty start appearing in her. During my discussion with Dr. Lalani, I asked her if a girl could have wet dreams before she has her first menstrual cycle. And she replied:
“Yes I suppose it is possible. Puberty is a continuum and can begin around age 9-10, starting with development of breasts, pubic and underarm hair, a growth spurt, and then menses. Throughout this time you have hormonal changes, so I suppose you could have a wet dream, prior to onset of menses.”
It led to my other question: Can wet dreams in itself mark the onset of a girl’s puberty (balagha) making her accountable for her religious obligations like fasting and hijab? Of course as any fiqhi matter, this too, had ikhtilaf (difference of opinions). I do not intend to defend one opinion or the other, but I will briefly mention both opinions.
Those scholars, who support the opinion that wet dreams are an indication of a girl reaching the age of puberty, base their opinion on the signs of male puberty and do not make any distinction between the two genders; they include menstruation as an additional sign for females.
However, the other opinion is inferred from a number of ahadith that state that the rulings are to be established at time of menstruation, like the hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam:
“Allah does not accept the prayer of a menstruating woman [i.e who has gotten her menstruation] unless she wears a veil [khimar]“. [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmizi]
And like the narration in Sahih Muslim in which the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam indicated that a man’s prayer is cut off when a woman who has gotten her menstruation passes in front of him. In this hadith, the sign of a baligha (a woman who has reached puberty) was indicated by her menstruation, wAllahu ta’ala ‘alam.
To conclude, since the female wet dream may or may not be accompanied by a discharge, contrary to that of men, I posed a few questions to the shuyukh based on the discussion I had with other women and I received following answers from Sh. Yasir Qadhi:
These answers are by Sh. Yasir Qadhi:
To be honest we rarely find such DETAILED discussion in fiqh books, most likely because men are not as familiar with this topic as they should be. However, based on the hadith of the Prophet, sallallahu alihi wasalam, I would say that:
Question: If a woman sees a sexual dream but is confused whether she had an orgasm or not, what should she do? (Please keep in mind that female genital area is always wet, and they do not necessarily always have extra discharge upon orgasm, so the matter is not as easy to discriminate as for men)
Answer: The ‘asl (original) is that she has not had a wet dream, so until there is yaqin (certainty) she does not have to take a bath. Therefore, if she does not remember an orgasm, and her private area is not extra wet, she doesn’t have to do ghusl (bath).
Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge but is sure that she didn’t have any dream of sexual nature at all?
Answer: Vaginal discharge does not necessitate ghusl, no problems here.
Question: If she sees extra vaginal discharge and is confused about the dream (i.e. vaguely recalls something but is not sure either), again keeping in mind that extra vaginal discharge could be completely hormonal or due to the normal menstrual cycle?
Answer: She must have yaqin (certainty) or at least a very strong presumption that she’s had a wet dream (which includes an orgasm).
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Umm Reem is a lawyer-wife, a negotiator-mom, a professional cook, and an average housekeeper who excels in management of multiple chores at a time. However, she believes her real specialty is her superb driving skills, because she can drive with her left hand (at times with no hand depending on the situation), while managing to keep an eye both on the road and the back seat, solving disputes between her two elder children, usually on an unjust occupation of more than a fair share of a seat by one or the other. At the same time, she has to keep the third one quite who is normally situated in the middle on her car seat, and becomes squished between India & Pakistan…err, her elder daughter and son. On a serious note, Allah azzawajal has blessed Umm Reem with 3 wonderful children, aged 3 to 11, with the elder two home-schooled (walhamdullilah). She completed her bachelors in Islamic Studies from AOU (American Open University) recently, and has been actively involved with MSA, TDC and community activities for many years. Although she is not a professional counselor, she has been pulled into helping mothers and teenage daughters for a few years, including counseling youth at al-Huda in Houston. She was also the founder of Daughters of Adam- the magazine (2001-2007) which will be rejuvenated online in the near future.
Alsalamo A’leikom
i was just wondering,if i have to bathe to pray everytime my husband kiss me because most of the time after kissing and foreplaying i found vaginal discharge.. and put in consideration we dont get involved in to a sexual intercourse its just kissing.. (i know if its sexual intercourse then i have to bathe to be able to pray but what if, the vaginal discharges is released from just kissing??)
so please i need an answer..
jazakom allah khayrun
i also need response of following question
Alsalamo A’leikom
i was just wondering,if i have to bathe to pray everytime my husband kiss me because most of the time after kissing and foreplaying i found vaginal discharge.. and put in consideration we dont get involved in to a sexual intercourse its just kissing.. (i know if its sexual intercourse then i have to bathe to be able to pray but what if, the vaginal discharges is released from just kissing??)
so please i need an answer..
jazakom allah khayrun
Assalam ualaikum, i want to ask something that has been disturbing me lately, i have a very good relationship with my husband Alhamdulillah, but when we have sex 99 percent of times i dont reach climax, which is definitly not necessary , but sometimes the stimulation continues the rest of the day , which is sometimes irritating as well ,which either leads to a wet dream , or very rarely masturbation (this makes me feel dirty, i try real hard but sometimes i do commit this sin)
this is disburbing me alot, any suggestion is appreciated, thanks
ASSALAM U ALAIKUM
Dear “n”, wa alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullah. First a warning to all readers: this answer will be somewhat explicit, so if you do not wish to read it, please move on. However, Islam teaches us not to be shy in seeking advice, and this question requires some open discussion to answer it properly. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) even gave advice in matters such as this. I hope no one is offended Insha’Allah.
It’s very common for women not to reach climax through intercourse alone. Many women need first of all some kissing and cuddling before intercourse, and caressing various parts of the body. During intercourse, women often need some sort of clitoral and breast stimulation in order to climax. You can read more about this in this article on netdoctor:
Are you having trouble reaching orgasm? A guide for women
What you can try is to pleasure yourself with your hand while you are having intercourse, or your husband can do it for you. Or, after he climaxes, he can kiss and caress you, and stimulate you with his hand until you climax.
It’s very important for a healthy marriage that both partners should be sensitive to the needs of the other. Also, you have to communicate your needs to him, or he will not know. Although many of us find it embarrassing to discuss such things, you have a right to pleasure as well, and he cannot read your mind, you must tell him, or maybe show him through gestures what you need.
Some men may get their pride wounded if they are told that their wives are not reaching climax through intercourse. They may think it reflects poorly on their love making skills. However, they should not feel that way. If your husband is at all hurt or confused by your request, you can direct him to the article I mentioned above.
Wael
Zawaj.com Administrator
is it allowed for a non married person to have a wet dream
recently i stopped masterbating
i didnt even know what i was doing
but now i like do think and dream of being with someone and kissing and having sex
is this haram?
what can i do to stop this
p.s im only 15
Salams I get wet dreams quite often, in this case what do I do? And also I can’t talk boys cos I get feelings on my dwn below it happens all the time is quite upsetting! What do I do? Please HELP!
Is masturbation allowed in Islam?
Ghazal, we have some articles about that on our “Sex in Islam” page, please check them out.
Wael
Zawaj.com Editor
If a Muslim woman has a wet dream and feels tight around her private parts but is unsure if she had an orgasm does she have to peform ghusl?
Umm Salamah reported that Umm Sulaim, the wife of Abu Talha, asked Allah’s Messenger (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), saying: “Allah is not shy when it comes to the truth. So is it obligatory for a woman to perform ghusl if she has a wet dream?” The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) responded: “Yes, if she sees the fluid.” This hadith is reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.
Insha’Allah that answers your question, maryam.
Wael
Zawaj.com Editor
AsSalam O Alikum
I have a few question to ask things I’ve been confused about I’ve come to know that the release of madhi does not require ghusal it only requires washing private parts and then perform wudu now my question is that do you have to do this every time on release of fluid (since sometimes it happens a lot) , is it possible to just wash the parts and perform wudu when required e.g. later when you’re about to perform Salat. My other question is I read somewhere that two different types of opinion come from Ulma about the person who falls asleep while thinking about thoughts that can cause this fluid to release, some Ulma think that the person should perform ghusal and other think that person doesn’t have to, this is very confusing for me i don’t know which opinion to follow. My last question is that i have OCD and i have the problems of waswasa. While performing salat or ghusal i get thoughts in my head that make me feel i have passed madhi some times i get caught up i this stuff and sometimes i just ignore it but afterwords i just get annoyed and confused whether i performed ghusal or salat right. Please i need your advice.
i had a dream that my husband is having sex with soem other woman..such kind of dreams are getting frequent..i know hes loyal to me but im very much disturbed..please help
salaam
so im confused in one part it says if the women wakes up and sees wetness but doesnt remember having a wet dream then she should do ghusl
but then later it says that wetness could be just her normal hormonal discharge
so my question is if i wake up and see wetness(not previously having a dream or remember having a dream) does she do ghusl? is that wetness justy counted as normal discharge?
jzk
ws
That first part referred to men. Men do not have any normal hormonal discharge, so if a man sees wetness (even if he does not remember a sexual dream) then it is almost certainly semen.
However, women do get a normal hormonal discharge that may have nothing to do with a wet dream. So if a woman notices wetness, ghusl is only required if she clearly remembers the sexual dream and is certain that the wetness results from that.
That is my understanding of the article, and Allah knows best.
Wael
Zawaj.com Editor
Assalamu Alaikum, I have a question, can anyone please help??? But please don’t get offended.
My question is what if a women has had sexual thoughts, ideas and imagines stuff or she reads something inappropriate and then releases some fluid, however, with no pleasure. Is it considered an orgasm. Did she release Madhi or Mazi? Does she have to do ghusul?
Muslimah, I’m not offended in the least, but I don’t know the answer to your question. Here is an answer I found on SunniPath.com:
Question:
I have a question related to the issue of the pre-ejaculation fluid, “Mazi”. Can you explain the following please?
1) What kind of Najasa is Mazi? What is your state when it is released?
2) How do you judge the affected part? Once its released you may notice some wetness on little spots but it may have gone on other places. Those other places may be simply dried up. Also if you felt the initial wetness on your skin but afterwards found no traces of it, do you have to wash the whole body?
3) If drops of mazi, mani and urine came out but dried up, is it still necessary to wash those areas? Do you wash the whole garment in case if you don’t know the exact soiled areas? Please distinguish the three cases if the rulings are different.
4) Does even a little of mazi, may be one little drop of it, makes it compulsory on you to do wudhu? I read in a book that if you say salah without washing away the spoiled area (as long as it doesn’t exceed the size of the your palm), your salah would be makruh but it’ll be valid. Is it true? How much of it has to be there before your namaz would become invalid in such a state?
5)Whats the proper procedure for washing the spoiled area?…I have read that you have to pour water on the spoiled area 3 times and then squeeze it out…But in winters this practically means that you have to change your clothes every time you release some mazi drops since the clothes won’t dry up very quickly? Also what if you are outside and the time of namaz is passing?
6) I asked all theses questions basically to get clarification on an issue I am facing?…I am getting married soon (Nikah has already been done), and it so happens that every time I talk to my wife on the phone mazi is released. How would I cope with such a problem when my wife would be with me? Will I have to wash my clothes every time? Could there be some special rukhsa in such a case?….If not, would putting a piece of cotton inside my underwear help? I would just replace this piece every time I get some wetness?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum
1. Madhi (pre-ejaculate) is defined as heavy impurity (najasa ghalidha). Heavy impurity differs from light impurity (najasa khafifa) in the amount of it that is excused. One’s prayer is valid even if one is soiled with heavy impurity so long as the amount of impurity does not exceed the size of a dirham (about the size of a circle with a 6cm diameter) if the impurity is liquid in nature or the weight of a dirham (about 5grams) if the impurity is solid in nature. Light impurity on the other hand is excused up to the size of a quarter of one’s garment. However it is recommended to remove impurity on one’s person no matter how small the quantity.
When one releases madhi one enters a state of minor ritual impurity meaning that one must perform a ritual ablution (wudu) if one wishes to pray. One does not need to have a ritual bath.
2-6. Madhi is impurity (najasa) and the normal rules for removing impurity apply. Namely;
a. If one is uncertain that a certain area has been affected by it one need not do anything.
b. If one is certain that it has affected one’s clothing but is unsure of where it affected it one need only make an educated guess of where it might be and wash that area. After this the garment is considered pure.
c. When washing impurities, one washes it until one has removed all trace of it if it has visible traces or until one feels the impurity has been removed if invisible. Neither of the two cases requires much water or time.
7. Allah Most High tries us all in various ways to see which of us is true in his claim to servitude. Those who claim love are tried even harder to see who is truly pleased with whatever the Beloved chooses for one. So be pleased. This is certainly an inconvenience but it is from the Beloved so who are we to complain? There is no real dispensation for one in such a condition unless the madhi continues to flow for a complete prayer time which seems unlikely. Do the best that you can and if it really does become a regular problem then keeping some cotton wool or tissue paper in your underwear would not be a bad idea.
And Allah knows best.
Sohail Hanif
Asalam o alikum
plz reply me
i want to ask that if i dischage while kissing my husband
is it necessary to take bath?
means its just kissing not more than that.
my question is that some times i talk in romantic mood with my husband just due to this mood it seems that my vagina gets wet some times more vaginal lubricating fluids comes out some times it may stick with the clothes im worry about the salaat namaaz is ghusal is necessary after release of vaginal lubricant? im confirmed that it is lubricating fluid not the discharge which occurs after the inter course plz help im worried abt the nammaz
Assalam O Allekum
I wanted to know if a girl rubs her clitoris for pleasure and has an orgasm, is it considered haraam? What if she touches it from above her clothes?
it is haraam and dnt do it again
Alsalamo A’leikom
i was just wondering,if i have to bathe to pray everytime my husband kiss me because most of the time after kissing and foreplaying i found vaginal discharge.. and put in consideration we dont get involved in to a sexual intercourse its just kissing.. (i know if its sexual intercourse then i have to bathe to be able to pray but what if, the vaginal discharges is released from just kissing??)
so please i need an answer..
jazakom allah khayrun
QUESTION
Asalaam alaikum..I just wanted to ask that .if a girl sees a wet dream and she felt the orgasm but no sexual intercourse ..and if there’s very little wetness then does she has to take a bath.
yah aisha u hav 2 tek ghusul
Question
Assalam,
If a woman masturbate during her mensturation period, should she have a gusl even if her period is not over?
Assalam O Allekum
I wanted to know if a girl rubs her clitoris for pleasure and has an orgasm, is it considered haraam? What if she touches it from above her clothes?
please answer my question..
Salam!
Though I am not a lesbian, I had a dream where I had sexual relations with a woman and orgasmed during the dream. I awoke immediately afterwards and there wasn’t any wetness. I felt that it necessary to perform ghusl considering the degree of indecency of my dream despite not having any wetness. Can you please confirm this whether ghusl was for me?
Jazak Allah
Salam my fellow muslim brothers and sisters. I have this problem, each time i talk to my boyfriend, sees, or even talk to him over the phone, i feel some signs around my waist and some times i feel wet, it happened to me when ever we talked..Do i have to take ghusl?
salaam alikum,
i had a wet dream but i had not discharged any thing do i need to do ghusl …. plz ans thanks
Salaam,
I have a question about vaginal discharge.
I get vaginal discharge all the time and what I have to do is put a panty liner or some tissue down below.
What I would like to ask is, when I do get vaginal discharge do I have to wash down below for each salah or just remove the panty liner or tissue?? At the moment I wash down below for each salah and it’s really bothering me now as I’m working and it takes time for me to do my full wudu and pray especially in the summer!!
Hope you can get back to me as soon as.
Jazakallah khair,
Wslm.