Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A Muslim who does not believe in Allah

A Righteous Husband is what you want

A Righteous Husband is what you want

I am asking this question on behalf of my sister, who is 34 yrs, old. We belong to a religious family and it's been along time we are looking for a suitable person to get married - we are having a hard time finding the right person.

Recently one of our family friends introduced her to this person, and the guy started talking to her on phone or chat, he seemed a very nice guy; respectful, humble and all the good traits, but after a couple of weeks he told her that even though his family is Muslim and he is also, he doesn't believe in Allah SWT. He thinks Islam is a great religion and wants his kids and family to be Muslim but himself doesn't believe.

My question to you is after this shocking conversation what should my sister do, she is very stressed and shattered, but doesn't want to displease Allah SWT at any cost. Is she supposed to convince him about Islam or just end talking to him, and it is very hard for her to let go because she says that he has all the good qualities like soft spoken, kind hearted and sympathetic.

Please answer as soon as possible, and make dua for her that Allah eases her difficulties and opens the doors of mercy, Ameen

Simi

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31 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum,

    Simi, I believe your sister should reject this man. If she tries to convince him, that is risky. He may or may not agree.

    First of all, if he does not believe in Allah, he is not a Muslim and your sister is not allowed to marry him, him being a non Muslim. It is the same as a person who was Christian or an Atheist wanting to marry her, and allow the kids to be Muslim.

    Even if she marries him, the children will be influenced by the father and that is dangerous. Parents should protect their kids from the fire. But the father may himself be jumping into it and pulling the kids from it. I pray that Allah Guides him. But I see that your sister should look for another man who is already Muslim and practices his deen well and is upon the Sunnah.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • "First of all, if he does not believe in Allah, he is not a Muslim" - One hundred percent agree.

      A Muslim is NOT a Muslim without having to believe in Allah and that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is the last messenger. If he doesn't believe in one or both of these then he is NOT a Muslim.

  2. Your sister should reject this man, there is no one more greater then our Allah swt.

    Your sister should point him towards an imam and stop talking to such an individual. I pray Allah puts reham in his heart and puts him on the right path inshallah

  3. Sister,

    I read this post and heard your questions and they spoke to me very deeply about an experience I had. I'll tell you a very short story if I can.

    I was married to a man, neither of us were Muslim. Then I reverted and tried and tried to convince my husband about Islam. I prayed for the power to bring my husband to Islam. It never happened. The more grace I showed, the more angered he got. The more I listened and the less I talked, the more he screamed. In the end we divorced.
    I quickly learned that it's up to Allah SWT, not me, who comes to Islam. Allah would not put your sister in a situation that contradicts everything he gives us as guidelines to live healthy lives, just to teach someone about Islam. That's like saying, "Can my sister join a strip club and dance naked on stage to gain the favor of a man that she wants to bring to Islam?" The answer is no, she can't, and Allah would never ask that of her, just like he would never ask her to be so close and talk to a man who is not mehrem to her, just to bring him to Islam. That is the job of another man, not a woman who is not his mother, sister or wife. The job is not hers and she is surely being tested. I can guarentee you that if she passes this test, she will be rewarded somehow. Just because you can't find the right guy, doesn't mean you should marry a mushrik man who is nice. What's the sense in that? How can you trust him? What security do you have that he will be faithful, if not bound by the fear of judgement by God? If men are left to their own senses of justice, they push far beyond the boundaries of what God has set forth for us. This is because the laws of men will cater to his sense of justice, and they allow much more than God does. Your sister will suffer, surely. Please save her from this situation and ask her to retrieve her heart and save her future before she destroys it with this man. Having a man who says it's fine for his family to believe in God although he doesn't, echos his future words of him saying that she may believe in loyalty, honor and love, but he doesn't. If he sets forth this kind of mentality for the rest of their relationship. He is testing how she feels about her own self worth. He knows he might take a desperate woman in her mid-30's and establish a marriage understanding where he will not feel conviction to do right for any other reason than that it makes him happy, or makes sense to him. If she cares about herself or has any self respect, she'll turn and run. Do you think he'd dare say these things to a girl in her early 20's and highly desired with many suitors? Heck No! He knows any good woman would tell him to take a long walk off a short cliff! He is securing in his own mind just how much she is willing to saccrifice to get married. Is she willing to saccrifice her self respect by taking a man who doesn't believe in God as her husband?
    I tell you this now-
    If your sister marries this man, he will never, ever respect her, because he will establish that she does not respect herself. And I can GUARENTEE you that a nice, young girl who he can not have and who loves God will surely catch his eye in the future. He will admire her, and possibly cheat on your sister, with a woman who holds so close the very same ideals that he is asking your sister to saccrifice for the sake of getting married.

    No one brings people to Allah but Allah. If he is to be Muslim, it was written on his soul before he was born, and your sister can not change that, and Allah would never ask her to.

    Take care,
    Sister Stacy

    • Powerful message

    • wow mashAllah please listen to sister Stacys advice sister!

    • I love Sr. Stacy's down to earth, tell it like it is, Islamic entwined advice. Ever thought of being a counselor sister? Sounds like you have the talent for such a profession. This type of advice is much needed for our youth living in Western cultures. Wish our khutbas could be as good as your advice tho. I just feel that many of our youth are going down the wrong path because khatibs/elders aren't addressing these important issues. Our youth are definitely our future and not much attention is being focused on them nor their problems in the 21st century. Just by reading these questions on this website, it seems apparent that many families are not raising their children according to Islam and sunnah. I have many children my self and was born and raised in the states. However, I feel for our muslim teens and the twenty somethings out there. It is a different world out there for them, yet parents, imams, teachers are not educating the youth in an Islamic manner, on how to tackle issues on love, marriage, drinking, drugs, etiquette, respecting the elders, dress code, salat, siyam, music, t.v., video games, etc.... I have seen so many parents give up on their kids, while their kids are in the prime of their life. Very sad, but true. Thus, as displayed here (i.e. Islamic Answers), we have a generation who are crying out for help. It saddens my heart to read such stories of pain, anguish, hoplessness, confusion and regret. May Allah guide our children, our families and our Ummah to Siratul Mustaqeem. May Allah bless Ummatul Muhammad-salli allahu alayhi wa salam- in this dounya and in the akhira. May Allah put the barakah in this site which is trying to help our brothers and sisters in need and may Allah bless Br. Wael and his staff for the hard work they are doing...Ameen ya rabbul Alameen. Wa alaykoum as salam ya jam3aa

  4. He don't believe Allah how come he has all good qualities? It's not good qualities it's simply saitans trap. I also think your sister should step back asap still have time.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Simply put, if someone does not believe in Allah, they are not a Muslim.

    It may be that this man has experienced a great crisis of faith which has led him to this, and it may be that in time he might realise his mistake and return to Islam (indeed, we should hope that our lost brother repents and returns to the Ummah, if it is Allah's will). However, this is absolutely not your sister's problem or responsibility. Your sister is looking for a marriage partner, to complete half her deen and walk with her in Islam. How can someone do this if they do not believe in Allah? While he may have good character traits, we need to look at deen as well as character as the first and most crucial attributes of a prospective spouse. At this time, unfortunately, it would appear that this man is not a wise choice.

    Before making any decision, your sister should perform istikhara, and Allah's guidance will inshaAllah show her the way forward.

    I pray that your sister finds a righteous man of good character, who will make her happy in this world and the next, inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Very well said.

      Simi, how can your sister complete half of her Deen, if her potential partner does not have a Deen.

  6. I agree with all
    The above post, Allah had someone out there for all of us to marry, insallah your sister will find a good Muslim guy soon. Till her forget about this other guy who doesnt believe in Allah because at the end it will not work out.

  7. assalamalaikum-
    He thinks Islam is a great religion and wants his kids and family to be Muslim but himself doesn't believe.
    THEN HE IS NOT A MUSLIM THEN WHY HANG AROUND HIM FOR HOPING TO MARRY A UNBELIEVER IN ALLAH-

    YOUR SISTERS STAND-but doesn't want to displease Allah SWT at any cost....

    NO TRUST ON ALLAH THIS IS HAPPENING-
    DIRECTLY FORWARDING YOUR SELF TO SEARCH AND FIX SOMEONE FOR MARRIAGE BY GOING TO KNOW HIM IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO TRUST IN ALLA H-YOUR SISTER doesn't want to displease Allah SWT at any cost....
    HER STAND THE ISLAMIC ANSWER-
    The permanent committe had the following fatwa on voice of women:
    Women's voice is not `Awrah in itself. It is only Haram (prohibited) to listen to a WOMENS VOICE- woman's voice when its tone is suggestive or alluring. A woman's husband is excepted from this prohibition. Likely, it is Haram for a woman to speak in such a manner in the presence of men other than her husband. A proof for this is Allah's statement: (then they mentioned the above Aayah) (alifta.org)

    HE IS ACTING WHEN HE SAYS- He thinks Islam is a great religion and wants his kids and family to be Muslim but himself doesn't believe.
    HOW CAN A PERSON HAVE HIGH ESTEEM OF ISLAM AND REJECT THE PRACTISE AT THE SAME TIME HE IS ABNORMAL AND CUNNING-MILLIONS OF NON MUSLIMS I KNOW ARE VERY VERY HIGH IN CHARACTER AND ETHICS THAN THIS PERSON -BUT THEY LIVE AS UNBELIEVERS AND MARRY UNELIEVERS AND DIE AS UNBELIEVERS-

    Sister Stacy-1ST THING IS HE IS NOT A MUSLIM THEN WHERE IS THE QUESTION OF MARRYING HIM
    If your sister marries this man, he will never, ever respect her,

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF-

  8. ask your sister to read this dua

    Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha

    Read this hadith..

    Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) something that made me very happy. He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allaah will do that for him."'" Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon,' then , 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,' Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say, I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allaah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.' He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allaah will take this away from you (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.' So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me. Allaah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

    These two reports are in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad. The hadeeth was also reported by Muslim from Umm Salamah, who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: "Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha," but Allaah will compensate him with something better.' When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?' Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage, but I said, 'I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.' He said, 'As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.'" (Reported by Muslim, 1525).

  9. ask your sister to read this dua

    Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha

    Read this hadith to know more about this dua inshaAllah.

    Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), said: "Abu Salamah came to me one day after being with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: 'I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) something that made me very happy. He said, "There is no calamity that befalls one of the Muslims and he responds by saying 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon (Truly, to Allaah we belong, and truly, to Him we shall return),' then he says, 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha (O Allaah, reward me in this calamity and compensate me with something better than it),' but Allaah will do that for him."'" Umm Salamah said: "I learnt this from him, and when Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilahi raaji'oon,' then , 'Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha,' Then I thought to myself, Where could I find anyone better than Abu Salamah? When my 'iddah (waiting-period) was over, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked permission to see me, whilst I was busy dyeing a hide. I washed the qaraz (a kind of dye derived from a certain plant) from my hands and granted him permission, putting out for him a leather cushion stuffed with palm fibres. He sat down on it, and asked for my hand in marriage. When he had finished what he had to say, I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I do not want you to lose interest in me, but I am a very jealous woman, and I am afraid that you may see in me something that could earn me the punishment of Allaah. I am also a woman who is ageing, and I have children.' He said, 'As for the jealousy you mentioned, Allaah will take this away from you (according to another report: as for you saying that you are a jealous woman, I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy). As for what you say about age, the same applies to me as to you. As for your children, your children are my children.' So I accepted his offer and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me. Allaah gave me someone even better than Abu Salamah, namely the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)."

    These two reports are in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad. The hadeeth was also reported by Muslim from Umm Salamah, who said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'There is no Muslim who suffers a calamity and says what Allaah has commanded: "Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raji'oon, Allaahumma ujurni fi museebati w'ukhluf li khayran minha," but Allaah will compensate him with something better.' When Abu Salamah died, I said, 'Who among the Muslims could be better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)?' Then I said [this du'aa'] and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He sent Haatib ibn Abi Balta'ah on his behalf to ask for my hand in marriage, but I said, 'I have a daughter, and I am a jealous woman.' He said, 'As for your daughter, we will pray to Allaah to make her independent, and I will pray to Allaah to take away your jealousy.'" (Reported by Muslim, 1525).

    __________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  10. We muslims believe that there is no single hair from our head falls without Allah´s permission. Our concept of time is limit while Allah´s not. He knows what happened before, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future. Thus, having that concept clear in our minds that will help us better understand what Qadar is, that means what Allah has decided for us in our lives.

    This situation is not comparable at all with someone who converts to Islam while her husband refuses. No. Here we are talking about someone who is ALREADY MUSLIM, born into a muslim family, and probably from a muslim country. This is not something so lightly to jump into a simple conclusion or stigmatize the brother putting him inmediately into a "category" applying hadiths on him which were meant for different situations and different people.

    Second, to belief completely in something should show an effect on the believer. Do our actions really reflect our belief in Allah? Are we an example of mercy and compassion according to our faith? or is it our discourse full of hate, jealousy, missinterpretations, etc? If it is so, how can we expect others to believe in something that IN PRACTICE we don´t !!!! A belief without an action is nothing my dear brothers and sisters. To say "we believe" and in practice do completely opposite is called HIPOCRESY. I personally belief this brother (yes he is my brother in humanity and precious creature of Allah) is sincere enough to recognize that he doesn´t have a belief.

    It is my experience during 17 years as a muslim that a disbeliever can become a great believer and in many occasions people become atheists because the way Allah Almighty is introduced to them by many preachers from most religions it is like a "humanized form", AstagfirAllah! The Bible says: "He got angry!" "He is a jealouse God" "He sat down" "He rested on Saturday" "if you behave bad you go to hell", "if you are good you go to heaven", "there is a boiling hell where heads are chopped, and skins are burnt", etc. Allah is more than that. As the Qu´ran says He sent a Messenger to every community to speak to them "in their language" so they can believe and do good, so at some point it was necessary to use certain descriptions according to the level of language, culture, and knowledge of the people at that time. When those passages are not appropiate introduce, they can produce a terrible effect on people who question, people who don´t accept things blindly, the same way any sincere reverted muslim must have arrived to Islam: "questioning".

    Another terrible factor that adds is the kind of example from the "believer people", "pious people", "religious people" we get. How can we dare to say we are pious and religious and at the same time be "racist", "still from government", "cheat on each other", "rape", "abuse", "have hatred speech", etc. ????? If I use common sense and logic here I would say "Is that the consecuence of believing in God?" "Will I become like this after believing in Allah?" Dear brothers and sisters I have seen with my own eyes "religious people" with a dark front from making so many sujjuds daily and still from others! Audubillah and to me, these kind of people are my biggest test of faith because something inside of me tells me "Do you want to look like them?"

    I believe this brother should be invited to rediscover Allah in a different way. If Allah put this brother in the sister´s way, must be for something, and must be for something good! Nowadays, science is getting closer and closer to accept that there is a point beyond our human mind and capacity to assimilate.

    For instance, the theory of the "Particle of God" : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9o5mc7YoJQA
    and the "geometrical phenomenon Fractals which has been represented in islamic art and architecture through centuries: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB8m85p7GsU

    Most atheists feel more connected when science and faith agree and that would be a nice start to reintroduce Allah to him. I can see he values the greatness of Islam and just from the fact he seems to be kind, nice, and even wants his kids to be muslims that tells me at some point in his life there was an "accidental experience" that affected his faith and made him reconsider all that he had known so far. So before judging him, let us listen more to him with patience and love. Remember Prophet Yunus (AS) who wanted to give up his mission with unbeliever people! At the end, they all turned to Allah.

    Beyond hell and heaven, there is Allah and to Him we shall all existence return.

    I hope this helpped and may Allah forgive my mistakes 🙂

  11. I don't understand why you guys are advising this sister to reject the man. On numerous occassions where it's been Muslim men who write about their non-Muslim girlfriends you usually advice the men to try convince the non-Muslim women to become Muslims, not to reject them. So why aren't you advising Muslim women to convince non-Muslim men to become Muslims, too? I think it's really hypocritical of you, to be honest.

    • I agree with you Adina Mohammadi, I see everyday muslim men marrying non-muslim ladies (here we are not comparing this is a fact) whom some of them "have accepted Islam" and one day you see them at Burguer King or McDonalds eating a hamburguer with bacon! Ha,ha,ha! There you have the muslims!

      • You see everyday muslim men marrying non-muslim ladies ? lol Do you have special powers ? and were you invited in all those weddings that you are certain ?and also you know the ingrediants of their hamburgers ? No really, How does one find out a person's religion and menu in a fast food restaurant ?

    • Salam'alaykum,

      You asked,

      I don't understand why you guys are advising this sister to reject the man.

      You really don't understand why ? Well, firstly because, he is a non mahram and it is haram for her to be talking and chatting with him on the phone. secondly, he is not a muslim. A person who doesn't believe in Allah is automatically a kafir.

      On numerous occassions where it's been Muslim men who write about their non-Muslim girlfriends you usually advice the men to try convince the non-Muslim women to become Muslims, not to reject them.

      Who ever gave those advises, gave a wrong and unIslamic advise because when anyone talks about gf or bf, our conclusion is normally " sever the ties".
      And never compare advises as every case is different.

      So why aren't you advising Muslim women to convince non-Muslim men to become Muslims, too?

      Thats because we aren't hypocrites to give unIslamic advises. Da'wah is not done by a lover. To give da'wah, one needs tremendous amount of Islamic knowledge. Allah also said that we cannot guide those whom we love. and so basically, since that guy is a non mahram to her, she is forbidden to talk to him in the first place and sadly now, shaytan took hold of her. May Allah give her strength to fight the shaytan.

    • Adina,
      The answer to your question is quite simple. Muslim men are not supposed to be spending time with anyone who is not their mehrem. Them doing so is disobeying Allah's laws. The observations you are making are sins on the men, not verification of the allowance of these actions.
      Secondly, if a man is courting a non-muslim lady, remember muslim men may marry christian, jew or muslim. I think there's no way of you knowing what people believe just by looking at them, so you are most likely seeing muslim men courting a non muslim jew or christian. Even so, this process should be done by sending female members of his family to speak to her mother or her sister, or of him speaking to her father, etc.
      Any sin you are observing is simply that: Sin. That's where the blame should be placed, not on the members of this site.

      S Stacy.

    • Because a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man, whereas a Muslim man can marry a Jewish, Christian or Muslim woman. Its Allah's rules and it cannot be denied (although a man marrying a non-Muslim can cause a lot of problems so we would never recommend it.)

      This is probably why we have advised the men to ask them to convert in the past.
      Also there are individual differences - I cannot speak for the other editors - only myself but I can speculate that we get the post and from that we give the advice we feel is best suited.

      The advice offered may have been different if the brother had said to this OP's sister: "I'm having doubts about Islam and I want to clear them up." But he outright declared he does not believe in Allah. Aside from fact that he is not Muslim and therefore not lawful to her (which is the MOST important fact) but why should this sister waste any of her time, energy and emotions trying to change someone's belief who is not halal for her anyway and someone who does not believe.
      Pray for his hidayat if you must but dont ever put yourself at risk of sin would be my advice.
      Allah is surely testing her - and in it will be an immense reward. May Allah give her that beautiful reward and a beautiful, pious loving spouse
      Ameen!

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. Adina, why do you everytime compare advise given to men and women?

    There is no difference between an advise given (atleast by me or people like me) to men and women, except their situation. Please look at the situation when the man is advised to convince the woman and HOW ( because I don't think anyone would advise talking to a non Mahram in seclusion at any cost ). And look at this one. Does this man seem to be having chances to accept the truth? And you ask yourself: is he the best man she can marry or can another person be a better match?

    Please advise, do not look at it as a person inclined to females. This has no place in Islam. Women or men, they are equal except where Allah Has made them different. And no advise may have any scope for inclination to a particular sex, whatever the reason.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  13. It's easy to advice a non Muslim man to convert but being Muslim by blood and who don't believe in Allah specially he knows without Allah he wouldn't even excite it's hard to convince that person to believe. 

    • Usually a "muslim by blood" has lost his faith because of a "traumatic experience" with the muslim community and that needs to be heal. What brothers and sisters we are for, then?

      • Please don´t missinterpretate what I am going to say but it makes me feel really sad and at some point disspointed to see how Christians work so hard to bring back to faith a brother or a sister who has stepped away from "the path" while muslims we really DON´T CARE AT ALL!. The only thing we care is "to point with our big fingers on that person", "to judge that person", "to criticize that person with others", "to feel we are a BIG SHOT OF FAITH"! Come on! What kind of people are we for God´s sake!!!! There is no little bit of empathy and compassion in us?????

        How many people I have seen leaving Islam, while the "big shot of faith" sit down to open their big mouths and say "AstagfiruAllah sister/brother!" but did we invite that person for a talk, did we tell her/him how much you value him/her as a brother or sister in Islam? Did we tell him/her to feel free to tell you anything that is really going on (of course your not going to go next day and tell everybody!) in his/her life? Did we dare to tell him/her that you are there for him/her to listen or help? if we didn´t , then let us close our mouths and change the subject because all is being recorded by Allah and will work against us one day!

        I do admire my Christian brothers and sisters in humanity for have that sensible and compassionate heart they do have perhaps learnt from the beautiful example of Prophet Jesus, S.A. which we muslims nowadays WE LACK!

        • Maryam, Da'wah has to be done when one has knowledge about deen and what one is calling to. A person having no knowledge will end up going astray himself/herself.

          Additionally, it has to be done within limits of Islam. A Muslimah is not allowed to interact with a non Mahram man, except when she is accompanied with her Mahram. And a Muslim man is not allowed to interact with a Muslimah unless she is accompanied with her Mahram.

          If you are a Muslim, you will be well aware that today's Christians do not follow the example of Isa Alaihis Salam, but a deen that is not his. We have an example that is much better to look up to - that of his brother, the final Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. When Isa Alaihis Salam will return from the heavens in the nearfuture, he will follow the example of Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam himself.

          I agree, we lack a lot of what we need to learn from the Prophet's example. Allah Says:

          8:46
          وَأَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَا تَنَازَعُوا فَتَفْشَلُوا وَتَذْهَبَ رِيحُكُمْ ۖ وَاصْبِرُوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
          And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.

          When this OP's sister's case is concerned, she has NO obligation of da'wah to this man who is not even related to her (not her Mahram). Instead, she can direct a man to speak to him.

          Our deen does not need a learning from a people who disobeyed Allah and went astray, as said in Surah al Fatihah. We have an example, if we follow it, will be enough for the World to become a place of Justice and Peace. We must follow that instead of comparing our sad condition with those who went astray.

          Abu Abdul Bari
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. Here I think we should try to be very honest and analyze one thing: what is the meaning of being a believer? are we really believers?

    The Prophet, P. B.U. once said "there will be people whom in the morning will be disbeliever and in the evening will die as believer, while there are some whom in the morning will be disbeliever and in the evening will die as believer". This hadith is something that should make us deeply reflect on the true meaning of "BELIEVER".

    I will set an example: let us say the sister marries a pious practicing muslim brother and one day he dies while cheating on her, stealing from others, or doing any other sinful act. Can we say she married a "muslim" man? Of course not! I guess that is what the Prophet, P.B.U. was talking about. Being a believer is more than words and not every time we got to the market we get exactly what we paid for. So, saying that she sould focus on "Looking for a Husband" means to ignore any signal that Allah might be trying to show her. Didn´t the Spaniards intended to go to India to get spices and ended up discovering the American Continent?

    I believe she should give him a chance and keep talking to him until she realizes that indeed there is no hope in that relation, at least there was something positive about it: she did a good deed trying to bring him back to faith and I´m sure her own Iman will increase.

    I agree with you Adina Mohammadi, I see everyday muslim men marrying non-muslim ladies (here we are not comparing this is a fact) whom some of them "have accepted Islam" and one day you see them at Burguer King or McDonalds eating a hamburguer with bacon! Ha,ha,ha! There you have the muslims!

    Please let us consider each subject more maturely.

    • I will set an example: let us say the sister marries a pious practicing muslim brother and one day he dies while cheating on her, stealing from others, or doing any other sinful act. Can we say she married a "muslim" man?

      Yes a 'fasiq' muslim man.

      I believe she should give him a chance and keep talking to him until she realizes that indeed there is no hope in that relation, at least there was something positive about it: she did a good deed trying to bring him back to faith and I´m sure her own Iman will increase.

      You aren't kidding right ?

      Ok have you heard of this hadith which states that, whenever a man and a woman are alone, shaytan is the third one ? So it seems as though you are taking the satan's side to help a muslimah talk to a non mahram non muslim ? Did you read this line written by the OP " she is very stressed and shattered ", "and it is very hard for her to let go" ? and now your advise is to keep talking untill she realizes that there is no hope ? ya right !! are you a revert sister ? I asked because even on the other thread, you promote non mahram social relation and non segregated education and work place and when its clear that it is haram in Islam, you tld its a distortion in Islam but infact its a distortion of your own understanding and intellect. Our wisdom is uncomparable to our almighty Allah Jalla Jalaluh.

      She is already faling in love with that man and so for them to continue talking will only increase the love and then it'll be extremely difficult to break up by them. Therefore, she needs to sever ties now than later. It is not her duty to give da'wah, instead a knowledgeable muslim man must do so. Her brother can send someone to talk to him. Allah said, YOU CANNOT GUIDE THOSE WHOME YOU LOVE.

      • Lastly, two wrongs doesn't make a right..

        You have plenty to learn about Islam from its authentic sources and not a 'non muslim'/'modern muslim' influenced website.

      • Talking on the phone one on one also brings satan as the third one.

  15. Thank you for all your comments. The post has been closed.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor