Islamic marriage advice and family advice

31 years old, single and depressed lady

Woman aloneAssalamualaikum,

I am 31 years old single Muslimah from Pakistan. I want some guidance and counselling and in our society we have no concept or open environment to go for it.

I am in a society where ideal age for marriage is btw 18-22. Here, 25-26 is considered maximum age and after that you are labeled as being over age. So yes, I am over age. It is because of some family issues and after that the reason is my physique, as I am little chubby and everyone wants a smart girl to marry.

I have faced many rejections from known and unknown people. I am 5'2 tall and weigh 74 kgs, I know its not healthy and I am trying to reduce but being Polycystic my weight loss is relatively slow as compare to a normal person. I am hell depressed these days because of these rejections. I lost my self cofidence and esteem. I am feeling like I am good for nothing and no one will marry me.

I am not getting answer of these questions that is girl's looks and physique matters for a marriage not her nature and her heart ? I am avoiding social gatherings, relatives, even closed one's wedding ceremonies just because of the people and what they talk about me. Even some of my friend proposed me and they even send proposal as they know me well but their mother refused because they want very pretty and smart wife for their son. My personality and my hope is shattering day by day because of the people's attitude.

Another thing is as I am adult and at this age, naturally I am having strong urges to attached with someone physically and emotionally, need of being loved, praised and appreciated is getting high with all of the depression. Due to these urges I am getting attracted towards every single male who talked to me in a good manner at my work place and university. I know it is not right and I am trying hard to control such urges and divert my mind but it is becoming difficult for me to ignore my feelings as they are getting stronger.

I want guidance from you people that what should I do to stay relax around my male co-workers. Any dua to recite which can control my urges and attraction towards them. Also I need dua for marriage. I feel too good when any of them talked to me and say nice things about me. I just want to control these feelings and wants to attach to Allah only and have some patience because I know Allah has plan something for me which is better than all.

Please pray for me and advice me what should I do. I am feeling helpless at this point and can't share it with anyone because they will judge me as a bad person. Please guide me to fight with this depression.

Jazak Allah.

Ps. I offer all obligatory prayers daily and tried to recite Quran also with its translation.


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16 Responses »

  1. Its a sad reality of our society that you have posted here about the so called requirements that have developed for nikkah. But its also good to hear that you are doing the basics right ie offering prayers 5 times a day. Keep doing it.

    If possible for you kindly contact me on my email *******, i will try to help you out and help you in getting a appropriate proposal.


    • Tuaha, do not post your contact info as we do not allow it. Also we do not allow solicitation of services in the comments here.

      Wael Editor

      • Assalam alaykum
        I am interested in getting to know her for marriage purposes only. If you have a way to get in touch with her please let me know.
        JazakAllah Khair

      • I am facing the same issue I am 31 still un married. Which is making me Depressed day by day i offer for five times ,
        all my relative says that now you will only get the divorces or a widow Guy which makes me more sad.

        • Saba, I’m not saying your relative is right, as you are still young. But what’s wrong with a divorced or widowed man?


  2. Salam Sis,

    Start observe fasting every Monday and Thursday

  3. I am happy to know that you know Allah has better plannings for you and inshaAllah you'll get a much better man. Do not feel bad for your weight eat a healthy meal and try to distance yourself from thoughts of not being married yet. You can look up to some Islamic videos online listen to stories of Sahaba and focus more on improving your good deeds at work just put on your ear buds and listen to Quran or some preachings then when you look at the males and have certain arousals just keep reciting Hasbiyallahuwani'malwakil la'haulawalakuwwataillabillah. Holding on to your left side by your heart keep reciting and inshaAllah you'll be calm. When I get nervous and scared about things and my heart beating so fast I do that and it works so smoothly Alhamdulillah. And also if you have that strength wake at the third part of the night and make your nafilla calculate the third path of the night with your country time or you can browse it to tell you the time. Then also during fajr and Asr recite and make Du'a PS the most important of all keep doing istigfar a lot of sheikh would say when you see things happening to you keep making istigfaar

  4. Assalam O Alikum Sister,

    Don't worry at all, at this era we're living in, many sisters and brothers reached at the age of 30+ who are still single.
    Allah have something better for all of us, just try every day looking for a good soul mate, ask dua in every prayer to Allah to grant you a Righteous and pious husband.
    Its the society we are living in our leaders, scholars, managers needs to play a role in fixing these issues.

    I will pray for you in every prayer and I have a full trust on Allah before the end of this year you'll get Married in sha Allah.

    Just focus on your self, make you're better verison for yourself, keep focus on your daily prayers, Fasting on Mon and Thurs, every month 13, 14 15.

    Just an advise, work from today till the guy you meet, like ask Imam, socialize people, your friend circles, their Mom, like ask every single you trust and ask them that you're really wanna go for marriage this year,, again dont give up until you find someone..

    And in the last please make dua for me too.


  5. Sehroo ,

    Not a bad idea if you can check through some one if any of guy you are attracted in office is right candidate for you .
    I think you can ask any of trusted female co workers/friend to help in this regard .

    Generally , If both are attracted in office , then relationship gets started and people get married also .

    I have seen many cases where both husband and wife working in same office .

    All should be within limits and boundaries to avoid haraam .

    All the best .

  6. I am a 32 year old Pakistani Muslimah. I am single myself and 5 of my sister cousins, my first cousins, are also single ranging from ages between 35 to 39. One of my cousin got married last year and she was 42 and another one got married when she was 37.

    Do not let negative thoughts get to you because of your weight or how you look or because you are single. Life does not go the way we wish or expect it to and this is the case with everyone, even those people who seemingly have perfect lives. We don't really know what issues they face, even if they say they don't face any problems. Because some people don't want to let others know and deal with their problems on their own. So firstly, don't compare yourself, your looks or your life to anyone else.

    Being a Muslim, you should never get depressed, because every single thing that has happened in your life and will happen in your life is the way Allah has willed it to be. He has given you this life to test you. He will test you with things that will challenge you, not with things that will be easy for you, otherwise, it won't be a test. Always be grateful for Allah's blessings and be patient during His tests.

    Your family should look for a good husband for you. I don't know if they are doing that actively or not. If not, then ask them to. And when your family does that, they too should not look for a person's physical appearance, that is, keep an impossible criterion of him being extremely handsome, whilst ignoring his good nature and character.

    Those people who reject other girls based on these mundane, superficial criteria should know that they too have daughters and sisters to marry off. You should not restrict yourself because of what people say. Build your self-confidence and don't let other people's opinions matter. I know that it is easier said than done. But, don't let your situation get to your heart and your head. Know that Allah has written someone for you and at the time of His choice, you will be married. But, you should not wait for your fate to take its course, because Allah wants us to do something about that which we want.

    You should not let your self-esteem and self-image depend on praises and appreciation of someone else. Marriage is a huge responsibility in itself. It is not something that will deliver you what you desire in terms of emotional fulfillment. It is an entire challenge in itself. Now, by saying this, I don't mean that marriages are bad undertakings. On the contrary, I am telling you that marriage is not a solution to emotional fulfillment, because you don't know if your husband can emotionally support you. It is a complex matter where our expectations and reality comes into play. And regardless how much your husband is supportive, if you do not have a right self-image and lack self-confidence, then no one could help you, not even a caring husband, unless you help yourself first out of such a negative mindset.

    Please do not fall for men just because you are in need. This will lead to situations that you would surely regret later. So, please do not let Satan deceive you. What you need to do is to discipline yourself. You said that you pray five daily prayers and that you recite the Quran with translation. What you must do is to learn further about Islam. Read the tafseer, listen to Islamic lectures online, and read further books on Islam. That will not only give you a better understanding of Islam, but will also help you build yourself internally, spiritually and religiously. Don't do it for any other reason, other than for Allah. Do it for the sake of Allah and for the love of Allah, and through this, you will receive help that you most need.

    May Allah help your situation and have mercy on you and give the best husband without delay, though His timing have wisdom, but the Prophet PBUH has adviced us that we can ask Allah to not delay a matter of good for us. Recite the dua of Musa (AS) given in the Quran (chapter 28, verse 24). May Allah bless you. Aameen!

  7. Recite darood-e-tanjina 1000 times and make dua insha'Allah your wish will be full filled soon.

    • Where your source that you have to read it this many times. Praying to Allah wholeheartedly is the powerful weapon.

      • People who prescribe such remedies have no source. These wazifas are all invented and have no basis in Sunnah. Dhikr is always good and brings barakah, but there is no evidence for reciting anything 1,000 times or 10,000 times.

        Wael Editor

        • I asked one Indian imam (only has Indians and Africans attending his masjid), who was prescribing a formula for marriage blockage. I asked where is the source. His answer was “well, I was thought by my teacher”. I said what about reciting the 3 Quls, isn’t it sufficient. He got upset and said it’s not enough protection and showed me his 5 taweez (necklaces) he wore for extra protection. He also prescribe blowing in water, and pouring it in plate where dua is written in saffron ink, and finally drinking it. I hope he doesn’t give me nazar for asking him such question.

  8. Same here... I am also from Pakistan and i am also over age now. I am getting desperate and depressed day by day... Problem is when ever i am tensed i tend to sleep more and more to avoid the pain and i am getting heart aches now and un easy. I am fasting and praying all the time. Due to family issues i am unable to find any guy and as i am over age now i am more tensed that no one will marry me now and i will be alone for ever. Please pray for me please

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