Islamic marriage advice and family advice

15 and forced to marry a 60 year old man

Forced marriage

Forced Marriage

I am fifteen and my father made me marry a Lebanese man who is in his 60s. He is ugly and overweight. On our wedding night he forced himself upon me although I was crying in pain.

It is like this nearly every night. He slaps me if I refuse, then rapes me.

I complained to my father who said if I wanted to run away he would kill me. Then he said it was my duty to please my husband, then laughed and put his hand between my legs.

I feel I must kill myself before I can put up with this any longer.

- Emily

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16 Responses »

  1. Emily, killing yourself is definitely not the way out of this, what country are you from?

  2. Assalamalykum, sister I am so sorry, your dad is going 2 get sooo much ghunna, I feel 4 u my sister, may Allah ease your problems, wth, how can your dad do that 2 u, that is soooo wrong!, you are not doung anything wrong. Is their no helpline or anything you can call 4 help, or is their noone else in ur family that can help you out. That is sooo wrong your dad and the guy are going 2 get ghunnah, what do they think they are doing?, my sister you are not alone, Allah is on your side, even though it may not seem like it!. I really don't know what 2 say 2 u, I am so emotional after reading this post!, in-sha-allah someone will post beneficial advice 4 u, x May Allah bless you, and ease your dofficultiea and give you jannatul firdaus!, xxx

  3. Are u from the uk?

  4. I agree with sister rockstar you need to go to the police this is pedophilia and in the UK it is not tolerated the police will help you as much as they can and place you into a special watch system that no one will be able to find you and hurt you Emily you really need to listen to us and do this, in Allahs eyes this is not right and you have every right to get out and protect yourself, forced marriage are very frowned upon islamically!

  5. if you are in the uk all you have to do is make that one call to 999 and they will get you out of there or womens aid 0800 2000 247

  6. What country you live in? If you live in a Western country both you husband and father can be punished legally, your husband for marrying an underage girl and your father for putting his hand between your legs(sexual assault). Don't be alone with your father.

  7. Hello Emily,

    Sweetheart, when I read your letter and what you are being forced to go through it nearly made me cry to think that this sort of barbaric behaviour is still allowed and going on today!!

    You sound as though you are from a 'Western' country? I only say that because you have a "Western" name.

    If that is the case - it is illegal for you to marry anyone if you are under the age of 18!! That is the age of 'consent' - depending on which country you live in, too. The fact that he forced himself upon you on the wedding night - and every night after that - for sex, and is doing this without your consent - married or otherwise - constitutes 'rape' in anyone's language!!

    Both your father, and the man you are married to - (I don't regard him as your husband, as no man would treat anyone like that!) can go to jail for that kind of thing!!

    Your husband for marital 'rape' and your father for just about committing 'incest' with his daughter!!

    You need to get to the Police or any authority in your area who can help you. Do you have any close family members who may be able to help you with this - preferably someone you can 'trust' who can go with you to report this? You must report this as soon as possible so action can be taken against both of them!!

    No 'normal, loving, father' would ever put his hands between his daughter's legs and laugh at them!!

    You MUST GET UP THE COURAGE to go to the Police or authorities immediately as you don't have to put up with this behaviour any more. That is not 'love' just pure 'rape' that cannot go on any longer!!

    Please don't consider suicide sweetheart - you 'can' get past this and live a normal life in a normal marital relationship, with someone who will respect and love you, when you are old enough to do so!!

    I hate 'forced' or 'arranged' marriages - especially in Muslim countries, which still goes on today. We are in the 21st Century - although sometimes you wouldn't know it!! You must do this for 'yourself' and nobody else to give you peace of mind. You will be so proud of yourself if you can do this - I believe you can and you must as soon as possible!! Carol

  8. Emily,

    Please reach out to someone. If you go to school, talk to a counselor and ask an adult to call the authorities. I am certain you are scared beyond words but you must speak up and speak up now. This has to stop. Forced marriage if forbidden in Islam and your Islamic rights are not being exercised.

    Please let us know what country you are from. We do not need any information at all other than that. Many of us who come to this website are from various countries. If you can provide your country of origin, we can help in assisting you with phone numbers and/or places to go seek help.

    I know you are very scared but as long as you stay silent and stay out of fear, this will not end.

    May Allah help you to be strong and make a phone call and get some help.


  9. I can't even think right now, how sad I feel for you it break my heart for you please call the police ASAP ur dad is the devil then your husband he is heartless, please call the police get some help right away your so young !!! Insallah Allah help you get thur this hard time insallah.

  10. YOU NEED TO GO THE POLICE NOW. If you are afraid, go with a trusted friend. If you are trapped at home, make an excuse to a grocery store, then ask for help in the customer services or anyone you see. They will help you. You need to get out of this tragedy. I am so sorry to hear this.

    My blood is boiling when I read this kind of news - child marriages, forced marriage, forced to marry a close cousin or back home. Why this happens in the muslim countries??? My best friend was engaged in 16 and got married in 18 to her cousin. She was neither willing nor unwilling to accept it. She is a religious girl that would never go against the parents' wish. Her parent fixed the marriage and said it was for her benefit. Something like she won't get tempted or making sin, etc etc. She did not finish her university because of pregnancy. Her life is neither happy or unhappy, just living! Her main duty in this earth is to clean the house, keep her husband happy and keep reproducing!! I don't see the happy girl anymore. Is it the way to complete half of the deen??? What is her place in Islam? I know people always try to say Islam is perfect and people are not. I am still mad and sad for the unfair treatment in muslim marriage.

    Emily, please let us know when you are out and safe.

  11. How can a father can force his daughter to marry such a old man.

  12. How long time ago this post was wrote?
    If she is living in the UK or in some western country (i think that moderator can know with the IP adress) moderator should call the police for her.

    She's only 15 and i really hope for her that she know how to delete internet history...


  13. What a horrible father to be putting his daughter through this!!! Disgusting behaviour !!

    I agree with all of the above, go to the police, they will take care of things and you will be safe. They can provide and safe and anonymous place for you to stay. Go to your doctor also and get some contraception, you can get implants/injections which can last a few weeks to months and are discrete so your husband will never find out - avoid getting pregnant by him.

    Take all your important documents eg passport, money etc and put it in a bag, hide it somewhere so that when u are ready to escape u can take it with you.

    Get out of there asap!!!

  14. your father put his hand between your legs? thats incest filth. how could your father do such a thing, and force you to marry someone is is old enough to be your father? report him. but im curious what did your mother had to say about all of this? do you have older siblings? if so didnt they say a word? your father just made you get married and no one objected?


  15. Your 15 and he's 60??? What a joke this is hilarious first off its illegal to marry at 15 in UK and U.S unless your in a country like Yemen. Second marrying a 60 year old is not normal how about 70? That's extremely rare to be married to a 60 year old. Long time ago during prophet Muhammad's time and before people use to marry at young ages because of short life spans and people would die at early ages people would reach there puberty from starting 9, today its harmful to marry at young age because of education and so many other things anyways I don't know to believe this or not but it seems like he is raping you or something and your father forced you to marry him this is definitely haram both of them are satan what you should do is call the police to throw these two animals in jail this is sick this is what a lot of Muslim people do in country's like Yemen lebanon etc mostly Arab country/

  16. Sister, you have to tell us where you are. I would suggest you directly write to the moderators here. You should carefully plan it out and away! Go to the police. All you have to do is find the right people and your problems will be over. This sounds too horrible to be true. If you are serious, all you have to do is write the moderators of this site and I am sure they will get you help. This is sick. It' is child molestation and Islam does not permit this. Please don't be fake. If you are real there are millions of people eager to aid you, both Muslims and non Muslims.

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