Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A Close same-sex friend of mine likes me

Gossip and backbiting

Before i start with this question i want to introduce myself! i consider myself to be a cis female which means that i consider myself as a girl, was born as a girl and will stay a girl for as long as i know. I am a teenager and i do have some problems of identity and sexual orientation ( a.k.a i occasionally dream of being a boy  even if i am completely happy being a girl or feeling like im Bi or asexual FROM TIME TO TIME ) I dont think anything is wrong with me because all those thoughts  experience a lot of kids in my age and i might get the idea from TV ,YouTube etc..For as much as i know i am 100% straight(heterosexual)  and an open minded person. i think all people are equal even if they were gay,trans,black,white,short,tall,fat,skinny etc.. But my friends don t think that. i got bullied a lot and was called gay and a lot of people assumed i was.. that hurt me a lot because i was scared of them telling lies about me.

That all happened when my friend told me she had a crush on me for five years strait.. i was surprised  and went to tell my closest friend (at the time). long story short the news spread like wildfire everyone thought we were together and they were talking some nasty stuff about me. EVEN MY CRUSH TOLD ME THAT HE THOUGHT I WAS A LESBIAN THE WHOLE TIME AND ME FALLING IN LOVE WITH GUYS IS JUST A COVER UP (sorry i got a bit triggered there).. the drama went on and on for a few months and everyone was giving us strange looks and judging us..

So my friend who said she has a crush on me is bi.. she had no friends at the time she met me and no one really knew much about her. she was the biggest outcast in school and everyone knows her now as "that one lesbo kid" i still stayed close friends with her after all that drama because i still care about her and love her (as a friend). she had a lot of family issues in the past and a few health issues and sometimes she would come to school crying so i would feel terrible leaving her there to suffer all alone with no emotional support.. I feel like im in a box.if i stay friends with her  would that be considered as a sin (haram but i cant spell)?? but if i leave her behind and make her heartbroken (because i am the only person who cares about her) she will have no one and i feel that hurting someone is a sin too! I need advice im still young and i dont know how to handle these situations...

THATS ALL THANK YOU FOR READING MAY ALLAH BE WITH YOU

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: small side note :  is shipping (the act of pairing two fictional characters in a relationship via fanart or fanfiction) two gay characters lets just say for example shipping two girls from a cartoon steven universe or two guys from ehh idunno hamilton or something also considered a bad thing??.. because it doesnt really affect your lifestyle its just a cute pairing people like.. Or writing a trans/lgbt character for a story is considered  haraam

 

 

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5 Responses »

  1. Skksskskskskjsjs

    Sorry. I freaked out. Because wow, that question of yours is quite similar to mine. Before saying anything, I’d like for you to give my post a read. You’ll find many good answers from helpful people on this site (please excuse my bratty comments, I was being rather ignorant under my post )

    https://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-not-homophobic-and-i-support-lgbt-how-much-of-a-sinner-am-i/

    First off, I’d like to start off by saying I completely understand the plane you’re standing on. Must be hard right? It’s like you don’t know whether to stay with her or leave her. Staying with your friend would definitely ignite more love towards you and leaving her would mean losing the only strength she has—you. Trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have a girl in my school who developed feelings for me and isnt letting me go. Although I carry no feelings towards her, I can’t leave her either since she goes ballistic, crying and self harming herself. And it gets more harder when the whole school is involved, it’s hard to shut down false rumors about you that continue sparking. Being Muslim and labeling yourself as bisexual or lesbian is wrong and no one in society wants to be titled as such.

    You can try explaining to that girl about how Islam considers all of this wrong and it’s NOT OKAY to be girlfriends which leads to bigger crimes ahead. I tried explaining to my friend in reference to Islamic Hadith and Quran, it hasn’t been of much help but you can try. Search for Quranic verses and show it to her, let her read about the punishments, maybe it’ll knock some sense into her head.

    Next what you have to do is shut the rumors. This is about your reputation. You can’t risk it. It’s not nice listening to this false word going around about you that’s entirly wrong. Go around shutting it all down . I know it’s hard love, trust me I do. Tell people strictly that you’re a hetero and they don’t have any right to make assumptions about your sexuality. I’m in my senior years and to shut down the assumptions about me having a girlfriend makes it hard for me to be a role model for the younger students which I’m supposed to be. So you really have to find a way to shut down the rumors.

    I’m completely open minded and fine with LGBT I have no problem whatsoever and I don’t blame you, I have sexuality questions lingering around my head most of the time too. But here honey, I know you might feel like you’re a boy at times but you’ve got a vagina and you’re not a boy!! (This is giving me my old grade 8 tomboy vibes lol) Media messed up with our heads about the identity issues. I don’t really blame you. I don’t know what’s your age but I feel like you’ll grow out of it all along with time y’know?? Because I had all sorts of crazy identity issues around 14 years (I’m 16 now) id dress up as a guy, cut my hair short, buy guy stuff, stop wearing pink, listen to heavy metal and do the craziest of things. But now, at least I grew out of that I might have newer issues to deal with but when I look back at my old self, I can’t help but laugh at it. It’ll be the same with you. Don’t worry about those. We’re young, we like to experience all the new stuff we’re so curious about—but ehhh, that’s not really the most wisest of all. So my girlie, you gotta start acting and dressing up more like a girl and look more “straight”?? Like I noticed people tend to make gay comments about people who don’t dress according to their gender. At least that’s what happens around my school. Wear a hijab and dress modest, people are less likely to make comments about modest girls.

    And to your shipping question...girl I’m struggling with that all the time. I can’t help myself from shipping like idk two kpop idols or even takashi and hiroto. It doesn’t stop even though I tried!!! They say it’s wrong. Shipping gays means supporting LGBT, supporting LGBT means disrespecting Islam. But I can’t help reading/writing gay fanfics or shipping people from time to time. The most I can do is pray for myself and you and everyone out there struggling with this obsession to get over it In Sha Allah.

    Last but not the least, I want you to read your daily 5 prayers and Quran everyday. I repeat, everyday. My mom tells me instead of decreasing whatever bad thing you’re involved in, do more good things because it’s harder to remove yourself from a bad habit you’re into. Like if you have bisexuality thoughts or identity issues, instead of focusing on that, try to build up on the good deeds. Mom says once we start doing good, the bad eventually disappears until it’s no longer there!!

    Please keep me and all the Muslims in your prayers. Take care sister. I’ll pray for your hardships to settle. I’m sorry if I haven’t been of much help but meh I tried. Stay safe and healthy.

    Salam
    Jumana Samaira.

  2. OP: I still care about her and love her (as a friend). she had a lot of family issues in the past and a few health issues and sometimes she would come to school crying so i would feel terrible leaving her there to suffer all alone with no emotional support.. Why I feel like im in a box.if i stay friends with her would that be considered as a sin (haram but i cant spell)??

    Well you are just friends with a bi girl, why would it be a Sin?

  3. Salam sister its nice to know that you can express this growing situation of gays n lesbian in today's time....i will be straight with you.I have some religious Islamic knowledge.Although I was a revert myself and my wife is a Sunni scholar.. 1st knowledge is power!Allah religion is power if practice right according to the way of our prophet Muhammad himself .2nd Only piety and rightousnes makes us superior in the sight of our Allah..Today the scholars are saying that less then 5% of Muslims are praying in the world and out of that only 1%are praying with concentration and devotion. SALAT IS THE 1ST COMMAND AFTER EXCEPTING SHAHADA OR TO TESTIFY THAT THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH AND MUHAMMAD PEACE BE UPON HIM IS THE MESSENGER OF ALLAH ! YOU SEE SUCCESS IN BOTH OF THE WORLD'S IS OBEYING ALLAH.OTHERWISE LIFE BECOMES A CURSE REGARDLESS HOW RICH A PERSON IS OR INTELLIGENT..THIS PERSON WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE MIND AND HAPPINESS.HE WILL FACE PROBKEM AFTER PROBLEMS AND HE WILL DIE A TERRIBLE DEATH AND THE PUNISHMENT OF THE GRAVE WILL TAKE PLACE FOR SURE...NO DOUBT PEOPLE WHO ARE WEAK MUSLIMS WILL QUESTION EVERYTHING.EXAMPLE WERE IS ALLAH WHY DO I HAVE TO PRAY ETC...ALLAH HAS CREATED THIS WORLD AND US TO TEST US UP TO OUR LAST BREATH.YOU SEE MUST UNDERSTANT THE PURPOSE OF OUR EXISTENCE AND TEMPORARY LIFE ON EARTH...THERE HAS TO BE A CLEAR PICTURE?UNDERSTAND THAT...READ THE QURAN OPENING PAGE THE COW AND IT'S TAFSEER...A.L.M IT BEGINS WITH THIS.Finally the answer to your actual problem.. .There is an invisible ENEMY who knows you better then yourself because he is with you since the time of birth . His job if you are muslim is to create doubt KEEP you away from PIOUS people basically to TAKE you to Hell.The devil can only WHISPER into your heart ..The heart is like a shiny mirror the more a person sins the mirror becomes black until it doesn't reflect...so this feelings of LUST and sex fame and richest is only the work of the devils...nothing else...read and learn from the Sunni scholars they are the doctors..you can't just ask your questions to anybody who is not qualified.. this is how sneaky the devils are....but the minute you see Allah help and read Quran a light that burns them keeps them at bay....you and your friend both need help or else you will loose everything ...look at the humanbeings conditions in the world ..war murder diseases divorce abortions suicide ETC.. .....all because the Muslims disobedience in this world...The prophet had already told the sahabas (companions)all questions about life and the hereafter ..it was through there sacrifice we are muslim today..it is a very valuable gift...like the elders say that we are diamonds in the rough .we just need polishing ...otherwise on the day of Judgement we will be asked what did we with our time ETC.So this gay and lesbian is all wrong it is a big misconception ...do you really see that 2 men putting it in the wrong place were we go and pass stool and women putting on strap on dildos??? Is this normal..this is a cursed generation..tjst person who was raised by there parent had something to do psychologically even devils live within a person And he doesn't even know it...tjis true ..Yes my wife has cousins that have an improper harmones imbalance ..they take pills..again this is her test in this world although she is married to the opposite gender!!!but there answer for everything and a cure for everything except death..this is a hadith.my advice
    Good people or innocent fall short to demons that know your lost and confused. Educate yourself in both ways deen and worldly and stay with the company of the PIOUS for it rubs of on you.

  4. Im sorry to read about your story.. Yeah its haram i think, because you are sending a wrong message to the society.which in not permissible.
    You need should stop.

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