Tag archive for ‘Pregnancy’

Conversations with a Pregnant Wife, Part 2: Watch Out, She’s Moody!

Silence is Golden

Part 1: Honey, I Have a Craving!
Part 2:  Watch Out, She’s Moody!
Part 3:  What’s in a Name?

By Yasser Aboudouma
Writer, Civil Engineer – Egypt

The first three months represented one-sided arguments, morning sickness, and food cravings. The following three months of pregnancy are like a walking through a minefield, with more one-sided arguments and weight gain. The husband has to expect a lot of warning messages that reflect the pregnant wife’s mood, not helped by the fact that she has a career.

Month Four

Wife: See? As I told you before, you have to stop defending them.

Husband: What happened?

Wife: The meeting today! The attendees have not given me my prestige even though they knew about my pregnancy.

Wife: Imagine, once I entered the meeting room, just five people stood up, and the others didn’t care.

Husband: WHAT! You had the chance to choose between five seats!

Wife: NO, all people have to stand up and let me choose where I want to sit.

Wife: I’ll ask the manager to limit the meeting for three to four people max.; a congested room is not good for my pregnancy.

Husband: Why do you bother? You know, why don’t you ask him to cancel all meetings!

Wife: Poor me, you’re always mean to me. Even one girl felt sorry for me and let me sit beside the window, and she opened the door too!

Husband: That’s not fair for them.

Wife: What! You’re worried about them and not me? Men!

At this stage of pregnancy, all husbands have to learn how to control their temper and be patient. A little piece of advice for husbands: Don’t try to get involved in any arguments with your lovely, pregnant wife! It’s useless, as the argument will end with accusations as if you’re the reason for all the destruction and wars in the world! You have to learn that if speech is silver, then silence is solid gold.

Month Five

The fifth month means a lot of activity, so don’t be surprised if your wife starts to become more active and looks for extra work to do. As the baby starts growing, the pregnant wife starts getting less sleep and, normally, she won’t accept that you sleep while she doesn’t! Husbands, don’t be scared when your wife wakes you up in the middle of the night with a certain look on her face. In fact, the look is telling you something.

Wife: HURRY! Wake up!

Husband: What is it? What’s wrong? Are you sick? Did you hear something? Did someone call? Is there a thief in the house? Is there a fire in the neighborhood?

Wife: No, nothing like that! I just wanted to tell you that I felt the baby move.

Husband: (horrified) WHAAAAAT! You woke me up at — what time is it? – 3 a.m. to tell me that! I have to go to work early tomorrow morning, and I can feel the baby in the morning.

Wife: (looking hurt) You don’t like me or our baby. I thought you’d like to share with me these moments.

Husband: OK, OK, let me feel the baby.

You can spend the rest of the night waiting to feel the baby move, which never happens! It’s normal. Simply, say you can feel it and make your life easier.

The pregnant wife normally feels that she needs care and attention, so be ready to expect any weird request, at any time!

Husband: Honey, I’ll take a nap until the food is ready.

Wife: WHAT! You want to go and rest while I stand in the kitchen preparing food instead of coming to give me a hand? OK, your highness! Where is the UN, human rights organizations, and gender equity rules?

Husband: OK, OK, I’m coming. I’ll give you a hand; sorry.

Of course, your help will start by washing the raw vegetables, and you’ll end up preparing everything while your pregnant wife takes her nap!

Wife: Honey, you can leave the dishes and I’ll put them in the dishwasher after I take a nap, but if you insist, it’s OK.

Husband: (vexed) OK, honey, I’ll put them.

Wife: Fine. Could you bring a glass of water with you. If you prepare tea for yourself, don’t forget my cup.

Husband: Ummm, but you said you’ll take a nap!

Wife: Yeah, I will after I drink my tea. While you’re waiting for the water to boil for the tea, please put the clothes in the washing machine. Plus, there are clothes that need to be folded. Can you do it? I’m very tired.

To all husbands: Be careful of that word, “honey.” It’s usually followed by “do that” or “don’t do that”!

Month Six

With the sixth month comes the weight gain — around 15 kg in the beginning! The pregnant wife is forced to replace her normal clothes with larger sizes. She starts feeling the baby move, and gets disappointed with what she is beginning to look like.

Wife: Why are you smiling like that? Haven’t you seen a pregnant woman gaining weight before?

Husband: (trying to hold down his laughter) Of course not. You look the same, but why do you walk like that?

Wife: I’m pregnant; have you forgotten or what?

Husbands, don’t expect the lady you married to remain the same girl who likes to share in your thoughts and/or life difficulties. Their focus changes, and as pregnant women they always like to talk about the pregnancy, and they don’t intend or desire to talk about anything else.

Wife: I read online that in the West pregnant women deliver their babies without anesthetics, and sometimes it happens when they’re sitting or swimming in a pool. I’ll check with my doctor to see about the possibility of doing the same.

Husband: Honey, you’re still in your sixth month, and remember that you’re in Egypt, not in the West. Tell me first, do you spend all your working day searching for information about pregnancy on the Net? Sweetheart, I tell you what, let’s forget about that now, I need to eat.

Wife: I’ll prepare something special today. Just go and sit in front of the TV until I finish.

(A couple of hours pass.)

Husband: Honey, where’s the food?

Wife: It’s not ready yet, it’s only 10 p.m., why are you in a hurry?

Husband: Honey, you think 10 p.m. is still early? Let’s eat anything, even some cheese.

Wife: (now mad) You’re a typical Middle Eastern man; there’s no appreciation whatsoever for my effort! Just for your information, my close friend never cooked anything throughout her pregnancy and up until four months after she delivered the baby.

Husband: So what did they eat for the year?

Wife: (in a low voice) Her husband was out of the country for a year, and she stayed at her parents’ house.

A wise man once said that parents who failed to raise their son properly shouldn’t worry, the wife will certainly do the job!

Part 1: Honey, I Have a Craving!
Part 2:  Watch Out, She’s Moody!
Part 3:  What’s in a Name?

***

Yasser Aboudouma is an Egyptian-Canadian who lives between Cairo and Ontario. He holds a B.Sc. in engineering and a diploma in project management. He is interested in issues of social and cultural differences.

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Conversations with a pregnant wife, Part 1 – “Honey, I have a craving!”

Seedless watermelon

This was originally published as, “Honey, You’re Pregnant” on IslamOnline.net

Part 1: Honey, I Have a Craving!

Part 2:  Watch Out, She’s Moody!
Part 3:  What’s in a Name?

By Yasser Aboudouma
Writer, Civil Engineer – Egypt

There are common arguments, especially in Egypt, that are repeated daily between each husband and his lovely and adorable wife, who by the way is pregnant for the first time!

Usually, the story begins when the wife suspects that she is pregnant. She runs to the nearest lab for a pregnancy test, and once she is confirmed pregnant, all her life is changed and her husband’s life is pushed to the edge, or more pointedly, to the verge of collapse.

“I have to see a good doctor,” the wife says.

“But, your doctor is good and she has a good reputation,” replies the husband.

With the start of a period of pregnancy, there are a lot of requests, orders, and special considerations, and the poor husband has to listen and obey, because her majesty is going through her first pregnancy!

* * *

First Month

Wife: I want to see a male doctor like all my girlfriends. My doctor is old and boring.

Husband: Honey, you are veiled, and there is no necessity to visit a male doctor; and whether your doctor is old or young, what matters is her experience and qualifications. If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor, we can look for another female doctor.

Wife: NO! I know that females are not that experienced in medicine.

Husband: (mumbling) In everything, not only medicine!

The arguments continue till the husband succeeds in convincing his wife that another female doctor would be good, especially that she is a little younger than the previous doctor. But, the wife is still unhappy as the new doctor does not have the latest high technology of ultrasonography.

Wife: See! This doctor also failed to show me the baby.

Husband: Honey, you are still in your first month, there is no baby to see.

Wife: My friend’s doctor showed her the baby in her first month, and the baby was moving, plus she could hear his heartbeat.

Husband: Oh yeah! And the baby was walking too, right! In the first month, the baby looks like a dot.

As usual, that argument ends with going to one of the private hospitals where there are the latest medical equipment. At the hospital, the doctor explains to the wife that there is no way any instrument can show a baby, its movement, or its heartbeat, as the baby is not big enough. Finally, they quietly return back home and the wife realizes that she has to wait.

* * *

Second Month

Pregnant woman cartoon image

The second month of pregnancy means nausea and cravings for certain foods. Hormones start to increase rapidly, which affects the pregnant woman’s behavior with her husband and her colleagues at work. Be careful if you have pregnant women at your company and/or office.

Wife: Honey, I have a craving for watermelon with no seeds.

Husband: I have never heard of that! Watermelon with no seeds!

Wife: That’s not my concern. I crave for it and I want it. Do you want our baby to be born with a birthmark?

Wife: I think my tummy is a little bigger than normal. I believe I have twins!

Husband: No, your tummy is still the same, and the doctor told us that you have a single baby, not twins.

Wife: So! Maybe the doctor could not see him.

Day after day, this kind of dialogue goes on and on, especially when the wife goes to work. Expect your pregnant wife to return from work in a bad mood, nervous, and quite, quite mad because …

Wife: (nervously) I have to quit work. I will give them my resignation tomorrow. I can’t handle work and all the people there. It’s OVER!

Husband: What happened?

Wife: Imagine. At the weekly meeting, my manager suggested something that should be done. I told him that I don’t think it’s beneficial to work. He kept arguing with me, and he wasn’t convinced by what I said.

Husband: That’s normal. He is your boss, and he has a right to argue with you about work.

Wife: Men, men, men! You are one of them, and all men are the same – sure you’ll defend him. No, he has no right to do so and no right to argue with me; he meant to irritate me. All of the men in the meeting, and the world, have to take a one-way trip to Iraq, and I’m ready to pay for the tickets!

Wife: Also, that girl in the meeting, instead of supporting me and taking my side, she supported him and made more suggestions that I have to implement.

Husband: Honey, it’s normal; that girl is your close friend and she has always been kind to you.

Wife: NO! It’s not normal. They have to know that I’m pregnant and my increasing hormones affect my mood, so they shouldn’t argue with me at all!

Husband: Sweetheart, let’s forget all about work – what do we have for dinner today?

Wife: (In a very shy, soft, and passive voice) Honey, do you really want something to eat today? I was nervous today and needed to rest because I was worried about the baby. But there’s a tin of tuna in the kitchen.

Husband: What! You will not join me for dinner?

Wife: No. When I had finished the meeting, I returned to my office and ordered some food to help me relax.

Days will pass, and life will crawl along slowly until “this woman” reaches her third month of pregnancy.

* * *

Third Month

In this month, the pregnant wife is assured that she has a single baby. Hormones increase rapidly, which affect the routine of her life and make her feel lazy and sleepy most of the time. She will be curious to see the baby each and every day, and she will want to trace its growth accordingly.

Cartoon about an argumentative pregnant woman

Wife: Yesterday, the doctor didn’t show me the baby well. The baby’s hand didn’t show up clearly.

Husband: Don’t worry. The doctor and I saw the baby, and it looked really great.

Wife: I’m not asking for what you and the doctor did or didn’t see! I have to re-visit the doctor next week, and I’ll ask her to show me the baby.

Husband: She arranged the next appointment for next month, not next week.

Wife: No problem. She won’t remember, and my friend told me that her doctor had ultrasound and showed her the baby on a weekly basis.

Husband: Honey, your friend is in her sixth month, while you are in your third.

Wife: Arrrrrgh! Stop arguing with me. You are just like my colleagues at work; useless!

Or the dialogue may go back to the size of the wife’s “tummy”!

Wife: Honey, I think my tummy is starting to get bigger.

Husband: No dear, I think it is still the normal size.

Wife: You see, my pregnant friends told me so. They also told me that in the third month my tummy starts to get bigger. Plus, I’ll feel the baby’s movement and I’ll hear his heartbeats too.

Arguments, arguments, arguments; your life will be all about arguments with your sweet, pregnant wife! You have to be patient and quiet, and you must support her, even if she surprises you by trying to manipulate everything for her own benefit.

Wife: Honey, I want to eat something.

Husband: What’s that, sweetheart? We can have it delivered here.

Wife: I wish to eat at that restaurant we went to on the day we got married.

Husband: Yeah, but it’s far away from here and previously you complained that you get tired from being in the car, especially for long distances.

Wife: No, no. If we go to that restaurant, I won’t feel tired.

Husband: OK honey, we’ll go this weekend.

Wife: No, I want to go today, NOW – otherwise, the baby will be born with a birthmark! as I crave eating in that restaurant.

Husband: Sweetheart, I understand that pregnant women crave for certain kinds of food, not certain kinds of restaurant!

Wife: Have you ever been pregnant? How would you know about cravings? This is my desire.

Of course, these arguments end in one direction only, the pregnant wife’s direction; and the husband has to admit that he will lose his case to his wife, who represents the half of society, whom we call weak!

Part 2:  Watch Out, She’s Moody!
Part 3:  What’s in a Name?

***

Yasser Aboudouma is an Egyptian-Canadian who lives between Cairo and Ontario. He holds a B.Sc. in engineering and a diploma in project management. He is interested in issues of social and cultural differences.

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Are Ultrasound Scans Allowed in Islam?

Fetus in the womb sucking its thumb

Are ultrasound scans allowed in Islam?

I received this question on the IslamicAnswers.com website and I am reprinting the question and my answer here:

Question:

I am four months pregnant and soon i will have my second scan.

Is it haraam to ask what’s in my tummy?

And if it’s not haram plz could i have a hadeeth or ayaa in da quran?

thank u

- marya

Wael’s Answer:

Dear sister Marya, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

Getting an ultrasound scan is not haram. I have never seen any ruling by any scholar that it is forbidden, but I have read many opinions that say it’s acceptable.

I was actually surprised that this is even an issue.

In fact it’s a good idea to determine if the fetus is suffering from any health problems, as doctors nowadays may be able to treat such problems even before the child is born.

It’s also very helpful to know the position of the baby in the womb, as a baby that is positioned incorrectly could endanger itself and the mother at delivery. Historically, many women have died from such problems.

My experience with my daughter

When my daughter Salma was in her mother’s womb, an ultrasound scan showed us two potentially serious problems. The first was that the baby was breach (turned the wrong way). The second was that the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. The doctor said that ordinarily with a breach baby he might try to turn it manually, but in my daughter’s case such a maneuver might tighten the cord around her neck and choke her. He recommended a cesarean section, and he said that we should not delay.

So we agreed, and Alhamdulillah my daughter is a healthy, lovely girl. If we had not performed the scan, we would not have known about the cord, and we might have lost the baby and endangered her mother as well.

Sometimes Muslims worry that an ultrasound might be haram because it might be taken as probing into Al-Ghayb or the unseen things that only Allah knows about. Here is an opinion on that subject:

***

Dr. Hatem al-Haj , associate professor of Fiqh at Shari`ah Academy of America and Islamic University of Minnesota, stated:

There are two different types of the unseen, absolute and relative. The absolute unseen belongs only to Almighty Allah, such as knowledge of the future that He did not disclose to any of His creation. While the relative unseen is like what is taking place in a different country at this time, but we do not know. It is part of the unseen because of our limited capacities and lack of encompassing knowledge, but it is not part of the absolute unseen.

The sex of the fetus in the womb is part of the relative knowledge of the unseen that is kept from some of Almighty Allah’s creation and disclosed to others. It is not in the latter stages of absolute knowledge of the unseen that belongs only to Him.

The reason why the question is asked – I think – and some Muslims may hesitate about this issue, is the following verse:

Almighty Allah says, (Verily, Allah! With Him (Alone) is the knowledge of the Hour, He sends down the rain, and knows that which is in the wombs. No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allah is All Knower, All Aware (of things).) (Luqman 31: 34)

That which is in the wombs here does not apply to the sex of the fetus, even though the sex may be at some earlier stage of the knowledge of the absolute unseen. It refers to everything about this creature and its future.

The proof of this is that we were told that there is an angel who knows the sex of the fetus. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,

“After the nutfah [drop (of semen)] is in the womb for forty or forty five nights, the angel enters and says: My Lord, will he be good or evil? Both will be written. Then he says, My Lord, would he be male or female? Both will be written. In addition, his deeds, actions, death and livelihood will be recorded. Then his document of destiny is rolled and there shall be no addition to it or subtraction from it.” (Muslim)

Since the angel knows the sex, it is not part of the absolute knowledge of the unseen from which all creatures are barred. Based on this, the earlier scholars did not reprimand physicians who attempted, through their rather primitive means, to guess the sex of a fetus.

Given the above, there is no harm in trying to know the sex of the baby before its birth through fetal ultrasound.

***

Mufti Ebrahim Desai has also answered a question on this subject:

Question:

How does one reconcile what a scan shows (of a baby in the mother’s womb, its sex, etc.) with the Qur’aanic verse that says that Allah Ta’ala Knows what is in the wombs?

Answer
:

The verse of the Quran in reference is “And Allah knows what is in the wombs.” There are two key words in this verse, Ya’lamu which means that Allah knows. The other key word is Arhaam which means wombs. The knowledge of Allah is absolute in every sense. Absolute knowledge is without any medium or source. That is the case with the knowledge of Allah. He does not require any means or source for His knowledge as knowledge is His attribute. The information on scanning machines is not knowledge as that is through a source, the machine. At most it is a reflection of that which is in the womb.

Secondly, the knowledge of Allah is error-proof. He knows exactly what is the gender of the child. There can be no mistake about that. Errors in scan machines are well known and common.

Thirdly, the knowledge of Allah about what is in the wombs is not confined to the gender of the child. It is far beyond that. Allah knows everything about the child, every blood cell, every blood vessel, every tissue, every bone, the marrow in the bone, the life span, the feature and conduct of the child. Allah even knows what the child will do and whether the child will be a successful slave of Allah or not. Surely, no machine, rather all the machines of the world, cannot detect an iota of all this.

The second key word in the verse in Arhaam which means wombs. Allah claims to know all that which is in the wombs. A scan machine may scan one woman at a time. Allah knows at once everything of every womb of every woman that came in the past that is present and that which will come in the future. Can there be any such machine. Subhanallah, the knowledge of Allah is supreme and greatest. Allahu Akbar. Allah is the greatest.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best

***

A Warning About an Ugly Practice:

I should mention that some parents in certain countries sometimes perform an ultrasound scan in order to find out the sex (the gender) of the baby, and if it is a girl they might abort her. This is absolutely haram.

Shaykh Faraz Rabbani says about this:

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

1. It is in itself permitted to find out the gender of the baby; there is nothing, in itself, to deem it prohibited or disliked.

2. If, however, it is linked with ignorant ideas of gender preference, it would be disliked, and haram when this would lead to unlawful abortion.

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,

Faraz Rabbani

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