Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Absent Husband

Lonely lady sitting on a rock

My husband took a voluntary departure 3 years ago. I stayed with him in his country for over a year. When he thought he was about to get his visa he sent me home. My parents paid for all of the travel expenses. He did not get a visa. I have not seen him for almost 2 years. He does not work or make any effort to come up with money to bring me there. He seems only interested in the visa. He has promised me several times and then backs out of the promise every time. I think that my husband and I like each other well enough and we seem to agree on religious matters, but I'm not sure I trust him.

He lied to me about his visa status at the time of our marriage. He also lied to me several times over the course of our marriage about similar issues related to his visa. I actually found out on the day of his first visa interview that he had been out of status at the time of our marriage, and he wanted me to lie to the consular official and say that I knew about it and chose to marry him anyway.

Every time that I have become aware of one of his lies, I have felt betrayed, and also like I have been lying to my own family and friends by telling them the things he told me. I feel sometimes that maybe I am being used for a visa, and that my husband keeps making promises to me only so that I don't divorce him.

I also feel resentment toward my husband for leaving me for so long with my non-Muslim family when he knows that I am isolated from other Muslims here. I have not even seen another Muslim for over 4 months, and when I try to call friends on the phone even they are often too busy for me. I am also desperately wanting children and afraid that I will become too old while waiting indefinitely for my husband. I love my husband and want to be with him, but I don't think it is good for me or my religion to be so long without a husband, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm single when I'm not free.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salam sister,

    You need to let your husband know what state you are in and what's going through you if his a true husband he will feel alone with out you as well. Maybe sister you could find a way to go to him as you have said that your parents payed for the trip, that's a possibility sister. Also why don't you look at some websites and see if there is any local masjid for girls or community places for muslim women. Sister pary all the time as long as Allah Ta'ala is in your heart you will never feel alone sister. I wish you all the best and in shaa Allah things get sorted for you as soon as possible and your husband comes back to you and then you can start a family x

  2. Salaam sister, your husband has a duty and he is not fulfilling it, i quote from the Quran,

    The husband is not to stay away from his wife or keep his wife in a state of suspense, whether at home or abroad, for a protracted period of time except with her consent. Allah said: "Turn not away (from your wife) altogether, so as to leave her hanging. If you come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, then Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Merciful" (4:129)

    He is disobeying the command of Allah, and he needs to wake up, his treatment of you is wrong and it seems his dream is a visa and not your love and passion.

    I will quote a hadith,

    The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to "keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her." This is an order of the Prophet [salla Allahu `alayhi wa alihi wa sallam

    As you said in your text he has broken many promises, and once again gone against teaching of islam and our prophet (s.a.w).

    Sister you have a desire to have children, however you cannot wait for your husband forever, it is his duty to satisfy you and give you children if that is your wish, and if he is failing you have right for divorce, but talk to him and tell him all, ask him to come over and take you and show his love and compassion for you, its a long time 2 years, i cant imagine being without my wife for 2 hours, and i cant begin to think the emotional suffering your going through, it a husbands duty to keep his wife happy and its sad to hear you feel single, that must be emotionally hurtful and is impacting your daily life, may Allah guide you and help you sister, insha'Allah you will sort it out with your husband and he will feel love and compassion towards you, i pray he is not after a visa, that would be very sad.

  3. I am Muslim and have a Muslim husband and we have been married for a year now.

    (Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

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