Tag archive for ‘marriage advice’

One Secret of a Happy Marriage

Young Muslim couple

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations. A wonderful time was had by all.

The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” She offered.

“Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that annoyed them about the other. They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with.

The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists.

“I’ll start,” offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husbands eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Nothing” the husband replied, “keep reading your list.”

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.

“Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.” She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

***

Happy Muslim coupleThis is not to say that you must overlook every fault in your partner. If a marriage partner is abusive, or is an alcoholic or drug addict, or is unfaithful, or something of that nature then yes of course there must be changes.

But when it comes to the little things, remember that we are all imperfect beings, struggling to worship our Creator as best we can, pursue our dreams, raise our families, put food on the table, and balance all of the above fairly. We all have faults. We all make mistakes.

If you go looking for faults in your partner you will find plenty, I guarantee it. You will find many mistakes, bad habits, and imperfections.

But you know what? If you look honestly in the mirror you will see the same things in yourself.

If you focus on your partner’s imperfections you will never be happy. You will always be dissatisfied, wanting more, feeling deprived, feeling frustrated. And you will end up making your partner miserable, and pushing your marriage into misery.

Instead, look for what is good in your partner. See his/her beauty, good habits, loving or kind gestures, relationship with the Creator, hidden potential, and hopes and dreams. If you look for beauty you will find it. Nurture that beauty by appreciating it, and it will grow. The love between you will deepen like a strong river, becoming more and more powerful over time. And those little things that used to bother you so much will seem not very important at all.

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My husband has not introduced me to his family and I am worried

A Muslim wedding in Brunei Darussalam. Muslim weddings, like most weddings in any culture, are family affairs.

A Muslim wedding in Brunei Darussalam. Muslim weddings, like most weddings in any culture, are family affairs.

Dear Wael,

I recently married my husband in his country of residence, and although we married in the same city as his parents live in, he did not invite them nor did he ever introduce me to them.

He claims it was because he was “on the outs” with them at the time, but later I discovered that he still lives with his parents (except when he was in the U.S. for college and work). So at the time that we married, although we were living together at a resort, he was officially living with his parents.

Now he keeps delaying my meeting his parents. Initially he said when we got our I-129/K3 visa approved I would fly back, meet his family, and we would come to the U.S. – however, during our last conversation, he said I would meet his family “next year”. I wonder if he is using me for money or a green card, even though so far he has paid for everything. The closer we get to having his visa approved, the more my intuition screams that something isn’t right here.

Today he replied to an email saying I haven’t met his family because he hasn’t met mine – but my entire family and all of my friends know that we married – and if he weren’t 10,000 miles away he would have met my family before we ever married. But he and I were staying in the same town as his family lives for 30 days, and we even got married, and I never met them. It hurts to end this now, but I know it would hurt more 2-3 years from now if he gets citizenship and leaves me.

I mean, we had a great time together and get along well, but there are a few issues, such as my not meeting his family and some other issues, that have me worried. I mean, he is Indian born and working in the UAE, but in all three cultures, Indian, Muslim, and American, marriage is a FAMILY CENTERED event. I am hurt and worried over not meeting his family, and it makes me doubt his commitment to our marriage.

- Colima

Click here for Wael’s answer to this question.

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Dear Wael: Is it okay to marry a policeman?

Question: Is it okay to work for the police in this country? I’m looking to get married and the person that im interested in works for the metropolitan police response team. - Sister Shaima

Click here to read Wael’s answer to this question.

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