Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A married man wants to marry me, but is waiting for his greencard before he divorces

Passport immigration stamp

Salamu Aleikum,

I know a very good Muslim Man. He prays five times per day and puts Allah first in everything he does. Right now, our relationship is innocent although we do spend time together praying in the home at times. This is because this man has expressed interest in marrying me and we are trying to learn more about eachother. I believe that he would make a good husband because he is a good and truthful person.

The issue arises because he is currently married to a Christian woman. He has been married to her for two years. Although he was born Muslim, he started actively practicing Islam after the marriage and that, among other things, has driven them apart. Although he has been separated from this woman for a long time, he continues to support her financially and does not fornicate with other women because he still believes in upholding his obligations has a husband. He is serious about marrying me, but he cannot get a divorce from his wife for two years because he is in the process of getting his greencard.

I don't mind waiting on him and he would like me to wait on him. My question though is whether I am committing adultery with him? We do not kiss or do anything else intimate, it is purely talking, praying, and spending time together to know our personalities, but I am not sure whether this is allowed with a married man? Even if his marriage is "over" in other respects. Can someone please tell me an outside opinion?

- AmericanMuslim

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4 Responses »

  1. Salam Aleikum,

    I am a very recent convert, and let me tell you that my husband married me when I was a Christian, for his papers. I did not convert because of him, for many years I had been thinking of doing it.. Well, regardless of what the reasons are that he married me, I AM HIS WIFE. Now, I am a Muslima, Alhamdulillah, I am separated from my husband because he is seeing another woman, first she is non-muslim , he initially stated he was not having intercourse with her, that it was purely emotional, and mental. Then of course time went by and because these two were ALONE many times of course they began to fornicate. I did everything for this man, and he lied to this girl telling her I was only good for a green card, and then behind her back he was having intercourse with ME, not because he said it was his DUTY, because he wanted to, and enjoyed having sex with me, afterall... I am his wife. He would tell this lady all sorts of lies, saying I was a bad wife, I was neglecting him. etc.. In the end, he still begs me to take him back, although he claimed I was only a " paper wife" according to my marriage vows I was a real wife. I loved my husband, it still pains me what he did to me, whether before I was a Christian and now a Muslim. For the perspective of a woman, you must respect others and stay away from this man. The truth of the matter is, he can tell you that the earth is flat and you will believe him.. You really do not know what goes on behind his marriage and whether indeed, he is telling you the truth. After, I converted I found the strength to give myself some dignity, and I asked him to leave my apartment. He still pays all my bills, he still wants to get back. Especially now, since I have converted. But Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah, I have found the path of Islam, and now I know I should not be treated like an animal. When I informed my husband's lover, that he was married, she claimed he said he loved her, and that I was just a mistake. I did everything for that man, I gave him love, support, honesty, and compassion. Paper or not, he used me and my heart. Regardless, he has to abide by the law of the land, he is LEGALLY married. You need to really back off and find your own husband ..You do not know what this other woman has been through, what he tells her and what he tells you.. Believe me, this situation has had me in a severe state of depression, including hospitalization.
    May Allah Bless you with a real Husband that can be only yours.

    • Assalam Alaykum Imani,

      Am so sorry you had to go through all this, no one deserves this type of treatment, buh Alhamdulilah i am so glad you have found our beautiful religion, and moreover didn't condemn our religion by Judging your husbands behaviour, I Pray you find peace and sincerity, May Allah (swt) Protect us and guide us All the right way (Ameen)


    • thats a sad story.
      thanks for sharing as sharing our stories can help someone/wake them up.

  2. Salaam sister imani

    I'm sorry to hear what u have been through...its true majority of the times one woman destroys another womans house. Advice for AmericanMuslim what your doing to me seems wrong..The question is how did u come into this mans life.. u must have some kind of relationship u cant have just been praying together all of a sudden and thats wrong as well...I'm being harsh but as sister imani said u should back off.
    U dont know what the full story is with his wife and him. U have freedom to marry a good single guy ....have u ever thought what would happen if he does the same thing to u...

    I dont know why but im not saying all but a lot of muslim men have double policies...they think they can adapt one set of rules with the non muslim woman i.e met up interact do none islamic stuff and its the other way round when it comes to muslim women. When they end up in marriages with non muslim women when things go pear shaped they remember muslim women......i'm not branding all muslim men just sharing what u see in the west...

    Please share ur views..

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