Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A love relationship and a lost pregnancy without marriage…

Dark flower, needs life,

Salam,

I am in this kind of relationship from more than 2 years. The person is muslim and he was saying he loves me.

The day I met him I dreamed that he is my soul mate. He helped me a lot because I am in country where I don't have any family or friends. We were having proper love relationship with sex and everything...

I really love him but that's not the reason why I started to study Quran. I didn't have religion before because my parents are not into religion at all, so I was looking for something spiritual to keep me strong, positive etc. I find it in the Quran. This calmness and peace and to know that Allah thinks about everything and everybody.

I convert around 2 months ago and one week after that I discover I am pregnant. I was pregnant just for 2 weeks because I started to bleed and when I went to doctor they told me there is no pregnancy visible on the scann and soon I am gonna start to take off the tissues and all the remains of the pregnancy. So I lost it in the 5th week of the pregnancy. Too early but .. It was nightmare for me and I am still bleeding almost 1 month passed alredy.

I feel so sad and unhappy. I am ready to cry all the time. I think that happen because we didn't have marriage.  He was saying he's gonna marry me when I was pregnant but now is not saying a word about that. My unhappiness is endless. I feel like is my fault and that 's making it even worst. I am fighting with him all the time. I don't want to live. There is no purpose, no meaning, no target for me. I feel lost. I can't even pray because I am bleeding. I don't know what to do...

Please help me with any advice or opinion.

Thank you.

Aya_Y

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4 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain; may Allah ease your burdens and help you see a future again.

    The loss of a child or a pregnancy at any stage is unimaginably painful, and can lead us to feel a whirlwind of emotions - at the same time as grieving for the loss, we turn to Allah for comfort, and astaghfirullah can feel such anger and confusion because it can seem like He allowed or planned this to happen. But Allah is All-Knowing and Merciful - He has a plan for all of us, and forgives us when we rage against what has happened in our lives, so long as we turn to Him with repentance in our hearts. I do not believe that the loss would be a punishment from Allah, as He is Loving and Merciful. Even if we cannot see a reason ourselves, we can trust that there is a reason for each trial we face in this dunya.

    Medically, it would be worth going to see your doctor again. If you are still bleeding from the loss after several weeks, it could be that some of the (please forgive me for saying this) remnants of the pregnancy might be proving difficult to pass. Having these inside your body can cause bleeding for longer, and in some cases can lead to infection, so it would be important to make sure this isn't the case for you. If your doctor does detect this, it can be treated in a number of straightforward ways, and inshaAllah wouldn't have any impact on your ability to conceive in the future.

    Your partner may well be grieving as well, and may feel the same conflicting feelings as you do - even if he doesn't necessarily show this in the same way as you. If the two of you still wish to have a halal relationship, then talk about what both of you need in order to get through this; the loss of a pregnancy doesn't mean you can't marry each other. The two of you will have a lot of repenting to do, but Allah loves us and is Most Merciful - beg Him for forgiveness and trust that He knows what is in your hearts. Make sure that you aren't getting into any more haraam interactions, for your own protection.

    From what you've written, it sounds like you would benefit from having someone to talk to who's outside the situation - so they can give you comfort and support. If you ask your doctor, they should be able to put you in contact with local counselling services for women who have gone through similar situations. Also, having friends is a great help when dealing with loss. So maybe start going to Islamic study classes or community projects, so that you can inshaAllah make friends with practising sisters who can inshaAllah help you to strengthen your faith.

    Suicide is never the answer. The trials and pain in this dunya will pass, as Allah wills, but suicide is forever - it cannot be taken back. If you feel that you are at risk of taking your own life, please contact your local Emergency Department or your family doctor, and ask them to help you stay safe.

    I will keep you in my duas, sister.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. Salam aleekom

    Sister I don't want you to feel like your world is going to an end. Yes you are going through hard times, but it will get better eventually. Have faith in Allah, pray to him for forgiveness and strength. Your boyfriend if he is not supportive now, he won't be supportive when you get married.just know that everything happens for a reason, inchallah your bleeding will stop, and your personally life will be fixed. It takes for that stuff to happen, but through this you will gain, wisdom and strength. Allah will never put you in a situation without a purpose.

  3. Sister , Sorry to hear about your situation. Please note that Sex withought marriage is big sin in Islam and your boyfriend is accountable for his actions in the sight of Allah as despite knowing this he took you into this wrong act ..I suggest you if this guy doesn't seems to be changing then better you leave him .May Allah make your life Easy. ameen

  4. Seems like he used you for sex in my opinion i think he just liked you because you were attractive your body and everything.Now that your pregnant he finds you unattractive thats why hes not saying a word about marriage. Not all muslims are good people sex before marriage in islam is considered HARAM forbidden but its ok Allah will forgive you since you never knew that time but Allah wont forgive him unless he makes tawbah repent this is a grave sin Allah does not like that he should know that!

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