Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A non-muslim woman impregnated by a muslim man. Please help.

Pregnant woman depressed


I am a hindu woman, aged 25 and the father of my unborn child is a muslim man, aged 26.

We have been in a relationship for almost four years now and during this course of our relationship, we were involved physically too. We both knew fornication is haram in Islam but somehow we got carried away. Now, I am more than 36 weeks pregnant. I got to know about my pregnancy when i was in my 10th week. He wanted me to have an abortion right away. Deep down my heart, I did not want to abort, but agreed because we both were not married to each other.

Somehow, I could not get the abortion done as I was scared of it. And I let my pregnancy continue. My boyfriend got upset and angry when he discovered this news and told me that he had nothing to do with me and the baby. Even I allowed him to walk out if he didn't want the baby. But he came back to support me and said he would consider marrying me if I got converted to Islam. He was really supportive of me and this pregnancy for two months but now, when I need him the most, he left me, saying that he only wants the child and not me because I am a non-muslim.

I have always had interest in Islam and when I started reading Quran, I got more interested. Now, when I am ready to get converted and raise this child with his/her father together, he does not want me. He says it is haram to marry a non-muslim girl. But if I get converted and embraced Islam and followed it religiously, would it still be haram? He only wants his child so that the child can be raised up a muslim. When i asked him about my future, he said since I was the one who wanted to keep the child, I should either end up being a single mother and raise this child without him or give the child to him and forget about it.

I want to know what is the ruling of a child born out of wedlock in Islam? If I am willing to get converted to Islam, would it still be haram for him to marry me? Is he allowed to destroy my life like that and go on living his life normally, without even his family knowing? He'll be married to some muslim girl and lead a respectable life, but what about me?

Please help.



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9 Responses »

  1. You keep saying bad things about him and saying that he destroyed your life but what about you destroying his life? Like sweety just like your religion there's no baby out of wedlock!!! You should be ashamed of your self opening yur legs for the past 4 years and thinking nuthing of it. Most likly he was using you just for sex bcuz a Muslim girl won't have sex if not married you are easy

    • "Most likly he was using you just for sex bcuz a Muslim girl won't have sex if not married you are easy"

      You need to come out of the woodwork... human nature, behaviors are same across all religious/non-religious denominations.
      If you like to know how wonderful only Muslim girls are comparing to others, talk to any gynecologist in any of the government hospitals in so called Muslim countries. These kind of cases are more common then your imagination, only difference is, we don't hear about them as this is a social taboo.

      • can anyone help me how to register for here?i tried to register but it says i am already logged but i am not,so what should i do?pls help i need to ask a question here,i think some issues are there in this site,thats why i cant register,pls help.

    • assalam alaikum
      im so sad that you should not talk to a person ever like that is that what your parents taughts you
      you should be directive towards your self not other she is not a muslim she is suffering because he was the one who first performs intimacy a child can never be born without male and female blood sperms
      so you should know that is that how you show your behaviour towards non muslims???he was first to balme he knows that dating or glaring gaze on women whether shemuslim or not is completely haram and forbidden in islam then why he keep his relationship with her in the first place???im really so sad about your behaviour.

    • She is not easy she is human. Don't ever be ashamed of yourself you made a mistake and that's ok God knows what he is doing if anything this will make you stronger as a person. And if he doesn't want to be a of your life the your baby and raise him yourself and screw that man that obviously is an idiot for following religion when he should just strap his ass down and do the right thing.

  2. Lana - Your response is disgusting. The sister is a not a muslim currently yes, but is she not a human too? Are we all not susceptible to errors? Instead of pushing a person away from the beautiful deen of Islam, you should be inviting them towards it, with compassion and mercy,

    Allah's Forgiveness and Mercy is great and no one is excluded from it except those who choose to be left out from it. Do not belittle Allah's Forgiveness and Mercy be your harsh words.

    Jareer ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to people.”
    In another narration, the Prophet said, “Verily, Allah is only merciful to His servants who are merciful with others.”
    [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6941, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2319]

    Do you think you're spared from the punishment of Allah becuase of your 'righteous deeds'? Remember, you too have sins as no one in this world is sinless. Should Allah strike you down in your track with a thunderbolt too for all the sins, secrets and lies that you may have told/done in your life? Allah is Merciful and Forgiving and He chooses to give people chance after chance, the sister is also wanting to turn her life around, so don't discourage her with your harsh words. Act and speak with justice and mercy and if you cannot, refrain from responding on this website and do not dare advise another person until you adopt this characteristic for mercy and forgiveness from our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wasalam).

    no_name - To answer your question, if you were to accept Islam as the truth and decided to become Muslim, it would be permissable for you to marry that Muslim man, further more, Allah will wipe away all the previous sins.

    A child born out of wedlock, is still an innocent child. No one bares the burden or another and the child is innocent and has nothing to do with the actions of it's parents. however, the parents have a responsiblity to raise the child up upon righteousness and is the servitude of The One True God (Allah).

    As for the man, sounds like he doesn't recognise the seriousness of his actions, especially if he cannot bring himself to guide you to the path of Islam. From his actions and words, he has clearly used you for his own lust and is not ready to be serious and responsible for both his child and your state of affairs in this world and Hereafter.

    I suggest that if you are serious about Islam, raise your child up alone without him as a Muslim and devote yourself to Allah in complete submission. This man sounds like bad news and if he cannot be serious about commiting zina and rectifying his mistakes, he shouldn't be role model for your child. The only role model your child should have is our beloved prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

  3. Dear sister,

    You say: "Even I allowed him to walk out if he didn't want the baby"

    This shows that you are close to Allah.

    Everyone is born Muslim, and only Allah knows where everybody stands.

    I agree with ibnuAdam that your best option, based on the information you have provided, is to leave this man. I also wouldn't rule out the possibility of finding another brother in the future who is closer to your level of level of Imaan (faith), who will take care of you like you deserve and help you raise your child if needed.

    May Allah bless you with his supreme justice, mercy, and happiness.



  4. I want to know what is the ruling of a child born out of wedlock in Islam? If I am willing to get converted to Islam, would it still be haram for him to marry me? Is he allowed to destroy my life like that and go on living his life normally, without even his family knowing? He'll be married to some muslim girl and lead a respectable life, but what about me?

    Of course in Islam the child being born out of wedlock is unacceptable. But if you convert to Islam all your past sins erase, Allah forgives all previous sins. In Islam tattoos are not allowed but if you have one and convert to Islam you are allowed to keep it and are not sinned. Do not only convert to Islam because you want to get married to him, also because you think Islam is the right religion. Even if you both end up parting ways please still accept Islam, as you know it is a truthfully good religion. After you convert it will not be haram to marry him at all. Since you both had a part in having the child, he should not be allowed to just walk away. He should raise money for the child, and also give his love to the child. If he ends up marrying another women and convert to Islam your sins will erase.
    In the situation you should talk to him and explain that you want to become Muslim and marry him. But before that you should find out if he loves you sincerely.
    Some people above commented that he was in a relationship because you were easy. This can or cannot be true, you probably know better.

  5. assalam alikum sister you should converted to islam for your own self and that islam is right and best beautiful
    religion in whole world not for him i recomand you if you want to become a muslim so that is right time
    as far as concern for him make dua for him may allah guide him to move on the right track he was not right path so after becoming muslim you married him or not alteast make dua for him that may allah give him hadayat to make him a very good practicing muslim.for now if he uses some abuse actions against you
    then you should leave him immediately and asks allah for your self to be on right path.sister you know every one every living creature has to die one day and when we died we have our own separate grave and if we are good muslim we will be get jannat even in grave and jannat is the very beautifull place
    no eye have ever seen or witness it
    no brain is ever created to imagine how it was made or whats inside the jannat
    no ear ever listen to beautiful sounds of jannat
    no heart can ever feel what we feel in jannat
    so i advice you to convert to islam and you should follow allah remember not thing islam by just seeing how muslims are today you should make your connection with allah very strongly.

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