Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abortion, cheating husband and divorce; I feel miserable. Please help me.

Truth and lies

Assalam O Alaikum brothers and sisters,

I want to tell you that a year before I got married to a  person named Dr muhammad Azhar s/0 Muhammad saeed and later he divorced me after 11 months. He belonged to a village gojar khan Pakistan. He took his medical education from bolaan medical college quetta Pakistan.  I later came to know that he already married to an innocent girl named Saira; she was just 17 years old when dr azhar married her. The couple lived for 3 years but no child was born from this marriage then he married to me in the age of 26 and he did not let me and my parents tell about his first marraige and divorce. After 8 months, I became pregnant but later I had an abortion as the pregnancy went wrong due to no care from my husband Azhar and the cruel and harsh attitude of him and his father. I often looked for his love and care from his heart but he never gave me love and care especially when I was pregnant; I often demanded much from him to satisfy me but his attitude remained always harsh and cruel.

He often used to beat me in very bad ways, his anger was always out of control and he was always unable to control his anger. I always tried to test him whether he is sincere to me or not. He never took me to any Gyneacologist or doctor to assess my pregnancy; whether its going right or wrong. One day I went to see doctor on my own and she told me that I am suffering from abortion(?); reports said a true abortion. I called my husband and asked him to take care of me and unintentionally warned him by saying that I shall eat tablets and waste my pregnancy if he did not take care of me and my baby. I said some bad words to him because he never took me to see a doctor or he never took any care of me while I was pregnant. After 3 months I got abortion and minor operation. After 2 days of my abortion he divorced me; my family and brother tried to bring him in our house to solve the problems and domestic tensions so that it doesn't happen again but Dr Azhar and his father never came in my house before or after abortion.

5 to 6 months into our marriage, he began talking to me for another marriage and I was very shocked upon his attitude. He also used to chat with other girls on internet and enjoyed infront of me. I always objected to this behaviour, after a few days of my marriage he took all bridal clothes and gold from me. later I came to know that the same gold was given to the wife before me. Although I messaged him on mobile and always used to quarrel with him and using abusive words on sms but never said from my tongue infront of him, he never wanted to understand me not even my feelings. He just wanted to have enjoyable sex from me and after sex he became stranger with a very changed attitude.

After abortion, I wanted to go to my husband's home but his father refused to take me in my husband home and asked my parents to take me back. My husband was at work that time; I cried a lot in the condition of unconsciousness because i got DNC and minor operation and I was given senseless injections. But I cried a lot to his father not to leave me on road but he left me on road alone with my parents. My husband never asked me how I feel and after 2 days of my abortion he and his father came in a car and dropped a stamp paper with three written divorces. Later when I proceeded to Rawalpindi family learned court, I came to know that dr azhar always kept my mobile messages saved in his mobile showing quarrel and those messages asking unintentionally for divorce by me. He kept on saving them and later made a valid proof for khula, not divorce but actually he wanted to give me divorce.

I remember that when I first used bad words in sms, he asked me to take an oath on Quran that I shell never use abusive words for him but I already knew about his cheating and changing personality so I said on oath that if Dr Azhar never hurt me and did not make me to use abusive words I shall never use them. I took this oath with this condition and he accepted it. But later during my pregnancy and near abortion stage I asked him to give me to wear his gold but he denied with saying the words like "my foot". I became very upset as he said this to me in my pregnancy and never care for my baby so I used abusive words against him on mobile sms not on his face. Later he made my sms proof against me in court and gave me khula decree with a blame of abusive words on me. He also blamed me falsely for having bad relations with my one family cousin who is already married with two children

After 3 months of my divorce I later came to know that my sister-in-law also got divorce from her husband and they made her new nikah before her iddat period expired. How wrong they did? is it Islamic? My ex is now married to his family girl named Maria and I have heard that he has got a daughter with her but I am not sure about this because they are liars and cheaters. Please tell me that why this happened to me? They deceived me and none of their family member told me about the past truth, not before my marriage, not during domestic tensions and my abortion and not even after my divorce. I came to know all this through one of their family member. I discovered all the truth on later stages when I was in process of court proceedings. What was our fault? we just believed them, their religious acts and we blindly trusted them just because they were running a madrassa. What kind of  Muslims they are as they deceived both of us? They told me before finalizing divorce that I should never tell anybody about my previous marriage and do second nikah anywhere else. They made my facebook account and tried to make me free to choose another person....why? why? Now he is working in another city. I do not know how many lives he will ruin there? What he will do with his daughter and his wife?

What should I do now? How can I forget my past? Its hurting and I feel miserable; I cannot forget my unborn baby and I cannot forgive him for his wrong doing. Please guide me; I am in a great misery? now I can not believe on any one. How can I re-marry now? I am in great tension; what I did wrong that Allah has punished me? Now how can I get off from this situation? I only know that I loved my husband and gave him my full trust but he always broke my trust. I do not want to remarry as the thoughts are comming in my mind that I shall not be pure if I re-marry... please guide me. thanks.

Irum Hayat.


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11 Responses »

  1. Sister i think Allah (swt) has blessed you in getting out of this marriage to from what you have written a horrible man and family, if i were in your shoes i would say Allahamdulilah that you have no connection with such people and you never have to see them again, it should not be your concern who he is with or what he is doing now live your life and forget about this man,

  2. asalam w allakum sister, i'm sory for hat this hoorible man has done and i agree with you that it is hard to start new because of the hurtful memories...inshallah everything will be fine just stay strong and you can marry someone later in life that will help you heal emotionally and will understand and love you and care for you. thats what you deserve and inshallah he will come along and take you how ou are with no questions ....thats whn someone truely loves u sweety good luck and inshallah u will be fine!! may allah be with you and punish that man for his wrong and selfish acts..salam

  3. Allah Ta'aala does not burden a soul more than it can bear. I agree with zenaa- You should make Shukr you are out and away from him! Its not your fault that he did what he did,and you should not blame yourself.If what you are saying is true then you are better off I'd say! You seem extremely bitter to him-whether he has a child with his new wife or not,that doesnt matter. Allah Ta'aala says ' Wealth and Children are the beauty of the wordly life but pious everlasting actions are better by Allah'. I know its extremely hard to forgive after such a situation,but I think you need to,in order to carry on and start a new life.Just regard yourself lucky to be out of that situation. How many women are suffering in the same kind of situation? How many women have not committed suicide because of it? How many women were not killed and abused by their husbands?
    You say:

    what I did wrong that Allah has punished me?

    What makes you think THIS is a punishment from Allah Ta'aala? Did Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) not go through extreme torture on Taa'if? What about the Kuffaar who used to put camel intestines on him and litter the pathways with thorns? Yet he was the most beloved and will always be the most beloved to Allah! Look at Summayya (radiyallahu anha),how she used to swelter in the torture of the Kuffaar,yet Allah Ta'aala gave her the honor of being the 1st martyr for Islaam! Look at Jafar (radiyallahu anhu) as he stands like a firm rock in the battlefield. His one hand is cut off so he transfers the flag to his other hand,holding it firm until the last moment when his other hand is cut off. Yet about him,Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said : " I have seen Ja'far in Jannat, he had two wings which were stained with blood and the front of his body was soaked in it." To bring it to present day times,look at the case of Aafiyah Siddiqui - What has she done to be locked up in a cell for 86years,to have been shot,to have her kidney removed,to be sewn and patched up from the chest to torso? Yet, those who knew her would recall how she used to go each saturday, travel for miles to go and teach reverts about Islam,even though English was not her first language. What about the boxes and boxes of Quraans she used to lug up high staircases at American prisons to distrabute them to the Muslims there? What has she done to be languishing in a jail when she was acquitted of terrorism charges? When she 'attempted' murder- but was the 1 with the bullets in her?! Yet when her sister,Dr Fauzia,spoke to her and told her that she(Dr.Fauzia) is going for Umrah,she told her :" Yes,I know you going for Umrah. I was sad that you were going without me so Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) came to me and told me that he(sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) will take me also,and he (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) took me and I touched the Ka'aba" Allahu A'lam,Allah Ta'aala knows best what happened! But can we deny that the reward for sabr is Jannat? Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) has said : Exercise patience...until you meet me at the Haudh!

    Okay,away from Sabr..Once you've realised how lucky you are to be away from it,it will be easier to forgive. And when you get to that point,forgive. Would we not love Allah Ta'aala to forgive us?Would we really like someones Jannat hanging over us on the day of Qiyaamah? Do we consider our bitterness above the pleasure of Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam)'s happiness. Did Nabi (sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) not cry and stand and beg for his Ummat for long hours,until his mubaarak feet were swollen. Look at how lenient he(sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam) was on the people of Taa'if,and from their decendants came a man by the name of Muhammad bin Qaasim(may the mercy of Allah be upon him) who spread Islam to the subcontinent(where I assume you live) .

    Lastly, Nabi(sawlallaahu alayhi wa sallam)'s wives were called Azwaajul Muttaharraat. 'The pure spouses',yet all except Ayesha(radiyallahu anha) were not virgins and were married before. Why will you not be pure? There is nothing wrong with divorce when a couple are not able to conform Allah Ta'aala 's rules in a marriage. Go on...take time out for yourself,get to understand yourself,do things you love(which is halaal,offcourse),make Allah Ta'aala your best friend and complain to Allah Ta'aala alone. 'And upon Allah do the Mo'minoon place their trust'(Surah Mujaadilah.28th Juz)

    On a personal note,my sister was in an abusive marriage with a Mufti,Qaari etc.After just 3 months she was beaten and emotionally abused by him and his father. She was pregnant with a beautiful baby girl. She sat in iddat for 6 months,translated a book in the time (which is soon to be published) and won a car. It was just a month after giving birth,that she got a proposal from a guy who was never married,has the best akhlaaq I've ever seen in a guy, and didnt mind the least about her child,Alhamdulillah.In fact,he said about it " What about it? Its two for the price of 1" Ive never seen a happier family. Have faith, Allah Ta'aala will Insha Allah sort everything out for you and grant you the best of both worlds!Aamin!

  4. I think sister you have to forget all this . kindly change your mind. all fingers are not equal and all man are not same. well try to come out and find a better life partner and try to learn Quran more what happened to women back before Islam and now Islam gives us honor, courage and many other things. change your mind sister and you will feel better.

  5. thanx laaiqaa for giving me so nice and beautiful heart touching reply. it really helped me to heal.

  6. So sorry to hear about you. Really it is enough for female. Every female wants love and care from her hubby. I don't know how people can do this. All have daughters,sisters and mothers. Why people don't think this can be happen to their family also. You can take guideline from Learn Quran. Hope you will find some solution.

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