Islamic marriage advice and family advice

14 years old and I feel I’m destroyed

guilt regret female


I'm a 14 year old girl. Raised in a Muslim family. Both my mom and dad love me very much and i love them too, and i have a very special attachment with my mommy. I never disrespected them.

My siblings hated me, especially my brother. i feel like im not worthy of this house. Please take out a little time to read it all.

i'm sick of my past and even my present. Ever since i've started my school, i've never met anyone loyal. in class 1 my friends left me for new friends. in class 2 and 3 i was bullied by my class fellows so my school was then changed. after i went there i felt a totally different environment, the girls there had a very arrogant attitude over there, so till class 5 i had met no friends, in fact i used to get bullied.

My mom was my only friend, i was really innocent, and very sensitive too. i took little things on heart and i still do when im in 9th grade. I was very good in studies and y parents were also very proud of me.

But one trouble i had,was that my Dad was very harsh, there used to be 100 fights at our home which caused mental effect on me. im still very scared of my dad as he beats my mom very badly and we cant do anything about it.

This thing happens daily. my dad screams on my mom on daily basis, and on very lame issues, where my mom doesnt deserve it, he abuses her, infact he even beats my sister and my nephew as my sister is a widow she lives with us.

When i went to 6th grade, my teachers never liked me. i dont know why, i always tried to be funny because i like to make people smile. I study in a co-education system so i seem to have many troubles facing people here. i met alot of friends here, and from them, 3 of them became my very best friends. We spent together a year,but due to a false slander on me, that i spread rumours, all three of them left me.. And i was left all alone, i used to cry all nights because i was left with NO friends again, but my mom would heal me then, she knew everything.

At that time, we had many financial problems at home and dad was very abusive and harsh at time. i was mentally disturbed.

My mom changed my school again. I again aimed to live a new life and always seeked Allah's help, i was very innocent at that time. I promised i always listen to mom because she always heals me.

But there i met two friends. i made a guy friend, i didnt knew it was haram to make guy as a friend. I shared my problems with him, as i was only 12 and very immature. i listened to him as he said, i felt as if he was talking like my mom and couldnt harm me. i soon developed feelings for him, but i never intended to go physical with him.

One day my dad went so harsh that he almost burned my mother's hand. i was so much scared that i was trembling in school so he my friend asked me whats wrong and i told him. he said everything will be fine and he calmed me. Soon or slowly, 2 years were passing, and i don't know how why and Oh Allah i just don't know what to say... even while writing this,tears are falling down my eyes.  I'm a virgin. But i did other stuff with him. i always stopped him but he said its okay, so i went on doing it.

He left me in the end. But during the month of ramadan i realised my mistakes and i cried day and night for how my life was getin over, i felt as if im not important and i will never get married. I cant eat cant drink cant sleep cant talk cant look at my mom. I, for the first time, did something behind my mom's eye and and i cant even tell her. i felt so dirty. she always said to stay away from this guy but i never listened.

Now when i realised, i confessed my sins in front of Allah, cried and begged him for forgiveness, and took a proper oath that i would never repeat the same mistake again. I even started praying 5 times now and read Quran but when i look at mom, i feel pathetic that i played with her respect.

my brother is becoming a kafir day by day, he talks kufr and disrespects my mother a lot. when i see that i feel bad inside and think to myself, 'what good have you done to a mom as good as yours who loves her children so much'.

I even cut off all my ties with all my guy friends and even some girl female friends because i decided to spend all my life for mom. My only hope is Allah, i feel like im destroyed and no man would ever want to marry me. I'm not bad, i promise, but i feel really bad inside.

How to purify myself and regain my innocence? Help me im dying inside. Will Allah ever forgive me? What to do so my brothers behaves properly and returns to Allah? How to make my dad be good to us?

How to forget my past? Its killing me. I cant study at all, i cant sit with people, i feel like they all know about my past even when i have concealed my sins and Allah did too. When i see my cousins i feel theyre pure and im impure. Im just 14. I cant find a way to move on. Please help me. im going through this bundle of regret, i cant share this with anyone else, ill die like this...what if Allah doesnt forgive me?

Am i the odd one out from all the other teenagers? Are they all better than me and am i bad? some people around think that im a bad girl how to face them. I used to go play with children outside so they think that im a bad girl. What to do?? Please understand my situation and then answer and help me with all these questions. Because i feel very bad. I feel like Allah doesnt love me. I fear him very much.

My heart is not getting peace and i feel as if i dont deserve anything good not even the man i will marry in future . I feel like Allah will punish me even when i repented. My life has become a fuss. I feel like i should be locked in a room until i die and Allah forgives me, but i cant, because i cnt leave my mom alone with dad, shes not safe. What to do. Will Allah be with me again?

- Umm-e-nasim

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25 Responses »

  1. Salam little sister,
    Your story touched my heart. Sorry if my answer might be brief but I am on my phone. First of all sister, don not despair of the mercy of our Lord. Allah (S.W) is the most Forgiving. He will forgive you if you repent sincerely and do not go back to those sins. You are very young, you have a lifetime to make a lot of good deed which help you get to Jannah. Keep doing your prayers, keep begging and crying to him for forgiveness. We are simply humans and make mistakes and Allah (S.W) love those who sincerely repent.
    I am sorry for the situation at home. You are such a strong girl with good intentions for your mom. I am very proud of you. All I can advise you for your brother and your father 's behavior is to make Dua. And remember Allah (S.W) does not put a burden on us which we can carry. This may be your test to win entrance to Jannah, so sister keep prayings, read the Qu'ran and make Duas. Allah (S.W) will make it easy for you and family inch'Allah.

    • Salaam everyone,
      I loved all your replies,but the thing thats bothering me is,that im not worthy of any happiness,im not worthy of any man and even the one ill marry,i feel hatred towards myself.
      Im a virgin but i cant forget the fact that i did everything else.
      My mother is deciding to shift,but i still feel scared. What to do? I cant concentrate and shiver everytime i wake up,my heart gets fast. And feel very alone..all my sins haunt me. I dont want my future hus to kno abt all this because then he will think that im not good for him. What should i do?

      • Sister, I am going to tell you what i would say to a friend if she was saying what you are:

        I want you to stop- take a deep breath- go to your quraan- open up the first page- read the first line-
        "In the name of Allah the most gracious, the most merciful." Done. Thats all you need to know. The most merciful, that is one of Allah's attributes/names.

        You have to stop the negative talk about yourself, its not healthy at all. Stop thinking about this "imaginary" husband, start thinking about building your self confidence and self esteem- thats what really matters.

        If you love yourself, and take care of who you are, and stay on the righteous path- you attract an emotionally healthy husband who does not care about petty stuff like this.

        Now sister, go live in peace- stop this non-sense about I am not worthy- stop wallowing in self pity and self hate- pick your shattered self confidence up from the ground- and put it together in knowing that Allah is merciful and he will take care of you and all your affairs. You are only 14, you have your whole life ahead of you, you cant live with this kind of attitude for the rest of your life.

        Thats all i have to say- you are beautiful, you are worth it, and you are a good human being-- now stop this pity party and move on.

        • Sister one more question. Do i have respect can i live my life with respect like i did when i was even younger with no worries?? Do i deserve what my other sister does? Should i not care about others? Will Allah love me now and can i restart my life by forgetting the past? If yes then please advice me How

          • Yes sister, you do have respect.
            My dear little sister, do you realise that when you repent from a sin, Allah wipes the slate clean. He (swt) not only removes the sin, He turns it into a good deed, in His infinite Mercy.
            So once a person repents and does everything they can to stay away from a sin, they are pure. So like anyone else you are precious, beautiful and pure.

            Learn from it and move on. Make tawbah and stop guilt-tripping yourself over it because it is what shaitan wants - shaitan wants you to feel so guilty all the time that you feel depressed and sad and feel like there is no hope. Do you want to do what shaitan wants? Please sister work on moving on. Keep this sin between you and Allah.

            Lots of people have made mistakes - some of these people who did left their sinful ways, made tawbah and lived pious respectful lives.

            On how to do it, its difficult. Everytime you remember the sin, say astaghfirullah. If you start to feel very scared or hopeless you need to realise that what is happening is shaitan is whispering to you and you are listening to him and making these horrible feelings yourself. Humans do it. BUT we can control this. We can let these bad feelings go rather than holding on to them. Take a deep breath and let your feelings go, do it as much as you need to. I hope this makes sense to you, if not then let me know and I will try and help sister.

            “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.”

            -Hadith Qudsi
            May Allah swt make it easy for you

          • The thing that bothors me all the time is that i did wrong to my mom now on my cousins wedding i wsnt able to concentrate on it,i ws jus scared n felt really bad,i swear my health is going bad because of this sin,it kills me n it makes me worry abt my future that what will happen when ill marry what if someone says bad things about me to the one ill marry my head is gonna burst out now,i feel sucidal,sorry for asking questions,but my heart aint gtin peace.plz help. I cnt face anyone i jus feel bad for disobeying Allah.sorry fr askin so mch sister..but i want to move on with a clear healthy mind. I wanted to spend
            all my life without sins but..unfortunate.

          • plz help sister 🙁

        • 🙁

          • Ya Allah .Verily are praised and I seek refuge from the evil snob Shaytaan
            Assalamualaikum Warhamtullahi Wabrakaatuhu

            Let me tell you something about pain and guilt , both are vital, the former for the survival of the physical body and the latter to keep the heart alive . A body part that has lost its feeling is good as dead and inevitably die off which would then have to amputated , so is the case with the nafs/soul , but the only difference is it does not die in parts it dies in totality.

            Sister don't get me wrong, but I envy you for the following reasons.
            1. The amount of guilt that you feel even after all those years , which is a sign of true repentance and real love for Allah.
            2. I have heard incidents of Sahabi who have died out the fear of Allah for committing a sin which we nowadays consider "trivial". And you remind me of a such people and exemplify them.
            3. Your love for your mother , your sincerity , your INNOCENCE .
            4. Your tears , Subha Allah . One of the people who will be shaded under the Throne will be a Man/Women who shed A tear out of the fear of Allah and Bi'idnilAllahI think you Qualify for that top of the batch .

            Oh How I wish I could just shed one tear out of fear , one out of hope , one out of the gratitude and Sincerely say "Ya Rabb! Ya Raheem, Ya Ghafoor ,Here I am at your doorstep forgive this dog who has shown no sign of remorse for disobeying you"

            You amaze me , from reading your story I can understand your untainted love towards Allah, Your persistence in asking Allah to forgive you and shedding a tear.
            It is a true sign of Emaan that your feel guilty for your sins which you have committed and every time you do it Allah is being pleased with you Bi'idnilAllah.

            Sister my life in short has a lot of similarities to yours, My parents had a rough relationship ever since I knew it and it really hit the rocks when I was like 12 till I was 22, Dad got Involved in another relationship , abused my mother a lot , financial breakdown till the point of going brankrupt to the point of losing our home , etc

            Meanwhile I got involved with a girl and you know of the Fitan involved in Having haram relationships , everything goes ....

            No true friends ,just guys who I thought were friends , How I wished I wanted to be like them woo girls , "talk confidently " with the opposite sex , Get any girl I want, Have a Girl Friend which would make my friends envy etc ... I did not understand why my "Friends" would never want to hangout with me , I thought I was funny , I was sincere with them, I would be there for them in their time of needs , the only thing which I did not do was smoking of any kind just like they did , nor drinking. I was depressed , It would break my heart to see that they would take trips, plan things like go to a movie etc .. without me even knowing , I thought why ? I wanted to be their friend but all they consider me was just a "guy-in-the-block-to-hangout". Then I tried to get involved with another girl who was studying medicine in the US(the only thing I was amazed by her was her intellect and a bit of her looks .... Stupid me ) not her deen. I understood one thing about me I was shy and I hated that trait about me back then , nor was I ready to let go of my prayers or compromise parts of my deen like doing Haram things even though I did a lot of Haraam stuff .

            The same thing happened when I went abroad to study "Friends" who are not really friends. This broke me , I was suffering from inferiority complex , social awkwardness etc .. I hated myself for being not-wanted and more than all I hated myself for being Shy which was the only thing that was standing in between me geting a girl friend(Cuz I was shallow enough to think that a girl would just fall for a guys look and wits ... stupid me again ). I felt I was a total screw up , a coward and a good for nothing guy not worthy of any woman.

            Then the Rahman of the Heavens Alhamdulillah guided me to Islam(I was born a Muslim , but only now do I feel like a Muslim ) and gave me Wisdom about my life , Today I am 26 years Old now , have a successful career , a loving mother , and yeah a great dad who is super religious now , which if you had asked me 2 years back I would have said "There is more of a chance of a camel going thru the eye of a needle than my dad Religious and Amiable with my mom(Stupid me .. I had so low an emaan I did not put my trust in Allah)". I now understand that all the traits I hated when I was in my formative years is a blessing in disguise by Allah , My shyness protected me from Zina, from Having a crack at getting the shade of Allah under they Throne Bi'idnillah , beside my social awkwardness protected my from Sins that my "friends" were involved in drinking,smoking,Zina,Abandoning prayer , going to movies etc ... I can;t thank Allah enough for giving me such beautiful gifts and I feel ashamed that I hated that gift and I feel the LOVE OF ALLAH OF HOW HE NEVER GAVE UP ON ME EVEN WHEM I HAD GIVEN UP ON MYSELF AND EVEN WHEN I HATED THE GIFTS HE HAD GIVE ME TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM SHAYTAAN.
            Also my love for my mother increased ten-fold whenever I think of the trials she had to go through to protect me , educate me etc ... when she was going throuhg heavy hardships in her life and teaches me to be strong for her just LIKE SHE WAS FOR ME now when she is weak .
            I recently came to know that being shy is a blessing from Allah and that doubles the happiness
            I can tell you without ALLAH putting me through Allah that I doubt it I would have been who I am now .

            Who am I now ?
            Well I can tell you this much , I am confident ALHAMDULILLAH , successful in my relationship with my parents ALHAMDULILLAH who are together ALHAMDULILLAH .
            More than All I am I am blessed to say that I am Muslim and I have learnt that Allah would never push me off a cliff without teaching me how to fly nor he putting his hands at the bottom to hold me , All I have to do is PUT MY TRUST IN HIM ALONE.

            Wallahi the words of my creator are the truth as he says in the Quran "With every hardship comes twice the Relief" Suarah Nasr

            I know sis how it feels to be not-wanted by you must understand our beloved messengers were people who were considered "not-wanted" by their people and look what happened to them. Don't you underestimate your self , Stay strong just like our mother Kadija was when our Prophet was scared after he was given Prophethood and Believe in your self just like our mother Kadija did again when the prophet asked "Who would listen to me ?" to which she replied "I would" and the rest is history.

            If you have some traits that people don't like then it is their problem ? May be you don't like to backbiters like they are , nor dress as slutty as they do , nor have boyfriends like they want and for trying to be a GRATEFUL SLAVE OF ALLAH the price you have to pay is sticking out like, then make sure that you do STICK OUT MORE LIKE A SORE THUMB AND LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE PROUD ABOUT IT and you enjoy it . Sister there are millions of people like us who want friends but all we get is fakes who try to imitate the prostitutes and pigs that are from Hollywood.

            There is this hadeeth I came across which is authentic which reads as follows "Those who say Astahu-firullahillahi Laa illaha illalaahu Hayyul Qayuum Wa'athubu Ilaik . Allah would forgive their sins even if they were to run away from the battle field(which by the way is a SUPER MAJOR SIN and I think is also considered the attribute of theMunafiqoon)". Also read Seyyadul Istigfaar during Fajr and Magbrib and Allah would never enter you into hell bi’idnillah as it is a promise from him.

            Lastly One last thing before I finish this long essay … lol .
            Never put your heart in the hands of a another creation, he/she will definitely break it knowingly or unknowingly but if you put your heart in Allah’s hand not only will he protect it from breaking , he would enrich it with the calmness and serenity.
            Also always complain to Allah cuz he brought you to your problem , and not matter if you go begging from every single creation including our Prophet , only he can get you out of it .

            Stay Strong and Any man would be blessed to have you for what you are now. Don’t consider yourself impure now ,Always think of the Sahaba who from the ditches of Jahannam became the superstars of Jannah , they did not only commit Zina , or backbite but Most of them were hell bent on Killing our beloved prophet , take the case of “Umar” . They always cried about their sins but never lost hope in Allah and when you find this balance you will realize that nothing can disturb your peace as it is from Allah.
            I urge you to watch this lecture “Battlefield Heart – Assault of the Sins” By Hisham Al Awadi .It is a must watch as it completely changes the way we see a sin and brings great sakeenah to our heart.
            I seek the forgiveness of Allah for my evil sins and yours and I pray to Allah to put Sakeenah to your heart ,and give ease to your mother and guide your father and put love in between your family that you all enter Jannah .

          • JazakAllah brother. 🙂

  2. Salaam.
    I've been through most of these things and know how it feels.
    You should know that in any case, Allah forgives all. If you say "Forgive me, Allah" with a pure heart, intending to never do it again, Allah will forgive you. pray five times a day and recite the Quran before sleeping (purchase the translated version, if possible).
    It doesn't matter what people think of you, as long as Allah is happy with you.
    I know what it's like to have friends who backstab you, and I've learned from that. Now, when i meet people, i keep my distance. I don't tell them my secrets or anything personal and take my time to get to know them. And, Alhamdulilah, now I have honest friends.
    Stay away from guys. Girls often start with the "we're just friends" thing and end up with a broken heart.
    Don't stop living life because of others. Be happy. Smile-it is the smallest form of sadqa. Pray for your mother. But don't tell her what happened. You don't know how she'll react. It's best if you don't tell anyone.
    I hope this helped.
    InshAllah, you'll get through this. 🙂

  3. Dear litle sister pls dinot dispair allahs mercy is vast.
    Do nt repeat . As islam has a way once u grow old ur yelders will

    Will arrange marriage to you till then be pious.

    Dont feel disheartened. Pls dont share this with anyone again
    Till u feel a abs necesty. Perphs i suggest dont tell again.

    these mistakes happen its ok fo now . . Do as i suggest get busy with normal life.
    Br Iqbal

  4. Dear sister assalamualikum!
    Allah says in Qur'an
    Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [az-Zumar : 53]

    Say (unto mankind): Cry unto Allah, or cry unto the Beneficent (REHMAN), unto whichsoever ye cry (it is the same). His are the most beautiful names Qur'an 17-110
    Out of the 99 attributes of Allah the meaning of three (AlGaffar alGaffur al Affuvu) attributes is the forgiving .We are all sinners If not Allah who can forgive us .Its good that you have repented and feel terribly sorry for doing sins and you never intend to repent them these are the qualities which Allah wants us to have in us for forgiving sins .So always be hopeful of Allah's mercy (Allah is raheem rehamn and rauf all meaning merciful) and forgive your self and don't let guilt take over you .There are many stories of forgiveness in our literature read them .We are the ummah of Allahs beloved prophet will Allah not forgive us.If you do not have any friends make Allah your friend (allahs attributes al wali and Al Waali mean friend) who else can be your better friend than Allah himself. If some one thinks you are bad let them think it should not make any difference because what matters to a momin is he/she is on the path of shariah and right in the view of Allah .You should be confident and bold because Allah has guided you away from the bad company face them and with your good behavior put them to shame. You are very young its the time you learn both deen and duniya .When ever the thought of your past surface in you, you tell yourself that Allah will surely forgive my sins and Remember the stories of forgiveness and Allahs infinite mercy
    Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace(13:28)
    don't let guilt take over you its satan trying to make you hopeless of Allahs mercy and destroy you.You know almost every body does bad deeds and very awful sins you are not alone but, INDEED YOU ARE VERY LUCKY TO REALIZE YOUR MISTAKE AND REPENT SINCERELY.
    Vist the link below it will surely help you
    InshaaAllah I hope you will fight and come out of this depression
    .Waiting eagerly to see a post saying that you are guilt free and confident now.

  5. My sister have patience. I know what it's like to go through some of the stuff you have. I'm not sure if this post will reach you as for some reason, my posts keep getting deleted off this site even though I don't write anything offensive but all I can say is have faith in Allah.

    It's hard, believe me. I'm 18, suffering anxiety and probably depression (I'm just not that happy a person anymore), can't find a job and I'm at disadvantages but there is ONE thing that keeps me going. Faith in our Allah, sister if it wasn't for Islam then only Allah knows what I would've done. Keep faith in Allah, pray 5 times and repent.

    Sister, there are Muslims that have done much, MUCH worse than you and they repent and Allah forgives them. There are SEVERAL hadiths which even confirm that if you sins were as much as the foam of the ocean or so much that if one piled them up, they would reach as high as the clouds - Allah would STILL forgive you. But repent soon as most Muslims will agree with me here - the time for the Last Hour IS near. And when that time comes then Allah will not forgive NOTHING but until then, Allah will continue forgiving one as long as they TRY to stay away from sin. I have a hadith book in which the Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says "The one who seeks forgiveness is not one bent on sinning, even if he were to relapse seventy times a day" so believe you, Allah will forgive you as long as you know in your heart you won't do it again.

    Have faith in Allah, I pray for all the Muslims on this planet that their burdens are eased and inshallah your burden will ease as well.

  6. Asalamu alikum,

    My dear sister, I would like to say a few things.

    1) no human is perfect. NO ONE AT ALL! we all make mistakes and we repent and ask to be forgiven. You regret your relationship with this boy- you repent and you dont go back to it and thats it. You cant keep beating yourself up forever. Just learn from your past, and keep things halal with the opposite gender and thats all you can do.
    Please take time to forgive yourself and know that you may think other people are "pure"- trust me they are not! No one is, so stop comparing yourself to the "unknowns" of other people. They may not tell you, becuase you are not supposed to advertise your sins in islam, so dont assume anything about other people. Just repent, forgive yourself, and move on.

    2) Secondly- as for friendship with people- let me tell you sister- friends come and go- but when you are being your true self and not pretending and tying to fit in- that is when you meet people who are your true friends. I know its hard to go into a room and not have a soul who is friendly with you, its really tough.

    I'll tell you a story of when i started wearing my hijab- i lost all of my old friends. My best friend was the library and some books for quite some time until i met some people who thought like me- and to this day (many many years after highschool) they are still my friends. Its better to be alone than to fight to fit in where you do not belong. Just love yourself, be good to you and inshallah you will find people who think the same.

    3) I am also really concerned about your father and brother sister-they are very very abusive. I know you are only 14 and still young and dependent on your parents, but no one should live with abuse. You father seems to have temper issues and now your brother is getting his very nasty traits.

    Is there an adult you can speak to other than your mom about his abusive/scary/ totally inappropriate behavior? such as an aunt, grandpa, grandma, etc, any adult that you trust with this situation?

    Your mom is already being pushed around by your father, you have to strong for her and i know you are there to protect her and thank you for that.
    But sweatheart, you are still a child- this is not your job to protect your mother from abuse! You cant protect your mother from being abused.

    Please talk to an adult, because abuse is not okay towards your mother, you, your sister, or your nephew- by no means is it acceptable and its not something you sit by and say "I cant change it". Because you, your brother, your sister, nephew...etc need to see what a healthy relationship looks like, and this is not it. Make lots of dua, turn to Allah, and also turn to an adult in your family (unless they are abusive as well), I wouldnt want to see you or any woman or child from your household to be burned, beaten, slapped, emotionally abused etc- this is an injustice.

    All the best sister, Make lots of dua for your family and pray that there is peace at home and inshallah those who turn to Allah will get their just reward. You may not get relief immidiatly, but know that Allah is always with those who run to him.

    All the best sister, stay safe, love yourself, be your own companion, and most of all be kind and forgive yourself- because you cant live with regret and misery for the rest of your life.

  7. Asalamu alikum,

    According to the Quran, Allah forgives again and again. Who can forgives sins except for Allah? Repent, say prayers and continue to do good deeds. As for friends - spend sometime being your own best friend and ask Allah to help you show confidence and stand up for yourself. Let them find firmness in you.- One can struggle with this for sometime just keep striving and KNOW ALLAH IS WITH YOU.

    I know it may be very difficult but you could suggest to your mom or have another family member - grandmother, aunt. - leave that abusive home. Allah does not want His servants to suffer abuse. Your mom changed your schools because of abuse, maybe she's moving toward changing the home. I know that this would be a very difficult conversation - speaking from experience... Once the abusive dad was out of the house our life was better. This was an extremely difficult process. Allah changed our condition. I am so grateful!

  8. Asalamualikum wa Rehmathullahi wa Berakathuhu.............
    my dear sister ... u feel ashamed of urself.. and i really feel to respect you... fine u did sumthg really bad. but Alhumdullilah now u really regret thinking abt it ... Allah Subhanatallah has kept certain limitations for us. which is not 4 Allah but for our sake itself.. in the holy Quraan Allah Subhanatalla has mentined in mny places about repetence (tawba) Allah Subhanatallah loves tawba when his servent cries out of fear, with full pain nd sincerity .dat time he feels so happy ...Allah Subhanatallah says dat ..even if your mistakes are like a mountain and at that time you regret n repent surely Allah subhanatallah will forgive he is ready 2 forgive.. if there is a sin which Allah subhanatallah never forgives is that shirk (associating partners with Allah subhanatallah )..... so what r u waitin for my dear sister goo cry .confess ur mistakes to Allah and turn to him Allah subhanatallah always looks towards his servents with respect and mercy he loves his servents like any thing its just we who always make him sad ,we forget him ,we leave him .he is olvays ready 2 accept us ..there is a islamic quote sayin .''we ask ..he gives, we cry he listens, we sin he forgives, we repent he accepts, we knock he opens, we attend he welcomes, we request he gives, we question he answers, we insist he grands, ............everything we do is all about us and everything he does is again all about us so which of Allah's favour can we deny?? ".........just see his love towards his servents... and repent my sister surely he will forgive you ..but never again commit those sins in your whole life.. ..another thing your respect towards your mom..... it is said dat heaven is found under her feet... so respect her,love her, help her make duaa for her, surely Allah will love you.. if u disrespect her Allah will never forgive u ... because our mother is a really special gift from our Allah ..never ever make her sad if ur other family members hurt her u go n comfort her give her every kind of happiness from your side ... and mainly make duaa for her .... may Allah Subhanatallah bless you and your mother ... and may Allah subhanatallah guide your brother and your father.. and may Allah subhanatallah guide every Ummathi Muhammad (SAW ) to the staright path Ameen ya Rabal Alameen Ya Allah

  9. Oh my dear sister, situation was very similiar...

    im also 14 ... at one point in my life i felt like commiting suicide.. i would even harm myself....
    untill i met a boy who was very kind and helped me get over my probs.... i thought it was harmless untill we starting kissing, hugging, etc. allhmadullilah we didnt do zina. I believe he was also a good person but the shaitan took us...

    Its funny because this ramadan was when i realized it was all wrong... and i repented and broke up with him.. The guilt was horrible i just prayed and cried all night. Luckily it was the last 10 days of ramadan so i prayed and asked allah to forgive me. Sister, i know how painfull the guilt it 🙁 but, Allah is truly the most forgiving. Just go and raise ur hands up and cry to him and talk to him.. you wont hear him talk to u back.. but u will feel it. It surely is a great feeling!
    Sister, we all do sins.. but we have to learn from our sins. So may Allah forgive ur sins and mine inshallah. Guilt is normal ... but dont let the guilt over take u think abt ur futuure , start reading the quran more, think about getting an islamic education whn u graduate high school... Go make da'wah surely u will be forgiven. I feel the exact same way as u sister, and im very glad Allah has guided us both : ). Allhamdullilah.

    I also feel guilty in front of my mom.. im not a scholar tho i dunnoe if u should tell her abt what uve done because i myself have the same question.

    Sister just keep one thing in mind, Allah... is truely the all mighty, the merciful and the forgiving. Put ur trust in him, make him ur friend...Surely he is the best friend anyone can dream of having.

    May Allah guide us all , and inshallah grant us Jannah. I mean it feels great to know that u can be forgiven eh?

    I truley hope u will be ok in the future, and as long as u are a good practicing muslim who doesnt do anything of tht kind again u will be married inshallah have no worries abt tht.

    May Allah be with my dear friend...and know that no matter wwhat he's always listening to u

    -Muslimah 12345

    • Aww JazakAllah sister,you really helped me 🙂

    • Assalamualaikum.

      You do not have to tell about your sin to your mother.

      Ask Allah to conceal your sin.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  10. Little sis,nobodys perfect,wel all make mistakes & we are supposed to learn from them.
    We all create sins aware or unaware & we make them our lifetime flaws but let me tell you that God has made us perfect within our flaws.
    Everything happens for the reason.Maybe if you didnt learn now then,God Forbid,something worse could have happened.
    Anyways,you were really young & naive at that time & given the circumstances you were living in it was hard for you to think straight.
    I know a very close friend who has been through your situation but now is back on her feet again.
    Allah is very Forgiving & Merciful.
    You just have believe in Allah!Repent,i say cry your heart out & ask for His forgiveness & He will surely forgive you 🙂
    Trust me once you repent from your heart you'll feel the guilt fade & that feeling will help you recover.
    Have strong faith in Allah & never lose faith in Him.
    And you deserve the best & dont ever settle for less!
    Try to offer prayers & recite Quran regularly & forget about the past.Pray for your family and dont think little of yourself cause we all make mistakes.
    Remember,Allah listens,understands & knows the hopes & fears you keep inside your heart.For when you trust in His love,miracles happen.

  11. Dear lil sis all this happend to me also when I was 15 and I was exactly feeling like you just after he did all that stuff to me I realised that i'm no more a pure and sacred girl and all you are feeling were experienced by me also but i'm telling you will have to stay strong and forgive yourself otherwise you will also be failed in every aspect of life as I have been can't punish yourself like this because Allah likes those who forgive then to take revange...and he is the most merciful he will surely forgive us..

  12. This is a very late reply as I can see the year, I was searching for something else. I will say this right little sister....I would want my son, whom I love immensely, to marry you! How's that!? Smile my sister. You have the most respect, and we all love you, and would be honoured to have you as a sister, daughter-in-law, mother, aunt, neice, etc.

    Please take it easy on yourself. Allah loves you. Be happy. Focus on the hope. I want you to promise us, whereever you are, you will be happy and smile on yourself. Allah WANTS you to be happy. Move on and be happy. And please seak out protection for your Mother if she needs it, let us know if you or anyone in your family needs councelling/protection/help. The Ummah must help each other. May Allah give you everything you wish, everything you've wished for in the past, and present. Ameen.

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