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ZAWAJ.COM POLLS

August 2001 through January 2002 Poll:

Would You Marry Someone Who Has Children?

ZAWAJ.COM WEB POLLS

Would You Marry Someone Who Has Children? (9,000+ votes total) Yes (2936 votes) 32% No (2791 votes) 31% Depends on the person (2060 votes) 23% Depends on the kids (343 votes)  4% Not sure (916 votes) 10%

Over 9,000 votes were cast.

We let this poll run for a long time, partly because there was a lot of reader interest, and partly because we were so busy developing other parts of the site that we couldn't think of a new poll question. We were surprised by the strong response to the poll and the long answers some people wrote.

These are some of your comments:

This topic had cross my mind a several times. I would like to say; yes its possible as a matter of fact, lets not forget how islam feels about man who marry a single mom. But unfortunetly somethimes islam is not the only issue, the responsibility that he has to carry is also a factor not to be forgotten. I would like to believe that when u love someone that feeling can overcome everything but that would be like living in a dreamworld created and bassed on feelings and only feelings. Sure a true moemien knows what to do, but a true moemien isnt becoming a lesser moemien by not marry that women. I'm not even talking about the affort that both woman as man have to make. Its beautifel if it happens and again i hope that there are still enough men who look further than the nearby obstical. Another problem is the culture. As much as i want to deny this the culture has something to do with the discision that the man makes. But alhamdoelilah Allah swt provided enough goodness for all of us, if not now than maybe insha'allah in the live after. As a single mom i put my trust in Allah swt althow the cruelness overwelms me somethimes. Cause lets not forget; every muslim men needs a muslim women and every muslim women needs a muslim men to complete there lives. But Allah swt knows best.

The first thing is to clear are priorities of 'Life.'We are, no where in this world,living in an Islamic society. Yes! we do have very keen admirers of Islam, who also practice and try to live according to Islamic rules. But trying to live like a true Muslim and being a true Muslim are two separate issues. It is a long discussion, and a lot can be said on this, so I prefer to leave this here. Now coming to the topic of our main discussion of marrying a woman with children, I would say that I will have to observe the upbringing of children. And to which extent are they compatible with my life. We must be practical. If the mother and children are living their lives on a diffrent wavelength, then that marriage shall either be a failure again or the whole burden shall fall on the shoulders of the man of the family. And that marriage may not be a happy marriage!

As a man I am constantly reading the responsibity toward both family and community. I am HAPPILY married with two little girls yet my heart bleeds every time I see a small child without a father. I beg all men weather married or not if you are affraid of marrying again at least look after the babies. It is better if you marry the women and care for the orphan child with love but if you can not marry them...when you see the children play with them, educate them, show them love for Allah will question us about this. With Love and Salams to all, may Allah bless the Muslims and give us success.

I got married last August to a brother with a daughter. I met him on-line was not thinking too seriously about any other matters such as he is having a kid, I had to leave my job and family and relocation. But, the life is not just the way I was thinking. I feel like I am an outsider. He treats his daughter and others in the family better tan he treats me. Treatments in the sense such as talking to me, planning things with me, treating me with kind words, joking with me or laying with me. I have no problem or grudge with his daughter. But he does things that makes me upset, unhappy, jealous. He does not show me love the way he shows to his family. Also he is a year youger than me. Now, I think (Allahu Alim) I have made a big mistake and I have no where to go and I do not know what to do. Dear brothers and sisters by this what I want to tell you is that it is not a matter to marry someone with kids, it is a matter how that person who has kids manages his family affair. There is no bad in marrying someone with kids. Whoever does so will be blessed.

absolutely. this is a question i've always wondered about and as allways, Allah is merciful. He reveals what he pleases. I am a single mother desperately struggling especially with my son... I felt compelled to answer yes to the question but after reading some of the responses I would be happy to marry a man with children because i love children and because it would be pleasing to Allah. It is interesting how the pious sounding muslims answered yes, the more the better and the people who sounded shallow answered no. What divorced men and women suffer is being judged and there is such a negative stigma attached that I feel afraid to respond to adds for fear that someone will "reject me" for the simple fact that I have children. On the other hand I am grateful to Allah that because I have children, Allah keeps those shallow potential spouses away. May Allah bless whomever decided to ask this much needed question. salam.

Really depends on the circumstances that surround the matter.Children are a pure gift from God,we as humans have no right to say that she has children from a previous marriage ,when Allah says "he gives for a reason and its always for the best",Children are destined to come when its written,no-one can change that. If there is undestanding,love and respect between the two people then nothing comes between them.But acceptance of those children as your own should be a must,as marriage is not a joke and should never be treated as one! good luck and god bless to all those women who have yet to find there share of happiness-remember theres always light at the end of the tunnel.

There are some very sad comments on these pages which say a lot about the continuing shameful condition of the muslim men. The reason why there are so many ladies with children looking for husbands is partly due to the fact that they have had to escape from cruel husbands who seem to have been totally ignorant of the importance to their ibadah in striving to treat their wives well. In fact the treatment of women in our times is a digrace to the ummah and the cause of disrespect to our faith from the rest of mankind. One way in which we can help is to accept these ladies wholeheartedly with their children and try to save the reputation of muslim men before we find that all our daughters prefer to run away rather than endure the marriage that they see their mothers endure. The responsibility will rest with the men for this disaster.As to the comment that it may be children concieved out of wedlock, you dare to say such a thing about our sisters in Islam, brother? Astaghfirullah!

I am a firm believer that true love is not and has never been measured by the number of children that a woman has. I stand by the firm beliefs that love is a gift from Allah that should be shared by all. I have never limited my search to a woman with no children. In fact, I have a great deal of respect for a woman having the courage to maintain deep strength of keeping her children together in a loving home without the assistance of a man. In regards to a single mother on her own in this world, my heart reaches out to them all!

why not? a person shud be selfless.......when i can love my child i can also love the chidren of the person who already have kids.....when allah can love this whole makhlooq then we are His children we shud follow the path of modesty........and have a big heart..... thannks

I personally don't think it fair to myself to marry a woman with children especially if she wasn't married before. Makes me wonder, incase she got kids out of wedlock, that means she isn't chaste. Too much to take. That's just my opinion!

Great question to ask and to find out what the people out there think. As a divorced father, I find this to be a problem with many women that I have been approaching (Arab, Muslim one's in particular). What I found missing from the poll is the fact that the answers are not separated by gender. I would like to know if more men today are accepting of a waman with children rather than the other way around!! Thank you.

i dont wanna push the child if he or she doesn't like me like the way their dad does.

not everyone wants young kids,especially older people who have had their kids already.

all children need guidence and love, and especially an Islamic environment

as long as the kids grow without any difference between them and the half brothers and sisters

now a days because we are getting more materialistic so while getting married to a women who already got children we starting thinking about lot of financial, social problems etc, and forgot about our Providor and the teachings of our Prophet (SAW)

It is in the Spirit of Islam to help raise children properly whether or not you are the natural father. It is Sunna.

If the Child (one) is young enough so that I will have an infeluence on his upbringing.

So many sisters are struggling alone & trying to raise kids alone & so many brothers who liken themselves to the early Muslims will not even consider marrying these sisters, such brothers should take example from the Prophet & his Companions

It would be interesting to see how many of people who have voted 'yes' to this question are brothers, as in my 12 years as a single parent, I have had plenty of offers of friendship and not one of marriage!

i would marry her because of her deen being good regardless have kids or not

Children are the life of a family - who would not want them?

It is hard to deal with your own children let alone those of others. It is not easy situation

Most people say that they would marry someone with children but when it comes to actually making the committment, these people usually backout

i believe that children are a real blessing and having them around me makes me very happy. I love children dearly no matter where they come from, colour or creed. They are so pure and blessed.

Thanks everyone for your great input.

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