Sister, you are absolutely correct, continue with your education and get stronger in your deen. You seem to be very mature for your age and I am impressed, so continue on your quest of knowledge of this deen. No one can ever take what you have learned away from you, and when it is your time for marriage you will know exactly what type of person you are looking for because Allah(swt) will make clear what is good for you and what is not. Remember when the time comes for marriage look at his deen and character which are most important not where he comes from or how he looks.

Your brother in Islam

Abdul Wali Carter

i know this is a pretty old post but the comments here have been very useful, so thank you so much for that. Obviously marrying someone from the same country and culture would make a marriage slightly easier, but if their love for the deen is lower than their love for the culture.. then wouldn’t it’ll be harder? Especially when they stick by superstitions and traditions from the culture that conflict with Islam, yet they chose culture over deen, sometimes out of ignorance and pride (Allah knows best). Why not bring out the best of both cultures (ie food, music, dress etc), take away the things that conflict with Islam, yet make the true Islam the main and most important thing in a marriage.
Anyway, just less than a month ago a brother added me online (by an Islamic page on fb). He was promoting a website he had created about the endtimes in Islam (which we both have great interest in). We would mostly speak about the deen and strategies of spreading the website etc.. we also discussed aspects of marriage and what we’d expect from our future potential spouses etc
We’re both pretty young (him being 3 years older) and when we talk online its very respectable and straight forward.
He’s the first young man i’ve found to have sincere love for his deen and to take Islam seriously, with all the fitna and temptations all around i was quite suprised. For that i feel i have developed some sort of feelings for him, in hope that one day i’d be able to meet this brother and get to know him (the halal way with no physical relationship what so ever and avoiding being alone with him).
There are a number of problems though: Firstly, the thought of marriage rarely crossed my mind until i met this brother online, since i am young of age (16). (Alhamdulilah, i think its a good sign that i desire to marry through a halal process, without commiting harram beforehand)
Secondly, he is from a different culture, and also lives in a different country. I’m an (north african) arab living in the UK while he’s an asain living in the US. Casually i asked my parents what they thought of interracial marriages, and expectedly they’re weren’t terribly excited of the thought of me marrying someone of a different country let alone from a different continent. They said your children wouldn’t be considered ‘moroccan’ anymore by the rest of society and the children will have to follow the father’s culture. There were some stereotypical opinions but they said at the end of it its my choice.. Alhamdulilah they’re alittle open minded
Thirdly, this brother doesn’t know my feelings for him..

So, what would your advice be? How could i ever meet him in person (of course following the halal way of doing so) How could i inform him that i’d like to meet him in the future to get to know him (for marriage)? am i too young to even think about who my potential spouse could be in the future? What if he doesn’t feel the same, he said he would marry someone if he was financially prepared. How should i explain to my parents if they ask how i first got into contact with him? since they wouldn’t have arranged it themselves. I would love to tell my parents that i desire to get to know and marry this young man, but they will tell me i’m too young to even think about marriage, and to focus of my education, get a degree/job etc. After doing research on marriage in Islam i’ve learnt it is advisable(for health reasons) and sunnah to marry young, and of course when you are responsible for such an important decision.

Brother wali carter i am also very inspired by your story, since you were in contact online, came from different cultural backgrounds and even lived in different countries masha’Allah

May Allah grant us with what is best for us, Ameen

What a shame we still have to discuss these matters when Allah looks at our hearts. What a shame skin, hair and eyes color is a big issue to some muslim families (including mine). We are all born muslims (we get conditioned by the environment) and calling someone a revert, convert, and base refusal on that very fact is demeaning and very unislamic. Islam is not in the DNA it’s a choice and only Allah guides His slaves to the right path. Some families sadly believe that born muslims are more pious than reverts by nature – well that’s not completely true. Only Allah knows what’s in our hearts we can only judge what we can see. I have had the same problem with my family and it’s most frustrating, especially when you have reached a level of education that enables you to understand certain things beyond the boundaries set by your own culture and take them for granted, and still your own family can not understand that and won’t try to understand it. It’s so painful, for I am not given the chance to live life because what is important to me in marriage is not the the cornerstone of a successful marriage in their opinion. Inter-ratial marriage’s reputation is blemished by the hallmarked failure-stories some have experienced – but aren’t intra-cultural marriages prone to experiencing crises, too? You can not explain this to a stubborn mind not even through illustrations from real life let alone through theoretical assumptions. It’s so painful I find myself alone because I can not be with the man of my choice and with whom I foresee an enriching spiritual experience. My right, and other young women’s right in getting married is being delayed because of such a backwards notion of relationships. Makes me want to flee sometimes but alhamdulillah there is always a door to escape this pressure and that door is duaa. The way our people celebrate their identities and relate to other people opens a gap between different cultures leaving us culturally and spiritually poor and pathetically void of any values.

May Allah guide us

I’m going through the same problem as some of the commentators have stated above. Please do remember me in your du’as .

Has he gone to meet your parents and ask for your hand in marriage properly?

You can try submitting your question at our sister site, IslamicAnswers.com, and also check similar questions and answers there from others.

Wael
Zawaj.com Editor

Culturally, the differences ARE greater even with the same race. A first generation Bengali descendant in NYC may have very little in common with a person in Bangladesh. This same person may have a 5% compatibility ratio with a person from Bangladesh but an 85% affinity with the average white or black american based on language, sense of humor, shared life experiences etc… However, asian, white or black pride will prevent these unions

Language, on the other hand can be very difficult to overcome – if two people share no language together – they WILL have to share a language in order to get married.

Moreover, Islaam provides us with the highest level of guidance for mankind – and the Messenger of the Most High (peace be upon him) ordered the Muslims to partake in mixed race marriages to ‘strengthen and improve’ our blood.