18 year old in love with married,40 year old Muslim teacher
Salmo alyklom
A friend of mine is in love with our teacher and he has feelings for her too , but there are two major problems: he is married and has 3 kids and he is about 40 years old and we are 18. He still loves his wife but he has feelings towards my friend and he wants to marry her but her parents wont agree because he is married and elder by 22 years .
What should she do? Bear in mind he is close to ALLAh and prays 5 prayers and knows well his Islam and cares about halal and haram: that's why he wants to get married. And he would tell his wife?
Please help my friend, what should I tell her?
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Your teacher has betrayed the trust placed in him by your friends parents. Most parents don't allow their daughters to be around non-mahrem men, but a teacher is clearly seen an exception as they are supposed to be parental figures. There's never room in student/teacher interactions for such feeling to be expressed, so obviously one or the other has been crossing the line.
This man has a wife and three children, and he's casting eyes on girls in his care. How would he feel if his daughter was carrying on in the same way with her teacher. I expect he'll have exactly the same reaction your friends parents will have, i.e., hit the roof.
Your friend should stop all non-professional contact with this guy. But if she has regular classes with this guy that might be difficult. Maybe her parents need to get involved and give her a sense of perspective. Also you need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. That is if you're asking on behalf of a friend and not your self.
If you're asking for yourself, then run, run, run from this guy.
I totally agree with the post above. Your friend must stay away from this man and especially married man. Casting eyes on a married person in my eyes is haraam plus theres kids involved. If i was her friend i strongly advised stay away and find someone else. Marrying someone who has kids and a big age gap is also a major problems.
Assalamalaikum,
I am 17 years old turning 18 years soon in a few Months inshallah, i need your advice...i have a boyfriend whom ive been with for a very long time now and we have committed sins but we havnt committed the major ultimate sin ... i dont want to live a life where i keep on committing a sin with him...i dont think leaving him is an option i want to marry him and he wants to marry me...he is a year older than me (19 years old turning 20 soon inshallah) i cant tell my parents yet because we both are too young...i have tried to tell my mom many times but things get worse everytime i try to tell her and this eventually leads to a huge arguement...i dun want to committe any major major sin...i want to make this relationship halal...my question is...will it be haram if we secretly get married?...i am a little nervous and scared on that thought but i feel as if its the only way to prevent me from makign any more sins. Please reply back to me as soon as possible: thank you
Haseena,
Marrying without the permission of your wali will be another sin to add to your list. If your mother disagrees to you marrying due to your age, try to get your relatives to convince her, if that does not work, speak to a qualified imam to help. If that fails, then you must be patient. You are responsible for your actions. You must take control of your nafs. You are scared to tell your mother because it leads to arguments when you try. Imagine this: Its Judgement Day, Allah is now questioning you about your sinning on earth. Will you stand there and blame it on your parents? The only one responsible for your sinning will be you and your desire to please your nafs. That will earn you nothing but punishment.
So, to make things clear, you can do one of three things:
1) You can either do the right thing by making a conscious decision to stop sinning for the sake of your soul, do tawbah, speak to your mother confidently and do whatever it takes to convince her, using your family or an imam;
2) OR, if after trying, you are unable to win your parent's permission to marry, then still do tawbah and sabr;
3) OR, you can continue doing the wrong thing and blame your sinning on your parents for not allowing you to marry and add to your sin by doing a secret nikah.
You may have noticed, there are plenty of questions on this site similar to yours. The answer is always the same.
You are a Muslim woman, you know what is right and wrong. You make the choice.
SIsterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salamo alukom
she is my friend not me if it was me i would have said its me thats first of all, secondly all i want to say he didnt do anything wrong he just said out his intentions and wants to marry her but the idea is he is elder by about 20 years old and he is married so her paents wont approve it but the man is nth wrong and he dosnt do anything wrong with us thats all what i want to say
Dear Friend
I know that but what I have said in my reply is YOU as the friend should tell your friend to forget this man and find her own age man to marry her. This 40yr old is a teacher and should not abuse his position and is already married. Her parents won’t obviously approve because of the age gap but also his already married why would she want to look at a man who’s already married. You as a friend should tell her to open her eyes and look for someone of her own age and someone that her parents will approve off. May allah guide her and you to support her.
Salam
That teacher should be teaching not looking for another wife. Tell your friend to open her eyes, look ahead to the future. When she is 30, he will be 50 something. Who will watch over her kids if he dies early. It would be best for her to marry someone around her age. If she is in love with him, then well that's her choice. I'm sure her parents won't let her marry him because he is way older, and I think that is best. Her parents know better to marry her to someone else. May Allah help and guide your friend, may Allah help you help her, and may Allah give you both peace and happiness.
Assalaamu alaikum,
Sister do not ever do a secret nikah..behind ya parents back.
You will regret it, trust me and those who have done it and now say to everyone else not to do it.
You are young and shaitaan will try to play with your emotions and mind..dont let him succeed. Instead try and somehow make your mum understand your reasons for wanting to get married...though I say this knowing I could never do that with mine due to cultural barriers and the mention of marriage at young age, ESPECIALLY for us girls, is taboo. Unfortunate...I know..but its a problem that many sisters,even brothers face and I can sympathise due to coming from the same culture...the advice always given is to talk but to be honest, I know thats not the solution always because you just 'cant' talk about it with ur parents..or any elder..as you are seen as some sort of horrendous sexually hyped freak monster (with very little brain) if you try to even get anywhere near explaining why marrying at an early age is good lol.
jazkom ALLAH khayran everyone i told my friend and she is trying thanks to ALLAH
If this teacher is a fair man and realy very interested in this girl, he should speak to this girls father. If father is happy with this marriage then no one else has the right to say anything. Anyone can have feelings for any other person.
Rest Allah knows.
assalam alaikum dear friend
iam glad that u r a true friend of her and u want to show ur friend the right path
i think she shuldnt marry him coz first of all he is a teacher
then he is an elderly man
he has a happy family
if hez really a very god fearing person how can he loose the trust of her parents
i think this person is a hippocrate whoz trying to keep eyes on the girls
iam also a mom of two kids i wuld never send my daughters to such a teacher
i think u have to tell ur friend to get out of this
coz teenage is an age of attractions and distractions
she shuld get out now only rather then regretting later
Allah knws better
My teacher purpos me what i do
hajra, if you mean that your teacher proposed marriage, I think it is inappropriate of him to do so, because it puts you in a compromising position. Also, you haven't said how old you are.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
my teacher proposed to me what i do
Assalaamualaikam
If your teacher has proposed to you or made any other advance towards you, that is a huge breach of the trust and responsibility of his position. Make sure that you are not alone with him, and tell your parents what has happened. They can then help keep you safe and they can alert the school that a teacher is behaving in this way.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I don't think she should like h because he is already married and have three kids so he would be considered a cheat also because he is a bit too old for her I understand that love is very complicated it is hard to forget it is a very strong attraction that plays with your emotions.