Islamic marriage advice and family advice

20 years old and wanting to get married


I need sincere help, can Some one help me.. :(
I'm in 2nd year of Medical Education, My Parents are in Teaching Profession, I'm engaged. I want to get married Now but my Parents say that they Can not marry me as we don't have financial power, my parents earn above 60000 per month, Me and My Fiance are both ready to limit our needs, We just want our Parents to marry us. How can I Convince my Parents to marry me, they don't have money but if they want they can arrange easily, They just don't understand that I am becoming Sinner because of not getting married. :( I seriously need to get married to Live happy to Live Pious To Live Successful,, Hope you Can Understand,Please Help. I can not wait, I am becoming very weak internally and Shaitan is making me sick. I can not live like this anymore, I don't want to live alone. How can I convince my Parents without making them upset?

Muslim Boy

Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

8 Responses »

  1. I get so angry when I hear about parents pushing away their children's desire to keep things halal by refusing them to get married. It really hurts, and when the young people commit the deed, it creates so much turmoil for them. I haven't been in this particular situation, but I know people who've felt this way and all I can say is- it's a test from Allah, and not an easy one.

    You can get the Imam involved. Not just any Imam, but preferably a respected one that your parents will listen to. Imams are here to serve the community, and they often help young people in these problems. Or if you can't find one, talk to any one you know that your parents admire or love, who also has good deen, and ask him to intercede for you, to convince your parents.

    Also make sure you have a little bit of money saved up or that you can somehow find a place to live and provide for your future spouse, as Islamically this is her right and marriage isn't valid (I think) if she doesn't get these basic necessities. Since you're a student, maybe if you have a heart talk to the Imam or some brothers at the Masjid, or any relatives. Show them how you feel and that you're capable. Meanwhile, be extra kind to your parents, and show them that you can manage your own household by doing your room, and helping out in the house.

    The Prophet (saw) said that Allah comes down to the nearest heaven and asks who's willing to leave their beds to ask for forgiveness so I can grant them that, and who wants to ask anything so I may give it to him. There are many hadiths and ayahs that support this (I wish I could remember them though). It's called Salat-ul-Layl and it's close to Fajr. Ask Allah to help you and sincerely ask His forgiveness. Allah is Most Merciful and He will respond.

    I never thought I could wake up that early but I can testify that Allah indeed helps those who pray to him during that time.

    Also, fast as much as possible to curb your desires. I am confident that Allah swt will aid you, because remember that you are fighting your desires everyday because you fear Him, and because you are a believer.

    I hope this advice can help.

    May Allah forgive me if I added anything wrong up here.

    Take care, brother.

    Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

  2. Salaam, if you are a guy, and the girls parents have given permission for her marriage, then you should go ahead and get married seriously, for a man its as simple as that, however, do not marry or take a girl from her family without their support or permission, even if she is happy with you, whilst they are unhappy.

  3. AssalamAlikum,

    Questions for you: How old is the girl? Has she finished her study / university / high school? (If she is too young or has not finished her study, you'd better wait.) Is the girl and her family agree to marry you now? Do they accept a simple wedding if agree to marry? Does your family like her in terms of her deen / character / family background? How many years more before your graduate? After that, you will need to do your residence and you will be paid. (Not sure if your country works this way.)

    I am glad to hear that young people like you want to take the responsibility and get married to the girl you have been engaged. As a parent myself, I guess the main worries is about if you can continue your demanding education or not. The other concern is the character/quality of the girl. If they have no problem of you marrying to this girl in the future, then you may have a more easy entry point to talk to your parents. If they don't like this girl for whatever reason, then you need to convince them why you choose this girl first.

    Now you are an adult and soon to be in the medical field to earn your living. Nothing fancy I can advice more than a honest talk with your parents. They are educated and inshallah they should listen to logic and a realistic plan if you have any to show them.

    You need a solid plan to show them how serious / mature / responsible you both are. Let them know in detail how you are going to make your study and marriage work at the same time. You need to be specific. For example, the arrangement between housework and study; your source of income if any or otherwise how you are going to support a family. Are you considering to live with your parents or her parents or something else? Need any financial aid from them? Is the girl working? Is she willing to support you while you are studying? How is she deal with her study if she is a student? Is she willing to get a job ? Is she planning to stay at home? How's your family planning; (any precautions? children after graduate your study? ); etc etc. There are lots of aspects you need to think of in detail before sitting down with your parents.

    Last but not least, let them know HONESTLY how intimate you both already are and because of you fear of Allah and you don't want to commit any sins, you choose to marry. And of course, you need to convince them that she is a good girl and good wife that you want. If nothing works, be patient, don't get angry with your parents. Try to listen from their perspective and their concerns. You still need to show them your positive side and your maturity. Since you are only 20, they may think that you are rushing and may be emotional with your decision. In the meanwhile, I urge you try to keep a distant with the girl before sorting out what you are going to do.

    Inshallah, may Allah makes it easy for you.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    You are not ready to get married because of two reasons:

    1. You expect your parents to arrange for money for you to marry.
    2. You want to be married to avoid sin, but lack the maturity to say to your parents that you want to get married--my dear Brother, marriage is a huge responsibility.

    Having said this, you can get married if you do the following:

    ~figure out how much money you need to get married. You don't need to have a huge party, you can arrange for a Nikah and refreshments at the local Mosque. The part that will take a toll on you will not be the expense, but rather the talk by people who will criticize your decision, but seriously, who cares? I still remember being at Jumm'ah prayer and this boy suddenly announced he wanted to Nikah with a girl and there and then, it happened. The families were present and there were lots of people there simply because of the timing--priceless and I wish more people would do this and invest money that they waste on wedding parties on their life after marriage, where it is needed more.

    ~talk to your parents, let them know you want to get married and make sure you come with answers to their questions (Speak to a local Imam if you can before). Ask them if it is possible to live with them until later or ask them their opinion, have an opinion for yourself, don't make this all about your physical desires, but let them know that you want companionship and that you can handle it. And, if you really want it, start speaking like you can handle it now and be assertive.

    ~I agree with much of what Sr. K said regarding being specific about your plan, however I don't agree that you should disclose anything about how close you and the girl are because they could hold that against her more than they would against you and nothing good will come of them knowing this kind of detail.

    So, if you are ready, figure it out the details of marrying, plan it, be strong, and make the decision. Either you can regret not doing it or you might have some regrets after--but, if you sin, your regret may never end.

    May Allah swt help you towards the best decision in your life, Ameen.

  5. i want to do nikkah but my father say you can't cause we are not in position to make it for....and i can't explain them i can't live any single. i have discuss it two three time but got refusal. i m studying and i can afford me mine wife the pocket money i get it from.....i really need help. how to make them satisfy girl parents. as i discuused with girl after my study i'll announce it to whole family i have done nikkah.



    ( coz ignoring is sunnah).

    anyways im 20 male.(in a relationship with 1 tb hard disk,lol astagfirullah adheem)

Leave a Response