Tag archive for ‘zawaj.com humor’
Zawaj.com Humor Files: 10 Good Reasons to Marry a Muslim
Zawaj.com’s Islamic Humor Files
I came across this rather silly article on elanthemag.com, a website that bills itself as “the guide to global Muslim youth culture.” I’m not sure who the target audience is for the article – maybe it’s directed at young Muslims who are susceptible to marrying non-Muslims? It’s not an article meant to be taken seriously, so I have classified it under Zawaj.com’s Humor Files.
Here you go:
10 Good Reasons to Marry a Muslim
by Fareeda Ahmed
11/5/09 – 2:24 PM
Single ladies and bachelors, listen up! The world is melting! Nationality is just not what it was before. In a world where we can have wars on intangible forces (“terror,” “obesity,”…”Hannah Montana”) it’s clear that borders just don’t mean what they used to. This post-modern nationless world, coupled with the rise of intermarriage – aka “people-flower cross-pollinization,” – has rendered the question “so where are you from?” as obsolete as “so, when was your last polio vaccination?” or “How ‘bout them Crusades?”
Always the trendsetters, Muslims as a people have helped propagate this blurring of borderlines since their emergence from the deserts of Saudi 1,600 years ago – Islam spread as its followers travelled, and its singles mingled with indigenous populations. As a result, Muslims are all over the globe today. And the trend is growing. Muslim genes are spreading faster than viral videos, and it’s not the broadband (though that might be part of it…internet dating, etc).
So are you looking for a long-term relationship? Don’t fight it, people. You read about us in the news every single day – we’re freakin’ famous! Come and melt with us! Give you one good reason? Sure thing! Here are 10 good reasons to marry a Muslim.
1. Cool Kids’ names – Muslim names are awesome! Don’t get me wrong. I think John, and Jackson, and Bob are all nice names…but when your kids’ names are Jahangir (conquerer of the world), Jalal-ud-Din (the majesty of religion), and Bahar Bano (blooming princess), you’ll be itching for them to fall off the swings so you can yell their names proudly across the playground. i.e. Zahratun Nisa (Women-Flower) ! Get down from those monkey bars this instant!
2. In with the In-Crowd– Get with it! Muslims are the second-largest religious community in the world. Join the club! Loser.
2a. Diversify Your Gene Portfolio – Tagging onto #2 – the world Muslim population is enormously diverse and varied. It’s sort of like a Whole Foods buffet for genes – you get a little Chinese, a little Italian, and some North African too.
3. Wedding of Your Dreams – Small courthouse ceremony? Or awesome wedding extravaganza with bejeweled camels and a weeklong music and dance festival. (And here’swithout breaking the bank!)
4. Instant Celebrity– What other group of people is in the news more? Your choices are basically: join a reality tv show (hello psuedo-celebrity Apprentice), become Barack Obama, get fake lost in a flying balloon and hide in your parents’ attic…or become Muslim! If you want to be talked about – Muslim is the way to go!
5. Pull the “M” Card– people have lots of misconceptions about Islam. While we all do our duty to educate them about fasting, prayer, and our traditions, another boon of marrying a Muslim is you get to psych them out too – like, “oh what’s that? That huge paper is due on Monday? Oh right, well that’s a religious holiday for me, a Muslim one. No can do. Sorry.” Or “I’m so bummed I can’t eat that delicious looking roasted intestine sausage link. I’m fasting. What’s that? Yeah, it started uhh right now, like 5 minutes ago. Whattashame.” Or “Oh…heyyyy…..how are…you……yeah, I totally meant to call you, but phones are against my religion.”
6. Family Drama and Not Just Yo’ Mamma– Think you’ve got family drama with your 2 evil cousins and weird uncle? Marry into a Muslim family and you’ve just entered stage-right of a saga of epic proportions, complete with evil eyes, cursing of generations, and ancestral feuds. Plenty of fodder if you’re a writer…or a therapist.
7,8,9 &10. You totally thought I was going to list something about ”multiple wives,” didn’t you? Didn’t you? Like saving on wedding expenses by doing 4 brides-in-1, or creating a dynasty of little you’s in one-quarter the time. You were just waiting for it, weren’t you?
Well, sorry, I couldn’t resist: Reasons 7,8,9, &10 = Wives 1,2,3 & 4.
Polygamy: expanding the Muslim empire since 600AD.
You’re welcome, World.
Zawaj.com Humor Files: Goha is Asked to Pray for Rain
Editor’s Note: Some call him Goha or Joha, the Turks call him Hodja, while the Perisans call him Mollah or Nasrullah. Regardless of what you call him, this wise, mysterious and sarcastic figure has been a fixture of Middle Eastern stories for centuries.
Goha is Asked to Pray for Rain
There was a terrible drought. After a long deliberation, the villagers decided to approach Goha, who was known to work miracles on occasion, and ask for his intervention in bringing the rain.
The whole community went over to Goha’s hut and the elders stated their request.
“Sorry”, said Goha. “There will be no miracle because you have no faith.”
“But Goha, how can you say that?” said the villagers. “After all, is it not our faith that brought us to your door, begging for help?
“If you really had faith,” said Nasrudin, “You would have come with umbrellas.”