Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A Non Muslim girl dating a Bengali Muslim boy.

Hi,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and recently he has rejoiced islam again which I am happy about. He is praying, fasting for ramadan, eating halal. Islam does not allow for dating. He is very reluctant now because his parents will not accept anyone for him as a wife other than bengali muslim. I have been reading on bengali and learning about islam (not for him or marriage but for my self). I understand that I cannot convert for him or anyone else that I have to believe that Allah is the only one ). His family will not accept him to marry a sri lankan. They are showing discrimination and he feels that he has to respect and keep his parents happy. I respect that he is putting his parents priority but I feel I will be a good wife for him. I will be understanding of him, take care of in in laws and be a good muslim.

They are mixing culture and religion. His mother says that she will not accept anyone other than a muslim bengali that she chooses. That sri lankan people are no good and that we will not be a good fit.

Me and my boyfriend now have broken up and he is not wanting to get back together because of this.

Any ideas or suggestions please would help. I need to convince him that I will wait for marriage and not date him. We love each other and that we can make this work. He needs to talk to his mom and let her know what I am doing for this relationship. Learning a language, adapting to the culture and reading on the religion.

-bavi


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8 Responses »

  1. Dear Bavi,

    If he has already decided to leave, I think you should respect his decision and move on. Parental pressure can be one of the hardest things to deal with. And perhaps he knows full well that even if you were to accept Islam, his mother would still not accept you, purely because you are not Bengali - albeit cultural and very wrong.

    I do not think this man will have the courage to stand up to his mother even if you do accept Islam. If you are serious about Islam, you will continue to pursue this faith, whether this man is part of your life or not. If you become Muslim sincerely, then ask him about marriage and see if you get a more favourable response. If not, count your blessings and move on.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. AS sister. Forget parental pressure. If this man truly loved you and loved you for your deen he would stay with you. Instead he sided with his parents when they decided to be racist to a future spouse regardless of your views on faith. He's not worth it for you.

    • salam
      well said brother
      id like to add that islam is a powerful religion alhamdulilah has everything put out for us. i recently (2 yrs) started becoming more knowledgeable about my deen alhamdulilah, and whenever i want to do somthing i look at what islam says about it and subhanallah it always makes the most sence. i used to be to proud of my cultural background more then my religous one, stugferalah, but now i see the light alhamdulilah. may allah guide us all on the straight path, and unite all muslims regardless of cultural background, ameen.

      salamz

  3. Sister
    Welcome to the Deen of truth an true fitrah.
    See islam never supports discrimantion on the basis of creed color and cast and is conciderd big sin.
    You just continue to have faith in Allah. Allah will have special for you very soon. and try to contend yourself but doing a bit of research and read about islam your heard will be filled with peace and satisfaction

    May Allah make your life easy for you....

  4. Hi Bavi,

    I am in the same situation. I am also a Sri Lankan, was dating a Bengali muslim now he is trying to convince his parents. If you want inshallah we can help each other to become more islamic. Please reply back. Thank you..

    Sana

  5. hey i would love to know how it turned out for you? did you manage to convince him, and did you accept Islam regardless if you were with him or not? im also in a similar situation, but only difference is were both muslims, and im bengali and he's sri lankan, so they wont accept us, and wanted to know how others situation turned out....

    • I am in the process of learning Islam. My boyfriend said if I practice Islam he would marry me no matter what even if his parents are against it. Your situation is very sad as you both are in the same religion and it's not working for you. I am interested in knowing what is the reason for the parents not accepting and for you two not deciding to marry?

      Sana

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