Islamic marriage advice and family advice

A pregnant Muslim lady abandoned by her own family


Assalam o Alaikum!

Ill start with little background. I was youngest among siblings and got married first. I was not asked while proposal accepted by my parents, but i was ok with it as I was always obediant to parents. After engagement i realised that my fiance is not what i was expecting. He was not caring/loving and protective towards me i also find him lazy but i ignored those feelings as i thoughr legal marriage/ nikkah will change him. After my marriage i was taken to a 2 room home where we were sharing washroom with my parents in law. This was a heartbreaking experience for me as i belonged to a Good house. But i choosed to remain patient. I wanted My husband to go abroad for our better future as he was not having a good job even to meet my Basic needs. My parents were unbothered  by his financial situation and agreed that i should go abroad along with him and strive with him for better life. so no one agreed with this plan. I remained patient but heartbroken badly after my married life. I started blaming my parents and cowardness of my husband for all problems i faced in new home.

We went abroad with little money in hand to search for new jobs. And that is when my real sufferings start. I got pregnant and my husband n me were jobless totally. My parents wanted me to stay there and strive for me n my husband job whereas my husband said me to abort baby. This broke me emotionally. I got a job in hotel which was a nightmare for me as my nausea was in its peak but jobless husband and out if money situation made me work there. Doctor told me that baby heartbeat is not there abd my husband and parents still remained unconcerned and didn't want me to go hospital for further checkup as they BELIEVED doc was lying. (And my husbnd didnt want to waste any more cash on checkups). My parents insisted me not to come back n stay abroad Alone working 12 hrs job. They did not think that i needed them the most when i vomitted in hotel washrooms. My husband coldness towards my pregnancy was heart wrenching aswell. I was not cared for i was nit offered fruits and milk, no one served me heakthy food no one said me to take rest or sleep goid. No one tried to keep me happy. I was in stress whole time. My husband never bothered to take care if my food intake etc. Neither he was excited when he heard of my daughter in scan. My parents planed other functions in the same dates of delivery leaving me alone. I was worried for my dekivery cost abd who will tc of my baby after delivery as  my whole fanily will be busy with functions. Inshort i was taken forgranted by my parents abd ny husband. My husband is still cold towards my daughter. He planned nthng for us he has ordinary job and cannot afford me if i leave job. My parents dont want to dekay their personal chores for me or my daughter. So im again left alone to tc of my daughter alone.

I heard my mother saying that she thinks im strong to handle my life alone however my ither siblings are more vulnerable and myst be taken care more. This made my heart weep blood. My husband never gave me a single gift in whole year. He was not bither by my daughters under weight.

I cannot love my parents or husband anymore. I cannot forget my sufferings of new job and unhealthy pregnancy. I cant forgive how my parents abondoned me and  coldness  of my husband. I want to cry loud when i see my mother worried for my preg sister and sister in law.

Was i not a human???  Didnt i need any care or i was made of iron???? I hate everyone i feel to take my dayghter away from these people and never come back. Plz help me i feel im phsyclogically disturbed. I cant hide my hatred any more. Plz help me

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7 Responses »

  1. Asalam alaikum

    Firstly, you should have never agreed to marry your now-husband. I understand wanting to please your parents, I do, but agreeing to marriage for their sake is too far for YOUR own good. It’s not as easy as agreeing to go to a party or do the dishes. This is marriage. You will spend your life with this person, have kids with them. It’s the one of the biggest steps you could ever take. You should always put yourself and your needs first, and especially for your daughter’s sake, you have to be strong. You should only be patient if you know what you’re doing is right and will please Allah more than your parents, and from the beginning that wasn’t the case. Forgive me, but you have a major flaw. Rather than turning to a website, you should be turning to Allah. You are Muslim, aren’t you? Remember, no matter what you’re going through, Allahu Akbar. There is no such thing as asking too much from Allah. I advise you to recite Quran, stick to your prayers and talk to Allah when you’re at your lowest points through duaa. Ask him to erase the hatred in your heart, to give you patience and strength in order to get through this. And you will. Inn Allaha me3a alsabireen. I recommend you listen to reciters Mohammed sideek almanshawi and abd albasit abd alsamad. Remember, stay strong for your daughter and even more so yourself, because it seems to me that you’re all she has. I know it’s hard, but remember, you will go to a better place sooner or later. The akhira awaits you in the end, it awaits us all. May Allah be with you, sister ❤️

  2. Salaam alaikum you are not made of iron but you sound as if you are stronger than iron. All i can really do is make dua. And this much i will do.

  3. Allah SWT is aware of everything sister. He knows who is being just and who isn't. Your patience will pay off one day InShaaaAllah. Step back a little from everyone. Be good to everyone as much as you can whenever you can. This way you will not be too dependant on anyone and you will not be hurt by anyone. May Allah make it easy for you and bless your family. Ameen

    • Salaam alaikum
      Can you explain what you meam by this. Please elaborate with how you disconnect doing good to otgers but not relying on them and thus not being hurt by them. Thanks

      • Walaikum assalaam. Being too dependant or having too much expectations from people in life can bring disappointment. As in the sisters case where she has expected a lot from her parents and her husband which is valid, due to her not receiving the support, she is let down and left to feel like this. So this is why when you step back a little from people, it is more appreciated. You don't overdue anything and nor do you expect much back in return. This will make you feel more content. However at the same time, just because you have stepped back, it doesn't mean you can't be good to them. You be good to them but don't have high expectations because this will lead to you getting hurt again. I hope that answers your question

        • being good, but stepping back is complicated. you are trying to separate two very interdependent things. You can't be truly good to someone that you have no expectations from, unless this is your profession. ie a nurse does good for a patient but doesn't expect anything in return. They can do this since there are no expectations from the patient.

          but family? how do you do that? how do you do good to a spouse who you have no expectations from? then what real value is your "good" that you are doing to them? if you do this with family aren't you just being fake? no genuine, then whats the point of doing "good"? if the intention is not genuine then there is no merit in doing the good since intention is very heavy in our religion.

          just looking for clarity

  4. What happened to you isn’t normal. You shouldn’t have been treated that way life will get easier inshAllah . Plse step back far away from all of them Apply for housing at the place you at . And ask the government for help

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