Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abortion pressure

abortion

May Allah grant us all with the beautiful blessing of parenthood, aameen.

Asalaam alaikum,

I have read answeres to similar questions but everyone's scenario is different after all.

I am 5 weeks pregnant and have been pressured to book an appointment to get an abortion by my husband. I very disappointed that this is the case and I will never forgive him. It's depressed me soo much I can't even study properly.

He has been raising his voice at me and saying he doesn't want a second baby yet because we arnt ready and he doesn't have a job and wants to study. I have reassured him that I will not bother him and do it all myself, I'm even willing to stay home for a whole year to take care of the baby and breastfeed him/her properly (something my daughter missed out on due to lack of experience I guess). But he keeps saying that we arnt financially well off and I don't know how to look after kids etc. but I'm sure I do a fine job with my daughter who is 2 yrs old now. She's a fussy eater but I can't help that n he thinks it's my fault or I'm lazy. He also said some rude things to me such as 'if u want a baby then go sleep with someone else' and if you don't agree with having an abortion then f... Off. I'm thinking of leaving n staying at my parents cz I will know he may eventually come back but my issue with that is my mums house is so crowded.

i don't believe in abortions and if Allah is going to give me a child then He must know I can do it and look after both my children. Sometimes I think that even though he is pressuring me, then maybe I will go ahead with it and he may get my sin for it.

my other thought is that he doesn't pray at all unless someone comes over or we somewhere. This is another problem which really bothers me. I heard that people as such are considered kaafir and that we shouldn't be sleeping with them and having there children with them as this child is considered invalid for me.

please advise and guide me. I'm really against the idea of abortion.

Waheeda

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15 Responses »

  1. I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a horrible time. I wouldn't stay with a man that expects you to abort a baby especially since it is his baby too. He isn't a good husband or man. The sooner you leave him the better in my personal opinion.

  2. What he's saying is wrong islamically. Allah is The Sole Provider. So saying that you aren't financially stable is wrong.

    There is a verse in the Quran that even says don't kill your children for fear of poverty. (Surah 6:151)

    I'd go stay at your parents, even if it's crowded. I mean, the problem that you have at hand is much bigger than a crowded house.

    Your husband is not a kaffir unless he leaves prayer all together. But then we aren't qualified to make this sort of accusation. Just focus on your own practice/worship because when the day of judgement comes the mother will abandon her own baby, and no one will stand up for you.

    I'm pregnant with twins. my husband and I are currently jobless. At 5 weeks he asked me (loosely) to abort, but I refused. I understand he's stressed about it but we can make it happen if we realize that the Ultimate Provider is Allah. Who knows, maybe Allah has some fortune waiting for you with this child.

    • Salaam dears. I do agree with this sister. Because which simple act wll make allah happy and we enter jannah .and being pregnant is a blessing of allah. . Wht effort u put at this time. Feel it as a test (jihad). But my siggestion is pls dont abort . Inshallah allahumma khair. May allah hidaya your husbnd. Aameen ya rabbi. And make ur burden less. Aameen.

  3. Salaam alaikum. Sister I would do anything to be in your position. I have had 11 miscarriages and we have no children. We would do anything to have them but Allah SWT is not blessing us with them. I think your husband is selfish and as others have told you, Allah SWT will provide for them. I think that you need to remain strong and NOT have an abortion as I think not only is it against Allah SWT, but it will also haunt you forever. I have a friend who did this and she has NEVER been able to forgive herself and she has never been able to have children either after this. (Not saying that an abortion will cause this but this is what happened to her) and she would do anything as well to have children. Sister, if you ever think of giving us this baby please know that there are people like us who would absolutely LOVE to have a baby to take care of. I hope that the administrators will give you my emaill if this is something that you decide on ever doing. Again, please do not abort your abby as you have no idea how much you are blessed and how much others wish they were in your position.
    salaam alaiku

    • Hajjah, As-salamu alaykum. I'm sorry to hear about your repeated miscarriages. In my opinion you should not continue trying. I'm sure the physical and emotional stress is overwhelming. You might consider adopting an orphan instead. There are certainly many orphaned children in need of love and care.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Sister,

    Never get an abortion. It is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life and something you will never forgive yourself for. You are better off at your parents home no matter how crowded things are. May Allah make things easy for you.

    Salam

  5. Go to your parents house. Please do not abort your baby under any circumstances. Your child is a gift from Allah, it's a huge blessing.Your husband sounds like a horrible person, I wouldn't stay with a man who would consider abortion.

  6. Thanks guys. Today is make or break time. Iv got my parents and uncles involved because he told me u have to choose me or the baby. I do choose the baby but I still need some support from family. He's a very horrible person. Iv been married for 4 years and it's been 4 years of living hell. I don't know how Iv done it so far. Iv had advise from the sheikh and they said you have to choose the baby over him. He will prob come back crawling. I'm just devastated I have to go through this.

  7. I actually did go to the abortion clinic but they sent me back saying it's too small. I was relieved and promised to never go back. I'm 8 weeks now and it's a no no from me.

    • "I was relieved and promised to never go back.."

      Good for you. Keep the baby and trust in Allah to provide. Remind your husband that a child is a gift from Allah, and that each child comes with his own predetermined rizk from Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Salam. I am around 18 weeks pregnant and we have been told today that our baby will be very disabled due to a condition which has caused our baby head to swell up because of too much fluid in the brain. I have been given the option to abort the baby again and again by docs which i am not too keen on however i am very scared too as i am so young and i already love this babys kicks but scared i might not be able to cope. Does anyone have any advise or duas? We have been told this baby may be downs and will not be able to walk, talk, see, hear, eat and drink and be in nappies for the rest of the life. The baby will also have a massive head.
    I got married very young and my husband is supportive but i can tell he is also very worried and im very scared. Please everyone make dua for me and my baby. Jazakallah

    • Oh thank goodness you made the right choice sister. 🙂 As for you husband crawling back I would never forgive him. You have had enough hell in life from him as it is. You deserve to be happy. Also a happy mother equals a happy family.

    • As for your situation. I would be scared as well. I would not abort the baby, it is still a human life that deserves to live. I probably wouldnt want to raise a baby like this, maybe put the baby out for adoption if you can't handle the situation. I wish you the best.

    • Aww I'm sorry to hear that. Well when my sister my pregnant with her son she was told something similar- that her baby would have dandy-walker syndrome (I think that's what it's called) and then towards the end of her pregnancy they said that he has a cyst in a part of his brain which is not harmful. She went through the same phase as u and she cried and cried n she prayed. She never thought to abort the baby or adopt. Now her son is 2 years old and Mashallah he is a healthy, beautiful and cheeky little boy and he doesn't have anything like the doctors said. So jst keep yourself happy and healthy because it's up to Allah swt and not the doctors and you never know...you might just have a healthy baby too. Do not abort sister because it has the right to live. Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear... So stay strong and accept what Allah is going to give you and has planned for you. I wish you the best sister and don't let it ruin you because you should be happy with anything from Allah. I know it's easy for me to say but stay strong. U will love your baby no matter what. Inshallah he is a healthy baby.

  9. Just as my husband started accepting my the baby I still lost my baby. I had an ectopic pregnancy resulting is major blood loss and rupture of one of my Fallopian tubes and had emergency surgery to remove the tube and the fetus. I'm so great ful I didn't get an abortion. All that stress and still...

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