Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abused by parents since the age of 3

Confused girl

What to do.

Asalam walykum,

I am a sunni muslim girl and am 19 years of age and have been ill treated by my parents since the age of 3 years old, I have been in care twice and the police have been involved both times but I have never pressed charges.

I am always getting threatened by my parents who say they will kick me out.

My parents both mum and dad have hit me with different sticks and so on my mum has kind of stopped but my father still hits me. My mother tells my dad I am good for nothing or have done somthing wrong and he gets worked up.

I have been to  doctors many occasions and have been diagnosed with depression. I have tried commiting suicide by taking an overdose in the past.

I feel like I will never go paradise for my parents hate me so much whatever i do is not good enough if i try and help i get pushed away and when i dont they complain tell everyone i am good for nothing.

I want to move out with my boyfriend who says he will look after me and will get married to me but I am afraid of getting punished. He is a good muslim sunni as well he has performed umrah and hajj. he does not like the way i get treated at home. I am not sure on what to do should I move with him or stay.

If i tell my parents about him they will say i have brought shame to the family and not accept they believe that he would be after my father's money.

My friends have seen what i go through and they are helpless for they have there own parents to be with. Im not sure what to do please help me.

- miss anonymous

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaams Miss anonymous

    Boyfriend is not allowed in islam, so i advised you to marry your chosen partner. If you love the man you have chosen for yourself yes by all means you are allowed to marry him, and then leave your parents, they dont deserve you. Be honest with your parents i cant imanage the pain you have been through wish you luck inshallah

    • Be strong and please dont try suicide it is haraam, just look after yourself we are in a test from allah everything happens for a reason, may it be better for you inshallah

  2. Dear sister Assalamualikum.

    Do not take any step in haste leaving home is a very big decision Do you trust your boyfriend completely. firstly be patient and follow Islam correctly and be punctual in religious duties .Do not think you will not go to paradise ; you parents may also be wrong and Allah is Rehman and Raheem and utterly just His judgment is un biased .Ask Allah to guide you. Perform Salatul Isteqara for seven days in a row and see if your boy friend is right for you,because if you leave your home and god forbid it but if something goes wrong with the boy friend. you will have no where to go .Not only you but also ask a religious person to do istekhara for you because we some times may be misguided by the interference of Satan. who only wants our destruction. May be if you leave them they may miss you and start loving you. But do every thing carefully.
    Inshaallah everything will be good

    • Salaam. Haroon, NO u do not ask some1 else to do istikharah for you. Istikharah is between the perso who wants to ask something and Allah. Trust Allah will answer and help you make desicion.isA. Sister, try to do this 🙂

  3. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    I'm a little pressed for time today, so I'll just say two things:

    1. Please read an article that I wrote recently on my Islamic Sunrays blog:

    If You Have an Abusive Parent, Learn to Value Yourself

    2. Having a boyfriend is forbidden in Islam. If the young man is able to marry you, then marry him and move out of your parents' home.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wael...beautiful article you wrote...sent it to all of my children. May Allah bless you and keep you always in his care...amin.

  4. sister afraid the brother your considering for marriage maybe trying to take advantage of you because of your situation you should find a trusted female companion to take of you.

  5. Dear sister,

    After spending my own day in hell at the hands of my own husband, my heart goes out to you. I just don't understand the mentality of parents who believe they have the right to beat their children! Why is it so hard to be kind, gentle and loving? What is the point in having children if all one wants to do is demoralize them and make them so that they need to be on antidepressant drugs?! It's just sick.

    Sister, you know Islam does not allow for boyfriends...period. However I do understand that many women who have been abused by their father will often seek comfort and goodness from a male outside the home. This is a proven fact backed by studies of abused women who did not receive the love and acceptance of their fathers. In fact...there was a recent study on the subject but I don't have the article at the moment.

    How would your family be if your boyfriend came to your home and asked for your hand in marriage? Do they know of him? What are your thoughts? Would they object to you marrying? This way you can make your relationship halal and you can get out of the abusive environment you are currently in.

    Salam

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