Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abandoned after he got me pregnant

muslimah mother child


I was working when I meet a pakistani guy through my friends. I have muslim friends who are good and kind people.  He was being nice and invited us to his home for party, and that started our short relationship. We got into sex, and out of curiosity he let me try to smoke weed and provided alcohol for drinks. He said he will just use withdrawal for our sex, so I did not protect myself.

Later we found out I'm a month late on my period. May Allah forgive us. I decided to keep the baby, but he wasn't happy and wanted me to take a pill and do an abortion. I was so scared to bleed.  Then my work contract was finished and I decided to go home to have a safe delivery for my baby.

He left me pregnant. I asked him for support until I gave birth, and then I would just go back to work to support my baby. I did not ask for marriage because I'm not muslim yet, and different culturally. I was trying to reach out for him just to ask about his blood type, because the doctor asked for it, but he only said bad words to me and insulted me.

I gave birth to my son, but he doesn't call or see the baby. My friends advise me to send an email report to the mutaween police about what happened because I'm not the only girl he cheated. In our culture the family should know about the baby, but I'm scared. Should I inform his family about the baby and what he did to me? I'm not sure if pakistani people are open with these things. He is still the father of my son, and he will be looking for his real father.

Thank you for reading my story and any advice is helpful.


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10 Responses »

  1. Salaam Alaikum sister,
    I'm really sorry what you went through but I'm not surprised at all these things are happening so much and it's sad. Weather muslim or non-Muslim has nothing to do about taking responsibility of your own child. Who cares what his family or other people think, right now the only thing you need to think about is your baby, make sure his family knows and make sure you do take him to court that's your child's right, and please don't fall for his nonsense at all whatsoever. May Allah make it easy for you and your child.

  2. My dear this man is a player,

    Let his family know so he can stop getting away with seducing women and just leaving them when life gets real.

    Call him, tell him to pay up and give you financial support. I would personally call his family and let them know they have a grandson, I am sure they want to know.

    Either way if he doesn't want to be there, that's his lose. But if he is not supporting you financially, that's too bad he has no choice because raising a baby is expensive.

    Tell them my dear, don't care too much what people think. Don't worry about what he thinks, tell them and let him face the consequence, I am sure this man has been getting away with a lot of things.

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    He, being Muslim, knows what he has done to you is wrong and extremely sinful. Let his family know and take this matter to court as well.

    I don't know if he is someone you want in your life for the long run considering when and how he left you and your baby--so make sure that you are clear to him that reaching out to his family and going to court is for your son's sake.

    May Allah ease your burden. Ameen.

    • @Saba (Remainder of comment has been removed - Editor).

      • Samina, I was very tempted to ban you from this website after your comment to sister Saba, but because you have been visiting the website for a long time, I will give you another chance. You have absolutely no right to cast aspersions on other readers or question their faith.

        Wael Editor

        • Salam Wael,

          I read the comment of Samina. I had the first impression as you that it wasn't right of of accusing Sr. Saba so and so. Then when I re-read it, I think it is her English that caused the confusion. Read it again, you may agree with me. I don't think the comment is @ Saba. She simply said that the boy is not a muslim. I hope I may help to clarify it.

  4. I think it's in your right to take actions to make sure the father of your child takes responsibility of his child. It honestly isn't your problem that this coward and sorry excuse of a man is too scared to stand by his sins and tell his family about the children he fathers outside of marriage. In the end of the day, you need all the help you can get from the father of your baby, even if it is just financial help. You are not working, so I can imagine your finances are very tight.

    Please, my friend, make sure the next man you have sex it's with your husband - even if you aren't Muslim, I think it does any person good to remain chaste as long as one is not married. And if you would allow me to give you another friendly piece of advice, don't get mixed up with men who do drugs, smoke weed and drink alcohol. They are never going to be someone any woman can have a serious and stable future with. Not to mention you never know what a drunk or high man can do to you or your child. People loose their inhibitions when they are intoxicated, as you have experienced and now have a child to remind you of.

    I also hope you have now learned, the very hard way, that the withdrawal method does NOT prevent pregnancy OR STDs. Please learn more about sex and contraceptives, my fellow sister 🙂

  5. My dear,
    In US, New York Law:
    "Every child is entitled to financial and emotional support from both parents. This is true even if the child's parents do not live together and were never married." and "If the child does not live with you, you will have to make child support payments to the other parent or to the person who is taking care of the child. This support should start the day your child is born."

    Do you know the law where you are staying?
    You may need to consult a professional, a lawyer or social worker if you are in Saudi Arabia. (I guess you may be in Saudi because you mentioned about mutaween police.) Things can turn ugly.

    Sure, the first step is to approach him for child support and then to his parents if he refuse. At least you can expose him to his parents. However, some parents are in the same boat of committing the same kind of corruption and by allowing their sons fooling outside. Ask you friends if they know about his family. If they are bad people, they may give you a real hard time, e.g. ask for DNA proof or accusing you being a prostitute, etc. Hope they will have mercy on their grandson.

    Again, I don't know where exactly you are or if you are the resident in that country or just a contract worker. REGARDLESS, YOUR SAFETY is the most important. If you are in Saudi, I heard that (it may not be right 100%, consult the professional) it may be a good excuse for the employer to finish your work contract or depot you. Worse, if your boyfriend is well connected, he may accused you as engaging prostitute industry. This is the worst the scenario.

    Get yourself protected and be well informed in every action if you want to take further action to against him. If he or his family has a slightly conscious, they should give you a full support at least financially. I hope you'll learn from this heavy lesson. Take Care.

  6. file case against him for emotionally destroying you and not taking the responsibility of his child. tell his family about everything clearly and that you have talked to the lawyer. for zina sex before marriage or extra marital, the punishment is severe . you must talk about it with his family dont be afraid

  7. This is why they say when man and woman alone together satan is a ambassador ... Be careful and never let man take advantage of you women...

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